Incomprehensible Desire
by JustAnotherPseudonym
Summary: Devil Wears Prada Movie. Miranda let Andrea go. MirAndy
1. Mounds of Regret

Disclaimer: I don't own Devil Wears Prada.

There are certain rules that one must abide by if one is to possess their goals or daresay possess their destiny. The rules are not always easy to follow, at times they might seem a detriment instead of carefully laid out plans, but one must not falter. One must not become weakened by certain flights of fancy or immature whims headlined in fairy tales.

Never give an inch to gain a mile. Never compromise. Never pretend to be a better person than one really is, and certainly never ever do what anyone expects. Never apologize, and for God's sake never fall to pieces in front of one's wide-eyed assistant.

Miranda Priestly's rules were never made to be broken, no rules ever really were. They had been created throughout years of disappointments carved into her heart with bitter pieces of her shredded humanity. As long as she knew she was acting within the set parameters of what she expected of herself then nothing else mattered. There was no room to second guess her actions, her motivations, her desire to achieve perfection.

One does not reign supreme by stumbling in front of empathizing minions. One does not maintain control by losing one's self to daydreaming of a life that existed beyond well established boundaries. One does not daydream at all. It was imperative to take hold of the world as it was and then squeeze until it bent to one's own personal slant.

One must always be willing to sacrifice lovers, friends, mere acquaintances to the guillotine. Sometimes it was necessary to sacrifice others so that one would not need to sacrifice one's self. There was no room to be nostalgic when wolves were at the gate always mad with the scent of blood. Everyone was expendable.

Every action must always appear to be deliberate, even when one is floundering through broken memories of everything that one had done wrong and how it seemed almost cruel that one could not apologize but could still feel the very real weight of regret. Years of regret piled up atop apologies that never would be uttered.

The weight of it all, coupled with another lover's head falling to the blade, could simply bring one to unwanted tears. It could make Miranda Priestly dab at her eyes with a disgusting bit of tissue in front of her assistant and direct idiotic actions about Snoop Dogg while said wide-eyed assistant offered, of all things, sympathy and compassion.

Miranda did not want Andrea's compassion. She knew that she no longer deserved it, and as she watched Andrea leave her hotel room, eager to do a good job, Miranda held not one bit of doubt that if it came down to survival, she would sacrifice the young woman to the same blade Steven had fallen to.

It was somewhat of a sobering realization. It wasn't enough to send Miranda into a blind panic, one did not go into blind panics, but with the her foundation on shaking ground and with the wolves tearing pieces off of the gate, Miranda could bring herself to regret her future willingness to destroy Andrea Sachs and her inability to apologize for it.

Miranda finished her pathetic bout of emotional outpouring and gathered herself for the rest of her stay in Paris. Things still need to be done and time did not stop simply because one felt poorly. There were wolves to slay and she was incredibly talented at tearing apart the predators that were so ignorant as to confuse her with prey.

Everything had already been set up. Irv Ravitz knew nothing of what was going to eventually become of him, and Jaqueline Follet's amateurish vies for power would be taken care of. It would all be settled, and when Miranda returned to New York, Steven would be taken care of as well.

There was simply nothing worthy of her tears, and Miranda Priestly could do nothing but to get on with her night. The night carried her off into morning and she rose again victorious. There had been sacrifices, but she stood firm. "No one can do what I do." And still, there was one more sacrifice that needed to be made.

What better way to rid oneself of a future regret than to wake them up to the devil they could become, were becoming?

"You've already done it to Emily."

Miranda exited the car, once again living on hope, hoping that Andrea would not follow her. When she turned around and did not see the young woman ready to take more instruction, Miranda could not fully contain her regret. She did not like squandering away potential; she did not like pushing away the woman she had broken her rules for, but it had been necessary.

Weakness drove Miranda to reach for her phone and propelled her into dialing Andrea's number. It even drove her so far as to form an apology on her acidic tongue, but Andrea did not answer her phone. She threw it away into a fountain and left it there, left Miranda and walked away so she never heard the apology Miranda would have helplessly let tumble from under her mounds of regret.

One does not live in the past, because the past has the ability to destroy everything. This was the only reason Miranda bothered to step out and acknowledge Andrea's continued survival, because Andrea would now survive since she was outside of Miranda's unrepentant blade.

Miranda smirked once safely blocked from Andrea's pathetic attempt at a wave. Andrea would never understand what she had been sacrificed for. Andrea would go on with her life, never understanding that one did not ever fall blindly into love.


	2. Impulse

Title: Impulse

Summary: What if Andrea realized she had not left _Runway_ on her own terms? Companion piece to "Mounds of Regret".

There are an odd bunch of physical technicalities that merge together to produce realization. Technicalities Andrea Sachs would never bother to learn and cared very little to learn. Ironically, as an individual who made a living asking 'why' she did not often inquire as to the reasoning behind the actions in her own life. She lived off of equal parts adrenaline and equal parts of caffeine. Life was supposed to be spontaneous and no decision was to be made after careful consideration. Decisions were made based on what felt right in the moment.

That's the only reason why Andrea had ever taken the job offered to her at _Runway_. It had also been the only reason why she had left it. She thought little of the consequences that might befall on her and thought even less of the circumstances in which she left. Her youthful self-righteousness carried her through any of her doubts, and accompanied her through the arduous task of apologizing to friends who she had isolated and who in turn had isolated her, starting up a new job at the bottom of the ladder, and actively pretending that ultimately she was the same person she had been before Miranda Priestly had changed her forever.

It was a late night at the _Mirror_ and Andrea had gotten a case of writer's block while writing an article on a subject matter she ultimately cared very little about. Her mind had begun to wander and somehow the wandering had lead her to an entertainment news website that headlined the fall of Miranda Priestly's newest ex-husband. He would leave the marriage with nothing, and was for some reason being investigated on suspicions of embezzlement.

Andy stared at the picture of Miranda featured on the site, looking absolutely glorious from her recent victory, and suddenly all those technicalities that Andrea never bothered to learn came together. No one walked away from Miranda Priestly—she let you go or she buried you alive. There was no such thing as rejecting her and being left to stand unless Miranda Priestly willed it.

"Holy Hell." Andy muttered under her breath. "Holy Hell."

Miranda had let her go.

Her unfinished article forgotten, Andy gathered up her notes and shoved them into her laptop case. Her laptop quickly followed her notes, and then she was on her feet and hurrying out onto the busy streets of New York City. She maneuvered her way around the people and maneuvered her way around the city until she was standing on Miranda Priestly's doorstep.

Impulse had shoved her towards the one person who had managed to get her interested in fashion beyond the newest offerings at Old Navy, the one person who had driven Andy to become someone who went beyond getting a job done, towards having the ability to conquer a job. It was a subtle difference to many, but it was the most important lesson Andy could ever recall being granted.

She was after the _Mirror_'s editor's job. She would take what lessons she could from him, but she would eventually take his throne or move on to another opportunity where she could further her own goals and satiate her own ambition. Miranda had shown her that she did not need to grow the thorns Miranda had, but she did need to have an escape strategy so that she did not drown at the bottom of the sea of mediocre talent.

Andy rang Miranda's doorbell and was not at all surprised when Miranda answered her own front door.

"I never asked you for your help," she calmly told her former employer. "I never asked for you to let me go."

"Silly girl," Miranda's cold blue eyes devoured the bit of flesh that had the audacity to come in the middle of night to her home.

Impulse thrust Andrea forward into the face of Miranda's mocking countenance. It forced her mouth to convey words despite having convinced herself over, and over, and over again that she hated Miranda Priestly. "I'm a big girl, Miranda. I can make my own mistakes."

"That's glaringly obvious." Miranda took a step away from the door. It wasn't a retreat from Andrea's willful invasion of her space. Miranda never retreated. "I, however, fail to see why you are prostrating yourself on my doorstep."

Impulse. "You let me go."

"No," Miranda's fingers curled into a fist. "You left all on your own."

"But you let me go."

Miranda had no problems with lying and Andy had no problems with being lied to. Lies made things easier, transformed the complicated into reasonably uncomplicated affairs, but Miranda would not lie to a silly, willful girl as if she were threatened by Andrea's impulse. "I will devour you until there is nothing left."

She would take Andrea's youth, her ambition, her guilelessness, her everything. She would claim it as her own and would leave no room for Andrea to abscond. Miranda only knew how to possess, she had never and had no intention of ever being possessed.

"I won't let you."

"Silly girl."

Andy knew that Miranda was right. She knew that her youth was making an unfashionable appearance doing its best to make her look 'silly', but she would not back away. Instinct pushed her fears of being insane away. "I want you to rehire me, but I don't want to be your assistant."

Miranda's eyes widened. "You want what?"

A better opportunity was in front of her now, Andrea realized. She didn't need the _Mirror_ or the editor position there, when she had Miranda standing in front of her concerned with her welfare. "Find me a place where I can write. I'm done fetching coffee."

"Clearly, Andrea, you have mistakenly come to my home drunk." Miranda never imagined she would regret watching Andrea walking away past the own pain it caused her to watch the young woman leave her. Andrea was not supposed to have developed insight.

"I'll report to you Monday morning." Before Miranda could respond Andy hurried away from Miranda's home. If she stayed for too long then Miranda would have her way again and Andy would be relegated to staying at the _Mirror_. She had been fooled before by the cunning editor. Miranda had effortlessly convinced Andy that she walked away from _Runway _on her own terms, when that was in actuality far from the truth.

In all its technicalities, realization was exceedingly simple. Andy would not let Miranda beat her. She couldn't fathom what Miranda's motivations had been for letting her go, and Andy had not yet found it within herself to care. Miranda owed her a lot more than offering her pity.


	3. Incomprehensible Desire

**Incomprehensible Desire**

**Summary: Monday morning comes.**

Opportunity, presented in all its nudity, was relatively benign. It was the human element that transformed it from its glorious sunshine and rainbow possibilities into a foul smelling beast. Miranda Priestly was well versed in the language of the beast, and it was currently clawing through her defenses so that it could whisper malignant utterances upon her conscience. It was urging her to take back control of a situation she had already declared finished and done with. It was demanding she destroy that willful girl who had the gumption to assume Miranda Priestly could be dictated to.

Andrea Sachs thought that she, Miranda Priestly, had simply let her go as one would dismiss a drunken man's words. Andrea's naiveté was showing and it left Miranda wholly unimpressed. She had not simply dismissed Andrea on a sentimental whim; she had very little time to indulge in sentimentality. In order to be sentimental one must first bother to traipse through landscapes of the past and Miranda believed it was territory best left unexplored.

Miranda had formed several machinations in which Andrea's arrival at _Runway _turned into the girl being drawn and quartered or gleefully stampeded by the stiletto heels that clacked against the tiles of her personal domain. A part of her was even sure that after Andrea woke up from her impulsive binge, the girl would realize she had committed an unforgivable infraction and then would cower away like a child afraid of a monster in her closet. It was best that Andrea feared her; it had always been for the best. It would have served Andrea quite well if she had simply forgotten the bouts of humanity Miranda had weakly exposed.

Unfortunately, Andrea did not know how to properly cower nor, did it appear, Andrea understood quite how to be effectively stampeded. It was Monday morning and from the safety of her desk, Miranda was listening in on Emily trying to shoo Andrea away, but Andrea would not leave. She arrogantly insisted that she had an appointment that was made personally with the editor.

"Emily," Miranda called out as she looked at the publications scattered across her desk. "Why are you doing an award winning imitation of an orangutan in heat?"

Emily, torn between answering Miranda's call and keeping Andrea away from the inner sanctum of Miranda's sphere, began doing an even better impression of a caged animal. Eventually, practicality won out and she approached Miranda's office, making sure to give Andrea a baleful look as the former assistant dared follow her.

Miranda did not raise her gaze to look at Emily, not that Emily expected it. "Andrea Sachs has some deluded impression that she has a meeting with you this morning."

"I see." Miranda removed her glasses and slowly raised her gaze. "That's all."

Emily immediately left, but Andrea didn't dare to move. In fact, it almost appeared as if the girl wasn't even bothering to breathe. Her hands were shaking slightly and Miranda would wager that Andrea wasn't too far away from collapsing.

"For God's sake, Andrea," Miranda rolled her eyes. She pushed herself away from her desk and leaned comfortably back in her chair. She was suddenly feeling much better than she had when she woke up this morning. "Breathe. I've decided against pushing you out the window."

Andrea forced air into her lungs, but she looked none the better for it. Andrea was in the thrall of a full cower, Miranda realized. It was a pity the girl hadn't fallen under its power before she entered _Runway_. Andrea would have been much better served staying at that insignificant publication that had hired her.

"I have read through your dilettantish attempts at writing." She gestured towards the latest publication of the _Mirror_ sitting on her desk. "It is not good enough for _Runway_."

"Miranda, I..."

"No, no," Miranda interrupted. "That wasn't an invitation for you to defend your inadequacies." She picked up the journal with the tips of her fingers, and then threw it across her desk where it dropped to the ground right at the tips of Andrea's feet. "You disappointment me, Andrea."

"Miranda, I..." Andrea tried, again, to defend herself but Miranda would not allow it.

"That's all." Miranda turned to face the large windows behind her desk. She internally gloated as she watched Andrea's reflection bend down to pick up the useless bits of paper that had been thrown at her feet.

Andrea had asked for this. She had to have expected it. Miranda was not simply going to let some Cincinnati girl write for _Runway_ because she demanded it. Andrea would have to do better than the lamentable offering of words that the _Mirror_ accepted as worthy of publication. Miranda felt honest disappointment as she read over Andrea's sampling of articles. The girl's talent was fading away without adequate guidance.

Miranda knew the squandering of Andrea's talent was one of many possibilities when she watched Andrea walk away from her in Paris, but she had wagered that Andrea would have been content enough with personal happiness in lieu of outstanding professional success. The girl had been so mindlessly innocent that she had managed to get even Miranda to believe that personal fulfillment was enough for Andrea.

Apparently, it was no longer enough. Andrea wanted to try her hand at becoming the devil, something the girl had mistakenly assumed Miranda wanted to shield her from. Miranda cared very little whether or not Andrea became what was necessary to run an empire of images and words that had the ability to dictate cultural zeitgeist, and since Andrea had stumbled back into Miranda's purview Miranda decided she would step back into the roll she had originally claimed. She would bleed out every ounce of potential closed up inside of Andrea, until Miranda felt threatened enough to destroy her.

Miranda had already sacrificed Andrea once. She had given the girl an opportunity free from the threatening rumblings of the beast, and Andrea had drunkenly returned like an addict seeking out another fix. Andrea had to have known that Miranda wasn't good for her. Miranda was the forbidden fruit, and Andrea had to have known that it would have been infinitely better if she just quit Miranda, if she found another way to satiate her incomprehensible desire.

Miranda was unsure if it was Andrea's wide eyed youth that brought her stumbling back, and she no longer cared to know. Andrea was hers again. "Bring me back something worthy of Runway," Miranda ordered as Andrea began to stumble out of the office, "or don't bother coming back at all."


	4. Malicious Words

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Malicious Words**

Andy Sachs knew that perfection was nothing but a construct invented by the devil, but that didn't mean Miranda's expectations could be ignored. Andy sat in the middle of her apartment, biting at her thumb nail as she looked over the pages of uselessness that surrounded her. Just that morning, she had woken up feeling refreshed and like she was finally headed down the right track for a change. She woke up happily remembering that she had confronted Miranda Priestly and had come out on top. She even sang the latest pop hit while she showered. Nothing was going to bring her down today.

Then, she walked into Miranda Priestly's office and her world came crashing down. The moment she had stepped in front of Miranda's desk, her previously conditioned response kicked in and her body began to shake under Miranda's oppressive presence. Suddenly, her shoes weren't expensive enough, her hair was a mess, she wore plebeian clothes and she had even sung that horrendous pop song in the shower, and somehow Miranda would find out about her unworthy tastes in music. She had nothing witty or sharp to say, and all she could do while Miranda decomposed her writing was stammer ineffectually.

Her attempts to defend her work wouldn't be heard, because Andy knew there was no defending it. It had been subpar writing. It wasn't good enough for _Runway_, but Andy had grown lazy under her editor's comical demands of perfection. Like a child testing the boundaries with a stepparent, Andy had tested her new editor's boundaries and discovered that he allowed much more to pass under his guidance than Miranda would have even allowed from a simpleton. He wouldn't push Andy to constantly perform miracles. He wouldn't ask her to give up her family, her friends, her life for his own personal whims.

In the beginning, Andy had told herself that she was only going to take a small break away from performing miracles. She would take the extra time in her life to gain back the life Miranda had expected her to abandon. She reacquainted herself with Lily and Doug, and this year she hadn't missed Nate's birthday despite the fact they were trying to muddle their way through a long distance relationship. She, Lily, and Doug had rented a car and drove out to Boston to surprise Nate. They had a wonderful time together and Nate had even casually told Andy that, "I'm really glad you left _Runway_".

In the beginning, Andy felt like she had removed herself from under a tarmac and could see the world in full color. The restrictions that had been holding her down no longer applied and she binged on everything she thought she was missing. Eventually, all she could see was the full color and it blinded her to the fact that she was losing out on another dream. Her writing had turned into crap, and she was working her way towards becoming someone who wrote a column on how to properly maintain a garden in the middle of New York City. She was going to be the girl who left Cincinnati for New York so that she could write about flowers. It'd be a far cry from the article she wrote about the janitor's union that cemented her love for journalism.

So, Andy had gathered up what lingering lessons she had learned from Miranda and tried to refocus on her writing. She tried to write better pieces, but her damn editor's feedback had always been, "Good job, Andy."

After hearing that insightful commentary for what seemed like the fiftieth time, Andy decided she was going to start aiming for her editor's job. She knew she could do it better than him, and she knew she could tell the staff writers more about their work than a flippant, worthless bit of, "Good job." But still, it was hard for Andy to focus on becoming an editor when she couldn't force the words out of herself that would get her the job, not when she was still being handed down pieces that were stuck in the middle parts of the _Mirror_ that no one bothered to read.

She was working on just that type of piece, too, when she decided to take a break and perused the internet for mindless entertainment, and then found herself outside of Miranda's home demanding a job that wouldn't make her want to poke her eyes out from boredom. She had returned to the one person who had made it clear that 'good' wasn't really all that 'great'. Andy hadn't written a single meaningful word under her tenure at _Runway_, but she certainly had learned more about herself than she had learned anywhere else. She had been woken up to her own ability to perform beyond what people wanted and what they needed. She had been woken up to her ability to choose for herself.

Now, only if she could write something that would hold Miranda's attention past the first word. Andy had briefly considered writing an article about Miranda since it was sure to be something that would catch Miranda's attention, but Andy wasn't in the market to be murdered. Andy knew that she had to come up with something that would surpass anything she had ever done. It had to be beyond brilliant, because Miranda had declared their rules of engagement and Andy wasn't in any position of power. She was lucky that Miranda had even allowed her to step foot back into _Runway_.

Andy rubbed roughly at her forehead. Perhaps, she should have asked Miranda to allow her to fetch coffee again. Andy had perfected coffee fetching. She could do that without too much trouble and she'd still be under Miranda's globe of influence. Eventually, she could start writing again and Miranda could hand her the subject to write about. Andy was getting the distinct feeling that she had jumped the gun.

Her phone rang from under a few sheets of paper, and Andy dug through the pile to pull it out. She answered without looking at the caller ID knowing that only one person would bother to call her this late.

"Hi, Honey," Andy sighed into the phone.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh!" Andy's heart stopped, her eyes widened and the constant shaking she had finally managed to control began anew. "Miranda?"

"Tell me, Andrea, how is it your manners degenerated so completely from your short tenure at _that_ publication?"

"I didn't," Andy began to stammer.

"I have no time for you excuses," Miranda sighed into the phone. "What are you working on?"

Andy looked around her at the papers spread across her floor. "What?"

"You are beginning to waste my time."

"I uh," Andy reached down for a sheet of paper that looked most promising in the moment. "Well, I was thinking of writing about the impact reality television shows about fashion effect…"

"No," Miranda interrupted.

"Okay," Andy drew out the word. "I could write about how fashion is reflecting the current political…"

"No." Miranda interrupted again.

"Or I could…" Andy had no words to finish a thought she hadn't even really meant to begin. She had nothing.

Miranda sighed again. "What is it you know about fashion, Andrea?"

Andy looked down at the pajama bottoms she was wearing that had been a gift from her mother last Christmas. "Uh…"

"Exactly," Miranda purred. "I expect much more from you than what you are offering. Do not disappoint me again."

The line disconnected and Andy dropped her phone down into her lap. "Fuck." She dropped her head into her hands and barely kept the tears at bay.

Miranda was right. Andy didn't know anything about fashion. She hadn't been as concerned with religiously keeping up with Miranda's industry after she had begun her work at the _Mirror_. She had been more concerned with catching up on what was going on with the world outside of fashion.

Miranda had told her to offer her something that was worthy of _Runway_, and Andy had already failed before she laid a single page onto Miranda's desk. And Andy had started off the day with such high hopes. In less than twenty-four hours she had become a complete failure. She'd have to go back to the _Mirror_ with the editor who told her she had done a, "good job". She'd start drowning again in mediocrity and Miranda Priestly would have fairly driven her away.

Now seemed as good a time as any to start shedding tears across her broken dreams. Her phone rang again, and this time before she picked it up she looked at the caller ID.

"Hey, Nate."

"What's the matter?" He sounded much friendlier than Miranda had. Unfortunately, Andy didn't know how to explain to him that she had gone to Miranda's home to demand a job, and that Miranda had given it to her but that she was going to lose it before she had even really started. She didn't even know how to tell him that she had quit working at the _Mirror_. She wasn't sure exactly how to explain that she needed Miranda Priestly in her life, because Miranda was the only person that could push her into performing miracles. These weren't simple things she could just tell her boyfriend over the phone.

"I'm just a little frustrated about this article I'm supposed to write." Andy wiped away her tears.

"Oh." Nate's tone suggested he expected something more severe, something more important. "What's wrong with it?"

Andy shook her head. "Nothing," she whispered. "Nothing's wrong with it. I'm just being a little self-conscious about my writing."

"Ah, Andy, you've got to ease up on yourself." Nate was trying to be supportive. "You've just got to start believing that you'll do a good job."

"Wh-what?"

"I said you've just got to believe that you'll do a good job."

Andy viciously wiped at her tears. She would not fail. If she could produce a goddamned Harry Potter book for Miranda's brats, then she could write one solitary article that Miranda wouldn't think of saying was a, "good job". She turned her body around and flipped up the top of her laptop.

"Andy, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Andy distractedly answered as she brought up her word processor. "How was your day? You still having problems at work with that guy…Usmani?"

Nate began chattering away about how hard his life had become since moving to Boston and accepting a position that held more responsibility. He could talk about himself and his culinary world all night. He had yet to learn that Andy's unwavering support didn't extend to actually caring about culinary topics. She had never cared about how long Nate spent learning about a potato or any other vegetable for that matter.

"Ahuh," Andy muttered as she typed out her first sentence for the article she was going to hand over to Miranda Priestly:

_"Good" and "Job" are the two most malicious words any artist will ever hear; it makes those who are Mediocre believe that they deserve a place among the Greats and makes the Greats feed into the lie that all talent is subjectively equal._

Nate continued to talk and Andy continued to give noncommittal responses to his problems while she typed away about something she knew and understood. She'd have to pull up some statistics to solidify her point and round out her thesis, but she was beginning to feel the small presence of hope within her belly—the only thing she would live off of while working for Miranda Priestly.


	5. Etches of Meaning

Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada.

**Etches of Meaning**

Despite what the majority of people believed, Miranda Priestly did not often wish for people to fail. Every single hour of her very long days, Miranda avidly searched for small bits of successful brilliance that she could use to her advantage. She lived in a constant state of hoping that she would see something that honestly and truly impressed her. Unfortunately, those moments were very few and very far between, but still she stayed on constant alert, open to seeing the world's potential treasures hidden under all of the disappointments. Miranda Priestly was an optimist, and very, very few people understood that.

From the very beginning, Andrea Sachs had impressed her. Miranda had seen something beyond Andrea's needs straight towards the girl's possible future. She dismissed Andrea's plain attire, unkempt hair, and prideful poise, and she saw right down to Andrea's core. That was the sole reason Miranda did not fire the girl after the girl's early pathetic attempts at job performance. It was the reason why Miranda broke one of her many rules and bothered to explain herself to a peon.

When all indicators implied Miranda should direct Andrea to the nearest exit, Miranda had brought Andrea into her office and confessed to being an optimist, to living off of hope. She told "the smart, fat girl" how disappointed she was and let the silly girl run away from her office in tears not as of yet unemployed. The pep talk did wonders for Andrea's countenance and her job performance improved dramatically.

Miranda did not want Andrea to fail. She could only hope that her decision to call Andrea in the middle of the night to offer unsolicited advice would help the girl come up with an article that would not fall too far below her standards. As of the moment, it did not appear that Andrea was working on anything worth being printed out on paper. Miranda had not given Andrea a deadline, but hopefully Andrea understood that one had certainly been implied. Miranda would not wait on Andrea indefinitely. Twenty-four hours seemed fair enough amount of time to write one little article.

With a slight shake of her head, Miranda cleared any thoughts about the silly girl from her mind. She placed her glasses back on and then turned her attention back to the pages sitting in front of her. She still had a job to do beyond making sure Andrea was not wasting away precious time.

Miranda lost herself in the Book, intent on carefully scanning every page until there were no mistakes left to incinerate. A couple of hours passed, perhaps more until Miranda closed the pages and capped the red pen she had been using to mark through everyone else's mistakes. It was well past midnight and Miranda was just feeling relaxed enough to try and sleep.

She made it out of her study and was making her way towards a restful night when she heard an impossibly soft knock on her front door. She cautiously approached the door, quelling her first instinct to call the police. She was, of course, expecting no visitors but Miranda left room for certain amounts of spontaneity in her life.

"Your obvious intent to enact all of the atrocious habits you have acquired since leaving _Runway_, is not at all amusing," Miranda said as soon as she opened her door to Andrea's bedraggled appearance. There were dark rings forming under the girl's eyes, her hair had clearly not been combed, and for some reason she was wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

"I know it's late." Andrea pushed the door open further so that she could step uninvited into Miranda's home. She had just finished her sixth cup of coffee and could no longer hold back her desire to see Miranda. "I just wanted you to look over this before I officially gave it to you." Andrea thrust out a few sheets of crumpled paper towards Miranda.

Miranda widened her eyes and slightly tilted her head. "Clearly you are on some sort of hallucinogen."

"I don't want you to fire me." The arm Andrea had holding up the papers fell helplessly back down to her side. "I've spent the last year of my life chasing after something that won't make me happy. So please, Miranda, please just read this."

The girl was cracking apart. Miranda had not expected it would happen so soon. After the display Andrea had put on the night before, Miranda had assumed Andrea had somehow gathered up more internal fortitude than she had harbored as second assistant. "I was not aware that you were once again under my employ, Andrea."

"I will be," Andrea offered Miranda the bits of paper again. Somehow, also managing to pull herself back from the brink of complete collapse. "Read this, please."

Miranda closed her front door then looked over Andrea's body once more, searching for that bit of something that would tell her that it was okay to give into Andrea's request. With an irritated eye roll, Miranda reached out for the filthy bits of paper. "Stay here," Miranda ordered as she began to walk away towards her study, papers firmly in hand.

"Where are you going?"

Miranda gave Andrea a look that clearly conveyed she was only seconds away from setting the despicable girl on fire.

"Right, right," Andrea looked down at her feet. "I'll stay right here."

Miranda continued walking away. She entered her study, closed the door, and then settled herself against the front of her desk. She looked down at the papers Andrea had shoved at her. "God help you, Andrea, if this is trash," she said to the empty room before she began reading.

Her eyes quickly crossed over Andrea's words. She dissected them as she devoured them, seeking out etches of meaning that would reveal Andrea's talent beyond an ability to construct a sentence. She read through it four times before she dropped the papers away from her face, ready to face Andrea with her verdict.

Miranda opened the study's door, and then slowly stepped out of the room that had been witness to more than one of her disappointments. When she reached her foyer, she saw Andrea standing completely still with her eyes closed. The girl looked almost as if she was praying.

Miranda shook her head and sighed. "The next time you wish for me to read something, Andrea, email it to me. I assume you know how to do that."

Andrea jumped and fell away from the spot she had remained standing in per Miranda's previous order. "Of course."

"That being said," Miranda thrust Andrea's article back into the girl's hands, "it needs work."

"Does, does that mean you liked it?" Andrea took hold of the papers so that they would not fall to the ground.

"It means, Andrea, that it needs work." It had not been disappointing. It was raw, but it had enough potential as to not be outright dismissed.

"So you're going to hire me?"

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Of course not, Andrea. I am no more likely to _hire _you than I am to employ James Holt."

"But I thought…"

"You thought?" Miranda raised a brow. "Clearly you haven't." She walked past Andrea to the front door, and then pulled it open.

"I don't, don't understand." Robotically Andrea started walking towards the open door.

No, the girl did not understand. How could she? "Fix it and have it to me by the end of the day."

Miranda closed and then locked the door as soon as Andrea had crossed the threshold. Eventually, she could see Andrea's shadow stumbling away. Miranda leaned against the closed door and rested the back of her head against the cold surface. Her eyes fluttered closed and she inhaled a heavy breath.

Andrea had not failed.


	6. Genuine Gratitude

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for all of your comments. They are very much appreciated.**

**Genuine Gratitude**

Andy decided that her life was in the bitter hands of a masochistic fate. She knew it was time she gave up on the world she thought she lived in and stepped into the world Miranda Priestly had already mastered. Her article had been good enough to catch Miranda's interest, but not worth much more than that. Andy knew that it was a good bit of writing, but even as she read over the words for the umpteenth time, she knew that they still weren't great enough.

They were enough to be published in the _Mirror_, and perhaps even good enough to be published in another journal or magazine, but they still weren't enough for Miranda Priestly—the woman whose opinion was the only one that mattered. Andy remembered Nigel pointing that out to her after the James Holt showing, and remembered thinking that it was absurd that one person had so much influence. What she hadn't bothered to realize—bother to admit to herself—was that Miranda Priestly's approval and acceptance meant much more to her than anyone's had before.

For reasons she couldn't understand, Andy wanted Miranda to tell her that she was good enough. She wanted it so badly she had went knocking on Miranda's front door in the middle of the night—for a second time—just so Miranda could fuck with her head and then send her back off into the middle of the night with orders to produce a miracle.

Andy stared at the blinking cursor on her computer screen, realizing that its blinking was in sync with the beats of her heart. Her hands were poised over her keyboard, but she hadn't managed to type a single word in the last hour. Morning had already arrived, and Andy could feel her future ticking away.

"What are you so afraid of?" She asked herself and then silently laughed.

Suddenly, her fingers began typing again as she let go and stepped back into Miranda's world, where people's ambition superseded their loyalty, where their families and friends were sacrificed for professional success, where there was no such thing as tenure, and the only thing that mattered was the answer to the question, 'what have you done lately?'. Andy climbed over her wall of naïve self-righteousness so that she could put everything she had within herself to give into the art form she had chosen to try and master. She stopped holding back, and stopped worrying about the very real chance of failure. She forgot about her friends, her boyfriend, her family, and everything else that had distracted her from the words that had always been inside of her begging to come out.

Andy's finger's pounded over the keys as if they were shouting the words upon the electronic page. At long last, she found her unique voice. She found the thing that Miranda couldn't call crap or outright dismiss. There was no more passive voice left inside of her. She knew that in order to change the world, she'd first have to live in it. She'd have to shake away her timidness and open her eyes.

When she was done typing, Andy printed off her article, took a shower and then dressed herself in the proper uniform in which to face off with Miranda. She took one final look at herself in the mirror before she left her small apartment for Elias-Clarke. On her way, she made a quick stop at Starbucks to pick up Miranda's drink of choice, for the first time hoping this wouldn't be the last chance she'd have to buy Miranda a cup of coffee.

It was barely past midday when Andrea sauntered past the assistants' desks. She didn't stop to talk to Emily, nor did she acknowledge the second assistant who she had yet been introduced to. Displaying more bravery than she actually felt, Andrea placed Miranda's cup of coffee on the editor's desk. Once she had Miranda's attention, she dropped her finished article on the desk and then took a seat across from the editor.

Without a single word, Miranda reached out and picked up the paper. Her eyes were locked onto Andrea's, warning the younger woman of the consequences of failure, and then she began reading. Andy focused in on a pen sitting on Miranda's desk, knowing that if she watched Miranda read then she wouldn't manage to contain her fidgeting.

One minute passed, then two, then three, then Andy lost count of the minutes and started counting her heart beats. Her attention still drawn to that ridiculously expensive instrument for writing. She felt like she was starting to go colorblind. All she could see was the black ink of the pen, Miranda's silver hair, the white walls, Miranda's white blouse, the black chairs, Miranda's white skin...

"Congratulations, Andrea." The unexpected sound of Miranda's voice, made Andy jump in her seat and lose any bits of thought her brain had been trying to hold onto.

Congratulations? Andy didn't know what congratulations, when coming from Miranda, actually meant. "Does that mean you're still not hiring me?"

Miranda put Andy's article back down on her desk and then reached out for her coffee. "I will only say this once more, Andrea, so please take notes if you must, but I have no intention of ever hiring you back on staff."

"Then why..." Andy still didn't understand.

"I will, however, accept your submission and pay you accordingly for your work," Miranda continued on as if Andy's words hadn't even come to a stumbling halt.

"My submission?"

Miranda nodded. "It will go well with a new designer we are showcasing in December."

"My submission?" Andy still wasn't sure she was actually sitting across from Miranda Priestly the editor of _Runway_. She had an odd feeling that somehow she had been transported into the land of Oz and was sitting in front of the Wizard awaiting the coming torture session from the Munchkins.

"I suggest you start working on other submissions. Once your article appears in _Runway_, you'll have less difficulty being published elsewhere." Miranda took a satisfying sip from her coffee. "You will, of course, present all of your articles to me before you submit them to anyone else."

Andy was suddenly reminded of the last conversation she had with Miranda while she was still working at _Runway_. "Are you putting my name on your list?" Was she supposed to proclaim undying loyalty to Miranda when Miranda would never bother to do the same? Was she supposed to allow Miranda to use her as cannon fodder in a future power play with Irv Ravitz or whoever else Miranda felt like strong-arming into surrender.

Miranda said nothing, but Andy wasn't really expecting her to. Andy knew that it was kind of funny how she could still look over at Miranda, even now, and see the woman who had thanked her at that stupid banquet, who had cried from the loss of a husband, and who had two daughters she would stop the world for. "Hey," Andy smiled, "do you want to go out and get some lunch? I've just sold my first article and feel like treating someone to a meal."

"Don't be ridiculous, Andrea," Miranda rolled her eyes, but Andy could swear Miranda had almost, just almost smiled. She hadn't expected Miranda to accept her offer, and she blamed her lack of sleep for even attempting it. Miranda simply didn't go out and have lunch with former assistants but... Miranda did have lunch with people whose talent she had discovered, fostered, exposed, and exploited. Sometime, Andy promised herself, sometime soon she would treat Miranda to lunch.

Andy stood up with a self-satisfied smile, knowing that Miranda would be on the verge of dismissing her. "Thank you, Miranda."

"Hm, well yes, that's all." Miranda's stumbling version of 'you're welcome' gave Andy a single moment of pause before she turned to walk out of Miranda's office. She held onto the latest flicker of humanity Miranda had shown, but in all honesty, Andy wasn't surprised that Miranda had difficulty responding to something as simple as genuine gratitude since Miranda was so often faced with people's hatred, jealousy, and fear.

Andy put her mask of bravery back on as she walked past Emily and Emily-Number-Two. Whatever questions Emily had about her presence at _Runway_ could be directed to Miranda. Besides, Emily would see the article Andy had written floating around and would know soon enough why Andy had ever come back. Andy figured that Miranda wouldn't bother to tell anyone that Andy had originally come back to _Runway_ expecting to be put back on staff. Andy suspected Miranda's version of the story would be a slant on the truth—Miranda would not let it be known that she accepted house calls in the middle of the night from former employees who demanded to be given a job.

As Andy left Elias-Clarke, she heard her cell phone vibrating from inside of her purse. She pulled it out and looked down at the ID. Part of her had actually expected to see Miranda's name on the display, so was only slightly thrown when she saw Lily's name instead. They had made tentative plans to get together a few days ago, since Nate was coming into town, but Andy had been too busy to confirm anything with her friend.

She took a quick glance towards the building she had just exited as her finger lingered over the Talk button. Andy hadn't told anyone about her meetings with Miranda. She hadn't wanted to, and despite her feelings of overwhelming excitement at satisfying Miranda's demands brought to her, Andy still didn't want to tell anyone about what had just happened.

"Hey Lily," Andrea said after her finger had stopped loitering over a decision.

"I just heard you don't work at the _Mirror_ anymore, Andy!" Lily's voice excitedly exclaimed. "Josiah just told me you quit."

Josiah was one of the photographers who had worked with Andy at the _Mirror_. He only worked part time since he was doing his best to become famous outside of taking pictures for other people's stories. Lily was helping him put together an exhibit, and Andy should have known that he would blabber about her personal decisions to Lily. "I had to Lil," Andy defended herself. "I wanted..." She couldn't tell Lily what she really wanted. "I've decided to do freelance work."

"You can't just do freelance work, Andy," Lily needlessly chided. "People need to know who you are first."

"I know it'll be hard, Lily, I do, but I want to try." Andy explained.

"Okay," Lily sighed. "If it's what you want then I'm behind you all the way. Just let me know if you need me to do anything."

"Thanks." Andy knew that her friends weren't bad friends. Lily was a good person, and so was Doug, but they just weren't always good for her. Lily was stuck inside of a bubble where she had the freedom to help choose which artist was worthy to be shown to the public and Doug would most likely be lost in the wasteland of middle management. "That means a lot."

"Does Nate know?"

Andy had always suspected Lily liked Nate more than she liked Andy. Lily hadn't ever said a bad word about Nate when he had upped and left for Boston leaving Andy with an apartment she couldn't afford on her own, which forced her to ask her father for more money. According to Lily, Nate was always right and Andy was always wrong. "I wanted to tell him in person; I wanted to get a chance to tell everyone in person." She wanted to put it off as long as she possibly could.

Lily continued talking, perhaps acting like the moral compass Andy hadn't asked for, but Andy was no longer listening, her attention was drawn back to the front doors of Elias-Clarke. Miranda was walking out of the building, cell phone in hand, with Emily-The-Second trailing behind her. Her eyes followed Miranda's movements until the editor disappeared into the black town car that had most certainly been called to come pick her up.

"Andy?" Lily's voice called back Andy's attention. "Andy?"

"Yeah?" Miranda had looked right at Andy when she stepped into the vehicle.

"Are you listening to me?"

Andy watched as the black car pulled away from the curb out into New York traffic. "Yeah, um, of course. Why don't we talk more tonight?"

"Where are we going?"

The black car turned the corner and then quickly disappeared from Andy's view. "I'll let you know." She absently wondered where Miranda was going and what she would be doing later. Andy doubted Miranda would welcome another midnight visit. "I've got to go, though. I need to get ready for Nate." Andy hung up her phone, not even realizing she hadn't even waited for Lily to say goodbye.

Andy sat with her friends at their standard table in the restaurant Nate used to work at. Nate sat to her left, Lily was to her right, and Doug was sitting right in front of her. They had chosen the restaurant because Nate was still given a discount on the food and every one of them was too broke to afford anything different. Embarrassingly, Andy had walked out of Elias-Clarke without asking how it was she was going to get paid for the article Miranda had bought, so didn't have the money to celebrate. Andy hoped Miranda would take care of that small forgotten detail without Andy having to point out her own stupidity.

Lily was chattering on about the new exhibit she was trying to put together and Andy hadn't found the right time yet to let Doug and Nate in on the fact that she was no longer steadily employed. She was happy not to talk about it—happy to put off not fighting with Nate about the decisions she had unilaterally made. He had recently started talking about marriage and her moving out to Boston to pursue her writing there. She had told him it wasn't a good time for her to leave the _Mirror_.

Everyone at the table started laughing, and Andy realized that she had missed the hilarious conclusion Lily's story had been building up to. She started laughing so that no one would notice she hadn't been paying attention. She'd rather have them look at her like she was slow to understanding the joke than disinterested in their company.

The laughter died letting silence fall over the table, giving Andy the perfect chance to fill it in with her own story about quitting her job and pursuing an opportunity to write independently for a change. She wouldn't need to tell anyone that her article would be appearing in _Runway_ since neither Lily nor Nate would come across it. Doug might, but she could talk to him after the fact.

Andy chose to keep her silence, and Doug began talking about his latest disastrous foray into blind dating. Andy made sure to pay attention this time around, because she didn't want her friends to become offended by her general disinterest in their lives. She wanted to spend time with them, and she wanted to hear about what was going on. These were the people she had stumbled into adulthood with. They were the people she had spent late nights and early mornings with philosophizing about the world and making ridiculously general plans for their futures.

Lily had said she was going to make sure artists that weren't 'sell outs' got a chance to have their work displayed. Doug was going to conquer the business world. Nate was going to become the next Big Thing in the culinary world, and Andy was going to win a Pulitzer Prize for participating in a movement to bring back personal integrity into journalism. They never talked about what starting at the bottom really meant. They never talked about how they would change as they paved their own roads—they made a point of saying that they wouldn't change at all, but they had.

Lily didn't fight quite as hard to get artists only she thought were worthy to be shown featured in the gallery. Sometimes she was forced to compromise and show who was popular over who was more talented. The showings she put together had to make money, because if they didn't then she wouldn't get paid. Doug quickly realized he wasn't quite as brilliant as he thought he was, and didn't really want to become a business mogul. He had only really wanted the money and what the money could do for him, he didn't want the hours upon hours of work. Nate was well on his way up the kitchen hierarchy in a restaurant that he couldn't afford to eat in, and Andy was putting part of her future in the hands of a woman who most people no longer considered entirely human.

The minutes passed into hours, and Andy sat with her friends until last call. They parted ways at the door, and then her and Nate walked off together towards Andy's apartment. They held hands and Nate tried to make conversation, and Andy tried to participate but knew she had failed when Nate finally asked, "What's going on with you, Andy?"

Andy considered denying that there was anything for her to tell, but she couldn't. "I quit my job."

"Okay," Nate shrugged. "So, what does that mean?"

Andy took a deep breath. "It means that I'm going back to Miranda Priestly. I want her to help me become a better writer," she said in a rush.

"Miranda Priestly? You're going back to _Runway_?"

"No," Andy shook her head. "I'm going back to Miranda," she clarified. "She's going to publish an article I wrote."

"I don't understand," Nate stopped walking, forcing Andy to stop with him since he still held onto her hand. "I thought you hated Miranda Priestly."

"She can be difficult." That was an understatement and Nate knew that. "But she'll help me with my career."

"Didn't she sell out that guy you liked?" Nate let go of her hand. "For a job she recommended him for?"

For the first time in a long time, Andy wished Nate wasn't as attentive to her and was more like the boyfriend she had during her senior year of high school that didn't hear a word she said because he was too distracted by her breasts. "Despite what she did to him, Nigel is a lot better off having worked for Miranda than he would ever have been otherwise."

"Are you defending her?" Nate took a step away from her.

"No, of course not," Andy impulsively replied before she had a chance to think about what it was she was saying. "I mean..."

"Okay, fine." Nate raised his hands, halting Andrea's defenseless position. "What about Boston, then? I thought you were going to try and move out there with me?"

Andy opened her mouth to reply, but again Nate cut her off. "You know what? Nevermind." He let out a frustrated breath. "Just tell me why you didn't talk to me about this before you quit your job, before you knew Miranda was going to publish your article—and I don't even want to know how you got her to do that."

"I don't," Andy bowed her head, "I don't know."

"Well, I hope you figure it out." Nate turned around and then started walking in the direction they had just come from.

"Where are you going?" Andy called after him, wishing he didn't always walk away from their arguments like a spoiled child that didn't get his way.

Nate didn't stop walking. "I don't know," he called over his shoulder.

Andy watched him walking off for a few moments, already knowing that chasing after him now wouldn't accomplish anything. He was too angry for reasonable conversation. So instead of enacting a scene from a romantic novel, Andy turned her back on Nate's retreating form and then walked away, desperately trying to push away her feelings of deja vu. She knew Nate wouldn't understand , but had already accepted that for a second time she had chosen Miranda over him and she suspected he knew that, too.


	7. Bouts of Falliblity

Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada.

**Bouts of Fallibility **

Miranda watched Andrea walk out of her office feeling somewhat proud of the younger woman. She had no difficulty in seeing through Andrea's manufactured hardened veneer straight to the terrified woman underneath. Andrea had pulled herself together well, the coffee had been a nice touch, but Andrea hadn't managed to fool Miranda for a single moment. The invitation to a celebratory lunch had been unexpected and, Miranda could admit, amusing if not incredibly presumptuous.

Andrea would never know of course, but Miranda could not recall being as brave when she first stepped out of her comfort zone to demand a promotion. Miranda remembered entering her editor's office with weak knees and barely controlled shaking hands. She had marched into his office with their latest layout and called it absolute trash. She accused the woman in charge of the layout of creative retardation, and then threw on her editor's desk her own mock up. He had glanced over it and then promoted her. It was the worst decision he had ever made since within two years she had ousted him from his job, but it was one of Miranda's earliest victories.

Miranda had ungraciously accepted her promotion, and then fled his office to find the nearest restroom where she threw up the saltines she had eaten for lunch. She later had to deal with rumors of pregnancy, but those died down once everyone had realized Miranda Priestly was going to eventually become their boss. That was when the rumors of her eating live babies for lunch began floating around, rumors she didn't bother to dispel, and then she started catching the attention of the execs over at _Runway_. The rest, as the cliché went, was history.

Blue eye followed Andrea as the young woman marched away. Miranda gave Andrea credit for not tripping over her own pride. Miranda knew that eventually Andrea would get over herself and realize the importance of getting paid before making a self-satisfied exit. That silly girl still did have a lot to learn. She hadn't even bothered to stay and negotiate payment. Miranda considered sending the girl a check for a dollar, but knew that Andrea would at some point need to eat.

"Emily." Miranda picked up Andrea's article and impatiently waited for her assistant to appear in front of her. As soon as Emily walked in, she handed over Andrea's work. "Take this to Nigel and inform him he needs to pull that dreadful piece and replace it with this. Then, go and ask Jocelyn if she ever wants to bother to stop talking about that child of hers long enough to find me something I can actually use..." She continued her rapid instructions her brain already moving on to another problem from the mountain of problems she was handed on a daily basis.

She dismissed Emily and then had Missouri, her dreadfully named and useless second assistant, call Roy. She had a meeting with Valentino and was already running late since Andrea had decided to drop in as if she had a free pass to bother Miranda whenever she liked. The girl was beginning to form some unfortunate habits that would eventually have to be dealt with. People couldn't go around thinking that Andrea was receiving any type of special treatment. It was important the recognition of Andrea's talent grew away from Miranda's shadow, otherwise Andrea would be dismissed and her work tainted.

Miranda stepped away from her desk and then made her hurried exit from _Runway_. When she stepped out of the elevator she was already on her cell phone giving Emily orders for her return. She ignored Nigel's call since he was no doubt wondering why an article by Andrea Sachs had appeared on his desk. Miranda was in no mood to explain her decisions to him nor was she in the mood to explain herself to anyone else. She hadn't come up with an explanation, as of yet, that seemed at all believable.

She stepped out of Elias-Clarke, hardly making the effort to notice that Missouri was trotting along after her. What Miranda did notice, was Andrea standing still in a crowd of people hurrying about to accomplish their menial tasks. For having just accomplished writing an impressive article, Miranda could clearly see that Andrea didn't look all that happy. She looked more like a pathetic lost melancholic child who had just been let in on the secret that the Grinch really had stolen Christmas. Whoever it was Andrea was talking to on the phone, they didn't seem to be doing much to raise Andrea's spirits.

Andrea had already learned the price for success and had previously denied payment. Miranda could see that the lesson was once again asserting itself into Andrea's reality, except this time Miranda would not watch Andrea walk away back into the dark clouds of inferiority. Andrea would just have to find a way to deal with her personal life. She'd have to find a way to push her personal feelings and attachments away; Miranda had.

She met Andrea's eyes as the younger woman's brown eyes locked onto the editor. Miranda silently asserted her personal will upon the silly girl. If Miranda could kill off the absurd bits of emotion she felt for Andrea then Andrea could very well hang up the phone on whoever had her looking so pathetically unhappy. Once satisfied that Andrea was suitably distracted from whoever it was she was talking to, Miranda stepped into the waiting car. Missouri shut the car door behind her, and Miranda was effectively cut off from Andrea's gaze.

Missouri dropped into the seat next to her like an uncoordinated cow, and then Roy pulled away from Elias-Clarke. Miranda tried not to focus on Missouri's noisy breathing that confirmed Missouri was indeed descendent of bovine. Emily had made an almost unforgivable mistake in recommending the girl for position as second assistant. Emily had made very poor decisions of late when it came to the quality of assistants she had been hiring.

Miranda had known that Emily wasn't the smartest girl in the world, but she had hoped Emily would learn that the circumstance that had arisen when Andrea was promoted over her was an anomaly. Miranda realized that Emily was so petrified of having her position usurped again that she chose girls with names like Missouri to be second assistant; she chose girls that would have perhaps been better suited for pole dancing instead of high end fashion.

As the car stopped at a red light, Miranda ran her eyes across Missouri. She no longer felt the need to keep her second assistant around. "I've decided I am no longer in need of your services."

"What?" Missouri asked wide-eyed.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Did I stutter? You're fired, effectively immediately of course. When you get back to _Runway_, make sure you tell Emily that if she hires anyone else resembling bovine she'll be fired. That's all." She turned her attention back to her window. She had no intention of hearing whatever pleas Missouri would make to keep her job, and felt no need to watch Missouri stumble out of the car.

Missouri would make her way back to the office and would take care of any office gossip that was going on about Andrea Sachs's article being published. By the time Miranda returned from her meetings, everyone would have heard about Missouri being fired and how Miranda kicked her out of the car in the middle of traffic. It was a first for Miranda, but it would serve well as a distraction from the uncharacteristic attention she was giving to Andrea.

If Andrea continued to visit her home in the middle of the night and barge into the office then Miranda might have to consider firing Jocelyn or even Nigel. For now, Missouri going the way of so many pathetic assistants before her would do enough to settle any talk. She was going to be another in the long line of sacrifices Miranda would have to make so that Andrea could become a success.

* * *

Miranda walked into _Runway_, well aware of the heightened energy that had developed since she left. Everyone probably had some ridiculous notion that she was in a particularly bad mood over something completely manufactured. It hadn't been all that bad of day. Miranda felt a lot better than she had in a while, but no one needed to know that. It was in everyone's best interest that staff assumed they correctly read Miranda's moods. It gave them a sense of consistency and control, while it gave Miranda room for bouts of fallibility.

Emily, of course, said nothing about Missouri and neither did anyone else. Miranda went through the rest of her day, practically able to smell the fear being excreted from her staff. She was preparing to leave for the night when Nigel came uninvited into her office. He had become much bolder since she had crushed his dreams in Paris. It was over a year later and he was still upset about it, but wasn't man enough to confront her about the pain she had caused him. He simply went into passive aggressive fits that could, at times, be a little more than a minor nuisance.

Nigel was good as his job, very close to the best Miranda had ever seen, but she still questioned whether he had what it took to handle their world all on his own. She had put him up for the James Holt position, hoping it would give him a chance to succeed without her influence guiding him, but Miranda had been forced into making other arrangements. She was still actively looking for a position that would suit him, but none had arisen. As a small act of compensation, she had given him a significant raise. He had not been entirely ungrateful.

"Andrea Sachs, Miranda, really?"

He had been upset when he found out Andrea had left Miranda in Paris. He had admitted to regretting putting so much effort in helping the girl that had simply walked away. Personally, Miranda thought Nigel was just upset that Andrea had the strength to walk away and that he hadn't.

"Why are you assuming this is a topic up for discussion?"

Nigel looked almost hurt by her curt response. "I just wanted to make sure Emily hadn't made a mistake."

"Take care of it, Nigel." Miranda ordered and then walked past him. He had rightfully confronted her, she would have questioned his capabilities if he hadn't, but she couldn't let him know that. Everyone had to believe that she knew she was making the right choice by welcoming Andrea back to _Runway_.

Miranda walked out of the building, and turned off her phone before she got into the car that would take her home. She couldn't remember the last time she had turned off her cell phone, but she didn't feel like dealing with _Runway_. For some reason, she wanted to give herself time to sit and think. When she arrived at her home, she turned her cell phone back on. She was expecting a call from her girls who were on summer vacation with their father on some island with his new fiancée.

Eventually, Miranda walked to her study, a glass of red wine in hand, and then sat down her attention focused out the window. For some reason, she couldn't get the image of Andrea's unhappiness out of her mind. Andrea might not remember having said it, but Miranda remembered Andrea's confession of having chased after something that wouldn't make her happy. Miranda did not presume to know what happiness was.

All she had ever wanted was success and accomplishment. Miranda had given up pursuing happiness when she was a young woman and realized it was necessary that her happiness become expendable. She no longer chased after things that would make her happy. She didn't wish to waste the energy. She would do everything within her power to make her girls happy, she would do everything she could to continue her reign of success and was determined to be content with her professional life.

But Andrea, Miranda silently laughed, Andrea still was acting out her inalienable right to pursue happiness, and the silly girl thought she'd find it at the end of her proverbial pen. Miranda knew that she could not give Andrea happiness. Andrea would have to find happiness on her own. Perhaps, whoever Andrea had been on the phone with could find a way to help Andrea become happy, because Miranda refused to feel any regret about not rejecting Andrea when the girl came back around demanding another chance. Miranda had given Andrea a chance to choose, and Andrea had chosen to come back. Happiness no longer had anything to do with it.

Miranda sat, sipping on her wine. She heard Emily come into the house to deliver the dry cleaning and the Book, and then quickly leave. Miranda poured herself another glass and then got up to retrieve the Book. She took it back to her study and silently looked over it. She had gone through half the bottle of her Pinot Noir by the time she was finished with her work.

She gathered her up her glass, closed the Book, and then walked out of her study. She didn't feel like sleeping. Instead of rest, she chose to walk around her home. She walked into Caroline's room, and sat down on her daughter's empty bed. The house felt emptier without her girls, and she found that she missed their presence even though she had so often chosen her work over spending time with them. At times, Miranda wondered if her girls chose to live with her simply because they were afraid to leave her alone. They always seemed to have enjoyed their father's company over hers, although they detested his new fiancée to the point of trying to break up the engagement.

Recently, there had been too much upheaval in the girls' lives, and Miranda wished she could have talked her ex-husband into postponing his engagement, but he hadn't listened to her requests. He was as unwilling to compromise as he had been when they were married. He didn't understand sacrifice; at least not like Miranda understood it. This summer vacation had been his idea, and Miranda had done her best to talk the girls into giving their father's fiancée, Rayne, a chance. They had promised to try, but so far they seemed entirely miserable and were doing their best to talk Miranda into ending their vacation early.

Miranda looked down into her empty wine glass, and then to the empty room. There was nothing she could do about filling the empty space, but she did have more wine. She stood up, and then walked out of her daughter's room, softly shutting the door behind her but leaving the light on. She walked downstairs and as she passed the front door, she saw a shadow lingering outside of it.

"I'm going to start assuming you've decided to stalk me." Miranda wasn't surprised to see Andrea standing at her doorstep. She walked away from her open door, fully expecting that Andrea would follow her inside. She went back into her study, where she had left her wine bottle. She filled her glass and then pulled out another and filled it as well.

"How do you do it, Miranda?" Andrea had silently followed Miranda. "How do you deal with everyone leaving?"

Miranda handed Andrea the glass of wine she had just poured. "I don't."

Andrea wordlessly accepted the glass. "Nate's said that I'm changing. He thought, before, that I was turning into someone else."

"Nate?" Miranda picked up her own glass.

Andrea looked down into the dark liquid below her. "My boyfriend."

Miranda took a sip of her wine. She wasn't sure she was suitably intoxicated yet to have this conversation. She had only been intoxicated enough to make the mistake of letting Andrea into her home. "I take it he doesn't agree with your recent choices."

"He's upset and he probably has a right to be." Andrea took a large gulp from her wine. "I'm making these huge decisions and I'm not talking to him about any of it."

"Mm." Miranda took another sip of her wine.

"And I know I should include him in my life more, but he lives in Boston." Andrea took another large gulp, not at all taking a chance to savor the taste of the very expensive Pinot Noir. She drank more like she was having some common beer instead of a fine wine. "He's the one that moved away. I never wanted to live in Boston."

"Of course." Miranda was certain she had reached the limit of alcohol she could safely consume since she was willingly listening to Andrea ramble on about her personal relationship. She couldn't exactly remember the last time anyone had confessed to her their relationship troubles.

"And I'm just so frustrated because I feel like I'm doing everything I can to stay with him, and," Andrea stumbled over her words as she blinked away the tears that had clearly been forming. "And I'm not even sure I love him anymore."

"One does not fall blindly out of love, Andrea." Miranda laid her glass down. "You do not simply wake up one morning no longer in love with the person you share a bed with. If you believe you no longer love him, then you don't." Miranda knew very little about happiness, but she did understand love. She had lost it enough, felt lost in it enough, to understand it.

Andrea looked stunned by the fact Miranda had responded to her at all. "Is that what happened with Stephen?"

"That, Andrea, is none of your business."

"Okay," Andrea mumbled and then gulped down the rest of her drink.

Miranda poured the last drops of wine that were left in the bottle into Andrea's empty glass. "You've already decided what you want, Andrea." She looked directly in Andrea's eyes. "Now, it is just up to you to unapologetically pursue it."

"But Nate and my friends…"

"People either choose to stay with you or choose to leave." Miranda distanced herself from Andrea. Once again, she was starting to feel the negative effects of the alcohol; she was beginning to lose control.

Andrea looked down at her hands. "I should probably leave." She braved a glance at Miranda, but quickly looked down again. "It's getting late and Nate might try to find me."

Miranda took another step away from the younger woman. "I'm sure you're capable of seeing yourself out."

Andrea nodded, and then took a hesitant step towards Miranda. She lifted her eyes from the floor and clearly forced herself to meet Miranda's blue eyes. Miranda swallowed, knowing that she should take another step away from the silly girl who foolishly insisted on coming to her home in the middle of the night, but she couldn't quite remember how to move.

"Thank you, Miranda," Andrea whispered before she leaned over and pressed her lips against Miranda's reddened cheek. She slowly pulled away and chanced looking into Miranda's eyes once more before she set her wine glass down onto Miranda's desk and then hurried out of the room.


	8. All It Meant

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**All It Meant**

There were thousands upon thousands of moments Andy could relive through her mind's eye, but she couldn't recall any one of them outside of the singular moment that kept replaying in her head. She could no longer remember her favorite professor's name. She could no longer remember her best friend from high school. She could no longer recall anything that happened before or immediately after she had stepped into Miranda's house that night.

All she could remembered was that her eyes had rebelliously focused on Miranda's alcohol flushed cheek. Her legs pushed her forward, first one step and then another. Her tongue moistened her lips. Her torso leaned forward. Her lips made contact with Miranda's pale skin. Her eyes closed. Her heart stopped. Her complicated life disappeared.

Then, she remembered that her eyes opened, and she pulled away from Miranda knowing that she had drunk too much alcohol. She put her wine glass on the nearest even surface, and then left Miranda's home before Miranda's blue eyes turned her into ice with their anger and she would lose her ability to flee. And now, as Andy laid atop her bed, all her brain could remember was standing in Miranda's home blabbering on like an idiot about her personal life and then for some reason thinking it would be awful nice to just kiss Miranda's cheek before she left.

Oddly, it wasn't the kiss that really freaked her out, although that freaked her out plenty. What really had her shaken up and feeling like Gumby was that the simple act of being with Miranda had actually made her feel better. She had felt better after she had knocked on Miranda's door to demand a job. She had felt better after she had Miranda read her article for the first time, and she had felt better from having spoken to Miranda after fighting with Nate.

There was something about Miranda that calmed her and made everything seem a little bit easier, which was an absurd idea because Miranda didn't make anything easy. Miranda complicated everything up until everyone around her was in a blind panic afraid of committing the sin of unoriginal independent thought. Andy was positive that no one would ever think to run to Miranda for emotional support or personal advice. Miranda wasn't sympathetic or sensitive to anyone else's problems.

Andy held onto no illusions that Miranda had turned into someone else after she had walked away from _Runway_. No part of Andy believed that Miranda would change. It didn't matter that Miranda not once but three times opened the front door when she saw Andy standing pathetically on the other side. It didn't matter that Miranda had actually offered her advice. None of that meant Miranda had changed. All it had proven was that Andy really didn't know Miranda at all. The only Miranda she had met was the icon, and she had never been properly introduced to the Miranda that showed personal interest in another person. She had seen glimpses of that person before, but the icon had always been more prominent. It made judging Miranda and finding fault a lot easier. Things were less complicated when Miranda was the enemy, because then it was easier to believe that Miranda was wrong about…well everything.

But now, Andy released a heavy sigh, now she had to admit that Miranda had not been wrong. With the life that Andy wanted, certain choices were becoming obviously necessary, and now it was just up to her to 'unapologetically pursue it'. Her friends would either stand by her or they would leave, and over a decade of friendship would be kicked away into the realm of scrapbooks and forgotten online photo galleries. Andy still had no clue exactly what she was feeling for Nate, but she had a horrible suspicion that Miranda would be right about that as well.

Andy turned on her side and looked across her empty mattress. Miranda had said that 'You do not simply wake up one morning no longer in love with the person you share a bed with'. Well, it had been a long time since she had woken up with Nate beside her. The nights they did spend were far and few between, and the chances they did get to spend the night with each other they didn't choose to do a lot of sleeping.

She heard the lock turning on the front door, and for the first time since getting home, regretted ever leaving Miranda's home. Only two people had a key to her apartment, and she was pretty sure that Lily wouldn't let herself in at four in the morning. "Where'd you go?" she asked as soon as Nate appeared in her bedroom doorway.

Nate shrugged. "I walked around." He moved over to the bed and then sat down on the furthest corner away from Andy. "What have you been doing?"

Andy looked away from Nate. "I went to go see Miranda."

He laughed humorlessly. "I wish I was surprised."

"Yeah." Andy rolled over onto her back. "I wish I was, too."

Nate concentrated on the keys he still held in his hand. "We're breaking up, aren't we?"

"I think we've been breaking up for a long time, Nate," Andy whispered. "We just didn't," she blinked away her forming tears, "we didn't know how."

"I shouldn't have stayed in Boston," Nate's attention stayed on his keys.

Andy slowly sat up. "We were over before Boston, Nate. You weren't," she swallowed the pain, "you weren't the one that walked away."

The keys dropped from Nate's fingers. He didn't move to pick them up. "What is it about her, Andy, that makes you choose her over everyone else?"

"I haven't…" Her brain stumbled over her thoughts. "I'm not choosing her over anyone."

Nate finally turned around and looked at his girlfriend. "Don't lie, Andy. This isn't just about your career."

His words were challenging her to admit to something she couldn't even admit to herself. She didn't know why seeing Miranda made her feel better. She didn't know why she felt the urge to kiss Miranda's cheek before she left. She didn't know why she had given into the impulse to march on over to Miranda's home in the middle of the night not once, but three times. She didn't know why Miranda was the only person in the world that could inspire her to do things beyond all her self-imposed restrictions. "Why can't it just be about my career?"

"Because she already helped you; she made sure you got that job at the _Mirror_, and you're not the type of person that throws everybody she cares about away for a job."

"How do you know that?" Andy couldn't look at him any longer so stared at her bedspread instead.

"I know it because I thought you were the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with," his voice got progressively louder as he spoke. "Damn it Andy, I know it because I love you!"

"No," Andy stopped trying to blink back her tears. "No, I don't think you know me at all. I don't think anyone does."

"Except for Miranda." Nate spit out the editor's name like it put a bad taste in his mouth. "She's the one you always turn to now."

Andy angrily wiped away her tears. "Nate, you're not being fair."

"Well, I don't think it's fair that you're in love with someone else." He jumped up from the bed.

Andy jumped along with him. "I'm not…"

"Don't lie," Nate interrupted.

"But I'm not in love with Miranda!"

"Then what is it, Andy?" Nate screamed. "What has you so attached to her?"

"I don't…"

"You don't know," he finished for her.

Andy's hands began to shake. "I have never cheated on you."

"I didn't say you did." He turned away from Andy. "I said you're in love with someone else."

"That's, that's crazy."

"Why?" Nate looked out Andy's bedroom window down to the street below. "She wouldn't be the first woman you've ever loved."

Andy rubbed at her forehead with her right hand. "I'm not going to talk about this with you."

Nate slowly turned around. He walked back to where his keys dropped and then bent over to pick them up. Once they were in his hands, he ran his finger over the key ring parting it so that he could take off Andy's key. He wouldn't need it anymore.

"I hope you figure out what it is you want," he said as soon as he had Andy's key free. He then slowly stood back up. "I'd hate to think you made a fool of me for no reason."

"Nate, don't," she warned. "We're not breaking up just because of me."

"No?" He humorlessly laughed. "It sure feels like it."

"You know what, Nate?" Andy reached out and snatched her key away even though Nate hadn't yet offered it to her. "You need to grow up." She took a step away from him. "And you need to leave." He could go stay with Lily or Doug. She didn't want him around her anymore.

Nate bowed his head and his body relaxed. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to come back here and fight with you."

"Then why did you come?"

He raised his head and then looked into Andy's eyes. "I wanted to say goodbye. It just," he ran his hand across his mouth, "it just hurts to know you uh…" He licked his lips. "It hurts." He looked towards the doorway. "I'm gonna go."

Andy nodded and silently stood as he walked away from her. He had passed the threshold before she called out, "Nate." He turned around. "I'm sorry."

"I hope you two are happy together." He sounded almost as if he actually meant his words.

She listened as her apartment door opened and then shut, then looked down at the key she held in her hand. Nate had been her first serious long term love. He had been the one she had broken up with her girlfriend for. She hadn't wanted to fall in love with him; she didn't think she'd ever have anything in common with someone who wanted to be a chef. Her girlfriend had been a graduate student in the Department of Journalism at Northwestern, and they had more in common than she ever did with Nate, but there was something about him that called her to him and she willfully followed it. Andy followed it just like she was following that same little something that was pulling her towards Miranda.

Andy never really thought she would fall in love with Nate. She never thought she would graduate from school and then move in with him. She never thought there would be a possibility of marriage and a family. But she had fallen in love with Nate, and at one point she had seriously considered marrying him. Then, she got her job at _Runway_ and everything changed. Nate accused her of losing her integrity and she ended up sleeping with the first guy that came along that charmed her.

Maybe Nate was right. Maybe all of this really was her fault. Maybe she was the one that ruined their relationship.

"Fuck!" She threw the key against her bedroom wall. It bounced off and then fell harmlessly to the floor. It refused to give Andy the satisfaction of destroying anything.

Andy then fell to the ground, choosing the punishment of the cold wooden floor over the softness of her bed. Her body crumbled and she could no longer hold back her tears. Her confrontation with Nate had made her angry at him, but even angrier at herself. She had known it was a mistake to go back to Nate after she returned from Paris, but she had wanted so badly to prove to Miranda that she wasn't at all who Miranda thought she was. She wanted to grab back onto the life she had so easily turned her back to, and she wanted to make everything okay again. She wanted to hold onto something she had already let go of.

Miranda had been right. No one fell out of love blindly, and Andy suspected that what Miranda had held back from saying was that no one fell blindly into love either.

"Oh god." Sobs took over Andy's body. She curled up and grabbed onto her stomach. It hurt so much. She hurt so much and she didn't know how to make it immediately go away. For a moment, she was afraid that she would drown herself with her tears, even though she knew that wasn't logically possible. She lost herself inside of her tears, and then she remembered that Miranda made things easier.

She uncurled her body, and then crawled towards her phone. She dialed Miranda's number from memory, forcing herself not to question her actions. The phone rang once, and then twice, and then, "I certainly hope you're calling me at five in the morning to tell me you're dead."

Andy laughed because she needed to. "Hello, Miranda." She didn't try to hide the fact that she was still crying.

"Andrea," Miranda sounded more alert, "what's wrong?"

Andy wiped at her face. "I broke up with Nate."

"That's hardly worthy of a phone call." It almost sounded like Miranda was doing something as undignified as yawning.

Andy released a heavy breath. "I wanted to say you were right about everything."

"Mm."

"And, and I wanted to say that I'm sorry that I left you in Paris." She hadn't wanted to say that at all, but for some reason it seemed suddenly important.

"But Andrea, I thought I 'let you go' as you so eloquently put it?"

"People either choose to stay or they choose to leave," Andy whispered into her phone. "Isn't that what you said?" Andy picked herself up off the floor and then moved herself to her bed. "I uh. You just opened the door Miranda, I'm the one that stepped through it."

"I still do not fully comprehend why you felt it necessary to call me this early."

Since Andy couldn't say, 'Because I think I've fallen in love with you' she said, "I just thought it was important to apologize."

Miranda sighed. "Fine," she said and then hung up.

Andy pulled her phone away from her ear and looked down at it. She considered calling Miranda back, but she was sure she had already used up all of Miranda's minimal patience. Just because Andy was slowly beginning to realize that she felt something for Miranda, that didn't mean that Miranda felt anything for her. All it meant, was that Andy didn't feel quite as bad as she had after she had watched Nate leave. All it meant, was that without even trying, Miranda had made things just a little bit easier and a little less complicated.


	9. Erotically Chaste

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Erotically Chaste**

Miranda hung up her phone and then laid it down on the empty space beside her on her bed. She was fully dressed and ready for the long hours she would spend making _Runway_ the best book in the business. She had made a valiant effort to try and sleep after Andrea had left her home. She had thrown away the empty wine bottle and had washed the wine glasses. She had made it to her bedroom and had carefully cleaned the makeup off of her face. She had donned her pajamas and then climbed into bed and closed her eyes. One solitary, measly, minute passed and her eyes opened again. She hadn't particularly liked what she had seen when her eyes had been shut. She stubbornly refused to allow herself to fall asleep with the image that was painted under the cover of her eyelids. The last thing she saw that night would not be the memory of Andrea leaning towards her to place a kiss on her cheek.

If she fell asleep with the reminiscences of Andrea's lips pressing against her flesh then she would inevitably dream about the young writer and that was unacceptable. Miranda couldn't just go around dreaming about some silly youthful woman, because Miranda didn't dream often, but when she did they were always laid out in the full spectrum of color and availed her to all of her senses. They were intense and vibrant and full of life. She always remembered her dreams; she had since she was a little girl.

The heightened state of being in her dream world would fill in the missing pieces that her brain refused to register while she had been awake. Miranda would remember the way the light had reflected off of Andrea's eyes and how she had seen her own reflection inside of them. She would remember the texture of Andrea's lips past their softness. She would remember the feel of Andrea's eyelash as it fluttered shut and then open against her heated skin. She would remember it all and then would be unable to forget that any of it had ever happened.

Every time Miranda blinked, the little bits of memory returned and it was as if she could remember nothing else. She sat up and got out of her bed. She walked towards her bathroom, shedding all of her clothes along the way. She opened the shower's glass door and then reached inside and turned the left knob as far as it would go. The water began to force through her ridiculously expensive shower head, and she stepped into its flow. It burned her skin and her body's first reaction was to preserve itself by jumping out of the scalding heat, but Miranda forced her body to still itself. She looked up directly into the tiny holes that released the heated water, daring it to make her move.

She gritted her teeth, putting all of her focus on denying herself a hint of mercy. She could feel the redness overtake her skin, hoping that it was somehow burning off the foolishness that had infected her. She stood as long as she could until she lost the battle against those small bits of empty space that pushed the water down to attack the surface of her body. Her right arm shakily reached out and turned on the cold water. It took a few moments, but the temperature of the water gradually evened out until it was cool enough to take away some of the heat on Miranda's overheated skin.

When her body had cooled and she no longer felt like she had stepped through firewater, she turned off the water and exited the shower. She ran a comb through her hair, straightening out the tangles that had somehow formed between the moment she had laid down to sleep and gotten up to forget. She stared at the reflection of her eyes in the mirror. She took an uneasy breath and then slowly closed her eyes as she had when she had tried to fall asleep. The picture under the cover of her eyelids had not changed. It wasn't going to. Her dreams would once again defy her will.

Miranda didn't bother to dry her hair or her body, and left her clothes forgotten on the floor. She went back to her bed and climbed into it, knowing she was too old to try and bate her dreams like a frightened child. So, Miranda closed her eyes and she forced herself to keep them shut. She would not run away from sleep.

It didn't take very long for Morpheus to overtake her. Her body was tired, and her mind was exhausted. She fell asleep, and as she already knew she would, she dreamt of Andrea. Her mind gave her back the intensity of emotion she had learned to block out while she was awake. It gave her Andrea's kiss without filters. It handed her a singular brief illusion of happiness.

She was asleep for three solid hours before she woke up at four in the morning. Her dreams had been pleasant, but a sudden anxiety attached itself to the inside of her chest and instead of dismissing it to grab back onto the sensation of an erotically chaste kiss, she once again removed herself from her bed and immediately towards the nearest phone, picked it up and then was dialing her daughter's cell phone number before her head had fully pushed away the haze of her emotion.

"Mom?"

Miranda began breathing again. "Yes, Darling."

"Is everything okay?" Caroline asked.

"You didn't call earlier so I wanted to check up on you and your sister," Miranda forced the worry out of her voice and effectively sounded as if she had called explicitly to chastise her daughters for their forgetfulness.

"But why are you calling so late?"

"I wanted to speak with you before the beginning of my busy day." Miranda was suddenly thankful for the five hour time difference between New York and Hawaii. "You know how busy my days can get."

"But isn't it, like, four in the morning there?"

Normally, Miranda respected Caroline's constant quest for knowledge. "Yes, it is." She found that respect did not exist at four in the morning. "Now, tell me how things are going with you and your sister."

She could hear Cassidy saying something in the background and then a rustling sound before Caroline's voice returned. "Mommy, I put you on speaker phone so we can both talk."

"We want to come home," Cassidy intercepted before Caroline had even finished talking. "Rayne wants us to go fishing tomorrow. She refuses to recognize that I'm a vegetarian now."

"Oh, so you decided to remain in the same school of thought as Ingrid Newkirk?"

"Mommy!" Miranda knew her daughter would realize she was not being complimented.

Miranda shook her head. "Cassidy, you know I will support whatever you decide to do." She had every confidence Cassidy would return back to normal once she was away from her father. "We can go ahead and give Marisela a vegetarian menu for you. I'll have Emily come up with a suitable one."

"I still like meat," Caroline bragged. "When we went to dinner tonight I ordered the biggest steak and ate it all."

"That's wonderful." Miranda knew her daughter well enough to know that Caroline hadn't eaten an ungodly amount of red meat in search of her mother's approval, but had instead done it with the simple motivation of annoying her sister. "How is everything else?"

"We went surfing today," Cassidy responded. "I was really good at it, but Caroline fell down a lot."

"I did not!" Caroline defended herself. "You kept pushing me off."

"No I didn't!" Cassidy riposted.

"Girls," Miranda warned. "I refuse to spend this time hearing you two bicker."

"Sorry Mommy." They both replied.

"How are you doing?" Caroline asked. "We read about the divorce," she mumbled.

Things had been finalized a long time ago. It had just taken a while for all the dotted lines to be properly signed. "I am doing quite well."

"Rayne said you eat men's souls, and that's why Stephen left," Cassidy rushed out, her words barely understandable.

"Shut up!" Miranda heard Caroline yell and something that sounded a lot like a slap.

"Caroline."

"What?"

"Apologize to your sister for hitting her."

"But..."

"Now."

Miranda could hear Caroline offer Cassidy an insincere apology. "Now," she cleared her throat. "Rayne does not know what she is talking about." And if she continued to talk to her girls about things she knew nothing about Miranda would see to it that Rayne would lose her ability to speak at all.

"We want to come home," Cassidy pleaded.

The pit of anxiety had not faded as she spoke to her daughters. She was convinced that they were doing well, and were not in any immediate danger, but that was no guarantee that their safety would carry on throughout the day. "If you still want to leave when you wake up in the morning then I will speak with your father about you coming home early."

And because her girls thought she controlled the universe, they cheered as if they were guaranteed tickets on the next plane heading towards New York. There was a knock in the background and then Miranda heard her ex-husband's voice telling Caroline and Cassidy that they should be in bed.

"But we're talking to Mom," Cassidy explained. "She wanted to talk to us before she did anything else."

Their father replied, but Miranda couldn't clearly hear what it was he said. Although, it did sound something like, 'isn't it four in the morning there?'.

"Your father is right," Miranda interrupted any protests her daughters could offer their father. "You should be sleeping."

"But Mommy..." Cassidy began, but Miranda would not let her finish.

"I need to get ready for work. My love to you both."

"Love you!" Her girls yelled. She hung up, satisfied with their conversation. She then made her way back to her bathroom and picked up her forgotten clothes along the way. She began readying herself for her day knowing that any chance she had at sleeping had already passed her by.

She took another shower, this one much less intense than the one she had taken a few hours prior. She had just finished getting dressed when she heard her phone ring a little after five. She almost assumed she was hearing things since she had already talked to her girls and they would be the only ones calling this early. She looked down at the caller ID and laughed aloud when she saw Andrea's name appear; her girls were no longer the only ones that dared take such personal liberties.

When she answered the phone, Miranda made sure to make herself sound properly put out, and she made sure to hang up abruptly without any useless lingering over goodbyes. Miranda had even feigned a yawn. It wouldn't do for Andrea to know that she was wide awake after a restless night. Andrea might get the wrong idea and assume that the reason Miranda hadn't slept had something to do with her. Andrea wouldn't know that Miranda often didn't sleep well, she would believe that she had in some way affected Miranda, and that simply was not the case.

Miranda now looked down at the phone that had offered a brief reprieve from the anxiety inside of her, and for some idiotic reason she wanted to pick it back up and dial Andrea's number. She wanted to say...things to Andrea that would somehow make Andrea's day okay again. She wanted to let Andrea know that the grief that accompanied the loss of a relationship didn't last forever, because Miranda suspected this was the first time Andrea had exited a relationship still loving the person she had been with, but hadn't loved enough to stay with.

Instead of taking the risk of saying anything, Miranda removed herself from the temptation. She left her bedroom, walked down to the first floor of her home, and again began focusing on the day ahead of her. She worked on the minute details of her job until Roy was outside of her home ready to take her into work.

She kept herself busy the entire day, creating more chaos inside of an already dynamic environment, and when others found that they couldn't keep up with her pace she criticized them for their incompetence. If she could get up at four in the morning after having slept only a few hours, and accomplish the amount of work she had then everyone else should be able to do something as simple as being able to adjust to a few simple changes on their schedules. Everyone was simply acting as if she had asked them to perform a task involving a needle and a haystack.

Emily was proving to be completely useless without a second assistant, and Nigel was having one of his fits again since she still absolutely refused to talk to him about Andrea's article. She had told him to take care of it, not to run to her with his questions. She already had enough distractions with the covert rumblings that were springing up about Irv and his broken ego. He was still trying to show her that he was in charge and that she was a dying breed. He failed to understand that she was not like the racehorse being ridden until it was no longer profitable, but instead she was like the gambler that bet their life savings on every race and, to her great fortune, she hadn't lost in a very long time.

Irv could, and would be replaced. Eventually, he would be forced to retire and would be supplanted by another man in a suit that had convinced a room dominated by greedy men that Irv no longer suited their purposes. Miranda had lived through the cyclical changes of the boardroom repeatedly unscathed. Above everything, Miranda was a survivor, and Irv, simply, was not. He was too scared to risk everything for the chance of being victorious. Miranda suspected Irv was a terrible poker player.

Miranda let the hours of the day tick by, and paid little attention to them. She worked until she felt she had accomplished enough to wipe away the weaknesses she had started to show. Miranda knew there was not a single person within _Runway_ that believed she was publishing Andrea's article on the merits of the work. They could not question the quality of it, but they knew that Miranda was granting someone a favor that did not rightfully deserve one. They expected cruelty but saw compassion instead. Rumors started filtering through their hedonistic pores and they made speculations that ranged from Miranda being near death to somehow having been blackmailed by a hideous secret Andrea had learned during her tenure at _Runway_.

Miranda did not leave work until the Book had been ready. She told Emily to forget about picking up the dry cleaning and returned home alone. Her phone rang as soon as she opened her front door. It was the girls' father, and she had to force herself to answer the phone.

"Hello."

"The girls said you were buying them tickets to come home early."

"I told them I would talk to you about it." The girls had called her as soon as they had woken up demanding she buy them tickets home. She had not outright refused their request.

"Well, I don't think they should leave yet."

She had loved the girls' father at one time, but at the moment she couldn't remember why. "They are obviously not enjoying themselves."

"They're not giving Rayne a chance, Miranda."

"Don't be ridiculous, the girls have simply realized what everyone else in the world except you have; Rayne is a sophomoric opportunist who loves you about as much as I do."

"Miranda, you should be careful about judging Rayne since the news of your third divorce is still selling papers."

Miranda remembered that she had chosen looks over personality when she had pursued a relationship with him. "If you consider the truth to be judgmental then so be it."

"I thought you weren't going to interfere, Miranda." His voice was getting louder. "We agreed you would give Rayne a chance."

Miranda made her way through the house, dropping the Book off in her study as she went. "I agreed to no such thing. I only said that I would not speak ill of her to the girls, and I have not done that. It is unfortunate that you cannot tell me Rayne has shown me the same respect."

"What are you talking about, Miranda?"

"Did you think I would not hear about her belittling me in front of my children? Did she honestly think she could win their favor by insulting me?"

"Miranda I..."

"No, no," she interrupted him. "I will not listen to your excuses. Say what you will about my parting with Stephen, but at least you know that while the girls were around him he wasn't cursing your name. You know I would not allow that."

"Miranda..."

She had heard enough from him. "It is time for Caroline and Cassidy to return home, Alain. Emily has already forwarded you their flight information." She ended the call, and then returned to the Book. Alain did not call back; her girls would be home by tomorrow evening.

Miranda carried on with her night, and even cooked herself something to eat, making a little extra telling herself it was just in case she got hungry later. She resisted her body's urge to rest as the night wore on, until she could no longer put up a fight. As she laid down onto her bed, she looked over at her phone and then to the clock on her nightstand. It was after one in the morning. Andrea had not shown up at her doorstep and she had not called. And Miranda told herself that Andrea's absence didn't affect her at all. Andrea, with her silly confessions and ridiculous apologies, could not affect her. Miranda was a grown woman who had no time to pay any attention to her dreams.


	10. Aquarius

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Aquarius**

Andy fell asleep on top of the covers of her bed, so it was no surprise that she woke up atop of them as well. What surprised Andy upon waking, was that of everything that had happened to her, between the long night of internal and external criminations and the early morning heartache, all she could clearly remember without the fuzzy interference of her pained heart, was looking into Miranda's eyes before she leant down to kiss her. That was the only moment that was shockingly vivid, everything else blended together leaving her with doubt that any of it had really happened.

Had she really just ended the longest lasting relationship she had ever had? Had she really gone to Miranda's home in seek of comfort from someone who was not known for her compassion? Had she really called Miranda at five in the morning, and was it Miranda that had really answered?

Andy's mind was slowly beginning to glue together the pieces that had ultimately resulted in her falling asleep on the covers of her bed in the clothes she had gone out in. She rubbed at her eyes and pulled her hands away with the salt that was left over from her tears stuck to her fingertips. She brushed the small crystals off of the ends her fingers and her eyes lost sight of them before they made it to her floor.

Slowly, Andy sat up, and then took a look down at her body. If she looked past her wrinkled clothes ignored the slightly offensive odor, and dismissed the slight discomfort she felt every time she blinked her eyes, then Andy had plenty of room to say that she didn't feel really like anything about her had changed. She hadn't grown a third eye in her sleep or a dangling superfluous appendage. She still had all of her fingers and toes. None of her teeth had fallen out.

Nothing had changed, even though, in a way, everything had. Everything was different now that she accepted something about herself that she had pushed away for far too long. Everything had changed because she had spoken out and changed them.

She had gone back to Miranda. She had quit her job. She had written an article good enough for Miranda's _Runway_. She had broken up with Nate. She had deconstructed her life, and it was too soon for her to try to grasp onto all the consequences that were going to be knocking on her door.

Andy looked over at the alarm clock resting on the nightstand next to her. It was after two in the afternoon. The day had inconsiderately continued on while she was suffering through a dreamless sleep. Andy tried to remember what day it was, since the last few seemed to have glued themselves together without her realizing it.

She remembered that she had reported to Miranda early on Monday morning like she had told Miranda she would. Monday ran into a Tuesday morning full of writing, and if she counted on her fingers correctly then today was only Wednesday. It had only taken the better part of two days for her to alter her entire life's course.

The idea would have freaked her out if she hadn't already been experienced in the art of making her life take a sharp left turn. She had done it when she told her parents she wasn't going to stay in Ohio. She had done it when she had gone on her first date with another woman. She had done it when she decided not to go to law school after she had nearly killed herself studying for her Law School Admission Test so that she could get a high enough score to attend Stanford. She was experienced in the sharp left turns; she just was never really prepared for them.

Andy threw her legs over the side of her bed, and then forced herself to stand up. She shuffled around her room, gathering bits of clean clothing until she had enough items to cover her body with. Then, she made her way to her bathroom, threw her fresh clothes on the floor, twisted the knob for her shower to start spewing water and then stepped under the flow not caring how hot or cold the water would be when she entered it.

She washed off her body, and washed her hair not paying careful attention to either task. She stepped out of the shower when she felt clean enough, and then got dressed in the clothes she had thrown on the floor. She walked out to her kitchen and stood in front of her closed refrigerator trying to decide if she really wanted to try and eat. Her stomach had been sending her brain traces of hunger pains but they had always been quickly followed by extreme nausea. Eating would be a risk, and she wasn't fully convinced the risk was worth it.

Before she could make a firm decision about food, someone was knocking at her door and she had something else to debate. She didn't want company. She didn't want to talk to anyone, and she suspected that of all the people in the world that could be knocking on her door, it wouldn't be a representative from a winery asking her to sample their fine wines. It was probably Lily, Nate or Doug wanting to converse about the things she couldn't yet clearly remember.

"Andy!" It was Lily. "I know you're in there!"

Andy looked around her small apartment, hoping to find someplace she could hide, but her only viable option would be to lock herself in the bathroom and she really didn't want to do that. She hadn't locked herself in the bathroom since she was caught reading her older cousin's diary. Her cousin had threatened her with disembowelment, and at the time Andy thought her cousin was capable of it. She suspected that Lily might be capable of it as well.

"Shit," Andy muttered and then walked over to her door so that she could open it.

"What the hell is going on with you, Andy?" Lily forced her way into the apartment before Andy had fully opened the door. "Did you really break up with Nate?"

Andy ignored her friend and instead looked at the younger woman still standing outside of her apartment. "Hi." she forced a smile. "Long time. How are things?"

"Hey," the other woman waved awkwardly. "Things are good, but I feel the need to apologize ahead of time for my cousin. We were on our way to get some lunch when Nate called her."

"I see." Andy looked over her shoulder at Lily who was impatiently watching them. "I didn't know you were in town." Andy stepped away from her door to let Lily's cousin in. The last time she had seen Aquarius was over a year ago when the younger woman was staying with Lily while scoping out colleges. Lily had wanted her cousin to move in with her since she swore she was going to be the greatest artist of their time, but Aquarius hadn't taken her cousin up on the deal. Andy would never forget the month long diatribe Lily went on when Aquarius had decided to major in environmental science.

"Yeah." Aquarius stepped into the apartment and was even kind enough to shut the door behind her. "Lil wanted me to come hang out since Nate is...was in town and all."

"Did you break up with Nate?" Lily asked again.

Andy turned to her friend. "Lily, we broke up with each other."

"I can't believe this, Andy." Lily rubbed her forehead. "Did you know Nate bought you an engagement ring? He was going to propose to you this weekend. That's why he took all that time off of work and everything. Doug and I were planning a surprise party and your parents were going to fly in!"

Andy refused to have any reaction to Lily's news. She only turned back to Aquarius. "I guess that's the real reason why you're here."

Aquarius shrugged. "I wasn't going to say anything." She coughed a couple of times and then uncomfortably looked around the apartment. "I'm going to go and find your bathroom."

"Andy!" Lily tore Andy's attention away from the retreating Aquarius. "What were you thinking?"

Andy was too tired to try and argue with someone who always took Nate's side. "Lily, I really think you should leave."

"What?"

"I'm not going to talk to you about this." Andy kept her voice even. "At least not now."

"Andy, I just want to know what's going on with you," Lily's voice lowered. "I'm worried."

"I know, but I'm not going to explain myself to you, and if that," Andy released a heavy sigh. "If that makes you angry then I'm sorry, but I don't need your shit right now."

Lily's eyes widened and she opened her mouth, but Aquarius came back into the room and hurried over to her cousin before Lily could say anything. "Just walk away," Aquarius told Lily. "Give her some time."

"I can't believe this," Lily said angrily. "Who are you people?" She muttered before she stormed out of the apartment leaving Aquarius behind.

Aquarius turned to Andy with a small smile on her face. "You know, sometimes I wonder if Lil really is my cousin. So, I guess that makes us even."

Andy laughed even though she hadn't found what Aquarius said all that funny. "I'm sorry she's angry at you, too."

Aquarius waved away Andy's apology. "Don't worry about it. Lily's usually angry at me. I think she fears change, but I think you might know her better than I do."

Over sixteen years worth of friendship had brought Andy and Lily closer together than they were with many members of their own families. Although at the moment, Andy didn't see Lily honoring those years of friendship at all. "I'm not sure I really know her anymore."

"Yeah," Aquarius looked around again and eventually focused her hazel eyes on Andy. "Look, I'm not sure really what to say...about all of this, but you've always kind of been like an older...cousin-type-person to me and I feel obligated to say something beyond 'this sucks'. So, all I've got for you is that I'm sorry, and if what happened between you and Nate was for the best, then I'm happy you did what you had to."

Andy silently laughed, and then suddenly remembered what Lily had been telling her. "Was there really a party planned?"

Aquarius scratched at her shoulder. "I didn't come down from Cornell just to see Lily."

"And my parents?"

"Have not yet been given an update on what's going on."

"Shit." Andy started to feel panic and anger rise up inside of her. She couldn't believe Lily and Doug would do something like this without talking to her about it first. "Did they think it was even a possibility that I would say 'no'?"

Aquarius winced. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Look, I'll give everyone that I know Lily invited a call, and I'll tell them that things...didn't work out. You can just go ahead and lay back down and rest or something."

"Aquarius, you don't..."

"Look, Andy," Aquarius interrupted, "Lily isn't here doing what she oughta, so I'm going to do it. Just go lay down."

Andy thought about protesting again, but she really didn't want to. She thanked Aquarius and then walked back to her bedroom. She reached out to close her bedroom door behind her, but hesitated since she didn't want to seem rude. Aquarius watched her, nodded once and then walked out of Andy's view. A couple of moments later, she could hear Aquarius on the phone telling someone that the party was off and if they wanted the details as to why then they'd have to submit their questions in writing.

Andy went ahead and shut her door, and then fell on top of her bed. She curled up her body and closed her eyes. She still felt disconnected from the events that had been happening. None of it had started to feel real yet. Andy imagined that perhaps she was inside of a dream, and her dream self had somehow managed to jump into living life with her friends. Maybe Nate had proposed and maybe her dream self would have said yes. Andy had imagined what marrying Nate would be like, but for some reason her imagination could never go far beyond the honeymoon. That's how she had known she wasn't ready for marriage. She could only ever imagine her wedding and could never really imagine being married.

Andy listened to Aquarius's muffled voice speaking on the phone talking to whomever about Andy's private life. To Aquarius's credit, she was limiting the details down to the simple fact that there would be no party. Andy heard at least three one-sided conversations before she fell asleep.

Aquarius woke her up with the temptation of food. She had ordered Chinese food and brought Andy a plate. She sat the plate down next to Andy and then she retrieved her own plate and sat down on the opposite end of Andy's bed. They ate while silently staring at each other. When Aquarius had finished eating, she sat her plate on the floor and then turned back to look at Andy.

"Is something wrong with my face?" Andy asked as she started to grow uncomfortable with Aquarius's stare.

Aquarius shook her head. "No. I was just debating whether or not I should tell you that Nate told Lily that you fell in love with some person named Miranda Priestly."

Andy's eyes widened. "He said what?"

"Lily called me and told me about it while you were sleeping. I told her it was none of my business so she's still pissed off at me."

"I can't believe he told her that." Andy laid her plate down beside her.

"Lily probably pushed him into it," Aquarius reasoned. "You know how she can be."

"That's not the point! I'm not," Andy hesitated. "It's just no one's business."

Aquarius looked down at her fingernails. "You know, Lily seemed pretty pissed that you'd be uh…have feelings for Miranda Priestly. I don't know who Miranda is, but you know if you want to talk about anything I'll listen."

Andy opened her mouth to say something, but immediately shut it. She didn't really know Aquarius all that well. She had only ever hung out with her when Lily was around. If she told Aquarius about Miranda it would almost be like confessing everything to a stranger, but Andy wasn't in the mood to confess anything. "I'm sorry; I just don't feel like talking about it."

"No worries," Aquarius smirked. "So, I guess that means I have to keep the conversation going." She rolled her shoulders. "I can do that."

"You don't have to." Andy honestly appreciated everything Lily's cousin had done for her, but she felt like being alone. She just didn't have the heart to kick Aquarius out, and she suspected that since Aquarius was probably staying with Lily, Aquarius didn't have anyplace else to go.

"Look, I've got a lot of time on my hands right now, so let me do this. I'll talk you back to sleep with my boringness."

Andy laughed. "Okay."

"Alright, so…" Aquarius rubbed her hands together. "I was born in December…"

Andy laughed again. "You're seriously starting out with the story of your birth?"

"Yeah, like I said," Aquarius smiled, "you'll be asleep again in no time. So you might want to get comfortable."

"Okay." Andy leaned backed down on her bed, doing her best to muffle the laughter that was forcing its way out.

"Okay, so I was born in December and my mom was really into astrology, so she decided to name me after my astrological sign."

"But your name is Aquarius," Andy interrupted.

"I know. You see, my mom was really into astrology, she was just really bad at it."

"Lily told me your mom named you Aquarius because she gave birth to you underwater."

"That's the version of the story my mom likes to tell people, either way I'm just glad my name isn't Sagittarius. Aquarius is hard enough. Not that many people call me by my full name. Everyone calls me Ri."

"Do you want me to start calling you that?" Andy closed her eyes.

"No, that'd be weird. You've always called me Aquarius. If you started calling me something else I might think you've forgotten my name."

Aquarius continued to talk and moved on to a story about her first day at school. Andy continued to listen, and somewhere between Aquarius telling her about learning to fish and getting lost on a nature trail, Andy started to feel better. She opened her eyes again and looked over at her clock. It was past three in the morning. Aquarius had been talking to her for over six hours.

"…so that's how I discovered you couldn't put aluminum foil in the microwave."

"Hey, Aquarius," Andy cut in before her guest could say anything else. "It's okay if you stop talking now. I feel better."

"Thank God." Aquarius relaxed her body and she dropped her upper body over the edge of the bed. "I'm going to be mute tomorrow."

Andy sat up. "Thank you."

Aquarius raised her torso from over the edge. "You're welcome."

Andy looked down at her lap. "How did you know that would make me feel better?"

Aquarius shrugged. "I didn't, not really. But right after my dad died, all I wanted to do was keep myself locked in my room. Lily came over and sat at the edge of my bed and just kept talking to me, and eventually hearing her voice made me feel better. It didn't make me feel okay, but I felt better. So, I figured that loss is loss, right? You lost someone important to you so it might help to hear someone else's voice for a while instead of the one inside of your head telling you everything you did wrong, or could have done differently, or…whatever."

Andy reached out and placed her hand on Aquarius's knee. "Thanks."

"Hey, I'm just doing what Lily should have." Aquarius's hand moved to cover Andy's. "She'll figure out she's been an ass." She laughed. "She usually does."

Aquarius slowly stretched out and released a wide yawn. "You should get some sleep," Andy suggested. "I'll even let you use the bed since I'm not sure the couch is good for sleeping."

"I'll risk the couch." Aquarius got up off the bed. "I'm used to roughing it. You should give that Miranda person a call."

Andy's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"Well, I'm guessing since you love her and all, and that's at least part of the reason you broke up with Nate, then she might care for you back a little." Aquarius scratched at her arm.

"What?"

"All I'm saying is she's probably worried about you."

Andy snorted. "You really don't know Miranda."

"No, I don't," Aquarius conceded. "But you should still call her."

"Miranda would murder me if I called her this late for no reason."

"Okay." Aquarius walked towards the door. She looked over her shoulder and said, "My dad used to always say that it's better to get in trouble for doing something then to get in trouble for not doing anything. So, you might as well just do something to get in trouble for."

Andy smirked. "Your parents seem very odd."

Aquarius laughed. "Well, I thought you already knew that. You've met my extended family." She walked out of Andy's room and closed the door behind her.

Andy looked back at her clock and then over to her phone. She shook her head and laughed, not believing that she was actually considering what Aquarius had said. Calling Miranda was a bad idea. She knew it was a bad idea, but for some reason that didn't stop her from picking up the phone and dialing Miranda's number, because the only thing she still vividly remembered was Miranda's blue eyes.


	11. Living Seconds

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Living Seconds **

For Miranda Priestly, life didn't exist day-by-day. It occurred in the seconds that coalesced into a construct of her waking existence. The seconds added up to the minutes, the minutes into hours, and the hours into the days and so on. So, when everything came together and the present quickly became the past, sometimes all Miranda could come up with is to silently ask herself, 'what the hell was I thinking?'.

The phone had woken her up at exactly 3:07AM, and even though her caller ID only identified the number displayed as "Unknown", she knew who was calling her. It was a number she had dialed enough, thought of dialing enough, that only an early quick acting onset of Alzheimer's or amnesia could make her forget it.

There were only two seconds between the rings. In the first two seconds she had already imagined picking up the phone. Her curiosity pushed her to answer, but her pride held her back. It wouldn't let her fall to the beck and call of anyone.

Two more seconds passed. Miranda's curiosity turned from docile wonderings into vicious musings involving hospitals, ambulances, and the worst acts committed by the inhumane. Three o'clock phone calls weren't often made for idle chit chats about the weather.

Two more seconds. Miranda's hand reached out for the phone and made contact. She weighed the consequences of her possible actions, and then she decided which regret she could best reconcile herself with.

"What is it you want, Andrea?"

"Miranda?" Andrea sounded surprised.

"Did you forget which number you were dialing?" Miranda refused to make this any easier for Andrea than she already had. "Who did you expect to answer? God?"

"No, I um… You know what? I'm sorry; I don't know what I'm doing. I should just go I'm…"

"Do not hang up," Miranda interrupted. "Don't you dare hang up. You made a decision to call me; don't back out now." She had committed to this conversation when she had picked up the phone and she damn well expected Andrea to do the same. "So, Andrea, what is it you want?"

"I…I…"

"Your impulsivity, while an asset, can also be a great detriment to you." Miranda sat up in her bed, embracing a role she was more familiar with than Andrea could possibly understand. Andrea had no way of knowing that Miranda had plenty of individuals always secretly lining up to seek out her guidance.

Everyone had always respected Miranda for her blunt honesty, but for some reason thought they were exempt from her ambition. They ignorantly divulged their secrets and always had the audacity to be surprised when Miranda used their words against them. They always remembered her betrayal, and always seemed to forget that her guidance had also pushed them towards success. Nigel was one of the few that bothered to remember her kindness over the harshness of her betrayal.

"You only partially commit to your decisions," Miranda continued on when Andrea's silence stretched out past her threshold of patience. "You left _Runway_ because you couldn't commit to your own ambition, and then returned to your life with the same lack of commitment. You are an adult now, Andrea; it is well past time you start accepting the full responsibility for who you are and what you want."

"And if I do that?" Andrea managed to ask. "Then what? I end up like you without real friends and alone."

Miranda pursed her lips. "Do not assume that you know me, Andrea."

"Well, don't assume that you know me either!"

"I do know you," Miranda hissed. "I used to be you." Miranda quickly reminded herself that she had answered the phone with the intent of denying any regrets that might form from whatever type of conversation that might come to pass. "Do you honestly think I just woke up one morning and was 'Miranda Priestly the Dragon Lady, Snow Queen'?"

"I don't want that, Miranda," Andrea weakly defended herself. "When I wake up in the morning twenty years from now, I still want to see Andrea Sachs."

Miranda waved Andrea's words away. "That is simply impossible. No one wakes up twenty years in the future and sees the exact same person they used to be. No matter what choices we make, Andrea, we will always see a stranger looking back at us in the mirror."

"I can't accept that," Andrea said so softly that Miranda had hardly heard her. "I want to be happy."

Miranda rested her forehead in her hand. "Happiness is not impossible." She closed her eyes. "I believe you can have that."

Miranda heard Andrea's breath hitch. "But you're not happy."

"Because I'm bad at it." Miranda knew she would regret admitting that, but she knew Andrea was worse off thinking that she would somehow evolve into a carbon copy of Miranda Priestly. Miranda believed that Andrea could find happiness, and she believed Andrea would be strong enough to hold onto it.

"You're bad at being happy?" Andrea sounded confused.

"No," Miranda whispered. "I'm bad at recognizing it, and don't know how to keep it."

"Oh…"

"Yes," Miranda laughed softly. "Oh."

Hey, Miranda?" Andrea eventually filled in the silence Miranda no longer felt like filling with her personal confessions. "I know I asked before and I know you didn't take me seriously and I'm not sure I was really serious when I asked, but will you have lunch with me? Today?"

Miranda killed the immediate refusal that her lips were forming. "Why would you ever want to do a thing like that?" If she couldn't say no, she wasn't going to just agree without trying to put up a fight.

"Because," Andrea cleared her throat, "I think I actually want you to be my friend."

The bark of laughter that escaped couldn't have been held back even if she had known it was coming. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I think so," Andrea replied through her own laughter. "But," her laughter quieted, "I still want to have lunch with you."

Miranda closed her eyes as she shook her head. "I refuse to meet with you at McDonalds."

"Oh, I only go there on Mondays," Andrea's voice was shaking slightly. "We can eat at that place I ate that one time where I enjoyed that dish I ordered."

This time Miranda held back her laughter, but she didn't bother to try and stop her smile. She understood Andrea's joke and she also understood that Andrea was taking a huge risk in making it. Not many people had the mettle it took to try and joke with her about the vague orders she often gave to her assistants. Many people just assumed she had no sense of humor and was viciously obtuse for no reason except to humiliate others. Andrea had been one of the few that had eventually realized that seeing the details, being observant of everyone and everything was more important than any other lesson Miranda could give.

"Fine, I'll meet you there at twelve-fifteen."

Miranda hung up the phone before Andrea had a chance to reply. She would let Andrea get away with the attempt at humor, but she would have the last laugh. Now, Andrea would have to figure out where to be at noon. Sometimes, Miranda did take a certain amount of joy away from her nebulous directions. It was oftentimes amusing to watch so many people running around trying to figure out exactly what it was she wanted, complicating things that were terribly simple.

One of her own mentors had used this method on her, and Miranda remembered how Margaret had always had a bit of a smirk on her face as she carefully watched Miranda run around trying to fulfill requests that should have been relatively straightforward. Miranda would see Margaret's smirk and on more than one occasion would silently wish that her boss died a slow and painful death.

Margaret would look right back at her, smirk still in place as if she could read Miranda's spiteful desires. She never said anything to Miranda about it until the last day Miranda worked for her. She asked Miranda to sit down and after letting Miranda sit for a full minute said, "I know you hate me and are more than ready to walk out those front doors without a single glance back. You just want to forget everything about your experiences here, but I see more potential in you than I've ever seen so I'm going to share something with you before you leave." Margaret then leaned forward and captured Miranda's eyes, refusing to let them go. "You think you've learned nothing from me, but let me ask you this: when's the last time you couldn't do something I asked of you?"

Miranda had narrowed her eyes, not at all sure what any of this had to do with her collecting her last check. "I don't know," she had flippantly answered.

"No Miranda," Margaret had shaken her head. "You do know. You recognize more details in this visual world than you could before. That skill will get you further in life than anything else. Don't waste it, because I'd like to live long enough to see a woman like you change the world. You're going to be a pioneer, Miranda, and pioneers need to see and hear everything because too many people are going to try and destroy you just because of who and what you are."

Margaret had then handed over Miranda's last check and wished Miranda luck. Miranda had left Margaret not at all understanding what her boss had meant, but it didn't take very long for her to learn. After Miranda had been told to shut up and to just sit and look pretty for what seemed the hundredth time, she went back to Margaret for help. Margaret had given what advice she could, but she would often let Miranda learn her own sometimes difficult lessons. The years went by and Miranda's professional success exceeded everyone's expectations except her own and Margaret's.

Margaret had died before Miranda had taken up her role at _Runway_, but as Miranda had sat down at the dinner given in honor of her new position, she made a point to silently toast the woman who had helped get her there. She still sent flowers to Margaret's grave and would until her own death.

Miranda laid back and closed her eyes. She wondered if Andrea would one day look at her as Miranda had looked upon Margaret. Would she see a mentor, a person she respected above many others? Andrea had said that she wanted to be friends. Miranda had never asked Margaret to be her friend. She had never considered it, although she was positive that somehow along the way they had become more than acquaintances.

Part of Miranda was irritated that she couldn't immediately decipher all of Andrea's motives. The writer was being unpredictable and that made Miranda become unpredictable in return. She was unsure she could realistically attempt to be Andrea's friend. Miranda had always been more apt at making enemies than she was at making friends. She suspected for Andrea it was the exact opposite. She imagined that Andrea was surrounded by a large group of friends that weren't secretly planning to stab her in the back.

It was nearing four in the morning and Miranda knew she couldn't go two nights without any sleep. Her girls were returning and many things needed to get taken care of. So, Miranda pushed away her questions about Andrea and forced her body to relax. She would rearrange her entire schedule so that she could meet Andrea for lunch. Andrea was obviously not the only one that had lost her mind.

* * *

Miranda walked into her office early, causing many who walked along _Runway_'s halls to cower away. Everyone assumed Miranda was terribly unhappy with the latest from the Sephora shoot, and she would have been if she had seen the catastrophe it had become. The true reason why she had come in early was so that she could keep her lunch with Andrea on her schedule. Even after she found out about the incompetence of those individuals she had trusted with the shoot, she still kept her plans to meet with Andrea.

Even if the lunch with Andrea turned out to be the worst decision she ever made, Miranda would consider the effort she was making worth it just from the look Emily had given her when she told her first assistant to call Andrea and confirm their lunch meeting at that place she ate that had the flowers in front. Emily had choked on her own spit and was on the verge of actually asking Miranda a question, but managed to contain herself. She shouldn't have been too surprised by Miranda's request. After all, Andrea was a contributing writer for _Runway_, and it wasn't unheard of for Miranda to have lunch meetings with those involved with the magazine. It was quite common actually; it just wasn't common for her to make former assistants contributing writers.

Miranda made sure to arrive at the restaurant early, and was pleasantly surprised to see Andrea already waiting outside for her. She walked up to Andrea, refusing to allow the moment to turn awkward. "I assume you were talking about this place?"

Andrea looked confused but understanding lit up her eyes within moments. "Actually," she smiled, "I was talking about McDonalds but this will do, too."

Miranda rolled her eyes and then continued on in. They were immediately seated and it didn't take long for Miranda to realize that Andrea's slightly glassy eyed look was probably due to alcohol consumption. "Andrea, have you been drinking?"

Andrea shook her head, "No. I mean yes." Her eyes lifted up away from the menu.

"Why?"

Andrea blinked a couple of times. "Why what?"

Miranda only lifted an eyebrow. She refused to repeat herself.

"Oh." Andrea dropped her menu. "I wanted to make sure I showed up."

"Really?" Miranda refused to smile. "Aren't you the one that invited me out to lunch?"

"Aquarius said it was a bad idea, but Miranda you honestly scare the hell out of me and when I asked I didn't really expect you to say yes."

"Aquarius?" Miranda would think there was no longer any hope for Andrea if she asked phantom astrological signs for advice.

"Lily's cousin. She's in town for my engagement party." Andrea's attention went back to her menu.

Miranda sighed. "Your engagement party?"

Andrea nodded. "Nate was going to propose and Lily and Doug decided to throw an engagement party for us before I even said yes. I think my parents are arriving for it tonight."

Miranda looked at Andrea, weighing the benefits of continuing this line of conversation and quickly came to a decision. "The girls are coming home tonight as well. I recommend you get the pasta."

Andrea laughed. "You know, I was hoping you would say something like that. I really don't want to talk about how my personal life is falling to pieces."

"I understand." And Miranda did understand. She understood what was happening better than Andrea did, and had already shared so much about her personal life that morning that she felt no need to expose herself further.

They ordered their meals and talked about very little. Miranda mentioned the Sephora fiasco and Andrea talked about getting another job to keep her afloat while she tried making a living as a freelance writer. Nothing new was confessed and nothing was going to be.

When all was said and done, lunch had been…not unpleasant. It wasn't exactly companionable and Andrea had been stubbornly insistent on paying for the lunch even though they both knew she couldn't afford it, but as Miranda made her way back to _Runway_ she realized that perhaps one day she could consider Andrea a friend, and that realization scared her.

She knew her feelings towards Andrea had somehow veered away from indifference, and she accepted that. She could handle that. She was well-versed in denying her desire, but she was terrible at denying general affection since she felt it so infrequently. Miranda was beginning to genuinely enjoy Andrea's company. She was starting to look at Andrea and see someone she cared for, not just loved.

Miranda knew that her life happened in the seconds. She had given into her emotions for Andrea the second she had decided to answer her door when Andrea had first come back. All those seconds added together had equaled Andrea becoming a part of her life. The days had run together and now she was helpless to control something she had given into the second she had opened her door.

"What the hell was I thinking?" Miranda softly asked herself, not caring if Roy heard her or not.

She didn't bother to answer, because she knew she hadn't been. She knew she hadn't wanted to, and that she hadn't even tried, and that she wouldn't try to think about any of it now. Miranda had to focus on her work. Her girls were coming home. She couldn't be bothered to figure out what the beginnings of happiness felt like.


	12. Vulnerably Dangerous

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Vulnerably Dangerous**

Andy stood silently and watched as Miranda's car faded into traffic. She, Andy Sachs, had just had lunch with Miranda Priestly. She felt as if she was having an out of body experience. Miranda had been cordial and borderline friendly. It was almost as if Miranda was actually entertaining the idea of them becoming friends.

It all just seemed so impossibly unrealistic, and Andy had no idea how she should react. She had never considered what it would mean to be friends with Miranda. She wasn't even sure she wanted to be friends with Miranda, all she knew was that she wanted Miranda in her life because it felt...good to have Miranda around, even though Miranda made her hands sweat and made her want to fidget like a preschooler being asked to sit still.

Andy hadn't been lying when she had confessed to Miranda that she was scared of her. She never knew how Miranda would respond to something she said or did or wore. Miranda's blue eyes would turn to her and convey an entire paragraph of words even though her mouth never moved. Andy thought that it was a neat trick to watch, as long as Miranda's eyes no longer looked at her, because Andy didn't know how to handle the force of Miranda's glare now. Before, she would just do her best to not say anything stupid and would make a point to keep her eyes open and focused on Miranda.

Now, she was afraid that if she met Miranda's eyes for just a fraction too long then Miranda would see that Andy had somehow fallen in...to some kind of infatuation with her and she couldn't even imagine what Miranda's reaction to that would be. Although, Andy now realized that Miranda's reaction might surprise her. Miranda had certainly thrown her off kilter when she accepted the lunch invitation.

As soon as Andy had hung up the phone earlier that morning, she started hyperventilating and Aquarius had spent the better part of an hour trying to calm her down. Miranda had not only answered the phone, she had forced Andy to carry out a conversation about personal identity and happiness, and had for some obscure reason accepted a lunch invitation. Andy thought her reaction was appropriate since it had definitely been a freak out worthy moment.

Aquarius hadn't known what was going on, she still had no idea who Miranda even was, but she stayed by Andy's side reminding her that having lunch didn't have to mean anything more than eating food and talking about the weather.

"So." Aquarius's voice made Andy jump. "That was Miranda Priestly."

Andy's eyes broke away from the streets. "Yeah, that's Miranda."

Aquarius had agreed to ignore the no loitering signs and hung out waiting for Andy to finish lunch since Andy hadn't wanted to be left alone. She had passed the time by asking the manager about job openings and did her best to remain out of Miranda's line of sight. "She's...not what I expected."

"What were you expecting?"

Aquarius shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe twenty years younger, a little more approachable, and taller."

Andy smirked. "Taller?"

"Yeah, I mean every time someone says her name they say it like they're talking about someone ten feet tall. It's almost like her name should have a 'the' in front of it like: The Grand Canyon, it should be The Miranda Priestly."

"God," Andy laughed, "don't let Miranda hear you say that."

Aquarius scrunched up her brow. "When would I get a chance to say anything to her? I'm not the one who's playing the 'let's be friends' card so that I can get closer to her naked body."

"Aquarius!" Andy took a quick look around them, trying to see if anyone was paying attention to what was being said.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line," Aquarius softly apologized. "I shouldn't be talking about your girlfriend's naked body. That's disrespectful."

Andy's mouth fell open. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Well, I'm sure there's a part of me that can't believe that I said that either. So," Aquarius clapped her hands together, "when is your next friendly date?"

Andy shook her head. "This wasn't a date."

"Hey, whatever. I understand; I hyperventilate all the time before I go out and have lunch with my friends in a non-date-like capacity. " The small smile that had been covering Aquarius's face disappeared. "Just be careful okay, Andy?"

Andy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Now you're starting to sound like Lily."

"Good. Because I may not agree with how Lily is acting right now, but I'm not going to just dismiss the way she feels about this Miranda person."

"I'm not going to defend myself to you," Andy turned away from Aquarius.

Aquarius shoved her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. "Great, because I don't want you to defend yourself. All I'm sayin', and I'm only saying it because if I don't and you come back at me ten years from now asking me why I didn't say anything I can tell you that I did," she took a deep breath. "So, all I'm sayin' is that you should be careful because like two seconds ago you ended a relationship that lasted for, I don't know how many years, and granted, I know next to nothing about Miranda Priestly, but she looks dangerous and you look vulnerable." Her hands fell out of her pockets. "And I think it would probably be best if you were careful, because if you're not then you might lose any chance you have with the Cougar lady. So," her hand wiped at her face, "that's all I'm sayin'."

Andy stood blinking absently in front of Aquarius trying to translate the rush of words her friend's cousin had spoken. "Did you just call Miranda a Cougar?"

"Let me guess," Aquarius smiled. "I shouldn't let Miranda hear me say that either?"

Andy couldn't help but laugh. There was something about Aquarius that made Andy want to smile. Aquarius's hazel eyes didn't look at her like they were judging her. When Aquarius looked at her, Andy felt like Aquarius was just existing in the moment, never completely present but always engaged. She didn't remind Andy of Lily, not really. They didn't even look too physically similar. Aquarius was taller and skinnier, her skin was a shade lighter and her hair was longer. Lily had always said that Aquarius favored the sickeningly beautiful, talented, intelligent side of the family. Looking at Aquarius now, Andy had to agree with Lily. Aquarius wasn't like the geeky little kid Andy remembered that hardly spoke and always looked like she was trying to decipher the secrets to the universe inbetween the moments she blinked her eyes.

Aquarius hadn't grown up in Cincinnati with Lily and her. Aquarius's mother had moved them to Atlanta after Aquarius's father had died, so she wasn't around very often and, when she had been, Andy hadn't spent a lot of time with her. Even when Aquarius had shown up to look at colleges in New York, Andy hadn't hung out with her. She and Nate had just gotten their first apartment and Andy was busy trying to find a job. She had been too busy to notice the kind of person Aquarius had grown up to be. And now, Andy was starting to regret having never stopped to take notice of the cousin Lily had always been so proud of.

"Have you spoken to Lily?" Andy asked. She suddenly felt bad that Aquarius was following her around the city instead of spending time with Lily. She remembered that Aquarius's father had been Lily's favorite uncle, and that after his death Lily had become very overprotective of her cousin. She decided to take it as a good sign that Lily still trusted Andy enough to look after Aquarius, even though Aquarius was an adult and the only looking after she had needed was to be given a toothbrush and a clean t-shirt.

Aquarius nodded. "She's busy canceling the party."

"Is she still angry?"

"With me?" Aquarius pointed to herself. "Not so much. I think she's working her way into feeling remorse over the way she acted with you, though. She uh...offered to pick your parents up from the airport."

Despite knowing that there was going to be no engagement party, Andy's parents had decided to make the trip anyway. Andy hadn't talked to them, she let Aquarius make that phone call, but even if she had she was sure she couldn't have talked them out of coming. They were worried about her and wanted to make sure she was okay. Andy wasn't completely convinced that they weren't coming to talk her into rethinking her relationship with Nate.

They had always liked him, and Andy suspected they had been secretly relieved when she had started dating Nate. Her parents had been supportive of her previous relationship, but she knew they preferred she date men instead of women. They had never said it aloud, but Andy could just tell by the way they acted and the words they said that they rather she be with a man.

Andy sometimes wondered if Lily felt the same way her parents did, if that was the real reason Lily had always defended Nate even when Nate didn't need to be defended. Lily had always been open-minded, but she also had been raised in Ohio just like Andy had been. Neither of them had really been too exposed to gay or bisexual people growing up, and they hadn't ever really discussed Andy's own bisexuality. Lily had only ever said that she wanted Andy to be happy.

"Do you mind if I ask you something personal?" Andy asked.

Aquarius blew out a long breath. "Is this something I'm going to need to sit down for?"

"I don't know," Andy laughed softly. "I hope not."

"Okay." Aquarius nodded. "Then ask what you want."

"Does, does Lily have a...problem with my..." Andy rested her hand on her stomach. "Sexuality?"

Aquarius reached out and then rested her hand on Andy's shoulder. "That's something you need to talk to Lily about."

Andy's head bowed. "So that means she does."

"Hey," Aquarius's hand fell off of Andy's shoulder. "Lily loves you."

Andy raised her gaze and looked directly into Aquarius's eyes. "Do you have a problem with it?"

Aquarius held Andy's stare. "Does it really matter what I think?"

"I know..." Andy sighed. "I know it shouldn't."

"Let's head back to your place." Aquarius started walking. Once Andy caught up with her she looked over at her and started talking again. "You know my family, Andy. Our Faith is very important to us, and our Faith says the way you've chosen to live your life is a sin."

Andy stopped walking. "Are you serious?"

Aquarius turned around; she didn't look like she was making a joke. "I'm trying to explain something to you; so, please just listen, okay?"

"Fine." Andy began walking again and Aquarius joined her.

"If it makes you feel any better," Aquarius continued on after a few moments, "I don't believe that, but I do know that Lily does, at least a part of Lily does. I know that she wants you to be happy, but..." she shrugged helplessly.

"So, you don't have a problem with it?"

Aquarius shook her head. "No, I don't. I take after my mom in that way. She always butted heads with my dad's side of the family over religion and other...stuff."

"I um..." Andy cleared her throat. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah well," Aquarius rolled her eyes, "now you know why Mom never came with me to visit the family in Ohio, and why you've never met my stepfather or my baby sister."

"Oh my God." Andy's hand moved to cover her mouth. "I completely forgot you had a sister."

" Yeah, it's weird sometimes," Aquarius confessed. "I feel like I'm split in half. There's my mom's half and my dad's half and they never overlap, but since my mom raised me, I think I'm more like her than my dad; I just look more like my father."

They continued walking until Andy eventually asked, "So, why didn't you talk about any of this last night?"

"Because you didn't need to hear about it last night," Aquarius easily answered. "You didn't even really need to hear about it now, but since you asked about Lily..." She brushed her hand through her hair.

"Have you ever talked to Lily about the way you feel?"

"Have you?"

"Uh..." Andy dipped her head. "Okay, I see your point."

"Lily always told me she wanted me to talk to her about everything but..." Aquarius laughed softly. "She doesn't really want to know everything."

"So..." Andy playfully bumped Aquarius's shoulder. "What's something you can tell me that Lily doesn't want to know?"

Aquarius stopped walking. "I'm gay."

Andy stumbled to a stop. "What?"

"Lily knows, she just never wants to talk to me about it. She's not completely comfortable with it." Aquarius's hands found their way back to her pockets. "She wants me to be happy, but she doesn't want to know about my...personal life."

"Oh." Andy didn't know what to say. Lily had never talked to her about any of this before.

Aquarius pulled her right hand out of her pocket so she could look at her watch. "We need to get to your apartment."

"Why?"

Aquarius bit at her bottom lip. "Well, your parents are probably on their way there."

"What?"

"Do you remember that conversation we were having before you asked me if my cousin was a homophobe?"

Andy dropped her head into her hands. "Lily picked up my parents."

"I didn't want to interrupt your lunch with Miranda," Aquarius explained. "It seemed like something you needed to do, and I trust Lily to pick up your parents from the airport."

"Did you tell Lily I was at lunch with Miranda?" Andy didn't bother to look up. She had started to feel better about her life after having lunch with Miranda and the conversation with Aquarius that followed, but the dread was now coming back.

"No, I told her that we were out having lunch. Like I said," Aquarius put her free hand back into her pocket, "there's some things my cousin doesn't want to know."

"I thought my parents were coming in this evening?"

"They were worried about you; they got an earlier flight."

Andy turned and started back towards her apartment. She knew she shouldn't be angry at Aquarius for not saying anything sooner, but she wanted to be angry at someone and she was too stubborn to be angry at herself. She wouldn't have known what to do if Aquarius had interrupted her lunch with Miranda to tell her that Lily was on the way to the airport. She didn't know what Miranda would have done, and Aquarius was right; Andy needed that uninterrupted time with Miranda.

She needed to hear about Miranda's dissatisfaction with the Sephora shoot, and she needed to talk to Miranda about her tentative plans to find another job since she had quit _The New York Mirror_ without really thinking about anything else. No matter how abnormal having lunch with Miranda had been, Miranda's presence had felt...normal, and that had been something important; it was something Andy had needed and Aquarius had recognized and respected that.

Andy then realized, that she owed Aquarius an apology. She owed Aquarius a lot more than an apology, but she could a least start out with saying, "I'm sorry, Aquarius. I'm not really angry with you."

"I know," Aquarius softly replied. "Just don't make a habit of taking your anger out on me."

"Okay," Andy forced herself to smile. "I won't."

* * *

Andy walked up to her apartment, not completely surprised that her parents and Lily were waiting for her outside of her door. As soon as she stepped into the hallway, they all turned to look at her. She wanted to turn around and start walking the opposite direction, but the hand Aquarius placed on the small of her back stopped her from running away.

So instead of turning to retreat, she smiled awkwardly and when she reached her door she fumbled with her keys and eventually got the door unlocked. Lily immediately dismissed herself and Aquarius tried to do the same, but stopped when Andy dug her fingernails into Aquarius's forearm. So, Lily, once again, left without her cousin and Aquarius pushed aside any plans she might have had so that she could sit awkwardly on Andy's floor while Andy stared at her parents and her parents stared back at her.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Aquarius got up off the floor and then walked out of the room. Andy watched her go, knowing that it hadn't been fair to have asked Aquarius to stay, but she really didn't want to be left alone with her parents, not if it meant talking to them about an engagement she hadn't even known about.

"So," Andy's mother said as soon as Aquarius had left the room, "Lily tells us that Nate is on his way back to Boston."

"Really?" Andy feigned interest. She really didn't want to hear anything about Nate. She wasn't ready to hear about how he was doing or what he was doing. It was easier to not think about him since she still didn't know exactly how she felt about their breakup. She hadn't had time to figure anything out, and she certainly hadn't had time to figure out what she was going to tell her parents.

"Do you want..." Her mother's voice lowered. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"No," Andy shook her head. "I don't, not really."

"Well can you at least try?" Her father asked. "So that we can understand what's going on?"

Andy looked down at her hands and tried to fish out from her overwhelmed brain what she could possibly say to her parents that would satisfy their curiosity. "It's kind of hard to explain, Dad. Nate and I just..." She sighed. "We...I mean I...no, we, we decided we couldn't be together anymore."

"Oh Andy," Her mother reached out and placed a warm hand on Andy's knee. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Mom," Andy refused to start crying again. She didn't want to start up again after she had finally gotten it under control. "It was...we were..." Andy couldn't understand why it was so much harder to explain this to her parents than it had been to explain to Miranda. "I don't love him anymore."

Andy's mother scooted closer to her daughter and then wrapped Andy up in her arms. "It's okay, sweetie. We know."

"You know?" Andy pulled away from her mom. "You know what?"

Andy's father leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Lily told us that you and Nate have been having some problems since you quit _Runway_."

Andy wiped at her face. "What else did she say?" She didn't think that Lily would tell her parents about Miranda, but she wasn't entirely certain Lily wouldn't say something that incriminated her.

"Well," her dad clasped his hands together, "she said that Nate moving to Boston caused a lot of problems between you two, and that she and Doug sort of jumped the gun by planning this party for you."

"Lily said that?" Andy couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice. "Really?"

"Don't be angry at her for talking to us," her Mom said, clearly misreading the reason why Andy was so surprised by what Lily had told them. "We asked her what was going on, and she feels just awful about this whole thing, Andy."

"Oh, wow."

Aquarius walked back into the room then, looking just as uncomfortable as she had when she left. She sat back down on the floor, since there were not enough places to sit to accommodate them all. "I feel like the elephant in the room," she said after the moments of silence that followed as soon as she had re-entered. "I don't mind leaving."

"Oh don't worry about it," Andy's mother waved an arm in Aquarius's direction. "We don't want to kick you out."

"I don't mind being kicked." Aquarius leaned back and rested part of her weight on her hands.

"No, it's not necessary." Andy's father offered Aquarius a weak smile. "So, tell us how you've been. The last time we saw you was at your dad's um..."

"I'm good," Aquarius answered before Andy's dad could come up with a way to end his question without saying the word 'funeral'. "I'm a Junior at Cornell."

"Oh, do you like it there?"

"It's different than Atlanta, but yeah, I like it." Aquarius looked around and then bit at her bottom lip. "I think I need to go to the bathroom again." She got up and then walked away.

"I think we're making her uncomfortable," Andy's mother said as the bathroom door shut.

Andy laughed. "Yeah, I think so."

"We should go check into our hotel," Andy's father stood up. "We just wanted to stop by and see you first."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Andy didn't want to go anywhere with them, but she at least thought she should make the offer.

"No, don't worry about it, honey." Her mother stood up as well. "But let's get dinner later, okay?"

"Okay." Andy walked her parents to the door and hugged each of them goodbye. As soon as she shut the front door the bathroom door opened.

"I'm going to start making a list," Aquarius said, "of all the things you'll need to pay me back for."

"Thank you for staying." Andy walked up to Aquarius. "I think they would have stayed longer if you weren't here."

Aquarius nodded and then made her way back over to the now empty couch. "I'm going to sleep." She fell onto the old piece of furniture and closed her eyes. "I'm catching a ride back to Cornell in a few hours."

Sleep suddenly sounded very appealing to Andy. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept, although she was sure that it hadn't been that long ago. "We can share the bed," Andy offered. Aquarius's legs were hanging over the edge of the couch, reminding her that Nate hadn't ever fit the couch comfortably either. It was too short for him, and Aquarius was at least as tall as him.

Aquarius sat up. "I'm going to accept that offer because I'm so freakin' tired." She stood up and immediately went to the bedroom, kicking off her shoes as she went. Andy followed her and slid into the side of the bed that Aquarius hadn't fallen onto.

She realized that it would be a little weird to sleep next to someone that wasn't Nate. She knew sleeping next to Aquarius was completely different than sharing a bed with Nate, but still...Andy wasn't quite sure she was ready for his side of the bed to be occupied by anyone else. She tried to imagine what it would be like if Miranda were sleeping next to her, but she couldn't even imagine Miranda being in her apartment let alone in her bedroom on her bed.

Andy sighed as she curled her body up and closed her eyes. Aquarius had been right. Andy did need to be careful how she handled her evolving friendship with Miranda. Andy wasn't feeling particularly vulnerable, but she knew that she wasn't feeling completely okay. Her head was full of fuzzy feelings that she couldn't make any sense of, and she didn't know when everything would start making sense again. She suspected that it never would, not while she still craved Miranda's company over everyone else's, not while she called Miranda in the middle of the night and engaged in conversation about happiness.

Andy rubbed her hands over her face. She couldn't believe that she was laying in bed with Aquarius, having just finished seeing her parents, and was thinking about Miranda Priestly. She should be occupied with trying to figure out what she was going to say to Lily when they finally spoke again or what she was going to say to her parents when they had dinner that night. She shouldn't be thinking about a possible friendship with Miranda that probably wouldn't even happen.

Her hands fell down to her stomach, and she silently laughed. Her life had spun completely out of control and for some insane reason she still wanted to pick up the phone and call Miranda just to hear her voice. She wanted Miranda to force her to stay on the phone so that they could talk about the possibilities of happiness.

Maybe Andy couldn't imagine Miranda ever stepping foot into her apartment, but she could imagine Miranda being part of her life. So, what Aquarius said about Miranda was true as well. Miranda was dangerous.


	13. Without Answers

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Without Answers**

Miranda had picked up her girls from the airport, and then tucked them into bed. It hadn't been an overly emotive reunion, but theirs never really ever were. The girls were happy to be away from their father's fiancée and they had brought Miranda back a framed picture of the two of them with surfboards running towards the ocean. Cassidy had made a point to explain that their father had taken the picture and that Rayne had purposefully not been invited to join them. It had been the only outing they had gone on with their father that didn't include the fiancée. Miranda suspected Alain had done the girls a great disservice by not etching more time out of the trip to spend alone with them.

Caroline and Cassidy adored their father and they didn't share his attentions well, especially since they got so little of it. Miranda would talk to him about that, if she thought for a single second she would get away with it. The sad truth was that both she and Alain could etch out more time to spend with their daughters. Miranda had promised herself that she would dedicate more time to her children right after she had informed them of the divorce with Stephen, and she had been fulfilling that promise. Well, Miranda silently laughed, she had been fulfilling that promise until she chose her career over her girls...again.

Of course she still did her best to attend all of their recitals and even went to see that silly little play Cassidy had auditioned for at school. She believed it was supposed to be a modern rendition of _Peter Pan_, but the thing was so god awful that it could have been _Macbeth_ and no one would have been the wiser. With a school so full of parents in the entertainment industry, Miranda wondered why it was consistently so impossible for Dalton to put together a decent stage performance. Cassidy, of course, had done quite well in her part as the Alligator, despite the horrendous costume she had been forced to wear.

Cassidy was already talking about enrolling in an acting class, and wanted to trade in her piano lessons for voice coaching since she now had it in her head to become an actress. She had said she wanted to be featured on Broadway and had chattered on about how she would follow in the footsteps of Jennifer Hudson, and would win an Oscar in her debut film performance. It was almost mind boggling for Miranda to see her daughter acting so differently from the way Miranda had when she was her daughters' age.

Now Caroline on the other hand, Miranda smiled, Caroline was definitely her daughter. She was practical, methodical, made decisions with her head more often than with her heart and was always ready to dominate any situation, person or thing. Miranda believed that was one of the reasons Caroline was better at playing the piano than Cassidy was. She had the better ability to focus and to dedicate herself to a project. Caroline's challenge would be in learning how to pull far enough away from her projects so as that her focus and dedication didn't consume her.

Miranda had never learned that lesson, but tried to do her best to teach it to Caroline. She wanted Caroline to find a life outside of personal drive and ambition, and she suspected that Cassidy would help with that. Cassidy forced Caroline to relax and in turn Caroline helped Cassidy to focus. Miranda had never had that balance in her life, but she suspected that a certain icon of balance was currently shoving its willful way into her life forcing her to examine certain aspects of her life she had given up on paying any attention to.

Miranda looked down at the picture of her girls she had placed on her desk and sighed. She needed to spend more time with them, and now that their father had fallen out of their good graces it would only be prudent for her take the opportunity to become closer to them both. She had already gotten a head start by bringing them home early. For that, they had been entirely grateful and Miranda could tell that they were genuinely happy to be back in her presence.

There was knock on the door, and Miranda took her eyes away from the photograph. "What is it?"

The door was slowly pushed open and Caroline's head peeked through the tiny opening. "Are you working?"

Miranda very deliberately closed the Book and swung around in her chair to face her daughter. "Not anymore. Is there something you needed, darling?"

Caroline's blue eyes widened as they focused on the Book her mother had pushed aside. "It's not important if you're working," she mumbled.

"Don't be ridiculous." Miranda stood up and walked over to her daughter. She awkwardly wrapped an arm around Caroline's back and guided the smaller body towards the antique Louis XV style settee that sat against the far wall in her study. Caroline fell onto the expensive piece of furniture, looking more unsure now than she had when she had first knocked on the door. "Now," Miranda's arm fell off of her daughter's shoulder, "what is it you needed?"

Caroline looked at her suspiciously. "Mommy, are you okay?"

"Why would you ask something as silly as that?" Miranda brushed off the lint on her pants. "I'm perfectly fine, Caroline."

"Are you sure?"

Miranda consciously softened her voice. "Of course I am. So, tell me, why aren't you sleeping?"

Caroline curled her feet up under her and stared at the floor. "I don't know."

"Of course you do." Miranda wanted to reach out and brush away the strands of hair that had fallen across her child's face, but she clamped down on the desire. Caroline would brush the hair away if it bothered her.

"I..." Caroline started picking at her toenails. "I had a bad dream."

"I see." Miranda couldn't remember the last time either of her daughters had sought her out after having a nightmare. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Caroline shook her head. "Not really."

Miranda reached out and placed her hand atop her daughter's. "If you told me about it, perhaps I could do something to help."

Caroline slowly raised her gaze until she met her mother's eyes. "You left us."

Miranda's eyes widened. "I what?"

Caroline curled up next to Miranda, keeping her mother's grip inside of her own. "You left us, just like Stephen left and like Dad left. I yelled and you just kept walking." Caroline spread Miranda's fingers apart and fit her own fingers between them. "You wouldn't come back. You just...left."

Miranda wanted to ask Caroline why she would ever dream something so preposterously absurd, but refrained. She knew her daughters felt the loss of their father and father figures more deeply than they often expressed. Being around Rayne would understandably challenge their security with their father, but Caroline's nightmare hadn't been of her father abandoning her. Miranda didn't understand the dream at all. She would never leave her girls. She knew all too well what growing up with an inattentive mother was like, and she suspected the absence of her own mother was one of the reasons she was so ill equipped to handle something as simple as easing her child's fears.

"Caroline," Miranda brought their interlaced fingers to her mouth and placed a gentle kiss on Caroline's knuckles. "I will never abandon you or your sister."

"Everyone else does." Caroline's eyes fluttered and Miranda hoped that her daughter wasn't crying. She could never stand the sight of her daughters' tears.

"Caroline, your father has not abandoned you." Miranda never liked having to defend Alain to the children. She never thought it was her place to defend his actions, but she understood how important it was for the girls to hold their father in high regard. Despite how bitter their divorce had been, Miranda and Alain had both made an effort to protect the girls from the harsh realities of their failed relationship. Both of them had been used as collateral in their own parents' divorces and did not want to do the same with their children. "He loves you both dearly."

"If he loves us so much then why won't he listen to us and not marry Rayne?"

"Because Caroline," Miranda sighed. "Love is complicated." It was a pathetic explanation to give to a twelve year old, Miranda knew, but she didn't have much else she could say that would make Alain look less like an idiot. There was a reason why Caroline and Cassidy disliked Rayne and it wasn't because they didn't want a stepmother. They had dealt with previous stepparents and had grown used to the concept of having an adult around that they would actively ignore and periodically insult. The hatred for Rayne was unique because the girls understood Rayne's love for their father was disingenuous, and the girls simply did not want to see their father hurt.

"Did you love Stephen?"

It was a fair question, Miranda conceded, but that didn't mean she wanted to answer it; It had already been difficult enough to explain the divorce, Miranda had no idea how to go about explaining love. She wasn't sure how she could convey that there were many different types of love and that she and Stephen had tried to make a longterm love affair out of something that...well that shouldn't have evolved into a marriage.

"I don't think you loved him," Caroline interrupted Miranda's thoughts.

"Why do you think that?" Miranda whispered, somewhat surprised that she was having such an adult conversation with her daughter.

"Because you fight for the things you love."

"I do?"

Caroline nodded. "You fought for custody of Cassidy and me, and you fought with your stepmother when grandpa had the heart attack, and you fought with that doctor when Cassidy was sick, and you..."

"So, you're saying," Miranda interrupted Caroline, unsure of how many examples Caroline would draw on until she considered her point made, "that I didn't fight for Stephen?"

"He left when you were in Paris," Caroline needlessly informed her mother. "You didn't come back."

Well, that wasn't a fair argument since very little would have the power to pull Miranda away from Paris. Certainly, Stephen's long distance phone call announcing his intentions to file for divorce wasn't enough to make her leave the most important event of her entire year. Then again, Miranda found it hard to admit, even silently to herself, that if Stephen had announced his intentions to file for divorce while she was in the country, it wouldn't have been much of a motivator for her to stop what she was doing so that she could confront him. Any respect she had for him had been destroyed when he decided to end their relationship over the phone like an immature child.

"Caroline, darling, if I had come back I doubt there would have been anything I could have done to make Stephen stay."

"Because you didn't love him." It wasn't a question and the honesty Miranda heard in her daughter's voice sent a chill down her spine. She looked down at her daughter, who was so comfortably nestled onto her side, and she suddenly saw the adult her child was becoming.

"No." Miranda's free hand ran through her hair. "I didn't love him. Not anymore."

Caroline wrapped Miranda's arm around her body. "Rayne said you cheated on Dad."

Miranda never reacted to the unexpected by wildly raving or absurd gestures. When truly surprised, Miranda's body stilled and her breathing became deeper. Her body's temperature dropped and even standing in front of the sun wouldn't bring it back up. "And what did your father say?"

"He doesn't know Rayne told us. He wasn't there."

"This conversation shall never leave this room, understand?" Caroline tried to pull away, but Miranda held her in place. "I do not mind if you tell Cassidy, but if you tell anyone else I will be very disappointed."

"Mom?" Caroline's voice shook, now sounding more like the preteen that she was, who was seeking out the assurances of her mother.

Miranda knew this was her chance to step away from the conversation and offer to take Caroline back to bed. She could tell Caroline that she shouldn't concern herself with anything Rayne said, but she had said that before many times on many different occasions. She had urged both of her daughters to not worry themselves about things that went on in their lives. She tried to shield them from the life she had chosen and they had been born into, and it had worked for many years. So far, it had worked for almost twelve years now, but the girls were getting older and smarter, and could no longer be distracted by Harry Potter books, pet dogs, and shiny objects. Now, when they asked questions they wanted answers and wouldn't be placated with simple promises. They wanted to understand things, and perhaps they even wanted a chance to make them better.

"Caroline, what Rayne said was true."

This time when Caroline pulled away, Miranda didn't try to hold her in place. "What?"

Miranda sat up straighter and did her best to push aside the fact she was confessing something very personal to her daughter. "I make no excuses for my behavior; there simply are none."

"So you didn't love Dad either." Again, Caroline was not asking a question. She was stating the cold facts as she saw them. Miranda could hear her own voice within her child's and tried to feel proud instead of slightly intimidated.

"No, I loved your father more than anyone I had ever loved but..." She had never explained her decisions to her children, and found it odd that she was doing so now. So, Miranda blamed Andrea for opening up a floodgate of honesty she thought had been sealed off. "Your father and I disagreed on certain choices I had made pertaining to my professional life, and we could not find a way to compromise each of our desires."

"I never remember you and Daddy fighting."

"No," Miranda sighed. "I imagine you wouldn't. You and Cassidy were very young."

"Do you still love Daddy?" Caroline softly asked.

"Perhaps, in my way." Caroline didn't look like she understood what that meant, but she didn't ask Miranda to clarify which Miranda was very thankful for; she didn't know how to make what she said more understandable.

Caroline let out a heavy sigh and finally let go of her mother's hand. Miranda had forgotten Caroline had even been holding onto her. She felt strangely cold now that Caroline's grip was gone. Miranda couldn't help but look at her hand as if she didn't completely recognize it. It had been a long time since she had been in such solid contact with either of her daughters for such an extended period of time. She was no more comfortable with being physically demonstrative with them than she was with anyone else, but she could admit that she now missed the basic human contact her daughter had freely offered.

"I still don't like Rayne," Caroline muttered as she brushed back her hair. "Daddy shouldn't marry her."

"Whether he marries Rayne or not is not up to you, your sister or even me; it is for your father to decide." Alain could decide what he wanted to do after Miranda spoke to him about what Rayne had been saying to her girls, hopefully he would make better decisions than he already had.

"I guess."

Miranda awkwardly reached out and laid her hand on Caroline's arm. "It's late, darling, you should go back to bed."

Caroline looked up at her mother, looking as unsure as she had when she first knocked on the door. "Will you sit with me until I fall asleep?"

Miranda stood up and then offered her hand to Caroline. "Of course."

They walked out of Miranda's study and Miranda nearly tripped over Cassidy as she walked towards the staircase. "Have you been listening this whole time?" Miranda asked her other daughter.

Cassidy nodded. "Yeah."

Miranda looked from one twin to the other, slowly coming to the realization that she had been set up. They both wanted answers but only dared to send one inside the lion's den. Miranda wondered what bet Caroline had lost that put her inside of the room instead of outside of it. "Well, it is time for you to go to bed."

"Are—are you still going to sit with me until I fall asleep?" Caroline asked.

"With us!" Cassidy added.

"Don't be silly," Miranda grinned. "I said I would, didn't I?"

Both of her daughters smiled and hurried up the stairs with more enthusiasm than Miranda felt. She didn't quite know how she would force herself to sit down and watch her daughters fall asleep, but she would because she had told them that she would. She could only hope that it didn't take that long because she still had to finish with the Book. She didn't have the entire night free to watch over her daughters.

* * *

In the far off distance Miranda could hear a faint sound that seemed to resemble knocking. Miranda's eyes fluttered open and she looked around. She was in Cassidy's room and it would seem that she had fallen asleep on the edge of her daughter's bed. Caroline and Cassidy were asleep and looked like they hadn't heard whatever sound it was that had woken Miranda up. Miranda brushed her fingers through her hair and then rolled up off of the bed. She didn't bother to look at the alarm clock resting on the nightstand, because she knew it was late and didn't need extra help to take note of that.

Miranda walked to her front door, unsurprised that Andrea was standing on the other side. A part of her had been expecting Andrea to make an appearance. "Tell me Andrea," Miranda said as she pulled open the door, "should I just put on my schedule that you will drop by at absurd times of the night now?"

Andrea brushed by Miranda without being invited inside. "I...um," Andrea rubbed at the back of her neck. "I had dinner with my parents and it was hard, and Aquarius left to go back to Cornell."

Miranda shut the door. "None of that explains why you are here."

"All of my friends hate me right now and I'm not too fond of them right now either," Andrea's words were rushed and Miranda's tired mind tried to focus on the point Andrea was dancing around.

"Do you honestly believe I would allow you to stay here?"

"Look Miranda, I'm sorry. I know it was stupid to come here and I know it's stupid for me to even be talking to you right now, but I haven't been very good at controlling my stupidity lately. I haven't felt this lost and pathetic since I was in middle school. And every single part of me knows I shouldn't bother you with any of this, but damn it Miranda you're the only person in this entire world that I know for a fact understands whatever the hell it is I'm going through and I don't have enough money to stay in a hotel and I can't stand looking at the walls of my empty apartment so I'm just going to keep being stupid and ask you if I can just stay here for one night."

The words had been thrown at Miranda so quickly that it took a moment for Miranda to sort them out. She tried to organize them in such a way that would make it so that Andrea had not come to her home looking for a place to stay.

"Who did you turn to?" Andrea softly asked, her voice strained. "Who did you go to, Miranda, when your world was crumbling?"

Miranda remembered the fight she and Alain had the night she had realized their marriage was well and truly over. His words had been brutal and so had hers. They tore each other apart, leaving no room for reconciliation. The nanny had been watching the girls and they had both fled their home. Alain had gone to that obscure wine bar he enjoyed so much and Miranda had...well she went into someone else's bed. Miranda found it quite funny that she could still remember every detail of her fight with Alain but could recall very few details about the moments she spent breaking her wedding vows.

One of Miranda's hands went to her hip and the other pinched the bridge of her nose. "Your stupidity must be contagious."

Andrea broke out into a smile and she stepped forward as if she was going to offer Miranda a hug, but Miranda stepped back. She had already succumb to contagious idiocy and absolutely refused to succumb to hugging. "Keep quiet and follow me." Miranda walked past Andrea and towards the staircase. She lead Andrea through her home to the only guest room she felt remotely comfortable leaving Andrea in; it was the furthest away from her girls. "Everything you'll need is already inside. Caroline and Cassidy are home so please act as if you are a sane person if you happen to come across either of them."

"I..."

"No, no," Miranda waved away Andrea's attempt at speaking. "Don't talk. I refuse to talk about any of this...ever." Andrea's mouth snapped shut. "Go to sleep. I am going to go back downstairs and finish my work." Miranda walked away and forced herself to not look back at Andrea who she knew was watching her depart. It would be much easier for her to continue on with her night if she just pretended like she was not allowing Andrea to stay in her home. It made things less complicated, and let the questions that needed to be asked left without answers.


	14. Isolated Privacy

**Author's Note: Thank you all for all of your comments. They are very much appreciated. **

**Disclaimers: I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**Isolated Privacy**

Andy watched Miranda walk away from her knowing that she should be feeling something beyond the angry void that had been growing from within her belly. The night had been...it had been bad and her previous days hadn't been much better. So, when Andy was sitting at home alone and that ball of anger and pain kept growing and the only thing keeping her company were her silent walls, she decided to get up and get out before she was lost in the empty spaces between her every breath.

Aquarius had left her phone number programed in Andy's cell phone just in case Andy needed someone to talk to or needed someone that would just listen, but Andy couldn't bring herself to dial the number. Aquarius, while present, was like a breath of fresh uncomplicated air, but from a distance Andy knew starting up a friendship with her best friend's gay cousin had tremendous potential to be a lot more complicated and a lot less worth the headache that would follow if Lily decided to get irrationally jealous or possessive.

So, Andy left her apartment and her body aimed itself in the direction of Miranda's house while her mind ran through the dinner she had shared with her parents. They had wanted her to move back in with them in Ohio since she had failed at making a life for herself in New York. She had no job. She had very little money. She had no relationship to speak of anymore. According to them, she had...nothing.

Andy was under thirty and had already failed at achieving her life's goals. They thought she needed a chance to heal her wounds and gather herself up for a career that she could hold onto. Of course, her parents had been a little more diplomatic with how they conveyed their worries. They had been nice enough to not call her a complete failure, but all their nice words boiled down to the same meaning, and Andy was left defenseless in their supportive onslaught.

She had opened her mouth to say something about selling an article to _Runway_, but she didn't want to bring up Miranda. She didn't want to discuss the editor with anyone. Andy didn't want to share her stories about their lunch together or what it had felt like to sit across from Miranda while the editor read over her article. She didn't want to talk about any of it. The recent phone calls and meetings she had with Miranda were, Andy had realized, unique and somewhat isolated from her real everyday world.

If she shared the conversations she had with Miranda then that isolated privacy would be broken and Andy would have to share the Miranda she was getting to know with everyone else. Andy's parents knew Miranda only as the tyrannical boss-lady that gave their daughter absurd tasks and endless headaches. Miranda was, in a way, evil and if Andy wanted to change their perception then she'd have to tell them how Miranda had listened to her when she had fought with Nate, and how Miranda had offered her advice when she was writing her article, and she'd have to say that Miranda was...three dimensional and was like everyone expected her to be while at the same time being exactly the opposite of those same expectations.

Andy didn't want her parents to know about that Miranda yet. She didn't want to share Miranda with anyone. So she was left defenseless in the face of her parents' worry. She had to silently concede to them that her life hadn't gone as she had hoped, and she had to promise to consider throwing in the towel and going back to Ohio while she got her life together so that she could perhaps one day come back to New York to live out a version of her dreams.

When Andy found herself standing outside of Miranda's town home, she laughed. It was sort of becoming an inevitable fact that she would end up outside of Miranda's home seeking out the one person she knew had answers to all of her questions. It was just as inevitable that Miranda would answer the door beautifully irritated, but would let her in anyway. Miranda hadn't closed the door on her yet, and Andy hoped that Miranda never would. She never had a plan B in the off chance that Miranda wouldn't answer her phone or open her door. Andy only ever had the single minded plan to seek Miranda out and then to just see what happened next.

She hadn't planned on asking Miranda for room and board. She hadn't planned on making any pleas about Miranda being the one person in all the world that understood her. Andy never thought that far ahead. Andy especially hadn't meant to ask Miranda who she turned to when her life was falling down around her, but as Andy watched Miranda walk away, she couldn't quite bring herself to regret asking Miranda something so personal.

That one idiotic question had been the secret password to Miranda's hospitality. It had held enough power to sway Miranda's cool rigidity, and Andy knew that now was the time for her to start consciously keeping track of all the things that would subtly break through Miranda's stiff facade. Learning about the woman beneath the Devil's makeup was the only way Andy could get assurance that Miranda would keep on opening her door, answering her phone, and accepting spontaneous lunch invitations.

Andy turned away from Miranda's retreating form before she got caught staring and opened the door to the room she had been lead to. Andy's hand fumbled along the wall looking for the light switch and when she found it and the light was turned on, Andy tried to call up that part of her that should be in awe of the grandiose setup she was given, but she just couldn't pull up the emotion. It was a room with a bed. Well, it was a big room with a huge bed and enough expensive furnishings that probably surpassed the value of all of Andy's possessions, but still...it was a room with a bed...in Miranda's home.

Andy closed the door behind her and walked directly to the bed. She kicked off her shoes and then fell onto the cushioned surface. Her body was tired. Her mind was tired, but she finally felt a little less angry and the void that had been building eased slightly.

Part of Andy thought that she should be incredibly freaked out that she was in Miranda's home lounging around like Goldilocks, but she had told that part of herself to shut up. Miranda was offering her sanctuary and Andy just needed to be thankful without questioning either of their motives. So, Andy closed her eyes, forcibly shut down her overactive mind, and then quickly fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Andy woke up feeling completely out of place. It was like she was in Paris again, waking up to the unwelcome presence of a drunken one night affair. Her head hurt and she couldn't quite remember why she was wrapped up in foreign bed coverings that smelled nothing like Nate and only a little bit like her.

She sat up and pulled away the comforter and the sheets, glad to find that her body was still fully clothed. She sniffed the air one more time, realizing that the scent that surrounded her was familiar. It was Miranda. She was in Miranda's house and she hadn't broken in; Miranda had let her in and had let her stay.

Andy looked over at the covers she had pushed off of her body, then up at the ceiling. She couldn't remember turning off the lights or pulling the covers over her body. She had been too lazy to do either. Yet, the lights had been turned off and her body had been covered.

"This is too complicated to think about," Andy told herself as she swung her legs off of the bed. She walked to the bathroom and then looked through the drawers to find what she needed to clean up. Once done, she left the room and walked downstairs with every intention of leaving before she saw any member of the Priestly household, including Patricia, but was caught by a voice asking her, "What are you doing here?"

Andy slowly turned around and looked at the young girl who was patiently waiting for an answer. "I uh..." She didn't have an answer, not one that she could explain to any normal functioning being anyway. "Your mother let me stay."

"Why?"

"Um..." That was a good question. "Because I asked?"

"You're the girl that got us the Harry Potter book, right?"

Girl? Andy was a little thrown by the descriptor coming from a twelve year old. "Andy." She weakly smiled. "My name's Andrea but everyone calls me Andy."

"I've heard Mom call you Andrea."

"Well," Andy gave an awkward laugh, "your Mom isn't like everyone else."

The younger Priestly's head tilted slightly. "If you say so, I guess. So, what are you doing here? You don't work for Mom anymore."

"Your Mom is uh..." Andy cleared her throat. "She's helping me with...an article. I'm a journalist now."

"Mom is _helping_ you?"

Andy wondered if the concept had sounded as absurd coming from her as it had coming from Miranda's child. "Yes."

"Cassidy, who are you talking to?" Miranda's other daughter called as she walked into the hallway.

"Mom's Andrea," Cassidy answered with a devious smirk on her face, making obvious her intention to follow in her mother's footsteps by calling Andy by the name not everyone else used.

Caroline looked over at Andy, recognition eventually showing in her blue eyes. "You're the one that got us that Harry Potter book."

Right then and there, Andy decided she liked Caroline more than Cassidy. "Yes, I am."

"She's a journalist now," Cassidy informed her sister. "Mom's _helping_ her with an article."

Caroline shrugged at the news. "Okay." She turned to Andy. "Are you hungry? Mom said breakfast is ready."

Miranda cooked? Andy had always assumed that Miranda didn't know how. Just like she assumed that Miranda didn't know how to retrieve her own coffee or say 'thank you'. "I'm sure your mother didn't want me to stay for breakfast."

"No she did," Caroline replied. "She asked me to go upstairs and get you, but now I don't have to."

Caroline turned around and started walking away. Cassidy followed looking almost disappointed that her sister hadn't been as surprised by Andy's presence as she had been. Andy thought of just walking away, but she didn't want to be rude. Miranda had let her stay and had supposedly cooked food.

She followed Cassidy and Caroline through the house, being exposed to parts of Miranda's home she had never dared venture into before. They eventually reached the kitchen, where Miranda was doing something as bizarrely normal as pouring a glass of orange juice.

Miranda looked up and met Andy's open-eyed gaze. She didn't look away as she lifted up the glass of juice she had just poured and offered it over. Andy's hand reached out for the glass and her throat managed to garble out something that sounded similar to a thank you.

"Sit down," Miranda ordered.

Andy found the nearest chair and sat. She held her cup of juice firm in her hand as she watched Caroline and Cassidy take their seats at the breakfast table, as if their mother cooking for them was at least an every other day occurrence. They began eating and Andy couldn't help but stare at the odd acts of normality that were being displayed. She looked from Caroline to Cassidy to Miranda and then back around again waiting for one of them to announce that some sort of practical joke was being played out at her expense.

"I can assure you that I have not poisoned your food," Miranda said as she casually brought a forkful of egg whites to her mouth.

"Yeah," Cassidy smiled, "Mom hasn't poisoned anyone in a long time." Caroline laughed and Miranda rolled her eyes but said nothing to defend herself.

Andy forced herself to laugh and finally put down her cup of orange juice so that she could pick up her fork. "Th-thank you," she softly said, "for this and la-last night."

"What happened last night?" Cassidy asked.

"Nothing," Miranda quickly answered. "Now tell me what you two plan to do with yourselves now that you are no longer with your father."

"I don't know." Caroline pushed her food around on her plate. "I don't feel like doing anything."

"Well, I want to go out with Kaitlyn." Cassidy removed the turkey bacon from her plate and placed it onto her sister's. "She and I want to rehearse for the summer play."

"Oh," Miranda looked over at the pieces of meat her daughter had removed. "You want to audition? I thought we had decided you didn't have time for that."

Cassidy sighed. "Of course I can do it, Mom. We're back early so I have time now."

"When your father returns he might want you to join him for the rest of the summer."

Both girls stopped eating. "No." Caroline shook her head.

"What do you mean, no?" Miranda's voice lowered.

Andy looked down at her plate and shoved her fork into her mouth. She already felt like she was intruding and she couldn't help but wonder why Miranda hadn't already kicked her out. Miranda was an intensely private person and Andy was sure this was an invasion of that privacy.

"We want to stay with you," Cassidy hurriedly replied.

"I will speak with your father." Miranda wasn't agreeing to anything, even Andy understood that.

They continued eating, with silence winning over any other conversation that might have taken place. Cassidy didn't even seem interested in embarrassing Andy anymore and Caroline paid close attention to her food. Miranda finished eating and then excused herself from the table. She told the girls to clean up and that she would be leaving for work soon.

Andy watched Miranda walk out and then quickly followed. She found Miranda in her study looking out the window down at the yard below. "Where is your next article?" She asked not looking away from the image she had focused on outside.

"What?" Andy looked around her, just in case Miranda had been talking to someone else.

"You have written another article, haven't you?" The finger's of Miranda right hand trailed up her own leg to rest on her hip.

"No I...I," Andy stammered. "I haven't."

"Your personal difficulties give you no excuse for your laziness." Miranda told Andy's reflection.

"My...wh-what?" Andy looked back at the door she had just walked through. Had she unknowingly walked into a different reality like she had when she entered the kitchen?

Miranda slowly turned away from the window. "Should I assume you are not serious about your future?"

"My wh..." Andy shut her mouth before she committed the sin of repeating herself. Miranda was being absurd and unreasonable. "I think I should go home."

Miranda's lips pursed. "If you must."

Andy felt like Miranda had just slapped her across the face. "Can we just skip this...thing we're doing right now?" She asked giving into her defeat. "Will you just tell me what you want me to do?"

"I want so many," Miranda's fingers fluttered aimlessly, "things, Andrea."

That wasn't an answer, and Andy knew Miranda understood that. "I was th-thinking," Andy stepped further into Miranda's study, "of writing something about the mythology surrounding the idea of an apathetic youth."

Miranda ran her fingers across her lips. "Write it. I want to see it tomorrow."

Andy shook her head and smiled. Of course Miranda wanted her to write it by tomorrow. "Yes, Miranda."

"I don't understand why you must make everything so difficult, Andrea." Miranda moved away from the window.

The statement sounded so ridiculous coming from Miranda, but Andy suspected Miranda already understood that. It was probably part of the reason Miranda had said it in the first place. "Okay, I get it." Andy ran her fingers through her hair. "I shouldn't let what's going on in my personal life distract me from writing."

"I have no idea what you're blabbering on about." Miranda moved to her desk. "I must go to work. I assume you can find your way home." She picked up the Book off of her desk. "And that you will stay there tonight."

"Of course." Andy would force herself to stay in her silent apartment. She had already used up the bounds of Miranda's hospitality, and wasn't in the mood to push her luck any more than she already had. "It'll be a late night writing for me." She smiled. "So, if you need a door to knock on in the middle of the night, I'll be there to answer it."

Miranda's body stiffened. "Andrea, you obviously haven't gotten enough rest."

Andy dropped her head into her hands. "You know, I think you might be right." It had to be a sign of exhaustion if she was implying that Miranda would come to her apartment in the middle of the night.

"Email me your rough draft this evening." Miranda walked past Andy and out the door, clearly done with the conversation.

Once again, Andy was stuck with watching Miranda walk away unsure of what had just happened in the last few minutes of her life. She shook her head and then walked out of the study and then out of Miranda's home. Caroline and Cassidy had disappeared somewhere, and Andy was thankful that she didn't have to face them again. She made her way back to her apartment and intentionally ignored an incoming call from her father. She started to piece together parts of her article in her mind, glad to have something to focus on other than her personal life, and other than the fact that Miranda had allowed her to share their breakfast and might have, unthinkably, turned off the light and covered Andy's body with the blankets while she had been sleeping.


	15. Neutralized

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Devil Wears Prada nor am I in any way affiliated with Sean Combs, Sean Jean, Justin Timberlake or William Rast products.

**Neutralized**

It had been a long day at _Runway_ but the days were normally long and drawn out, filled with emergencies that had to be dealt with, and egos that had to be neutralized. Miranda could always deal with the stresses from her work, she was a pro at dealing with it, but she fell apart when faced with the stresses that presented themselves in her personal life. Despite her years of professional success, she had never quite managed to get a handle on the aspects of her life that didn't contribute to her salary. It seemed to her, that her personal life had been crumbling apart around her since she was a young woman and she had never found a way to put all the pieces together again. It was hard to piece together something that was constantly changing and evolving into something she couldn't quite understand.

Alain had called her directly, refusing to be put through Emily's meek attempts at stalling, saying that he was returning from Hawaii and that he wanted the girls with him for the rest of the summer. He was still so stubbornly intent on getting Caroline and Cassidy to enjoy the company of their soon-to-be stepmother that he was willing to alienate them to do it. Miranda had no legal standing to deny him, but she had refused anyway because she was going to, once again, give into her girls' desires. Cassidy was going to try out for that absurd little play and Caroline would eventually find something that she was passionate about that would take her away from spending the rest of her summer with her father.

Miranda had, of course, not attempted to explain any of this to her ex-husband because she saw no need to explain their daughters' motives to him. He should have already known that Caroline and Cassidy would be hesitant to return to his care. They did not like Rayne. They had not liked the way Rayne had spoken to them about her, and quite frankly Miranda hadn't been too pleased by Rayne's loose tongue either. Her heart and mind were allied in their call for immediate revenge, but Miranda found that she had very little time to orchestrate the painful demise of a talking warthog.

Without a doubt, Miranda knew that Rayne would eventually manage to compose her very own demise and did not need help with piercing a hole through her own plasticity. Miranda forced herself to manufacture a belief in her ex-husband she had let dim many years ago, and had confidence that Alain would end the engagement before he further damaged his relationship with the girls. She understood that Alain didn't want to live out the rest of his life alone, with only his growing girls as sometimes companions, but he needed to make better choices than Rayne.

Miranda, of course, knew that she was being a complete hypocrite, but that useless knowledge did not sway her from passing judgment. She had married Steven more for the adult companionship than for love and it had backfired terribly, but even now she would step forward and tirelessly defend her right to make bad choices when it came to her personal affairs, but she saw no reason to offer that same luxury to Alain.

She had made herself very clear. The girls would stay with her until he could either look past his fear of dying alone in a big empty house, or rein in his fiancee's blatant stupidity. Miranda coldly laid out her demands and Alain had capitulated to her like he often did. Miranda suspected the conversation would have gone quite differently if he had somehow discovered that a young journalist by the name of Andrea Sachs had just spent the night in her home.

Of all the billions of people in the world, and of the millions of people that could recognize Miranda's name, Alain was the only person who knew her. Nigel knew things about her, as did Stephen and Irv and Emily and any number of others, but Alain was the only one that knew her. Miranda had been a lot more revealing in her youth and Alain had been her sole confidant. He knew many of her secrets and she knew many of his.

The only reason they hadn't completely ruined each other was because they had their girls. Caroline and Cassidy saved them both from the threats of unmitigated public humiliation. Miranda even guessed that perhaps there were still parts within each of them that begrudgingly held onto certain notions of respect. Still, Caroline and Cassidy were the main buffers between her and Alain and Miranda was exceedingly grateful for their existence.

If Alain knew Andrea Sachs was knocking at her door in the middle of the night and that she was taking Andrea's ill thought out phone calls, then he would know...so many things. He would be able to assert more control over her, and Miranda wasn't ready for him to see the truth. Alain, would of course, keep her secrets but because he had them that would force her to make more of an effort to compromise.

It was not well known that Miranda had broken her vows of fidelity while married to Alain, and it was even less known that she had broken those vows with a brilliant Broadway producer, who unfortunately happened to be a woman. It had been a stupidly impulsive act that Miranda instantly regretted. That simple act had been the last nail in the coffin of a truly deceased marriage. After the argument that had driven both her and Alain to seek personal solace, Alain had returned home drunk but holding flowers and she had returned stone sober but smelling like the sex of another woman.

Their battleground was no longer an even one and Alain immediately filed for divorce. They separated and Alain said nothing in court about her infidelity. She, in turn, held onto his personal secrets and with an amazing lack of climatic flare, their marriage was over.

Poof! Gone. Just like that.

It was easy, too easy to dissemble one's personal life. It was always the same song stuck in the same verse being sung by the same voice that had seen too many things and drunk too many alcoholic beverages. And Miranda was beginning to realize that she was getting tired of fighting the same battles over and over again, but she would continue to fight them.

"Miranda, I have no idea what we're going to do with the new Uma layout." Nigel breezed into Miranda's office and walked right up to her side as if he belonged there.

Miranda put her glasses back on and looked down at what Nigel had placed in front of her. He was right; it was awful. "What was Roger thinking?" She absently asked as her eyes rapidly ran across the page.

"Probably about his next meal." Nigel's hand went to his hip. "Have you seen how much weight he's gained?"

"Emily?" Miranda softly called out.

Within moments her First Assistant was standing in front of her. "Yes, Miranda."

"Get Roger on the phone and let him know that if he needs to enter a weight loss clinic if he ever wants to work for _Runway _again, and then get me Regan." Miranda never looked up from the atrocity sitting in front of her.

"Of course, Miranda." Emily marched out with her orders, not even sparing a look at Nigel to see if he silently approved Miranda's demands.

Nigel leaned against Miranda's desk. "It might be hard to get Uma back in for a re-shoot," he warned. "She's shooting a movie in some dreadful little country across the ocean."

"Don't be ridiculous, Nigel," Miranda waved away his concern. "She's a woman turning forty. Of course she'll come back."

"Well then," Nigel stood back up and then straightened out his vest. "There's something else I wanted to show you." He reached under the Uma cover and pulled out a page with a lot more writing on it and a lot fewer pictures. "This is Andy's article."

Miranda sat up straighter, not bothering to look down at the pages in front of her. "And why are you showing this to me now?"

Nigel opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Emily informing Miranda that she had Regan on the phone. Miranda picked up the line and spoke briefly with the photographer. It was quickly settled that he would be coming in at the first word that Uma was back in the country. A part of Miranda had hoped that Nigel would lose his nerve and scurry away before she got off the phone, but he patiently waited. He wanted to talk about Andrea and was going to force the issue through the guise of it being about _Runway_. He had always been a sneaky little bastard.

"Speak," Miranda demanded as she hung up the phone. "You have exactly one minute."

Nigel took in a deep breath. "The article doesn't fit, Miranda. It's good writing, perhaps even great writing but it doesn't belong in _Runway_."

"Really Nigel." Miranda removed her glasses. "I never thought you were so narrow-minded."

Nigel's eyes widened but he said nothing.

"In December we are showcasing new talent as a startup to a new year." She leaned back in her chair. "That was your idea wasn't it? Your theme for the opening of a new era in a new year?"

Nigel kept his perfect posture, but Miranda could see that he had crumbled. "Miranda, adding in Andy's work would be a risk."

"I have left many of the editing decisions for the issue up to you." It was her Christmas gift to him. She was giving him a chance to prove that he could survive without her. She would hold the ultimate approval over everything, as always, but she was doing her best to give him just enough rope to hang himself with.

It was imperative that he come through, because she was far too busy trying to guide _Men's Runway_ through it's first issue. Of course, no one yet officially knew she was overseeing the premier issue but her and Irv. Despite their personal contention with one another, she and Irv made good business partners. He understood Miranda was the only one that could handle building _Men's Runway _into the powerhouse _Runway _had become, and she understood he was one of a select few that could get her the resources needed to make _Men's Runway _the only magazine that mattered in Men's fashion. Their's had always been a reluctant partnership of convenience, but that convenience had brought both of them millions of dollars worth of success. Their personal squabbles would have to be settled later.

Miranda slowly stood up, forcing Nigel to take a retreating step away from her. "If you have such strong objections to Andrea's article, then kill it."

She didn't wait for him to respond before she walked out of her office, casually announcing she had a dinner to get ready for. Miranda knew Nigel wouldn't pull Andrea's article because he couldn't afford to take the chance. He knew better than to take out something she had already specifically told him to make room for. No, the only point in bringing Andrea's article up was to fish for information, and Miranda refused to give Nigel that satisfaction.

Nigel's own personal ambition would keep him in line. He had no choice but to play it safe. Miranda was well aware that he was making 'covert' plans to leave _Runway_. He was attempting to land a position within, _Sean Jean_, and he couldn't afford to make her angry. Sean Combs had already taken the liberty in contacting her to let her know Nigel and he were entering into talks. Sean couldn't risk doing anything she disapproved of since he wanted to be considered for a feature inside of _Men's Runway_.He had heard rumors about her heading up the project and didn't want to risk the chance of her succumbing to Justin Timberlake's attempts to feature his William Rast brand first.

Miranda left Elias-Clarke and scrolled through her voicemail messages on her way back home. Caroline had decided to tag along with her sister to Kaitlyn's and they had no intention of returning home that night. Per usual, her girls were out keeping themselves busy without her. They had made it clear they didn't want to return to their father, but that didn't mean they wanted to stay with her.

Miranda tried to recall when she had first felt revolted by the idea of spending any time with either of her parents; she had been much younger than her girls. She had more often chosen her nannies, her friends, her older brothers, anyone over her parents' attention. She understood that her childhood hadn't been the normal happy upper-class upbringing. Just as she knew she had done a better job with her girls than her parents had done with her; Caroline and Cassidy were beginning to act like 'normal' teenage girls in modern day New York.

And since they were acting like normal girls who did not hesitate in assuming she would be sitting at home alone, waiting desperately for their return, Miranda saw no need to correct them. They didn't need to know that she wasn't going to cancel her plans for the evening just because it was their first full night in town. That sort of behavior was the kind of thing that had made Miranda dislike her own parents so much. Well, it was that and their insistence she attend a boarding school in a small little piece of nowhere. And still, her mother wondered why Miranda had never graduated high school.

When Miranda arrived at her home, an army of specialists were waiting for her. They would do her makeup, her hair, dress her and prepare her for her evening. They were there so that when she and Irv stood in front of a room of their dearest and closest friends of about three hundred, announcing that they were the proud parents of another publication, she wouldn't look too old to have just given birth.

"Start setting up," Miranda ordered as she let her work invade her home. She walked away from them to her study and then flipped on her personal computer. She had not forgotten telling Andrea that morning to send her a rough draft of whatever it was she was writing and Andrea had met her time limit. She had seen the email pop up just before Nigel had entered her office, but had not yet opened it. She was pressed for time, but would give Andrea's article the attention it deserved.

She quickly downloaded the attachment, skipping over useless words Andrea had felt the need to type out in the message itself. Her eyes ran across the article three times before she allowed herself to form an opinion. It was...unexpected and emotional. It revealed too much of Andrea's vulnerabilities. It yelled out Andrea's personal confusion in an era that kept on yelling out she alone had the power to change the world yet offered up no avenues to do so. It was...better than the article being published at _Runway_ and it was pertinent to the current cultural climate.

Miranda closed her word processor. She replied to Andrea's email message letting the young woman know that the article would not get published and was too raw to be properly edited. She wasn't going to allow Andrea to ruin her career by revealing too much too soon. Andrea was not yet strong enough to withstand the flood that would result from this article: "Apathetically Changing The World". She told Andrea to choose a new subject and to have something to her within forty-eight hours.

She then left her study to begin preparing for the evening. Miranda knew Andrea wouldn't understand why she had turned down the article, but Andrea didn't need to understand. Her youth would get in the way of any rational conversation and Miranda simply didn't want to be bothered with using small simple words to explain something that could only be learned from experience.

* * *

Miranda arrived casually late, as was her custom. She took her place next to Irv as they made their way through the stockholders, editors, reporters, designers, photographers, and every other face she wouldn't bother to remember. When it was time for their big reveal, no one seemed especially surprised. Some looked upon her with thinly veiled jealousy, but she didn't much care what anyone thought of what had just been officially handed over to her.

She stayed for exactly forty-five minutes after she and Irv smiled for the cameras, and gave an official statement to the press. While she was in the backseat of the limousine Irv had sent for her, she once again went through her messages. Alain called saying he wanted to have lunch so that they could sit down and discuss the girls. Caroline threatened to murder her sister if she wasn't retrieved from Kaitlyn's immediately, and Cassidy vowed to do the same. Her brother was coming to New York and their mother insisted he call and let Miranda know so that they could make proper arrangements to meet up, which was code for avoid one another at all cost.

No one had called her about _Runway_, most everyone was taking the night off to enjoy the party Irv's assistants had arranged. That meant that Miranda had the rest of the night off as well, but Caroline needed to be picked up. "Roy stop by Kaitlyn's first."

"Yes, Miranda." He immediately answered.

Her phone rang and Miranda reluctantly picked it up. "Yes, dear."

"Are you on your way yet?" Cassidy whined. "I can't look at Caroline for another minute."

Miranda leaned her head back on the seat. "What is it exactly that happened?"

"Caroline keeps laughing at us!" Her daughter complained.

"Well, what is it you're rehearsing for?"

"_Much Ado About Nothing." Cassidy blithely answered._

Miranda closed her eyes. "Cassidy, darling, if I'm not mistaken that's a Shakespearian comedy. Wouldn't you prefer your sister to be laughing?"

There was a moment of extended silence until Cassidy said, "But I don't like how it is she's laughing."

Miranda could not remember arguing with her brothers like this when they were children. Although to be fair, she had never spent much time with them. "I'll be there shortly."

"Okay." Cassidy said and then immediately hung up. Part of Miranda suspected that when she arrived at Kaitlyn's her daughters would no longer want to be separated. This was not the first time she had been called in to referee a situation that no longer needed a mediator.

Her phone rang again. She expected to see Caroline's name appear but wasn't pleased to see Andrea's instead. She didn't feel like diffusing Caroline's anger. "Yes," she answered.

"Congratulations," Andrea softly replied.

"For?" Miranda prompted, even though she knew why Andrea was congratulating her.

"You're one step closer to taking over the world."

Miranda's lips slowly stretched out to a small grin. "If you say so."

"Well um..." Andrea muttered after a quiet moment. "That's the only reason I called. I just wanted to uh... you know."

Miranda's eyes widened slightly. "You don't want to discuss your article?"

"No," Andrea muttered. "I can bother you about that tomorrow," she quickly added not bothering to improve her diction. "Tonight, I'm just a friend telling another friend...that I'm happy for her."

Miranda quickly became grateful that Andrea was not currently sitting alongside her in the car. She was unaccustomed to being struck speechless. So, instead of directly replying to what Andrea had insinuated with her words she latched onto her ever present life preserver. "Your article was very well written, Andrea."

"Thanks," Andrea breathed out. "Have a good night, Miranda."

It was downright absurd to be feeling so...so... It was just absurd to be feeling anything at all after a silly phone call from some young upstart who knew next to nothing about her. Miranda didn't need Andrea's congratulations. Any actions she had taken were not motivated with the intent of getting Andrea's approval. She and Irv had been working on Men's Runway ever since Paris last year, and it was absurd to think that Andrea would be so deluded as to think Miranda cared one bit for Andrea's simple-minded congratulations.

But, Miranda sighed, the young upstart's words had affected her. Andrea's article had affected her. In truth, certain aspects of Andrea had always affected her. "Good, God," Miranda moaned as she dropped her head back onto the seat.

"I'm sorry?" Roy's eyes looked back at her through the rear view mirror. "Did you say something, Miranda?"

Miranda rolled her head to the side so that she could look out the window. "Is there a reason why you're driving so slow?"

Roy's eyes went back to the road ahead of him. "I'm sorry, Miranda."

She was going to get Andrea's article published. Andrea had to make her own mistakes, take her own risks. Miranda would not stand in the way of a...friend.


	16. Influential

Disclaimer: I do not own The Devil Wears Prada

Influential

Andy hung up her phone sort of wishing that she would have thought of something to tell Miranda that would have drawn out their conversation just a few seconds longer. She wanted to offer to take Miranda out for a congratulatory evening, but she kept her silence because she didn't know how to ask and she didn't think Miranda would even consider it. At least not now, not after she had so recently let Andy become witness to her personal life.

Still, Andy knew that she had to do something for Miranda that would show her that Andy understood just how big of a deal it was that Miranda was going to be spearheading, at least temporarily, another publication. Andy couldn't even think about the amount of maneuvering Miranda had to accomplish in order to come out on top this time, and if she were being truly honest with herself, Andy didn't really want to know.

Having that kind of knowledge would bring up memories that Andy was doing her best to dampen just a little bit so that she could allow herself to get to know Miranda without the filters in place that everyone else seemed to use. If she constantly reminded herself of how Miranda had maliciously outmaneuvered her corporate foes, then she knew she wouldn't see the point in continually associating herself with Miranda. Andy hadn't forgotten the reasons why she had walked away, even though she freely admitted that she had screwed it up in the end. She knew she shouldn't have left the way she did and she knew that if Nigel didn't see a reason to have a hissy fit and walk away with a chip on his shoulder than she shouldn't have seen a reason to either.

Nigel had been surprisingly gracious and...almost noble about the whole thing. She's the one that ran away, and no matter how things would have turned out if she had stayed, as long as she was being honest with herself, Andy had to admit that she didn't regret leaving. She hadn't been ready for _Runway_ or the opportunities that came along with working for Miranda. She needed her time at the _Mirror_ to grow up a little. She needed it so that she and Nate could figure out their relationship. She needed it so that she could try and rebuild friendships that she had let wither because she couldn't decide how to balance her life and work.

Andy had never had plans to return to Miranda. Less than a week ago, she couldn't have even imagined having another conversation with the woman...ever. Even now, it was hard for Andy to conceptualize exactly what place Miranda had in her life. She had told Miranda that she was her friend, but even that simple little term, when applied to Miranda, seemed incongruous to reality.

Andy dropped her head into her hands. "I can't think about this anymore," she mumbled.

"Thank about what?"

Andy jumped up, her phone flying out of her hands. "What are you doing here?" She yelled.

Lily held up the spare key Andy had given her in case either of them were ever in need of it. "I wasn't sure you would have opened the door if I had knocked."

"Damn it, Lil." Andy brushed her hands through her hair as she fell back down onto her couch, barely avoiding a collision with her laptop. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry." Lily stepped further into Andy's apartment, mindful of the papers that were spread across her friend's floor. "Are you working on something?"

Andy looked around her living space, which was now doubling as an office. "Yeah."

"Anything interesting?"

Andy leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her. "Why are you here?" She didn't want another fight. She had just gotten through arguing with her parents about going back to Ohio with them as she had escorted them to the airport. She had put her foot down and told them that she was working on becoming a freelance writer, and assured them that she wasn't crazy. They had accepted that, but only in a way that let Andy know they were accepting it on the precondition that they really weren't accepting it and were letting the subject rest only temporarily.

"So, you just want to get down to it, huh?" Lily made her way over to the couch and forced some papers to the side so that she could sit next to Andy.

"Please." Andy stamped down on her urge to move away from her long time friend so that their bodies were no longer touching. She was still angry and she didn't like Lily invading her personal space, but the adult part of her brain understood that there really weren't a whole lot of places to sit and she wasn't going to be so petty as to tell Lily to sit on the floor.

"Okay look," Lily clasped her hands together, "I'm sorry about the party. Doug and I were really trying to do something you and Nate would like, and well, it kind of blew up in our faces."

"You should have talked to me about it, Lil."

Lily nodded. "You're right. We should have."

"Why isn't Doug here apologizing with you?" Andy hadn't spoken to him in a while, and figured he had sent Lily to do the apologizing for them both because he was a huge chicken.

"He went back to Boston with Nate."

"Oh." Irrationally, Andy felt a surge of jealousy flow through her. She wanted both of her friends to be with her, and neither of them attending to Nate.

"Alright," Lily blew out a long breath, "so now for the hard part." She looked away from Andy down to the papers at her feet. "Nate said some things about you and Miranda..."

"Lily that's..."

"Wait." Lily held up a hand forestalling the interruption Andy was making. "Let me get through this first." Her hand fell and her eyes slowly raised to meet Andy's. "I'm not quite sure how I feel about...that. I mean, you and Miranda. But I do know that the last time you were around her, you started acting a lot different than the Andy I grew up with, and I didn't particularly like that Andy."

"Okay." Andy didn't know what to say. She hadn't particularly liked that Andy either. She didn't like always canceling the plans she had made with her friends. She didn't like missing birthdays and other special events. She had missed hanging out with her friends and commiserating about how hard life was. She had missed a lot.

"So, when you quit _Runway_, I thought _my _Andy was coming back, but she never did. And I think I'm just now realizing that."

"You know what?" Andy laughed humorlessly as she finally uncrossed her arms. "I think I'm just now realizing it, too."

"Andy," Lily reached out and covered Andy's hand with her own. "No matter what, I'm still your friend. I've always had your back and that won't change."

"So even if I," Andy's words got caught in her throat and she forced herself to swallow so that she could continue speaking. "If I...if Miranda and I...or I mean, if I..."

Lily gently squeezed Andy's hand. "It's your life, Andy."

"Aquarius said some things." Andy pulled her hand out of Lily's. "About...well she told me she was gay, and that you had problems with that."

"She told me about that." She looked away from Andy. "And it's just how I was raised, and as Aquarius has pointed out to me, repeatedly, it's a problem with my thinking and not a problem with who she is or..." Lily looked back over to Andy. "who you are. But just to be clear, my problem with Miranda is not about her sex; my problem is with who she is, Andy. I love you, and I want you to be happy and with someone who can make you happy, and you weren't happy when you were around her."

She hadn't been happy when she was at _Runway_, but Andy was starting to think a lot of that unhappiness had more to do with her than it ever had to do with Miranda. Miranda hadn't had the power to make her unhappy, not then. "I doubt anythings going to happen between me and Miranda anyway."

"Well, I'm not going to pretend and say I think that's a bad thing, but if something does happen, I'll be here for you, and so will Aquarius." Lily smiled. "She's actually going to make another trip down here so that she can check up on you; she said something about earning her first toaster oven."

Andy laughed, finally glad that Lily had bothered to invite herself in. She hadn't realized how lonely she had been feeling until Lily had made her laugh. "You know what, Lil? I never realized your little cousin was so much cooler than you."

"Hey! I'm cool." Lily immediately objected. "I'm part of the New York art scene; ain't nothin' cooler than that."

"Sure it is." Andy sarcastically replied.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay. I'll remember this when I'm famous and powerful."

"You do that."

"I will."

Lily's eyes shifted to the papers surrounding her. She picked up a page and then silently read over it. "Nate said Miranda is publishing one of your articles." She looked up from the page. "Congratulations, Andy. I can't wait to buy my first issue of _Runway _so that I can read it."

" You've never bought _Runway_ before?" Andy asked, having just assumed that since Lily had always been more fashion-forward than her that she would have at least bought a copy of the publication before.

"Have you seen how much it cost? I do what every other poor person does," She smirked. "I go to Barnes and Noble and read through it and leave before the employees get suspicious."

Andy shook her head. "I forgot about that."

Lily looked around her again. "So, I should probably let you get back to writing. I'm supposed to meet up with some artists who want to be featured in our next show." She stood up and Andy quickly followed. Now that Lily was around, she was sort of hoping that her friend would stay for a while. "Take care of yourself, Andy." Lily reached out and brought Andy into her arms, hugging her solidly.

After Lily left, Andy looked at the mess of paper that littered her apartment. She started organizing what she could, hoping that the task would give her a chance to figure out what kind of article to write that would meet with Miranda's approval. She hadn't wanted to talk to Miranda about the article that had so recently been rejected, even though she had felt compelled to ask about it when Miranda had said that it was well written even if she had emailed her saying she didn't think it was worthy of publication.

Miranda was an expert at sending mixed signals, but Andy could admit that the signals didn't annoy her as much as they probably would have coming from any other editor. It was much easier to accept when coming from Miranda because Andy wasn't at all sure what kind of signals she wanted to receive and she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. It had always been easy for her to sit down and write about the things she was passionate about, but writing things hoping for Miranda's approval made her feel a lot like an untalented monkey trying to etch out Shakespeare on a cave wall with a piece of chalk.

Once the papers had been organized, Andy sat back down in front of her laptop. She made a few attempts at typing out something that could lead to another article, but gave up when the only sentences she could come up with looked like something a third grader would write. So, in lieu of writing and not yet ready to try and sleep, she checked her email not really expecting to see anything in her inbox besides the general spam inviting her to try products that would enlarge her penis or cure her weight issues. The usual advertisements had made it past her junk mail filters, but she was surprised to see another email from Miranda waiting for her along with an email from an address she didn't recognize with the subject header: 'Regarding your recent article'.

She decided to open the email she didn't recognize first since it was less intimidating to open a message from a complete stranger than opening anything from Miranda. She quickly read through it, and then had to read through it again just in case she wasn't understanding it correctly. The email was from a woman named Keyshia Simone. She explained that Miranda contacted her and said it would be in her best interest to represent Andy as her agent, and after reading Andy's recent article she agreed. Miranda had already set the terms of their association and all Andy needed to do was to call her and let her know that she was interested in acquiring her services.

Andy programmed Keyshia's telephone number and name onto her cell phone and then opened Miranda's message. It was a lot shorter than Keyshia's containing only one sentence with a semicolon: 'If you wish to continue to further your career then you will need an agent; expect Keyshia Simone to contact you.'. There was nothing there about the short conversation they had earlier that evening or any comments about the article Miranda had forwarded to an agent in the middle of the night. It could have easily been considered impersonal, but Andy knew better than to castoff the midnight arrangements that had been made on her behalf as nothing but a casual business deal. In a small, almost imperceptible way, Miranda was showing solid proof of giving a damn.

* * *

Her ringing phone woke her up, and Andy felt compelled to ignore it but on the off chance that someone important was calling, she blindly reached out for her phone and then answered it. "Hello?"

"Open your door."

"Aquarius?" Andy sat up. "Is something wrong? Did something happen to Lily?"

"She was fine the last time I checked."

"Then why are you here?" Andy looked over at her alarm clock, a little surprised that it was almost one in the afternoon. She hadn't managed to go to sleep until well past three in the morning. She still found her apartment to be a very lonely place and hadn't been completely comfortable going to sleep. She had considered going to Miranda, but she decided against it since she didn't want to push Miranda too far. So instead of seeking out comfort, she stayed up watching television in hopes one infomercial or another would lull her to sleep.

"Because I have too much time on my hands." Aquarius's response was accompanied by a persistent knocking on the front door.

"Okay, I'm coming." Andy said and then hung up her phone. She stumbled to the door and then opened it to be faced with a grinning Aquarius.

"Shower and get dressed," Aquarius demanded as soon as she stepped into the apartment. "I'm taking you out to lunch."

"I can't go out to lunch," Andy replied through a yawn. "I have to write another article."

"Whatever." Aquarius waved away Andy's excuse. "Everyone has to eat, and I'm only going to be here for a short while so you can spare the time to let me buy you food."

Andy rubbed at her eyes. "Why are you here?"

"I can answer that over lunch. Now go and get ready." Aquarius shooed Andy away. Andy considered protesting again, but she was hungry and she knew that her brain wasn't yet ready to try and pump out anything coherent that could be put onto paper. So, she followed Aquarius's orders and moved to take a shower.

It didn't take her very long, and when she returned she found Aquarius sitting on the floor reading through the papers Andy had so carefully organized the night before. "This is good stuff, Andy," Aquarius didn't raise her eyes from the paper she was reading. "I can see why you think you can do this for a living."

"Yeah well," Andy sighed. "Miranda wants something else by tomorrow."

"I finally got around to looking her up."

"And?" Andy prompted when Aquarius didn't say anything else.

Aquarius shrugged. "That's it."

"That's it?" That couldn't be it. Andy had read through some of the things that popped up on the internet about Miranda and most of it wasn't very flattering.

Aquarius laid down the paper she had been holding onto. "That's it." She stood up. "I'm not going to form my opinion about someone based on what Google tells me." She stood up. "So, let's go out and get food. I've been driving all morning."

Andy followed Aquarius out of the apartment. She had no idea where Aquarius was taking her, and didn't really care. As much as she knew she needed to get work done, she was getting tired of looking at the walls of her apartment. Even though she had only spent the one night in Miranda's home, Andy was already missing it. She missed the big comfortable bed in the big comfortable room, and she missed seeing Miranda doing something so stupidly normal as pouring orange juice into a glass. She'd only seen Miranda acting like a normal person once, and she was already hooked on it.

"You're smiling like a deranged person," Aquarius bumped Andy's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Andy tried to shake off her thoughts. "Were you saying something?"

"No," Aquarius grinned. "I haven't said a word."

"I'm sorry." Andy felt the need to apologize again even though she wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for. "You were right; I need to eat something."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it." Aquarius seriously replied. "It couldn't have anything to do with Miranda."

Andy stumbled but caught her balance before she fell. She was never really prepared for what Aquarius might say, and wasn't at all used to having someone cracking a joke about Miranda that wasn't mean spirited or spiteful. "Why would you say that?"

Aquarius scratched her head. "Because it's true? Look, Andy if you seriously want to pursue something with Miranda, then you've gotta get comfortable with the idea first."

"Who said I wanted to pursue anything?" Andy's asked, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke. "Miranda and I are just trying to be friends."

"I feel like we've had this conversation before." Aquarius suddenly stopped walking, and abruptly entered the restaurant Andy hadn't realized they were standing in front of. It was the same place she had dined with Miranda just a couple of days before.

Andy reached out and grabbed onto Aquarius's hand before they could be greeted by any of the restaurant's staff. "We can't eat here."

"Why not?" Aquarius asked. "You seemed to like the food last time."

"First of all," Andy kept a firm hold on Aquarius, "I can't possibly afford this place right now. And you can't just walk in here and expect to get seated."

"Yes, I can." Aquarius used Andy's grip to her own advantage to pull Andy along with her.

"Hey, we've been expecting you," the hostess greeted them. "Roger thought you decided to back out."

"Nah," Aquarius held up the hand Andy was still attached to. "I just had to pick up my companion."

"Well then," the hostess winked, "come right this way."

"What the hell is going on?" Andy asked as soon as they had been seated and were left alone.

Aquarius opened her menu. "I'm sure you can recall that I spent a lot of time in this restaurant waiting for you to be finished with your non-date date. I helped the manager out, and he offered me a free meal and a job."

"You're going to work here?"

"Eh," Aquarius dropped her menu. "All of my summer classes are online courses, and it'll give me something to do."

"Wow." Andy didn't really know what to make of what Aquarius had just shared with her. "So you're staying with Lily?"

Aquarius nodded. "She offered up her couch and I couldn't resist."

"That's great."

"It sure is." Aquarius leaned back. "Am I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I'm pretty sure Miranda Priestly is sitting a couple of tables behind you."

Andy's eyes widened and panic fluttered through her chest, but Aquarius's smile calmed her down. "Not all of your jokes are funny."

Aquarius started playing with her silverware. "Then, I guess it's good that I'm not trying to be funny. She's seriously sitting over there with some guy who looks like he's just been eviscerated."

The panic quickly came back. Andy did her best to turn around without actually having to turn around. What were the chances that she and Miranda would choose to dine in the same place at the same time on the same day?

"Hey Smooth Operator." Aquarius threw her napkin at Andy's face. "It's too late to try and be covert. She spotted us the moment we walked over here. You should go over and say hello."

Andy shook her head. "I, I can't do that." Andy looked over her shoulder, unable to resist getting another brief glance of Miranda. "She's with her ex-husband."

"Well it looks like he'd appreciate the interruption." Aquarius began to stand up. "So, I'm going to walk over there and you can either follow or you can act like the woman you want to be _friends_ with isn't even here."

Andy tried to reach out to hold Aquarius back, but Aquarius was too quick. "Damn it," she said to herself before she got up and followed Aquarius to Miranda's table. She couldn't believe Aquarius was so stupid as to think that Miranda would welcome being interrupted. Miranda always hated interruptions.

Miranda watched her as she approached, and her eyes gave away nothing. "I don't want to interrupt," Andy heard herself saying as she was suddenly looking down at Miranda. "But I just wanted to say hello." Aquarius elbowed her side. "Oh, Miranda this is Aquarius."

Aquarius held out her hand, but Miranda didn't take it. "Okay," Aquarius's hand fell back down to her side. "It's nice to meet you."

Andy watched the exchange hoping that Aquarius wouldn't say anything too incriminating. "We were getting ready to order," Miranda's eyes turned back to her, "you should join us."

"Miranda." Miranda's ex-husband barked out her name, and Andy didn't much like the tone he was using, but Miranda acted as if she hadn't even heard him.

Instead of offering any type of protest, Andy pulled out the closest chair next to Miranda and sat down. "Thank you."

Aquarius followed Andy's lead and took a seat next to Miranda's ex. Andy promised that she would thank Aquarius later for not asking any questions or making the moment any more awkward than it already was. "I'm Aquarius by the way," Aquarius casually told the man she was now sitting next to.

"Alain," he replied, his eyes finally leaving Miranda.

"So, what is it you do Alain?" Aquarius asked and Andy would have sworn that Miranda's face looked just a bit more relaxed than it had just a few moments before.

Alain sighed. "I'm a psychiatrist," he answered sounding irritated.

"Really?" Aquarius smiled. "That's great. What's your focus?"

"I'm a child psychiatrist." Alain leaned back, looking as if he was finally giving up and giving in to Miranda.

"You wouldn't happen to be Alain Brosnan, would you?"

Aquarius finally had his full attention. "Yes, I am."

"You came and gave a lecture on the physiology of the adolescent brain a few months ago. It was fascinating and I think your book was even better."

Alain grinned. "You read my book?"

"After hearing your lecture, I couldn't help but want to learn more about your research."

Andy saw Miranda roll her eyes, and she quickly bowed her head so that Alain wouldn't see her smiling. Aquarius was laying it on pretty thick, but Alain didn't seem to notice. He was already going on about what he was currently working on and somehow Aquarius managed to look completely engaged in the conversation.

When Andy raised her head again, Miranda was looking at her, and for the first time Andy felt like she was in on the joke with Miranda instead of the brunt of it. "How are you doing?" Andy softly asked, not wanting to take Alain's attention away from Aquarius.

Miranda pursed her lips.

For Andy, that was answer enough. "Okay, I won't ask again."

"Good." Miranda leaned closer to Andy. "Did Keyshia contact you?"

"She did." Andy tried to ignore the smell of Miranda's perfume. "I emailed her back."

"You still need to show me everything you write before you show her."

"I wouldn't dream of doing anything else."

The waitstaff finally noticed that they their parties had joined and laid out the extra silverware and then took their order. Aquarius thanked their server for accommodating them, and then went back to listening to Alain talk about his work.

"He can talk about himself for an extraordinary amount of time." Andy hadn't really expected Miranda to say anything else to her, so was a little thrown by the sound of Miranda's voice. She was even more thrown by the fact that Miranda was close enough to her to have whispered almost directly into her ear.

"Aquarius doesn't seem to mind."

"She does," Miranda said and then pulled away.

Andy barely resisted leaning over so that she could once again reduce the space between them. "How can you tell?"

"Your observation skills need work, Andrea." Miranda reached out and picked up her glass of water.

Andy wanted to tell Miranda that her observation skills were just fine. She had been observant enough to notice that Miranda had only invited her to join them because Alain had been annoying her. She had been observant enough to notice that Miranda looked luxuriously elegant today, even if she looked just a bit more tired than usual. Andy had been observant enough to notice that Miranda's hair had recently been trimmed and that her breath smelled slightly of cinnamon. Her observation skills were fine; those skills just only wanted to observe Miranda.

"So, how is _Mens Runway_ coming along?" Andy decided to ask since she couldn't explain to Miranda how much she actually had observed.

"We're getting Barack Obama for the cover of the first issue," Miranda put her glass back down. "He's quite an intelligent man."

"Oh wow." For the first time in a long time, Andy wished she was still Miranda's assistant. "You got to meet him?"

"It wasn't the first time, Andrea. I have contributed quite a lot of money to his campaign."

Their food arrived then, and finally Alain turned his attention away from Aquarius. He made a meager attempt at drawing Andy into a conversation, saying that he remembered her from when she worked at _Runway_, but the conversation didn't go far since Andy wasn't at all comfortable talking to him. They finished their meals with Alain and Miranda not saying another word to each other the entire time. When they were done, Alain was the first leave after having promised to keep Aquarius apprised of all of his future publications.

As soon as he walked away, Aquarius dropped her head to the table. "I think my brain is leaking out through my feet." She raised her head, her eyes focused on Miranda. "I mean no offense or disrespect to you having married him, but I think he just made me just a little bit more gay."

Despite thinking that what Aquarius had said was amusing, Andy stopped herself from laughing since she wasn't sure how Miranda would take the comment. So, she focused her attention on Miranda glad to see that the only outward reaction Miranda had was to grin.

"I'll buy you a drink," Miranda offered.

Aquarius shook her head. "That's not necessary." She rubbed her eyes. "I was happy to do it for you."

Miranda looked at Aquarius unblinkingly and then for reasons Andy couldn't begin to understand asked, "Are you currently looking for employment?"

Aquarius looked over to Andy. "When it rains it pours, huh?" Her attention went back to Miranda. "Are you offering me a job?"

Miranda ran her forefinger across her chin. "Expect a call from Emily."

Aquarius looked confused. "Okay." She said and then looked down at her watch. "I have to go meet up with my cousin." She stood up. "Thank you for the pleasant afternoon, Miranda." She held out her hand for Miranda to take once again, and again Miranda made no move to take it. Aquarius dropped her hand, chuckling. "It was still nice to meet you, and just in case I never get a chance to see you again, I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I think you are phenomenal woman and that I greatly respect everything you have accomplished. Whether intentionally or not, you've managed to make my life easier. And I still feel that way even if you won't shake my hand." She turned to Andy and then waved. "I'll call you later."

Andy didn't watch Aquarius walk away, too focused on how Miranda would take Aquarius's blunt confession. She thought she should be surprised that Aquarius had dared say that to Miranda, but she wasn't surprised because Aquarius, Andy was learning, was always going to be Aquarius. She wasn't intimidated by Miranda and wasn't afraid to speak her mind.

"She's right, Miranda." Andy forced herself to keep her eyes focused on Miranda. "You are..." Why was it so much harder for her to compliment Miranda? Aquarius had just done it and she knew nothing about Miranda, although Andy suspected Aquarius had learned something about Miranda's accomplishments on Google. "You should be very proud of everything you've done."

"I'm not sure Aquarius is a good influence for you," Miranda looked away from Andy.

Andy smirked. "She's probably not." She wanted to reach out and place her hand on Miranda's, but knew Miranda wouldn't want that, not while they were still sitting in the middle of a crowded restaurant. "We should leave."

Miranda's eyes widened. "Together?"

"Sure." Andy shrugged. "You can tell me how great my article was."

Miranda rolled her eyes and then stood up. "Well?" She asked after she looked ready to leave.

"I'm coming." Andy hurriedly stood up, and then followed Miranda out of the restaurant. She made sure to send her silent thanks to Aquarius for bothering to knock on her door and so that she could drag her out of the apartment. She was sure that Aquarius had no idea that they would meet up with Miranda, but she had been the first one to stand up and walk over to Miranda's table. She had distracted Alain so that she and Miranda could carry on a semi-private conversation.

No. Andy realized. Aquarius wasn't a good influence at all.


	17. Villainy

I do not own The Devil Wears Prada

Villainy

Miranda hadn't wanted to meet with Alain, but she couldn't avoid it. When she had failed to return his phone call he had simply called again, and then again, and again until Miranda considered changing all of her phone numbers, Emily's included. Her first assistant had always proved competent in fielding the calls Miranda wanted to avoid, but she failed miserably when it came to turning Alain away. Miranda supposed that Emily's lack of ability may have had something to do with Miranda having given specific instructions to put Alain's calls through. She didn't trust Emily to know which calls from Alain to take and which to ignore. She was at times overly enthusiastic in the role as gatekeeper between Miranda's personal life and professional one, and Miranda didn't trust her to not go insane with power.

So, when Alain wasn't acting like an immature dolt, he limited their contact to important conversations that would usually involve pertinent information about the girls. And she didn't mind personally taking his calls. However, since he was currently acting unreasonable, and because Miranda was tired of deleting his voicemail messages, she told Emily to cancel everything on her schedule that afternoon, and she finally returned one of Alain's many phone calls.

The last time she had sat down and had a meal with Alain, he had informed her that he had asked Rayne to marry him. It hadn't been a particularly enjoyable meal for her, but she had sat through it and listened to him go on about how he needed her help with the girls. She had given in then with little protest just as she was giving in now and finally meeting him in person. She was not a completely unreasonable person.

Alain sat down across from her and immediately laid out his demands. He wanted the girls for the rest of the summer. He wanted them all, including Miranda, to have a least one dinner with Rayne so as to "make a god damn effort". He wanted Miranda to support his relationship with Rayne. He wanted just so...many things. He wanted them, but he was in no position to demand them. His little plush toy had seen to that when she had proven to be as uselessly ignorant as Miranda had always suspected she was.

So, Miranda sat back in her chair after having finally removed her sunglasses and simply told Alain, "The girls have already made plans for this summer that do not include you. It is in your best interest you allow them to pursue their own agendas, and just because you enjoy Rayne's nauseating company doesn't mean others do. Unless the girls explicitly request it, there is no chance of me sitting down to share a meal with that child." She then turned away from Alain only to be met with Andrea and some girl being seated a few tables away. Alain was trying to say something, but she chose not to listen. Her attention stay focused on Andrea until the girl she was with stood up and started walking towards them. She saw Andrea try to stop the other girl, but she wasn't quick enough.

"Miranda, god damn it listen to me!" Alain viciously whispered, but still she ignored him. There was nothing he could say that would sway her opinion.

Soon enough, Andrea was standing in front of her and Miranda more than welcomed the company. The girl, Aquarius, offered Alain a reasonable diversion and allowed her to focus on Andrea instead of an argument she wanted to take no part in. She engaged Andrea in conversation about work and was sure to make no mention of the phone calls they had shared or the time spent in each other's company. Alain was thoroughly smitten with the young Aquarius, but he was still watching her. She could see his curiosity about Andrea written clearly in his eyes, making her very aware that she could make no mistake of showing any familiarity with Andrea beyond their professional ties.

Perhaps once she leaned in too close to Andrea. Perhaps once Andrea leaned in too close to her, but Miranda knew Alain had missed it because Aquarius hadn't, and Miranda knew she hadn't because the silly bit of a girl winked at her. Miranda knew nothing about Aquarius, except for what Andrea had mentioned in passing, and she didn't really care to know anything about her, but she could see that Aquarius clearly had talents that could be put to her use. That's why she had offered her a job.

When Alain left, he promised Miranda that he would give her a call and Miranda knew that he probably would, but eventually he would give up. He would realize that she wasn't going to give in, not when giving in meant that she had to tell the girls that their father had bested her again. She had given Alain his chance, and he had failed miserably. Miranda hardly ever offered second chances, and Alain should have known better than to expect one.

"Do you want to...talk about what was going on with your ex-husband?"

Miranda didn't know why, but she had allowed Andrea to leave with her. They were sitting in her town car, headed towards her home and Andrea had apparently grown tired of the silence. "Of course not, Andrea." Miranda never wanted to _talk_ about anything. Talking had never made her feel better. More often than not, it made her feel like a villain, like the one who was always doing the wrong instead of being wronged. That was exactly how Alain had approached their conversation earlier, and he had even managed to walk away like he was the victim while she had been the one to cancel her entire afternoon so that he could yell at her.

"Okay...then what do you have planned for Aquarius?"

Miranda turned away from her window. "I'm in need of a new second assistant."

Andrea smiled. "Still?"

"Don't act so smug, Andrea." Miranda held back her smirk. "I'm often in need of a new assistant."

Andrea nodded. "Okay, but Aquarius is still in school. I don't think she'd want the job."

Miranda waved away Andrea's information. "It'll be an internship, then."

Silence descended on them again, and Miranda was thankful for it. She really had no idea what made her agree to have Andrea tag along beside her. There was no point in it; they had nothing they needed to talk about. Any conversation that could have occurred between them had already been used up during their lunch. So, Miranda turned her attention back to her window and tried to concentrate on the images passing her by, but found that she couldn't look past Andrea's reflection. "Why are you here?"

"What?" Andrea sounded confused, but Miranda had expected her to be. She hadn't even really meant to ask the question, but she couldn't quite help herself. It had been a long week, and as Miranda thought of all the things she had accomplished and all the things she still needed to take care of she realized that Andrea had been in her office on Monday, then she had returned on Tuesday, and she had been around, in some way or another, every day since. She had seen more of Andrea than she had her girls, and last night Andrea had said that they were friends. It was absurd. It was all just so...absurd.

"I'm here because..." Andrea began to answer even though Miranda hadn't yet repeated her question. She had intended to repeat it, change it a little so that it didn't sound so ridiculous. "I'm trying to be your friend."

Miranda slowly turned away from the window, but didn't dare look at Andrea. She looked straight ahead at the seat in front of her, and at Roy who was no doubt pretending like he had suddenly gone deaf. "Then, you've misunderstood my intent. My only interest lies in your talent as a journalist."

There was silence again, and Miranda was thankful for it. This conversation was hurling dangerously towards her being the villain again, and she didn't want to delve further into it. Andrea was hopefully smart enough to understand that it was important she clear up whatever misconceptions Andrea was beginning to allow herself to believe. They were not friends. They would not become friends. She would not talk to her about Alain, as Andrea had talked about Nate. She would not show up on Andrea's front door looking for a place that would conceal her from her horrific solitude. And by all means, she would not allow Andrea to look upon her as she slept, making sure her sleep wasn't too overwrought with nightmares.

She heard Andrea take in a shaky breath, but still refused to look over at her. "I..." Andrea took another breath. "I don't believe you."

"Well, Andrea, believe what you like." Miranda adjusted her sunglasses. Some days, she couldn't quite believe herself either."It changes nothing."

"I think," Miranda heard Andrea swallow. "I think I should ask you again about Alain."

Miranda slowly turned to face Andrea. "What?"

Andrea was staring down at her hands, her left thumb running over the back of her right hand tracing the veins that seemed more prominent than before. "The men in your life make you act...differently."

What? "What on earth are you talking about?" This conversation had nothing to do with Alain or any other...man. This was about Andrea and her incessant need to invoke the word 'friend' as if it were the word of the day, and she was trying to brand it to memory before she forgot its meaning.

"They drain you." Andrea's thumb continued to trace the veins of her hand. "Nate did the same to me, at least while we were still living together and I was working for you."

"Roy," Miranda called to her driver before Andrea could say anything else. "Stop the car and then get out and return in exactly five minutes."

"Yes, Miranda." Roy answered, and then immediately found a place to double park.

As soon as he exited the vehicle Miranda removed her sunglasses. "Andrea, this conversation will go no further. Do you understand?"

Andrea looked up from her hands, and Miranda forced herself to not react to the tears she saw forming in the younger woman's eyes. "When I was around him, I always felt like something was wrong with me just because I was doing something with my life that I wanted to do. Every conversation turned into a fight I couldn't win, no matter what I said or did. I was always wrong and he was always right."

Miranda turned away from Andrea and then put her sunglasses back on. She had already said she was not going to continue this conversation, and she refused to repeat herself. She was not going to participate in this delusion Andrea was manufacturing.

"That time I walked in on you and Steven arguing, I saw a look on your face that I didn't understand, not then. But a few months and few arguments later, I was looking in the mirror and I saw on my face the exact same expressions I had seen on yours."

Miranda wasn't quite sure what she should denounce first: Andrea's insinuation that their experiences were similar or the fact that Andrea had for some reason thought it was acceptable to move closer to her like they were sharing some intimate secret. "I think your mother must have digested a harmful chemical while she was pregnant with you."

"Do you remember the conversation we had the other night? The one where you refused to let me hang up the phone?"

She couldn't forget the conversation, especially since she was still living to regret it. "Of course I do, Andrea."

Andrea's hand shakily reached out, and Miranda looked at it as if it were an alien object creeping closer to her person. "Miranda." Her hand made contact with Miranda's. "You've already made the decision to answer my phone calls. You've decided to let me into your home. Don't back out now."

It was obvious that Andrea was on the verge of calling her a hypocrite, but that threat didn't mean much. Miranda already knew that she was a hypocrite. She didn't need to hear it from Andrea to know. "I'm not a good person, Andrea."

Andrea held tighter onto Miranda's hand. "I don't believe that."

Miranda laughed at how ludicrous this entire moment really was. "I'm keeping the girls away from Alain because his fiancée insulted me," she confessed as her laughter disintegrated. "I've allowed Nigel to take control of the December issue, not because he deserves it, but because I need time to focus on _Men's Runway_, a publication Irv considered handing over to Nigel, but I objected to because despite how many loyal years Nigel has worked for me, I wanted the opportunity for myself.

"Emily is still my first assistant because she does an adequate job, but once she's promoted she'll be stuck in middle management because she's too stupid to exceed much further but I continue to string her along because she is still useful to me. Stephen is trying to evade the IRS because I turned over some of his more questionable investments and..." She reached down and grabbed onto the hand Andrea had attached to her own. "And I told you your article wouldn't be published despite it being very well written." She removed Andrea's hand, separating the contact she did not want to sustain. "So, Andrea, believe what you want, but the facts remain the same. I am selfish and at times petty and cruel for no discernible reason."

Roy opened the driver's door then. It had been five minutes.

"Roy," Andrea called out to him before he got fully back inside of the car. "Could you give us a couple more minutes, please."

Roy looked at Miranda and she felt inclined to not give him the permission he was seeking, but she gave it anyway. Andrea would get her minutes to get the inevitable yelling over with. Roy closed the car door once again, giving them what privacy they could get from backseat of a car, double parked on a busy New York street.

"Thank you," Andrea told her. "You didn't have to do that."

"Get on with it," Miranda ordered.

Once again, Andrea's hands were tentatively reaching out towards her and Miranda found she had nowhere to escape to. Andrea's hands reached up and she then removed Miranda's sunglasses. "I'm not going to defend anything you've done. I don't know how to do that." Andrea's arms dropped, but her eyes kept their focus and Miranda felt the need to look away. In less than a week Andrea was managing to tear her apart by one absurd little conversation after another. "But I do know that you're a very methodical person. You don't do things without reason; sometimes the reason is convoluted, but you have your reasons, and when all is said and done, your decisions are usually the right ones."

Miranda closed her eyes. "I don't want this, Andrea."

A warm hand came to rest on her cheek. "This is why you decided it was time for me to leave _Runway_, isn't it? You didn't want me around anymore, not after what I saw at the hotel that night."

Miranda kept her eyes closed. "Yes, partially."

"Okay," Andrea whispered, her hand still resting on Miranda's cheek. "So here's the thing, you've sort of become my anchor in life right now. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did and that's just the way things are. So, we're going to be friends because I'm crazy enough to think that we both need each other. That's got to be the reason why I ended up standing in your office instead of standing outside of _Auto Universe_."

Miranda's eyes fluttered open. "You are very much like a viral infection, Andrea."

Andrea laughed, and she finally let her hand drop away from Miranda's face. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Miranda shook her head, but grinned nonetheless. "You would." She reached out and grabbed her sunglasses out of Andrea's grip and then put them back on just as Roy was once again opening the driver's side door.

Andrea moved away from Miranda, her hands safely within her own space. "So," she said with a smile, "do you want to tell me what's going on with your ex-husband?"

Miranda couldn't stop herself from laughing. She should have seen the question coming. "I thought you'd prefer to talk about your writing."

Andrea shrugged. "If we talk about my writing, then you might ask me what I'm working on and I'd be forced to confess that I'm not working on anything else yet."

"And why aren't you working on something else?" Miranda controlled her tone, forcing herself to infuse more criticism than she actually felt. Roy was listening to their conversation once more, and she was very mindful of his presence. "You'll need something else to give to Keyshia."

Andrea sighed. "I know, and I am working on something."

Miranda didn't respond, and the car fell into silence once more. Part of Miranda was waiting for Andrea to break it with another one of her personal questions, but she remained quiet. She didn't try to bring up Alain again and didn't mention anything else Miranda had so readily confessed in her effort to turn Andrea away. That had been the closest Miranda had come to an emotional outburst in a long time. She wasn't quite sure why she had even let the conversation go that far.

She shouldn't have told Roy to stop the car. She shouldn't have let Andrea reach up to remove her sunglasses. She shouldn't have let Andrea get in the car with her in the first place, shouldn't have let Andrea and Aquarius join her and Alain for lunch. The list of things she should have stopped herself from doing while in Andrea's presence was growing almost exponentially and Miranda was beginning to think that there was no way she could stop it, and she was starting to wonder if she even should.

Whatever dysfunctional association that was forming between her and Andrea had been forming for a while. Miranda had already mounted her offense and it hadn't worked. Andrea came back and for whatever reason, Andrea just wasn't willing to let go. And, truthfully, Miranda wasn't completely prepared to let her go. It wasn't everyday she could have a conversation with someone and not end up feeling like the villain.

Miranda once again, focused her attention on the man sitting in front of her. She looked into the rear-view mirror and saw his eyes focused on the road ahead of him. Slowly, she slid her left hand across the seat until she made contact with Andrea's.

Andrea jumped, but she didn't yell out. Her eyes jumped down to her hand and she seemed uncertain about what was happening, but she didn't say anything, didn't ask Miranda to explain herself.

Miranda curled her fingers around Andrea's, trying to remember the last time she had held another adult's hand. She couldn't recall the memory, but refused to dwell on its absence. "Thank you," she softly whispered so that Roy wouldn't overhear her.

Andrea nodded, but still said nothing.

Miranda kept her hold on Andrea's hand, and she knew that she had just officially given in.


	18. Idle Lies

Idle Lies

Andy followed Miranda into her home, still trying to figure out exactly what brand of crazy had taken over her body in the car. All she could clearly remember was Miranda telling her that she was essentially ending whatever relationship that had been developing between them, and then Andy just freaked out. Her hands had begun to shake and she could feel her breathing become erratic. She felt like she was falling into the merciless throes of a panic attack, and right when everything was getting ready to fade to black, she was talking to Miranda about her relationship with Nate, was removing Miranda's sunglasses and was refusing to let Miranda cast her aside. Roy had probably thought that she was extremely brave or supremely idiotic, most anyone knowing Miranda probably would have thought that Andy had finally snapped, and Andy didn't think that they would have been wrong to think that. She had snapped, had completely lost it. Her words had been fueled by her desperation, because Andy knew that if she let Miranda get rid of her again, then she wouldn't have the strength to come back. That would have been the end, and she'd be forced to move to some developing nation so that she could escape Miranda's overpowering ability to draw her back in.

Even now, as she walked into Miranda's home she was still riding out the pendulous emotions Miranda had evoked. Andy couldn't completely calm herself, not while Miranda did spontaneous things like reach out to hold her hand for no obvious reason.

Andy watched as Miranda locked the front door behind them. When she turned back around, her eyes traveled over Andy's body. "I need a drink," she muttered.

Andy looked down at herself, not quite sure what on her body had provoked Miranda to seek out alcohol. She was wearing the True Religion jeans she had gotten from a clothes resale shop a few blocks from her apartment and a red crew cut t-shirt that was the only clean item of clothing she currently owned. Andy knew her appearance didn't meet Miranda's standards, but then again she sort of got the feeling that Miranda hadn't been looking at her clothes. "I'll take one, too." She said and then followed Miranda to the small bar that occupied the sitting room.

She watched as Miranda methodically poured out two vodka tonics, and was glad when she finally had the glass in her hand. The crazy haze that had been sustaining her bravery was wearing off and with its absence she was starting to feel more insecure and was starting to wonder exactly why she had followed Miranda home like a doe-eyed puppy who just didn't know any better. Andy couldn't help but laugh at herself. Miranda had fed her, and now she was following Miranda home. Apparently it was true what people said about strays—if you fed them then they will follow you home.

"What's so humorous, Andrea?" Miranda was looking down at her near empty glass.

Andy looked down at her own glass, realizing that as glad as she was for the alcohol, she hadn't yet taken a sip of it. "My life is funny...humorous," she softly laughed again. "It doesn't make sense." She found the nearest tabletop and then laid her drink down. "You held my hand in the car," she accused but made sure she wasn't looking at Miranda when she said it.

She could hear Miranda divvying up another vodka tonic. "Do you absolutely want to talk about this?"

Andy shook her head as she slowly turned around. "No," she honestly answered. "I don't." She moved to the nearest chair and then sat down. "So instead, tell me about Alain."

Miranda finished making her drink. "Okay."

Andy's eyes widened. "Okay?" Miranda wasn't supposed to say that. She was supposed to refuse, and then guide the conversation to another subject matter that didn't have anything to do about ex lovers or spontaneous bouts of human contact.

"Okay," Miranda said again as she sat down across from Andy.

"You don't have to..."

"I am well aware I don't have to," Miranda interrupted, "but this is the fourth time you've mentioned him."

Had it been the fourth? Andy couldn't remember. She wasn't even sure why she had insisted on asking in the first place. She didn't know why she thought to tell Miranda that her ex husbands tended to make her act differently. She knew it wasn't a good idea to point out Miranda's weaknesses. Miranda didn't seem like the type to appreciate being told she was fallible, and that the fallibility had been noticed. "I guess I just figure that if I get a chance to know more about them, then it'll give me a chance to know more about you."

"You're being entirely too honest, Andrea," Miranda said, her tone even and calm making Andy feel even more unstable.

She didn't think she suffered from committing excessive honesty, especially since she'd been living in a state of half truth since she had left _Runway_. She had never been completely honest with Nate, her parents, her friends, her self. Nate had gone back to Boston not knowing that if he had bothered to propose a week ago she would have said yes even though it would have been a mistake. Her parents had gone back to Ohio not knowing that she had re-associated herself with Miranda. Her friends had thought that they actually knew her, and Lily was just now acknowledging the fact that Andy wasn't the same person she remembered. Even now, Andy was lying to herself as she kept on telling Miranda she was trying to be her friend. She didn't want to be Miranda's friend, not really.

Andy had already learned that she couldn't be friends with someone she was secretly in love with. She couldn't be around them and act like just being their friend was enough. Maybe she just wasn't mature enough to handle it, and maybe she would never be but she knew that if she continued to actively seek out Miranda's friendship, eventually friendship wouldn't be enough. Instead of reaching out to touch Miranda's cheek, she'd end up reaching out to kiss Miranda's lips. Instead of accepting Miranda holding her hand, she'd end up demanding Miranda slip an arm around her waist.

Yet, despite knowing all this, she still needed Miranda to believe they could be friends. "I know I am," she lied. "But I can't help it. It's the impulsive...thing, I guess." It wasn't impulsive to want to know about the person who had become an obsession. Andy knew she was beginning to mold her life around getting small scraps of knowledge about Miranda that she knew Miranda didn't release to just anyone. She wanted to see the parts of Miranda that Alain, at one time, had the privilege to see. Because really, Andy asked herself, who was Miranda underneath the glamor? And could that Miranda love her?

Again, Miranda's eyes roamed over Andy's body, and Andy tried her best to look wide-eyed and innocently naïve. When Miranda turned away, she took another sip of her glass, and settled her attention on the wall behind Andy's head. "Alain is a...estimable man, Andrea. He was fantastically supportive when I started furthering my career, and was one of the few individuals in my life that helped propel me to my current success, without me having to step over them first."

"So..." Andy blindly reached out for her own glass. She didn't really want to hear about how great of a person Alain was, especially when she was so ready to gouge his eyes out because Miranda had given him her love. "What happened?"

"What happened." Miranda's eyes dropped down. "His ego, or perhaps it was mine." Her head lifted and she released a short sigh. "Either way, we found that we were no longer compatible and the marriage was over."

"You make it sound so simplistic." Andy's voice was strained. Miranda's words had made her think of Nate, made her remember how much she suddenly missed his presence in her life. He had been a constant for so long, and now it was over. He was gone, and now she was sitting with Miranda coming undone over something as juvenile as holding hands.

Miranda sought out and then met Andy's gaze. "It is simplistic, Andrea. Actions are always simplistic. It's the emotions that make everything complicated."

Cold hard logic—Andy could at least always rely on Miranda to provide her with that. "So, why were you meeting with Alain today?"

"I've already answered that," Miranda responded as she stood up. "Did you want another drink?"

Andy looked down at the cold glass she was holding in her hands. It had suddenly become a lot more barren than she remembered it being. "Yes." She offered Miranda her empty glass. "Thank you." She followed Miranda's movements, trying to remember exactly what Miranda had said about Alain in the car. She said that his fiancee had insulted her. She said she was keeping the girls from him.

Before she could wrap her mind completely around everything Miranda had rapidly confessed to, not even a full hour ago, Miranda was handing her back her glass and sitting back down. "I don't believe that you'd keep Caroline and Cassidy away from their father just because his fiancee insulted you," Andy told Miranda.

"And what makes you believe that?"

"Because I remember sitting at your breakfast table." Andy ran her finger along the rim of her glass. "I might not have been at my best then," she laughed self-deprecatingly, "but I think I'll always remember my first breakfast with you and your girls."

A small smirk made an appearance across Miranda's features. "Ah, yes. Caroline told me, 'no'."

Andy smiled. "Yeah, I think that's the first time I've ever heard anyone say that to you."

"I can assure you that it doesn't happen often, but..." Miranda leaned back and then kicked off her stilettos, "the girls are getting older and determinedly more defiant." She curled her legs up under her, looking more relaxed than Andy had ever seen her before. She suspected that the alcohol was starting to grab hold of Miranda, making her less defensive and more talkative.

"I was horrible to my parents when I was a teenager," Andy confessed. "They worked so hard to give me a quiet, normal life and I did everything to change that."

Miranda leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I'm not terribly surprised by that. You've always seemed intent on causing me problems."

"How?" Andy asked, trying to not be offended by Miranda's accusation. Her entire job as Miranda's assistant had consisted of doing her very best to make Miranda's life easier. She solved Miranda's problems before Miranda even knew that she had them. She had always been up before dawn to make sure that everything was ready for Miranda before she walked into the office. She went to bed often well past one in the morning most nights working on whatever last minute project the girls had needed to turn in for school, or Miranda had needed done. She had hardly ever got a chance to sleep or eat, and still Miranda thought that Andy caused problems?

Miranda's eyes opened. "You really don't know, do you?"

Andy felt like there was so much she didn't know, it was hard for her to try and grasp onto the specific thing Miranda was talking about. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, her head dipping towards the ground. "I um...I don't know what you're talking about," she softly admitted.

"You're quite self-centered, Andrea, you realize that." Miranda's conversational tone, sent another wave of righteous anger through Andy's body. The most self-centered person Andy had ever met was calling _her_ self-centered?

Andy decided she didn't like Miranda after imbibing alcohol. "I should probably leave," she laid her glass on the coffee table in front of her. "I have some writing to do."

"If you walk away now," Miranda warned as Andy began to stand up, "I'll never let you into my home again." She suddenly sounded very sober, although Andy could tell by the slightly glassy look in Miranda's eyes that she wasn't.

Andy sat back down, reached for her drink, and then gulped down what was left in the glass. "Can I get up to make myself another drink?" She held up her empty glass.

"You may."

Andy nodded as she got up. She made sure to grab Miranda's glass, quickly deciding that perhaps she should just give in and get as drunk as possible so that she could make all the emotion she had building up inside of her disappear. She assumed that the girls weren't home, and if Miranda was going to drink herself into oblivion then Andy was going to join her. "So, why am I self-centered?" She asked as she poured the Grey Goose into their glasses.

Miranda laughed. "There are times, Andrea, when you really do remind me of myself." She laughed again. "And in case you're curious, no; that wasn't meant as a compliment."

Andy turned around to face Miranda. "I think you're drunk."

Miranda's eyes once again, closed. "Not yet I'm not."

"You just insulted yourself." Andy picked up the drinks she had just made and then walked back over to Miranda. "I'd say you're drunk."

"I often insult myself," Miranda's head fell into her waiting hands. "I just never do it loud enough for other's to overhear."

Andy set the glasses down, and now that the vodka was running through her veins, she fell on bended knee in front of Miranda. "You're being entirely too honest, Miranda." Andy said, thinking that perhaps using the same words as Miranda had used on her would sober Miranda up just a little.

Miranda slowly raised her head. "Everyone thought I was crazy for hiring you, and they thought I was crazy for letting you go unscathed. I've protected you, Andrea, even when it wasn't in my best interest to do so. You've always been too self-absorbed to realize it, always too preoccupied with your personal dramas to see beyond your own misery. Have you realized yet, why you couldn't be happy working at _The New York Mirror_?"

Andy's immediate response was to say that she realized she had been unhappy there because a void had been created in her life, and the only person she knew that could fill it was Miranda. But she suspected that wasn't the answer Miranda was wanting to hear. "I was bored," she said instead.

"No," Miranda replied as she stood up.

"Okay." Andy stood up as well. "Then why?"

Miranda picked up one of the drinks Andy had made. "You couldn't be happy, because I already made you better than that place." She greedily drank from her glass. "I had already taught you more than the_ Mirror _ever could."

Miranda had taught her? No. Miranda had demanded and somehow Andy had figured out how to swim instead of giving in and drowning. But, Miranda had given her the chance to swim in the first place. "Why do you want to talk about this, Miranda?" She didn't want to deal with this. It was becoming too much, and she knew that if she didn't leave then she would do something or say something that she couldn't take back, but Miranda wasn't going to let her walk away. Miranda always made her stay and deal with where her impulsiveness got her.

Miranda looked suddenly lost. "I don't know." She had finished her drink. "Perhaps, you should leave." She turned away and Andy got the reprieve she was looking for, but she wasn't at all thankful for it. Miranda was shutting her out again, and Andy was discovering that her endurance to fight her way back in no longer existed, and in its absence all she could feel was the raw marks of emotions that Miranda always made her feel.

"If you kick me out," Andy stepped closer to Miranda, "then I'm never coming back." It was a lie, but it was the only threat Andy had. She couldn't hurt Miranda like Miranda could hurt her. Andy knew she didn't have that kind of power over the other woman. All Andy had were idle threats.

Miranda's eyes narrowed. "Don't challenge me, Andrea. You'll lose."

"Well," Andy threw her hands helplessly up in the air, "I already feel like I'm losing. I don't even know how this conversation even started." Her body was on fire and she let her anger give her the strength she needed to stay. She took another step closer to Miranda. "You're acting like I suddenly disgust you."

Miranda's hands went to her hips. "You do."

Andy didn't know Miranda well enough to know what to do or how to respond. It wasn't every day someone told her that they were disgusted by her. "Why?" She choked on the word, but she needed to ask it before she left.

"Because," Miranda's right hand ran up from her waist to the base of her neck, "Andrea, you're breaking me."

Andy had only ever seen Miranda cry once, and she remembered that night very well because it had been the last one she had spent with Miranda. Finally, Miranda had been showing that she was human and Andy felt compelled to defend her against Christian because of it. She never thought she would ever see Miranda cry again, and she never thought she'd see Miranda crying because of her. "I won't let you fall apart." She reached out for Miranda, placing her hand on the exact spot Miranda's right hand had vacated.

Miranda looked down at Andy's hand but didn't remove it. "You should leave."

"I know," Andy whispered before she leaned forward and in her final act of desperation kissed Miranda. She felt Miranda stiffen in her grasp, but she wouldn't let Miranda pull away. The alcohol she had so readily consumed was giving her baser instinct a free pass, and she couldn't force herself to rein it back in. Miranda tasted like Grey Goose and lime, and her lips were soft, and since she knew she was already making the biggest mistake of her life, Andy held on and wouldn't let go of the suicidal moment.

Miranda's lips started to move against hers and Andy didn't think as she pushed the kiss further. Her tongue slid over Miranda's lips and she groaned as Miranda's mouth slid open. When Andy finally pulled away, both her hands were on Miranda's hips , teetering on the edge of exploring the curves underneath her fingertips. And since she knew she would never have a chance at this again, Andy let her hands wander, and she again covered Miranda's mouth with her own.

She felt Miranda's hands on her body, but she ignored them because she knew they were probably going to make her stop. So, she kept on. Her hands slid under Miranda's blouse, and when they didn't have enough room to maneuver she tore the blouse open. She knew every decision she made was bringing her closer and closer to ultimate disaster, but she wasn't going to stop because then she'd have to deal with the eventual consequences. So, she kept on. She kept on exploring Miranda's body, she kept on running her mouth over Miranda's skin. She kept on until she was leaning over Miranda, somehow having found a solid surface to support them, and was plunging her fingers into Miranda's center, the smell of sex permeating the air around them. And as she felt Miranda's inner walls contracting against her fingers, she finally stopped and looked down into Miranda's eyes.

That's when she realized her mistake. They had both been too drunk to fuck.


	19. Peccancy

**I don't own DWP**

Peccancy

Miranda looked in the mirror as she carefully reapplied her makeup. She had just finished dressing, and knew she didn't have much time left before her solitude would be broken. She had told Caroline and Cassidy that she would be taking them to dinner and her girls had never been very patient, nor were they entirely thrilled with the prospect of spending a Friday evening with their mother. They had made their own plans to go out with their friends, but Miranda had made them cancel. It was important that she spend time with her girls, especially since she had decided that they would be returning to their father.

Alain would make arrangements for Cassidy to pursue her interest in that dreadful reenactment of Shakespeare she was attempting and he would ensure that Caroline could...do whatever it was she wished. During their dinner, Miranda would tell the girls that she had already contacted Alain and informed him that they would be staying with him for the duration of the summer, and that they would all get together and have a family dinner, Rayne included, sometime in the near future.

It was for the best. Miranda wasn't feeling all that maternal at the moment, and besides, the girls needed their father. Alain was too in love to see his fiancee's obvious flaws, and it was useless to continue to try to change his mind. When Rayne ended up breaking his heart, divorcing him, and taking most of his money, then Alain would see his mistake. Until then, Miranda would support his efforts to include the girls in his life. God knew they needed Alain's stability.

Miranda closed her eyes as she leaned forward onto the counter in front of her, feeling decidedly unstable. She was sure that if she lifted her hands again, that they would be shaking and she wouldn't know how to control them. She felt very much on the verge of backing out of the dinner she had planned and curling up in her bed eager for a brand new day. She couldn't cast aside her memories of that afternoon, and she desperately needed to if she was going to sit down at a table across from her girls and explain to them that she was releasing them to their father. She needed to forget that she had undoubtedly lost control and that her reactions to that loss had been extreme. She had allowed Andrea to kiss her, to touch her, to... She had allowed it all and had manufactured the possibility of it the moment she had grabbed onto Andrea's hand in the car.

She had been feeling unsettled, and she disliked the feeling so much that she had lead her and Andrea down a path neither of them could turn away from now. Sex had always been a means for her to take control of her physical body as she felt the slip of her mental one. Sex was easy, and it had been no different with Andrea. It had been all too easy. Andrea had thought she was drunk, obviously not knowing exactly how much alcohol it would have taken to so drastically effect her.

No, Miranda slowly opened her eyes, she hadn't been drunk. The vodka had calmed her, but not intoxicated her. She had been a heavy drinker since she was a teenager, having to learn the fine art in order to keep up with the crowd she so eagerly wished to be a part of. She had to stay up all night drinking champagne in the famous VIP areas of nightclubs, eating caviar, dancing, and unafraid to have sex in the backs of limousines. She had gone through so many men, using each one as a networking tool, one after another until she no longer needed them for their connections and only wanted them for their sex. She had never slept with any of her superiors, that would have denigrated her character, but there was nothing wrong with dating a man in photography who happened to know another in publishing. She hadn't earned her fame by sitting at home watching prime time television. She had worked for it, both in the office and out of it.

So when Andrea's brown eyes had looked down at her in that final moment, Miranda had seen fear there, because Andrea didn't understand what had just happened. She saw Andrea awake from their concupiscent coupling realizing just what it was they had done. That's when Andrea had jumped up as if Miranda had turned into a poisonous snake. She tried to apologize, but Miranda wouldn't listen. She didn't need to hear Andrea's apologies, and she didn't want them. Andrea had done nothing to apologize for. Nothing had happened that Miranda hadn't wanted, hadn't foreseen, and, Miranda straightened meeting her own eyes in the mirror and admitted to herself, it had felt... good. Andrea's fingers pushing in and out of her had felt good. Feeling Andrea's body against hers had felt good, even through the barrier of clothing. Gaining back some of her control through physical release had felt good. It had all been very pleasant, until Andrea looked down at her and ruined it all.

Miranda had taken back the power she had been seeking out through their fevered encounter, but Andrea had seemed to have become completely lost. Once again, Miranda had proven that when her control was slipping, she could always get it back using one method or another. She often was proud of her ability to regain dominance, but she wasn't feeling particularly proud at the moment. She suspected that her conscience was being laminated with guilt, and she was already punishing herself for it.

Her girls were going back to Alain. She had agreed to sit down and have dinner with Rayne, and she had even apologized to Alain for being unreasonable. He hadn't even bothered to ask why she had so suddenly changed her mind. He just accepted the change and asked when he could expect the girls. If he suspected that anything umbrageous was going on, then he had not mentioned it.

"Mom," Caroline called out as she opened Miranda's bathroom door, "are you ready to go yet?"

Miranda brushed back her hair. "Of course I am, darling."

"Good." Caroline turned away. "Cassidy and I are really hungry."

Miranda followed her daughter out of her room. "You've decided where you want to go."

Caroline nodded. "We already called Emily and told her to reserve us a table."

"Very well then. We can discuss what you and your sister want to do for the rest of the evening in the car." Miranda had canceled her plans for the night so that she could spend the entire night with her girls, meaning she had canceled her dinner meeting with some prominent investors for _Men's Runway_ and had angered Irv. It was further punishment for the act she had committed against Andrea. Perhaps if she caused herself enough professional and personal chaos then she'd get rid of the annoying little urge to apologize. What she had done hadn't been a mistake. It had been necessary, and she refused to let guilt effect her better judgment.

She followed her girls to the waiting car, and then silently listened to them bicker with each other over whose turn it was to decide what they would do with the rest of their evening. Cassidy wanted to go see some play or another being performed by a theater group Miranda had never heard of and Cassidy simply wanted to go see a movie that had real actors in it. When asked for her opinion she simply told her daughters that the decision was for them to decide. Truthfully, neither prospect seemed terribly inviting, but she was determined to sit through whatever dreadful experience her girls had in store for her.

When they finally arrived at the restaurant, Cassidy and Caroline were still fighting and still Miranda let them. She continued to say nothing as she looked down at her menu and when she ordered her meal. She said very little, and was slightly startled when she felt Cassidy's hand on her arm pulling up her sleeve to reveal a red jagged mark covering her forearm.

"What happened?" Her daughter asked.

Miranda looked down at her arm, having already identified the mark on her skin earlier when she had taken a shower after Andrea had left. She couldn't clearly remember how she had gotten it, but suspected the jagged mark was made by one of Andrea's fingernails. "I scratched myself," Miranda answered, forcing herself to keep her arm still and not pull away from her daughter's probing fingers.

"How?" Cassidy pulled Miranda's arm closer to her.

"It looks like it hurt," Caroline said as she leaned forward to get a better look at the mark that had garnered her sister's attention.

"I scraped it on the edge of my desk." Miranda pulled her arm back. "It doesn't hurt." She had hardly felt it when it happened, and could hardly feel it now. "Anyway, my arm isn't important. I think you should know that your father and I have decided that you will spend the rest of your summer with him."

"What?" Cassidy's eyes moved from Miranda's forearm to her eyes. "I can't go to Dad's now."

"Yes, you can." Miranda leaned back, "and you will. Your father will make arrangements for you to continue your involvement in your play."

"This is stupid." Caroline threw her napkin onto the table. "I won't go."

"You will go," Miranda repeated. "You can, of course, visit me every other weekend as you do your father during the school year, but you will be living with your father."

"Dad won't let me be in the play," Cassidy whined. "He didn't even come to the last play I was in."

"He was out of town and it could not be helped." Miranda rested her hands on the table's surface. "You know that."

"Rayne's going to be there," Cassidy tried again. "She hates us."

"I'm sure that's not the case." Miranda knew Rayne didn't hate the girls, because Rayne was already too consumed with hate for her and plotting amateurish ways to sabotage her character.

"You're doing this because of your new job, aren't you?" Caroline accused. "You want to get rid of us so that you don't have to worry about how much time you spend at work."

The accusation was surprising. Miranda hadn't thought the girls had even taken notice that she was in charge of launching a new magazine. They had said nothing to her about it, and she had said nothing to them. She didn't talk to her girls about her work. "That's ridiculous, Caroline. You simply need to spend time with your father."

"Whatever," Caroline said as she stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Miranda didn't protest, she let Caroline leave and watched her daughter as she walked away. Once Caroline had disappeared down the hallway leading to the restrooms, she turned her attention to Cassidy. "Did Caroline have a particularly egregious day?"

Cassidy shrugged. "I don't know." She stood up as well. "I've got to go, too," She then walked off in the same direction Caroline had escaped to.

Miranda looked around at the empty seats surrounding her. She had expected this. She knew the girls would be upset to learn that they were returning to their father, but instead of her guilt becoming somewhat mollified she decided that she actually felt worse. Caroline had accused her of casting them aside so that she could get more work done. Her daughter actually thought that little of her, thought her capable of abandoning them because she didn't want them to interfere in her life.

The cruelty of Caroline's suspicions wasn't in the accusation, Miranda realized. The cruelty lied in the partial truth hidden within Caroline's words. Miranda didn't want her girls around. She didn't want to have to look at them knowing just how much she was failing them and would continue to fail them. She would be working terribly long hours. She would miss important moments that they would have wished to share with her. Their conversations would happen mostly through a series of phone calls that wouldn't last longer than ten minute intervals, and when she was home she wouldn't be available to them because she'd be too busy fucking Andrea in a desperate attempt to regain balance in a life that was mimicking a roller coaster ride.

Miranda had no doubt that Andrea would eventually return to her. She'd want answers about what they had done, or she'd want to be given a chance to vent her anger over what had happened. Andrea was too curious and too stubborn to just walk away and never look back. Andrea would return, and when she did Miranda had every intention of using her again. Perhaps she'd call it friendship, like Andrea was so desperate to label them as. Friends could fuck each other senseless, enemies could too for that matter. Either way, Andrea would eventually realize that pursuing her ridiculous venture towards getting to know one another was pointless. Miranda was too old to start seeking out friends. She was too old to overturn her life so that she could fit a young lover, a young female lover into it.

"Mom," Cassidy stood next to the table, but didn't bother to sit back down, "Caroline and I are ready to go back home."

"Where is your sister?"

"She called Roy already." Cassidy looked behind her. "She's waiting outside for him."

"Very well." Miranda gathered up her purse, and then walked past her daughter towards the front of the restaurant. She hadn't been looking forward to sitting through a meal with her daughters, and now she was free from having to do so. When she reached the front, the car was already waiting and Caroline had already gotten inside.

"We should go to Dad's tonight," Caroline muttered, her arms crossed firmly across her chest. "The sooner the better, right?"

"You can do what you wish." Miranda kept her voice even. She wasn't going to let her daughter goad her into an argument, not when she was feeling like letting herself lose.

"But I don't want to leave tonight," Cassidy whined.

"We don't have to go together, stupid," Caroline snapped.

"Caroline," Miranda turned to face her daughter. "Be as angry with me as you like, but do not take that anger out on your sister."

Caroline sniffled and turned away from Miranda. "Whatever."

"I don't want to go to Dad's tonight," Cassidy whispered again, her hand reaching out for her mother's. "Can't we still do something together?"

Miranda looked down at Cassidy's hand, her body twitching at the unexpected contact. "Of course we can." She feigned a smile. "Did you still want to attend that theater...production?" She could already imagine the sticky floors and moldy smelling seats, accompanied by horrible lighting and actors who aspired to get to Broadway but weren't talented enough to get there.

Cassidy looked over at her sister. "Can we just go home and watch a movie instead?"

"We can do whatever you'd like," Miranda answered, doing her best to maintain the stoic facade she had especially cultivated for moments when she felt more like flogging herself than continuing on with the actions she had already set into motion.

The rest of the ride back to their home was made in silence. Cassidy kept hold of Miranda's hand and Caroline's attention kept focused on whatever they passed by. She didn't turn back to look at her mother or sister until the car had stopped in front of their home. "I'm going to call Dad," she murmured once they had entered the townhouse.

"You're welcomed to join us for the rest of the evening," Miranda offered as she watched Caroline move towards the stairs thinking that perhaps if she gave her daughters this last night with them then she wouldn't feel quite so bad for pushing them away. If she was a good mother for the night, maybe it was possible that they would remember it and the night would stay in their memories as the summer progressed and they saw less and less of her. "None of us have gotten a chance to eat anything yet. We could order in something, if you'd like."

Caroline looked to be thinking about Miranda's offer before she turned back around and said from over her shoulder, "I'm sure Dad has food."

Miranda sighed and then turned to Cassidy. "Did you want to order food? You must be hungry."

Cassidy nodded and then walked off. Miranda went to the media room, sat down on the sofa, closed her eyes and waited for her daughter to appear. She didn't know how long she had been waiting before she felt someone sit down next to her. "Have you chosen the movie you wish to see?" Miranda asked, keeping her eyes shut.

"I don't want to go."

Miranda opened her eyes as she slowly turned her head to look down at her daughter. "Caroline, your father loves you."

Caroline's eyes were focused on her lap, her hands pulling at the hem of her shirt. "Do you?" She softly asked.

"Why would you even ask that?" Miranda kept her body still, despite her instincts telling her to move away so that she could better protect herself from her daughter's ire.

"Do you?" Caroline asked again. "Because I don't think you do," she added before her mother could respond. "You always seem like you're around us because you have to be, not because you want be with us."

When Miranda was younger, she had never thought about having children. She honestly hadn't really wanted them. She didn't want to risk doing as bad of a job with her children as her parents had done with her, but Alain had wanted to be a father. He had always loved children and wanted to share his life with them. Their decision to have children had been put off as long as Miranda could biologically do so, but when time had been running out, Miranda finally gave in and agreed to bring a child into their lives. She hadn't expected to have twins, and she had been truly terrified after Caroline and Cassidy had been born.

Miranda remembered looking down into their cribs at the hospital, having no idea what she was going to do with two daughters. She was afraid to hold them, afraid to taint them with whatever emotional retardation that had infected her. She knew that children needed their mother's love, and Miranda was unsure she could show them that. She didn't know how, and it would seem that she still hadn't learned how to show her children that she cared for them. "I'm sorry."

Caroline's eyes widened and her head shot up, clearly surprised by Miranda's apology.

"Displaying my...affection has never been a great gift of mine," Miranda confessed. "My own inability has obviously negatively affected you and your sister and I apologize for that."

"What's wrong?" Cassidy asked as she entered the room. "Why is Mom crying?"

Caroline shrugged. She looked lost and uncomfortable. Miranda was sure that she had never cried in front of either of her daughters before. "I've let you down," Miranda turned to Cassidy. "I realize that."

"Oh." Cassidy looked around the room, her eyes no longer able to focus on her mother. "I ordered food."

Miranda reached out and laid her hand across Caroline's knee. "I will do what I can to spend time with you both over the rest of the summer, but I can't keep you from your father."

"Okay." Caroline looked to her sister. "I didn't call Dad yet. We can leave tomorrow."

Cassidy nodded. "Cool." She walked over to the sofa and then sat down on the other side of her mother. "I think we should watch _Chicago_ again."

Caroline curled up against Miranda. "Not everyone loves musical theater like you do, Cassidy. I want to watch thedocumentary _The Corporation_."

"What do you want to see, Mom?" Cassidy asked.

Her girls were acting strangely, as if they hadn't really noticed her tears, and suddenly didn't care about going to their father's. Miranda knew that she should finish this conversation with them. She needed to talk to them about how much she loved them or tell them that she had never really meant to cast them aside. She should tell them that she had every intention to do better. She still hadn't told them about their future dinner with Rayne. There was so much she could say, there was always so much she could say, but she kept her silence like all the other times she kept silent while the people around her were looking at her waiting for some sign that she cared more than her schooled features let on. "We can watch both."

"We're watching _Chicago _first," Cassidy yelled as she ran up to the DVD player. Within moments, the movie had started up and both of her girls were curled up against her. The dinner Cassidy had ordered came and they then ate in front of the television, something Miranda had never allowed them to do before. When Cassidy's movie ended, Caroline inserted the documentary she had wanted to watch. Miranda focused on the television in front of her, part of her wondering just how she had managed to raise such different personalities, the other part of her wondering why sitting with her daughters had made her feel less guilty than the punishment she had been so eager to inflict on herself had.

Throughout the rest of the night, her girls stayed close to her and when they went to bed she stayed with them until they fell asleep. Cassidy said it was their first slumber party together, and Miranda let her think that. She didn't tell her daughters that she'd often watch them sleep, wondering just how it was she had ever gotten the chance to become their mother. She sat with them, listening to them breathing, until she could no longer put off doing something she knew she couldn't give herself enough time to talk herself out of.

She wasn't completely comfortable leaving the girls alone at night, but they were getting older and it wasn't as if they lived in the worse neighborhood in America. Miranda didn't call Roy, she got out her own car keys instead and pulled her Porsche out for the first time in a while. She kept the radio off as she drove, preferring the silence over whatever tacky song would be playing on the radio. When she finally reached her destination, she parked and tried not to think about what might happen to her vehicle while she foolishly gave into an idiotic impulse.

It didn't take long for her to find the apartment she was looking for, but it took her longer to talk herself into knocking on the door.

"Miranda?" Andrea asked as the door swung open. "Are you here to kill me?"

"Don't think I haven't thought about it," Miranda responded as she welcomed herself into Andrea's home. She took a quick look around, not terribly impressed with the décor, but she hadn't really been expecting much. Truthfully, Andrea's apartment seemed more furnished than Miranda's had been when she had moved out of her father's home after he had threatened to kick her out of his home if she didn't return to school.

Andrea leaned against the now closed door. "What is it you want?"

"Earlier this afternoon something happened that shouldn't have," Miranda began.

"I know," Andrea's eyes closed and her head fell against the door. "I'm sorry. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am."

Miranda took in a depth breath. "You seem to have misunderstood the situation, Andrea."

Andrea's eyes slowly opened. "I know I have. It was a mistake, I get it. We were both drunk and I was upset about...everything and I know that you've been upset about...stuff, and we should forget that any of it happened. Our relationship is just," she shrugged, "professional."

Miranda found the nearest chair and then sat down, throwing her purse to the floor as she made her descent. "You've got it all worked out, then?" She sarcastically asked.

Andrea rubbed her hands across her face. "No, Miranda, I don't." Her hands fell and hit the solid door behind her. "But I...I understand that what happened shouldn't have, and I'd sort of just like to leave it at that. I really don't need to hear from you how disgusted you are with me right now."

"Okay then." Miranda looked down at the floor. "I'll just tell you the truth and I'll not repeat myself." She swallowed and then looked back up. "I manipulated you and used you. That's what happened this afternoon. I wasn't drunk. I was nowhere near being drunk. I wanted to take back control of the situation and I used sex to do that."

"Okay." Andrea nodded, her eyes shining with her unshed tears. "You should probably leave now. It's late and I'm still working on that article you wanted."

Miranda reached down and picked up her purse and then slowly stood up. "For what it's worth, I regret what happened."

Andrea could no longer hold back her tears. "I'll have the article to you by tomorrow. I'm meeting with Keyshia on Monday. I'll let you know how it goes."

Miranda nodded once. "Very well." She walked towards the door Andrea already had opened. "I'll expect the article by five tomorrow afternoon."

"You'll have it." Andrea wouldn't meet Miranda's eyes. "I'm not going back to your home, though, and you're not welcomed back here."

"I understand." Miranda stepped through the open door, and didn't turn around as she walked down the long hallway towards the exit. Considering the circumstances, her silly little confession had gone a lot better than she had thought it would. She had expected Andrea to call her names, had expected her to act out like every other person had before her. But Andrea, Miranda smiled derisively, Andrea had surprised her and showed that she had truly taken to heart the lessons Miranda had taught her. She had controlled her anger, her rage, her devastation and marched on with her professional expectations intact.

In a very peccant way, Miranda was proud of Andrea. She knew that she had that afternoon, in a very real way, broken the younger woman. She had carelessly shattered something inside of Andrea, and there was no way to piece it back together, but Andrea had survived and she hadn't forgotten her selfish ambitions. Miranda's pride stemmed from learning that when all was said and done, she had taught Andrea well. So, despite her own personal failings, she hadn't failed Andrea, not really.


	20. Six Months

Six Months

Andy sat in front of her newly purchased laptop, admiring the newness of it. It was her first big purchase since she had finally started to make money from her writing again. This month, she was able to pay the rent and all of her other bills on time without asking for assistance from her father. The Sony Vaio she was sitting in front of, was a long time in coming. It had been over six months since she had signed with her agent Keyshia, and she was just now beginning to see the real fruits of her labor. After seeing her fourth article in a nationally distributed publication, the novelty of it had worn off and at the end of the month she had still been consistently reminded that she was broke and still living off of her parents' incomes. But with her recent essay being picked up by _Dissent_ magazine, and an offer to begin covering the New York art scene for _Venus Zine_ magazine, she was making enough money to purchase something as extravagant as a new laptop that's screen wasn't cracked in the middle.

Her life was finally turning a corner, and her laptop was just one bit of proof of that. Normal everyday people still had no clue who she was, but editors were starting to recognize her name. Her articles had appeared in smaller magazines for a while, but just last month the first article Miranda had ever accepted from her appeared in _Runway_'s December issue and Keyshia's job of finding her writing assignments had become a lot easier. Miranda had given Andy her seal of approval and with that Andy had been given a free pass into the publishing world. Things were...good. She was even starting to have conversations with Miranda again that went beyond the subject of her next writing venture, though she still hadn't stepped foot into Miranda's home again and Miranda hadn't ever tried to show up at her doorstep again. They didn't socialize, and Andy preferred it stay that way. She had realized that she had sort of lost her head when she had gone to Miranda's front door six months ago to ask for employment, and she wasn't going to make that mistake again.

She had the utmost respect and professional regard for Miranda, and that was all. At least, that's all she told people when they asked her abouther personal experiences with Miranda. Andy always felt the need to leave out just how complicated her feelings towards and for Miranda really were. People didn't need to know that she and Miranda had shared anything beyond a professional acquaintance. The only person that knew all of the dirty details of what had happened between them was Aquarius. Andy couldn't even bring up the courage to tell Lily since she knew Lily had never thought much of Miranda in the first place. She hadn't even meant to tell Aquarius about it all, but Aquarius had somehow been given the gift of impeccable timing and showed up at her apartment shortly after Miranda had hit her with a figurative two by four.

Aquarius had gotten in another fight with Lily, and since she had no other place to stay she had gone to Andy. Andy hadn't wanted to let her in, having wanted to just be left alone, but Aquarius talked her way in anyway with threats of sleeping outside her door. So, Andy had let Aquarius inside and Andy confessed to everything that had happened between her and Miranda. Aquarius had quietly listened to Andy's hysterical rant, and when Andy had become consumed with tears Aquarius had held her until she fell asleep.

The next day, Lily came by Andy's apartment to apologize to her cousin and bring her back to her own apartment, but that didn't happen. Instead of staying with her cousin for the rest of the summer, Aquarius had stayed with Andy and hadn't managed to yet leave. Somehow, Miranda had worked her sorcery and had convinced Aquarius to work for her as her new second assistant. When it came time for Aquarius to return to Cornell, Miranda had worked her black magic again and somehow arranged it so that Aquarius got credit hours for working at_ Runway_, and received a scholarship, full tuition paid.

Andy and Aquarius never talked about Miranda, and Aquarius never really talked about her experiences at _Runway_. She never asked Andy for advice and didn't talk about anyone in the Elias-Clarke building. Andy had tried once to ask about Aquarius's day at work, but all Aquarius said was that Miranda sort of reminded her of a insane basketball coach she had in high school that had thrown a chair at her head. She would sometimes mention particular things that she needed to do for work, but most of the time she kept _Runway_ and Miranda outside of the apartment.

Andy shook her head, and refocused her attention on her new laptop. Aquarius had helped her pick it out, although Aquarius freely admitted that although she was a science nerd, she knew nothing about computers. Andy had learned that Aquarius's intelligence was actually very specialized. Aquarius could recall random facts from an absurd amount of topics, she participated in philosophical arguments about cultural constructs, but she still couldn't figure out how to use the coffeemaker and could never remember where she left her keys. She had a terrible memory when it came to taking care of her personal life, and often forgot when the rent was due. It was at times exceedingly hard to keep her focused on one thing, but she was still the easiest person Andy had ever lived with. Andy just had to ban Aquarius from making coffee, and had to, at times, be prepared for Aquarius to call her at random times to confess she had once again misplaced her keys.

The knock on the door took Andy's attention away from opening up her word processor. She had an article she was supposed to be writing about one of the young female artists that made it into Lily's next gallery showing, and Miranda wanted the article by tomorrow morning since the _Venus Zine _editor wanted the article by the following afternoon. She got up from the desk Aquarius had bought her as a Christmas present from Crate and Barrel. She had measured the small space available and installed a mini-office. Andy appreciated the workspace, but she knew the real reason Aquarius had gotten it for her was because she was tired of kicking paper out of her way as she walked around their living room.

"It's not possible that you lost your keys again," Andy said as she opened the door for Aquarius.

"No, smart ass," Aquarius brushed by Andy, her hands full with grocery bags. "I was just too lazy to try and dig them out."

"You went shopping?" Andy asked as she closed the door. "Why?"

Aquarius moved through their living space until she was in the small kitchen. "Obviously you haven't looked in the refrigerator lately."

Andy followed Aquarius into the kitchen. "I've been busy." She looked into one of the bags. "Did you get anything good?" She was suddenly feeling very hungry, realizing she had been too busy to eat. "I'm starving."

"No," Aquarius deadpanned. "I only got horrible tasting things. I'm trying a new diet."

"Now who's being a smartass?" Andy joked as she moved closer to Aquarius.

"Shouldn't you be doing something productive?" Aquarius closed the refrigerator door. "I seem to remember you having an assignment or three."

Andy placed her hands on Aquarius's waist. "I'm working on it."

Aquarius looked down at the hands holding onto her body. "I don't believe you."

"This is the first time I've seen you in almost two days." Andy leaned forward and ran her lips along Aquarius's throat. They hardly ever got to see each other since their schedules were often filled with events and hardly any of them ever overlapped, and when they did overlap Aquarius was busy hovering around Miranda while Andy was usually mingling with a crowd of editors and authors that couldn't yet remember her name.

"I thought you were hungry?" Aquarius allowed Andy to push her up against the refrigerator.

Andy pulled away. "Two days," she repeated, as her hands fell underneath Aquarius's shirt.

"God," Aquarius groaned. She leaned down and kissed Andy. She then lifted her arms so that Andy could take her shirt off. "You do remember my cousin is coming over tonight, right? And if she catches you fucking me against the refrigerator, again she's gonna kill you." She asked as Andy threw her shirt away from them.

"We've got time." Andy's hand cupped Aquarius's breast.

Aquarius smiled as she reached down and grabbed onto Andy's hands holding them into place. "Two days, huh?"

"Shut up," Andy whispered and then leaned over to kiss Aquarius again.

Aquarius pushed Andy back until Andy's ass hit the counter behind her. She unbuttoned Andy's jeans and was pulling them down when her cell phone rang. Andy let out a frustrated sigh, and started to pull away from Aquarius but Aquarius stopped her. "What are you doing?"

"Your phone's ringing," she replied, motioning towards the phone. She recognized the ring; it was Miranda calling.

"So?" Aquarius finished sliding Andy's jeans down.

Andy cupped Aquarius's face in her hands, making the other woman look into her eyes. "It's Miranda."

"Yeah?" Aquarius leaned forward and kissed Andy's stomach. "Do you really want me to give up good sex so that Miranda can act like I'm her golden retriever?"

Andy softly laughed. "Yeah, what was I thinking?" Her hands combed through Aquarius's dark hair.

"I don't think you were," Aquarius replied, her nails softly trailing up Andy's torso. "I'd much rather be bending over backwards for you." She trailed her nails back down Andy's body and then slid her hands under Andy's underwear pulling the thin piece of cloth down. "But first," she licked at Andy's sex, "I'm going to fuck you like I haven't seen you in two decades."

"Fuck," Andy gasped her hips pushing her further towards Aquarius's mouth.

Aquarius's phone rang again, but they both ignored it. Andy realized that this was just one way she could draw a thick line comparison between her and Aquarius. Andy would have answered her phone, and she would have left Aquarius alone in the kitchen if her work demanded it. She had done it before, and she didn't doubt that she would do it again. Her work life bled into her personal one and she let it, but Aquarius didn't allow work to invade her home. She kept the things separate, even with the demanding schedule Miranda forced her to keep. That didn't mean that she was home by five o'clock every day or that she didn't spend obscene amounts of time off doing Miranda's bidding, but when she was present then she was always completely present. She wasn't halfway gone thinking about her next assignment or how her future was going to work out. Aquarius just lived in the moment, and when the moment was over then it was irrevocably over.

That was one of the things Andy enjoyed most about Aquarius, but it was also one of the things she hated the most. Aquarius was always committed to the moment, but she never committed to anything past it. Aquarius had been clear about that when Andy had made it obvious she intended to eventually see Aquarius naked and wanting. A part of her had just wanted Aquarius to make her forget anything Miranda had made her feel, and she wanted to feel good about herself again; she wanted to be in control. Aquarius easily gave her that, but she didn't make Andy any promises. She wouldn't promise to stick around longer than it took to pack up her clothes, she didn't promise to be monogamous, and most of the time Andy had no idea what Aquarius did when she wasn't around, but when she was around she was always there one-hundred percent. Andy either got all of her or none of her; it was never halfway.

It had been two months since Andy had first become Aquarius's lover, and even after Lily had walked in on them having sex on the couch, she still couldn't bring herself to regret any of it. She had been needy and broken down when she had first kissed Aquarius, and now she was mostly okay with what had happened between her and Miranda. She sometimes remembered odd little details about Miranda at random inconvenient times, like now when Aquarius was on her knees focusing all of her attention on bringing Andy to the best orgasm she had ever had to date.

So, Andy supposed it was fair that Aquarius never made her any promises since Andy was never completely present, even when Aquarius was going down on her. She still silently hoped that one day she would truly get over Miranda, get past how fucked up Miranda had left her, because she did want to try to be with Aquarius past the occasional dinner, movie and great sex. She wanted to start asking Aquarius to make her promises, but she knew that as long as she woke up in the morning after having a dream about Miranda and still thought of Miranda right before she went to sleep, then she couldn't ask Aquarius much of anything and Andy suspected that Aquarius knew that and in some ways took advantage of it.

Aquarius was charismatic and attractive. She made acquaintances easily, and she often seemed too perfect to be real. After living with Aquarius for the last six months, Andy had learned that her roommate was too real to be perfect. She used her charisma and attractiveness to gain what she wanted and she never made friends out of her acquaintances. She let people believe in her and then she just sort of disappeared like she never cared for them in the first place.

But, Andy's stomach muscled tightened preparing for the wave of release her body was quickly approaching, Aquarius hadn't disappeared on her yet. So, maybe asking for some type of promise wouldn't be too far fetched.

* * *

"You do know your ice cream is melted, right?" Lily said as she held up the carton of chocolate chip ice cream for Andy to see. "Did you forget to put it in the refrigerator?"

Andy couldn't control the blush that slowly covered her face. "I guess so," she answered turning away.

Lily raised an eyebrow and lowered the carton. "Why are you blushing about ice cream?"

Andy shrugged. "I'm not blushing." She turned her attention back to her laptop. She still had an article to write, and she was determined to get it done. Lily had arrived just as Aquarius was rushing out the door to take care of something for _Runway_, so Andy was left with trying to entertain her best friend while trying to write her article. She had given Lily permission to ransack the kitchen to try and find something to eat. She had completely forgotten about the melted ice cream.

"Did something sick and wrong happen with this ice cream and my cousin?" Lily asked, holding the carton further away from her body as if it had suddenly become infected with a contagious deadly disease.

"Of course not." Andy kept her eyes focused on her computer screen. "It just happened next to the ice cream."

Lily laid down the melted ice cream. "We've talked about this, Andy. You can't talk to me about my baby cousin having sex with you."

Andy smirked. "Who said anything about sex?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm not going to listen to this." She turned around and then walked back into the kitchen and mere moments later walked back out of it. "I can now never go in your kitchen again, you know. Just like I can't ever sit on your couch again." She motioned towards the couch. "Pretty soon, I'll never be able to come over again. We'll have to meet in neutral territory only."

Andy rolled her eyes. "Lily, come on?"

" Look, I'm all for you and my cousin being happy but I don't need to hear about _how_ happy." Lily put her hands on her hips. "You understand?"

Andy's smirk fell. "Sure, I get it."

"Andy?" Lily's hands fell. "What's wrong? I was just joking, okay? If you really want to talk to me about sex with my cousin..."

"No," Andy interrupted. "I don't, not really."

"Oh." Lily moved closer to where Andy was sitting. "Then, what's wrong?"

Andy sighed, her eyes finally lifting from her computer screen. "I think I'm falling for her, Lily."

"Oh, Andy," Lily moaned. "I warned you about that."

"I know." The first free moment Lily had after she had caught Andy and Aquarius having sex, Lily had made a point to give Andy fair warning about why it was she and Aquarius fought all the time. It wasn't just because Lily was a little controlling over Aquarius's life, but also because Lily had problems with the way Aquarius acted. She didn't like that Aquarius would cancel on her with only a minutes notice. She didn't like that her cousin wouldn't commit to anything even something as simple as spending the holidays with their family. Her cousin was inconsistent at the best of times, and at the worst she was still that bitter girl who's father had been so inconsiderate as to die at an early age.

Lily had given Andy fair warning about what being with her cousin might mean, and for the most part, Andy had ignored her. She still wanted to ignore everything Lily said about Aquarius, but she couldn't when she was sort of falling for her. "It's messed up, Lil," Andy confessed. "Because I'm still sort of in... love...with Miranda."

Lily's eyes widened. "Miranda? Do you even still talk to her?"

Andy's head fell into her waiting hands. "Almost every day."

"Still?" Lily leaned against the nearest solid surface. "I didn't know that."

" Because it's messed up." Not many people knew the extent of her and Miranda's relationship, not even Keyshia. Andy hadn't gone back to Miranda's home, but she had shown up at _Runway_ and she did talk to Miranda on the phone almost every day. They were in constant awkward contact. They even talked to each other in public when at the same functions, but they weren't friends and no one knew just how much Miranda had done for Andy's career.

"Does Aquarius know about that?" Lily haltingly asked.

Andy raised her head. "I don't know. We...don't really talk...about things."

"Well you should." Lily stood back up. "I know I warned you about my cousin, but I don't want you breaking her heart either." She crossed her arms in front of her. "I just always kind of thought you were more fragile than her."

"I'm messed up, Lily." Andy whispered. "Despite everything Miranda's done, there's still some fucked up part of me that wants to hear her voice." She rubbed at her eyes. "And then there's that other part of me that's falling for your cousin because Aquarius is sexy and smart, and she just..." She released a frustrated groan. "But she's just so..."

"I know," Lily laid a comforting hand on Andy's arm. "Andy?" She chuckled. "I think you have a thing for women you can't have."

"Oh god." Andy ran her hands across her face. "You're right." She had horrible taste in women.

"Yeah." She reached across Andy and shut the top of Andy's laptop. "So what we're going to do now is go out, have a few drinks, and get you away from your female drama."

"I can't go anywhere," Andy protested even though she was letting Lily pull her up from her chair. "I have to finish writing my article."

"You need to get away more." Lily kept on pulling on Andy's arm and only let go when they reached the front door. "You'll finish the article; you always do. Right now, just you and me are going to hang out and I'll tell you all about my life for a change."

Andy's brow scrunched. "Did you just call me self-centered?" The word was still a soar spot for her since Miranda had used the term right before they had sex.

"I wouldn't dare." Lily pushed Andy through the now open door. "Let's go."

Andy followed Lily out, letting Lily used her own key to lock the door. She knew it was a bad idea to leave without having gotten her work done, but getting away seemed like a good idea. She had been cooped up in the apartment all day, working on the projects that had been handed to her, and the more time she spent alone the more time she spent thinking about the last six months of her life, and the more she realized just how messed up things actually were.


	21. Symbiosis

Symbiosis

It had been a long week, but then again, every week leading up to and following the official launch of _Men's_ _Runway_ had been a long week. The hours Miranda spent in the office had skyrocketed and the only free time she had was spent with her girls trying to convince them that she hadn't abandoned them to the tortures of their wicked stepmother. She had done her best to delegate the workload she had taken on, but even with hiring new staff, the brunt of the work still rested on her desk for final approval, and that often meant that even after she came home in the evening she still had more work to do than hours to do it in.

It was already well past midnight and she was just now getting a chance to look over the book Emily had delivered hours ago. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten a full night's rest, and knew that her body was starting to succumb to the stress, but she adamantly refused to give in to something as common as exhaustion. _Men's_ _Runway_ had set record numbers in its premier issue and once again Miranda had proven that she was the absolute best in the business, and the best didn't do superficial things like sleep or pass out from fatigue.

Unfortunately, her professional success had not bled through into her personal one. Her girls had seen less and less of her and they had decided to live with their father full time, even after he had gone ahead and married Rayne. She saw them every weekend and every time they had any disagreement with their stepmother, which actually put them back under her roof most of the days out of the week. The only real time they spent at their father's was when they felt the need to punish Miranda by depriving her of their presence. She had tried to give them more of her time, but she simply didn't have it to give.

She had agreed to run _Men's_ _Runway_ for its first year and then she would hand it over to a successor of her choosing. Nigel was the natural choice, of course, but he hadn't yet started to transition to his new position since Miranda hadn't found a replacement for him in _Runway_. The list of things she still had to accomplish was never ending, but since she was Miranda Priestly she did her very best to shuffle the world around without it looking like a struggle.

So, even if she felt like her body was unable to stay upright another moment, she still reached out and flipped open the book so that she could start making note of the changes that needed to be made for _Runway_. She uncapped her pen and then rubbed at her temples before she forced her eyes to focus on the pages below her.

"Here." Miranda looked up at Aquarius as her intern set a hot cup of tea down next to her. "Miranda, you look like you're about to drop."

Miranda turned her eyes back to the book below her. "Apparently, you haven't died. I expected you back hours ago."

"So did I." Aquarius leaned against Miranda's desk. "But it wasn't easy talking Norman into opening back up his studio."

"If I wanted to hear excuses," Miranda flipped past the page she had been looking over, "then I would have sent another assistant in your place."

Aquarius chuckled. "It's terribly unfair that you send me out to accomplish the impossible and then don't let me brag about it when I do." She held up a portfolio and then laid it down in front of Miranda.

Miranda chose not to respond. Instead, she opened up the portfolio and pulled out the photographs that were laying inside of it. She quickly shuffled through them until one caught her attention. "Norman didn't take this one." She handed the photo over to Aquarius.

Aquarius took the photo. "No. That's one of mine, but Norman will swear that he took it."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "He would." She snatched the photo out of Aquarius's loose grasp. "Congratulations, you've gotten another cover." She tossed the picture back onto her desk, and then leaned back in her chair. Her eyes settled on the cup in front of her, but she didn't move to pick it up. "Where are we with the advertisers?"

Aquarius ran her hand through her hair. "Well," she sighed. "I spoke to some people over at Gucci and they delivered some stuff for tomorrow. Calvin Klein thought I was kidding when I told them you were pulling them out of the issue."

"They delivered," Miranda raised her eyebrow, "stuff?"

Aquarius smirked. "They delivered stuff," she repeated. "But, if you insist on knowing exactly what they brought..." she reached into her jacket and pulled out a bundle of Polaroids. "I was kind enough to take these of each individual piece."

Miranda grabbed the photos and then began shuffling through them. She didn't pay any attention to Aquarius as the other woman moved away from her desk to a chair resting across from her. Since she had offered Aquarius an internship, Aquarius had spent more time in her home than any other of her assistants ever had before, and Miranda had grown accustomed to having Aquarius around. She couldn't quite recall how Aquarius had become such a fixture in her everyday life, but she supposed it probably had something to do with the emotional damage Andrea had inflicted upon her.

In the beginning, Miranda had treated Aquarius like any of her other assistants, but Aquarius hadn't acted like any of her other assistants. Aquarius didn't worship her, nor did she worship fashion, yet she was fashionable and always respectful. When Miranda had called her by another name, Aquarius had corrected her each and every time. When Miranda had set her out on errands giving her very little time to accomplish her tasks, she had somehow been able to do it. She was bold, unafraid, and smart and what she didn't know she quickly learned.

By all outward appearances, Aquarius had been the perfect find, but since Miranda didn't believe in inborn perfection, she had set out to break Aquarius down to the girl's naked flaws, and it hadn't taken her very long to find them. Miranda had seen a lot of herself inside of Andrea, but she had seen all of herself inside of Aquarius. The only difference between them being that Aquarius had no real direction, had no focus. She wasted her talents and covered up her vulnerabilities with an unmitigated ego. Aquarius knew she was intelligent. She knew she was attractive, and she knew she could use her talents to take control of her environment and to control others.

With experience on her side, Miranda had shattered Aquarius's control and broke her down until nothing was left but fractured pieces. She had lured Aquarius away from her schooling and had her removed from Cornell's student registrar's records. She had affronted Aquarius's ego by singling out her every mistake via memos sent out to the entire _Runway_ staff. She forced Aquarius to do the most demeaning of tasks she could manufacture which included but was not limited to being put at Emily's mercy as her personal assistant. She made Aquarius's life hell and she kept on hammering away at everything Aquarius thought she could control until finally Aquarius walked into her office and gave into her defeat.

With Aquarius, Miranda had been vicious and unrelenting, but when Aquarius had finally given up, she hadn't looked at Miranda with hate in her eyes; she had been too consumed with self-loathing at having failed to blame Miranda for anything. So, when Aquarius was sitting in front of Miranda, not quite sure how her world had so quickly fallen apart, Miranda had told her about her first mentor. She told Aquarius about how much she had hated being shown that she could repeatedly fail, that she was weak, and then she had offered Aquarius direction. She had simply told Aquarius, "I will teach you what you need to know," and that had been the end of it.

While still officially an intern, Aquarius's function went far beyond her title. She accompanied Miranda everywhere, even on business trips no other assistant needed to attend. She put in the same hours as Miranda from beginning to finish and she got the privilege of listening to Miranda explain her every decision in exact detail. She took part in developing the premiere issue of _Men's_ _Runway_ and every issue since. She had become Miranda's shadow and the person Miranda sent out to accomplish tasks her personal assistants could not.

Miranda had never so openly taken on a protege before, and she suspected that she never would again. She had considered it, with Andrea, but Andrea had made the correct decision in walking away from her. Things with Andrea were too complex and...emotional for anything to have come from it. Besides, Andrea wanted to change the world through her writing, and Aquarius wasn't quite as selfless. Aquarius was actually ruthlessly effective and held many of the characteristics that had been the cause of Miranda's varying regrets. One such regret had been her treatment of Andrea, and perhaps that was what had made her so uncharacteristically eager to groom Aquarius for a brighter future, and made her more susceptible to a more intimate association with Aquarius.

She wouldn't call Aquarius her friend, but they were at times friendly and Aquarius took certain liberties with her that none of her other employees would ever imagine possible. The tea Aquarius had set down in front of her was a perfect example of that. Miranda hadn't asked for tea, but Aquarius brought it anyway because Miranda suspected that Aquarius cared somewhat for her welfare. At times Aquarius's affection was unsettling, but she allowed it because walking out of Andrea's apartment six months ago had left her terribly unsettled and Aquarius's friendly attention had eased that feeling.

"Has Andrea finished her article for that dreadful publication?" Miranda asked as she finally set aside the photos Aquarius had taken.

Aquarius reached out and then picked up one of the pieces of paper Miranda had set aside hours ago. "I think she was still working on it."

"How is it coming along?" Miranda knew Aquarius lived with Andrea. She also knew that Aquarius would, at times, help Andrea with her articles and she let Miranda know if Andrea was working on anything that should be considered for _Runway_. Aquarius was much more involved in Andrea's recent success than Andrea knew, and for whatever reason Aquarius had requested it stay that way.

"I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet." She picked up a pen and started making marks on the paper Miranda had already gone through.

Miranda took off her glasses and then finally picked up the cup of tea Aquarius had given her. "Then what were you doing this afternoon while you were ignoring my phone calls?"

Aquarius didn't lift her eyes off of the paper. "I had to restock our refrigerator. I had plans to cook for my cousin tonight. I thought I should give her another chance to convince me that I'm using my artistic talents for evil instead of good."

She was intentionally veering their conversation away from Andrea, Miranda could see that, but when they spoke about Andrea Aquarius often appeared to be omitting something. Miranda knew that she had divided Aquarius's loyalties, and she also knew that if she pressed Aquarius for more information then Aquarius would eventually give in. Aquarius had already shown that Miranda had her ultimate loyalty and Miranda was careful not to abuse that, because Aquarius now knew more ways to destroy her than even Alain knew.

"You can go home, Aquarius." She had more work she could hand out, but it had been a long time since she had chosen to offer Aquarius a few work free hours. Aquarius had slept in her home for the last two nights and Miranda suddenly felt like she was meting out an unwarranted punishment.

"And why would I do something as silly as that?" Aquarius's hazel eyes finally lifted to meet Miranda's.

Miranda set the cup of tea back down onto her desk. "I suspect I know as much about your relationship with Andrea as you know about my relationship with her." It was the closest she had ever come to admitting that she knew anything about the relationship Aquarius and Andrea carried on with.

Aquarius stopped breathing. "Miranda, you're leading us dangerously close to a personal conversation that neither of us really want to have," she warned.

"Don't ever for one moment think I don't know what you are doing," Miranda said as she reached out to pick up her glasses. "Personal or otherwise." Aquarius had been right, she didn't want to have this conversation, but each day they spent in each other's company the conversation was becoming harder to avoid. Especially, when Aquarius showed up to social events with Andrea and the two pretended like they hardly even knew each other when it was obvious how close they really were.

Aquarius took in a long breath. "I'm well aware of that." She dropped the pen and paper she had picked up back onto the edge of Miranda's desk. "I think the Derek Lam boots will go well with the Gucci dress. We can put the next actress de jour in it."

"Yes." Miranda put her glasses back on as she turned her attention back to the book below her. She would not bring up Andrea again. "Has Emily talked to Roger's people yet?"

"I should let her break that bad news to you." And apparently, Aquarius was unwilling to say anything more about Andrea as well. It was probably for the best.

"Is it that bad?"

"Worse."

Miranda rapidly flipped through the pages, she felt like her energy had finally become somewhat renewed. "Then let Emily tell me tomorrow."

Aquarius softly laughed. "Great. You do remember that Jaqueline Follet's party for James Holt is tomorrow as well, right?"

Miranda continued to quickly flip through the pages. "I think I'm feeling suddenly ill."

Aquarius picked back up the page she had been reading through. "I received a personal phone call from Jaqueline this morning. She wants to take me out to lunch."

Miranda stopped reading and then slowly raised her eyebrow.

Aquarius smirked. "When was the last time you bought me lunch, Miranda?"

It was no secret that since Miranda had taken a personal interest in Aquarius, others had sought out Aquarius's attention thinking that she could somehow help them gain Miranda's favor or learn her secrets. They knew Aquarius wasn't a simpleton, and they never treated her as such, but they often made the mistake of assuming that Aquarius hated Miranda, especially for what they knew Miranda had put her through. Miranda had always encouraged Aquarius to nurture the possible relationships that were offered, because she knew it would be to their benefit in the end.

Despite not being able to completely hide her...relationship with Andrea, Aquarius was quite good at subterfuge. She was charming and she often came across as being perfectly genuine when Miranda knew she often was anything but. The interaction Aquarius had with Alain had clearly shown Miranda just how engaging Aquarius could be, and Miranda would reluctantly admit that some of Aquarius's skills were more refined than hers. It also helped that Aquarius was close to thirty years younger than her and could be distractingly attractive.

So far, Aquarius's skills had supplied Miranda with enough information to keep her busy for the next few years. And since Jaqueline hated Miranda as much as Miranda hated her, Jaqueline wanted Aquarius for herself just because Miranda had her first. It was childish and silly, but Jaqueline was bitter and her youthfulness was diminishing at an exponential rate exposing her lack of talent. The soft murmurs about James Holt firing Jaqueline were becoming louder by the day, and for some absurd reason Jaqueline falsely believed that Aquarius was at the heart of Miranda's recent successes.

It was true that Aquarius was one of the most talented photographers Miranda had ever met, but the world did not know that and would not know that. Despite having used Aquarius's work in both _Runway_ publications, Aquarius had never been given credit for it. She had allowed others to take credit for her work, because it was what was best for _Runway_ and what was best for Miranda. She didn't want to be a photographer, she never had and she had explained that to Miranda the very first time she had laid her first photo onto Miranda's desk. The reasons for Aquarius's reluctance to claim her talent was the only secret Miranda let Aquarius have.

Miranda's attention went back to the book. "You are often an unwelcome guest in my home. I think that more than makes up for not buying you lunch."

Aquarius softly laughed. "You would think that, wouldn't you? I think..." She stopped talking as her phone began buzzing. She put the pen and paper back down and then pulled out her phone to look at the display. Miranda waved Aquarius away, giving her silent permission to take the phone call. She watched as Aquarius hurriedly got up and walked out of the study, knowing that Andrea had been the one calling. Aquarius only ever got up and walked away when it was Andrea.

Miranda tightened the hold she had on her pen and released a rugged breath.

She hated Aquarius, hated her more than she had ever hated anyone. She hated Aquarius's intelligence, her beauty, her talent, her youth, she hated everything about her. At times, the hate built up so much that she could hardly swallow and she forced herself to grit her teeth to maintain her silence. She wanted to rip Aquarius apart and yell and scream at her for taking something from her that she had so wrongly handled.

And her hate was one of the only secrets Miranda knew Aquarius let her have.

Only a few scant moments went by before Aquarius returned to the study, her phone hanging uselessly at her side. "Does your offer still stand?" She asked.

Miranda forced herself to look up and meet Aquarius's eyes. "You may leave."

Aquarius nodded and then turned to walk away. "Finish your tea," she called over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Miranda watched Aquarius walk away, hating every step Aquarius took that brought her closer to Andrea. When Aquarius had finally disappeared from view, Miranda knew that if she had allowed her world to be slightly skewed, then she would manage to hate Aquarius almost as much as she hated herself.


	22. War

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada**

**War**

Andy felt like she was suffering from an out of body experience every time she walked through _Runway_'s halls. The staff didn't look at her like they had when she was a no-name assistant, but no one was falling over themselves trying to accommodate her every desire either. It was almost like they didn't know what to do with her, so they avoided eye contact and did their best to keep a safe distance away. It was almost like the sight of her caused all of them to come down with a case of resentment and fear that was incurable until Miranda entered the room and stole everyone's attention. So normally Andy would avoid making a trip to _Runway _during business hours if she could help it, but she had a meeting with Miranda and the only time Emily could fit her in was between a staff meeting and a run-through.

"Is she ready for me yet, Em?" Andy asked as she approached Miranda's office.

Emily turned her eyes away from her computer monitor, her eyes slowly taking in Andy's presence. "Her meeting ran over."

"Okay." Andy looked around and then walked towards the empty desk that used to be hers. She laid her bag down and then took a seat. "So how are things?"

Emily's eyes had already returned to her monitor. "Splendidly, since Miranda decided to pull everything from Calvin Klein at the last possible moment."

Andy gave a sympathetic nod. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No."

Conversation with Emily had never been easy, but Andy at least appreciated that Emily didn't treat her any differently than she had before. She was still curt, impatient, and had even told Andy that she didn't care that Andy was published, because to Emily, Andy was always going to be the girl in the frumpy blue sweater that got a very lucky break.

"Watch the phones," Emily ordered as she stood up. "I need to pee." She walked off obviously expecting Andy to listen to her.

Andy silently laughed but rolled her chair closer to the desk anyway. She looked around the office, wondering where Miranda's other assistants had run off to. She had never been formerly introduced to the second and third assistant, but she had seen them in passing as they were running off to take care of something for _Men's Runway_. Miranda had needed the extra help since she was now running both magazines and it wasn't possible for Emily and Aquarius to do everything that needed done. Although, by the looks of Aquarius the previous night, Miranda's new assistants weren't making Aquarius's life any easier.

When Aquarius had met up with her and Lily at an all night diner not too far from their apartment, she looked like she was on the brink of collapse. She didn't say anything about what she had been doing prior to Andy's phone call, but she did uncharacteristically admit to being glad to get a break. Andy had thought of asking what had been keeping Aquarius so busy, but she didn't want to bring it up because she knew that Miranda would end up being the center of that conversation, and she didn't want to hear about Miranda. She especially didn't want to hear about her when Aquarius smelled so freshly like Miranda's perfume and was wearing clothes Miranda had mostly likely handpicked for the previous month's issue of _Runway_.

So instead of talking about work, Andy curled up against Aquarius's body and listened as Lily and Aquarius caught up and bickered about their family. When they finally got back to their apartment, instead of falling into bed from exhaustion, Aquarius had pushed Andy down onto it and they had made love throughout what was left of the night. Andy hadn't bothered to sleep since she had to meet one of Miranda's arbitrary deadlines, and Aquarius had once again decided to forgo sleep so that she could stay up with her and help her write an article that would meet Miranda's expectations.

Nights like the previous one, were what made Andy believe she was truly in love with Aquarius. In light of all of her strengths it was easy for Andy to ignore Aquarius's flaws and Lily's warnings. It was easy to ignore that as soon as it had come time for Aquarius to leave for work, it was like a switch had been flipped and the woman that had been completely absorbed in her had immediately disappeared. Aquarius had dressed in her clothes from Ralph Lauren that cost almost as much as a half years worth of rent, and then walked out the door her focus already centered somewhere else. It was like the night had never happened, and Andy wanted to call her and ask if she would remember the last hours they had spent together or if it would disappear in Aquarius's mind behind whatever it was she did for Miranda. But Andy knew she didn't have the right to ask Aquarius those questions, not when she had stayed up all night to finish an article Miranda didn't particularly need to read. Not when she was sitting outside of Miranda's office because Miranda had unexpectedly told her to come.

Emily rushed back into the office. Andy opened her mouth to comment, but held back from saying anything as Miranda entered, Aquarius in step next to her.

"Take care of Frederick," Miranda was saying. "I honestly don't know what that man is thinking." They both walked by Andy and then straight into Miranda's office, neither of them acknowledging her or breaking their stride.

"Was Aquarius in the meeting with Miranda?" Andy asked Emily as she leaned over to get a better look at Aquarius and Miranda. It wasn't very often she saw them interacting with each other.

"Of course not." Emily looked at Andy like she had suggested they go disco dancing "Why would she be in a meeting with Miranda when she had to get everything ready for Guess? Really, Andrea, I don't think you pay any attention at all."

Andy watched as Miranda sat down and Aquarius stepped up next to her. Their voices had lowered, so she couldn't hear what they were saying, but Miranda didn't look particularly happy and Aquarius didn't look any better. Aquarius rubbed at her temples, looking frustrated. Miranda leaned back in her chair, and said something that had Aquarius grinning. Aquarius said something back, and then Miranda rolled her eyes.

"They might be in there a while." Emily's voice tore Andy's attention away from the scene playing out in front of her.

"I can come back," Andy offered. She wasn't even sure why Miranda had called her asking her to come in. She didn't think it had anything to do with the article she had emailed to Miranda earlier that morning, since it wasn't anything worthy of extra attention.

Emily didn't respond, so Andy took that to mean that she wasn't going anywhere.

"Andrea," Miranda called out only a few moments later.

Andy jumped up, picked up her bag, and then walked into Miranda's office. Aquarius was still standing next to Miranda, and Andy couldn't help but notice the air of familiarity they shared. She never liked having to see them in the same room, it was intimidating and she never knew how to act. She didn't know how much Miranda knew about her relationship with Aquarius, and she never really knew what Aquarius thought of her current working relationship with Miranda. Seeing them like this, together, it was unsettling because she thought they both looked through her like they knew everything about her and she knew nothing about them, knew nothing about what was between them.

It wasn't fair, but she didn't know how to change that. She didn't want to talk to Miranda about Aquarius, and she thought it would be self-sabotage to talk to Aquarius about Miranda. So, she kept silent and hoped that the three of them never got stuck in an elevator together. "Hey," she took a seat across from Miranda, "you wanted to see me?"

"I'm taking the article you wrote for _Dissent_ and putting it in _Men's Runway_," Miranda said, her eyes unflinchingly meeting Andy's. "The series you were supposed to write for them you will now write for me."

"But I signed a contract agreement with them." Andy hadn't expected Miranda to call her for a meeting to inform her she was going to make Andy breach a contract, but she could admit she should have seen it coming. Miranda had paid extra attention to that particular article.

Miranda waved away Andy's concerns. "Aquarius took care of that."

Andy looked to Aquarius who's attention was focused on Miranda. She looked like she had just been unexpectedly slapped in the face by the woman sitting below her.

"The political climate this year is very important," Miranda explained as she reached down onto her desk and then picked up a piece of paper. "Do not disappoint me."

As usual, it took a few moments for Andy to realize exactly what Miranda had just told her. It was surreal and seemed almost impossible, but Miranda was handing over a chance to write pieces that would give her access and opportunity that she had never gotten before. And Aquarius had apparently known about it, been involved in making it happen. Andy thought she should feel thankful, but she didn't. She felt slightly betrayed, like Miranda was once again taking control of her life and giving her no say in what direction it went.

"What do you want me to write next?" She had given up control of her professional life to Miranda a long time ago. She was used to Miranda doing things like this; she just wasn't used to Aquarius helping her.

"You'll be interviewing the candidates," Miranda's eyes lowered to her desk. "Emily will contact you with the details. That's all."

"Okay." Andy stood up. "I'll see you at home." Aquarius was finally looking at her again, and she knew it was a stupid thing to say in front of Miranda, but she wanted to say it because they were in front of Miranda. She wanted to take back some control, and she knew that she could use Aquarius just like Miranda had. She could show Miranda that she had moved on, and that nothing Miranda said or did could control or faze her. She was pretty sure that Miranda knew about her and Aquarius anyway, Miranda wouldn't have let a little thing like that pass her by.

Aquarius looked down at Miranda, but her eyes quickly returned to Andy. "I'll walk you out."

It was childish and petty, but as soon as Aquarius was close enough to her, Andy wrapped an arm around Aquarius's waist. She could feel Aquarius stiffen, but she didn't pull away. They walked out of Miranda's office and Andy could feel Miranda watching them as they left.

As soon as they were in the elevator, Aquarius pulled away from her moving as far away from Andy as possible in the small space."I owe you an apology," she confessed.

It wasn't exactly what Andy had been expecting. "No, you don't."

"I do." Aquarius leaned against the elevator wall. "Miranda just..." her eyes closed and she sighed. "Okay," her eyes opened. "I should have told you what Miranda was doing. You had a right know about it but I didn't know she was going to tell you about it today. Miranda and I..."

"I love you," Andy blurted before Aquarius could finish whatever it was she was going to say. "I'm in love with you."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened to the ground floor, neither of them made a move to exit. "You can't get on," Aquarius told the people moving towards them and then pressed the button that would return them to _Runway_.

When the doors closed again, Aquarius let out a long breath. Andy moved closer to her, not really knowing why she had decided to do the stupidest thing she could have done in that moment. Lily had told her not to say anything to Aquarius; she had warned her to keep her mouth shut, but whatever Aquarius was going to say Andy knew she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want Aquarius to finally start talking about the one person they'd both been conveniently ignoring.

Aquarius looked down at Andy, her eyes betraying nothing. "There's a limit to your love."

"What?" Andy stammered. "I don't know..."

"Yes, you do." Aquarius cut her off. "I'm going to do us both a favor, and I'm going to ignore that you said anything at all."

"You can't do that." Andy grabbed onto Aquarius's hand. She didn't like that she was beginning to freak out while Aquarius remained in control. It reminded her too much of the person she was trying to ignore. "It won't change anything."

Aquarius didn't pull her hand away, but her body remained perfectly still. "Are you sure about that?" She pulled Andy closer to her until their bodies were flush against one another. "Because I'm sure you're not ready to know how I feel about you."

It was a mixed message, but Aquarius was good at keeping things vague. It was one of the things that allowed their relationship to work. Andy could call her on it now, she could ask for the truth but since she knew she wasn't being completely honest, she thought it best to retreat before she was defeated. "Fine." She relaxed her body against Aquarius's.

The elevator dinged again, and they were once again in Miranda's domain. Aquarius's head turned to look at the opened doors. "I need to go let Miranda torture me some more."

Andy followed Aquarius's gaze, half expecting, half hoping that Miranda was standing outside watching them. "I'll see you tonight at the party." Miranda wasn't there. Life would have been too much like a distorted soap opera if she had been.

Aquarius pulled Andy out of the elevator before the doors shut, and forced them to take another ride on it alone together. She kept Andy in her arms, ignoring the people that surrounded them. "Don't think that I don't want you," she whispered. "But I won't talk to you about love until the woman sitting down that hallway isn't standing between us."

Aquarius's hold had always been comforting, but Andy didn't take comfort from it now; she didn't allow herself to because for the first time ever she doubted it. She doubted if it was genuine and she doubted if she even wanted it. So, she pulled away from the other woman and put a safe distance between them. If Aquarius noticed Andy's sudden rejection she said nothing about it. "I'll see you tonight," Andy repeated, and then turned back to the elevator. She felt like she had already worn out her stay.

By the time the elevator once again arrived, Aquarius had already walked away. Her focus had already been directed elsewhere, and Andy felt like she should once again wonder if Aquarius would even remember what had just happened between them. If she brought it up at James Holt's party would Aquarius even know what she was talking about or had the conversation only taken place in her head?

* * *

When the time came for her to prepare for the evening, all Andy had felt like doing was sitting in her pajamas in front of her television, but she pushed herself to put on her Gucci dress so that she could further her career and ignore her personal dramas. She was getting better at it as the months went on, getting better at standing in a room full of people, and pretending like she wouldn't rather be any place else in the world. But she was also getting better at recognizing that just about everyone in the room didn't want to be there. Miranda never even wanted to be there, but she showed up for the same reasons Andy did.

Andy did arrive late to the party, but she made sure to arrive before Miranda. She couldn't quite keep herself from experiencing one of Miranda's grand entrances, no one ever could. And as usual, Miranda's entrance had garnered everyone's attention, but it hadn't been a normal entrance for her, and not because she did something so human as to stumble while everyone was watching. It was different because Aquarius entered right alongside her. Miranda shared the spotlight, and that was enough to let Andy know she should have listened to Lily.

"Don't look so surprised, Six."

Andy's eyes shifted to Nigel. "I'm not," she lied.

Nigel gave her a look letting her know he didn't for a second believe her. "Aquarius is your roommate, isn't she?" He slyly asked.

She turned her attention back to Aquarius and Miranda who were now mingling with the crowd that surrounded Jacqueline Follet and James Holt. "Nigel, what's your point?"

"Come on, Andy." He stepped closer to her. "I'm taking over _Men's Runway _by the end of the year and I'm not even entering a room next to Miranda."

Andy turned away from Miranda and Aquarius. "You sound jealous, Nigel."

"Who me?" He pointed to himself. "Of course I am. Let's face it, it's the age of Aquarius. She beat us all and without letting us know we were even in the ring with her."

Andy reached out and grabbed a glass of champagne from the nearest server. "What do you mean?"

Nigel chuckled. "She really hasn't told you, has she?"

Her only response was to take a sip of champagne.

"Aquarius is going to be the new me." Nigel sipped from his martini. "Miranda let us know at the meeting today."

Andy's glass almost slipped through her fingers. "You're serious?"

"Deathly," Nigel replied, without his usual flare. "She's got talent, Andy, and for whatever reason she has Miranda. If I don't keep _Men's Runway_ the best of the best then she'll have my new job in a year."

"It's only been six months," Any whispered mostly to herself.

"And apparently that was long enough." His eyes were focused over her shoulder, and she knew he was watching Aquarius and Miranda. She slowly turned around, and waited for Miranda and Aquarius to approach her.

"Nigel, Andrea," Miranda greeted them, her eyes holding Andy's. "It's good to see you."

"Always," Andy choked out. "If you'll excuse me I need to...leave." She didn't bother to look at Aquarius; she just walked away. She moved through the crowd, not seeing any of the faces and forced herself not to look back.

She dumped her champagne flute on a table before she found the nearest exit and then stepped through it. It was the fire exit, and she was on the fourteenth floor. It would be a long trip down the stairs, but she didn't want to go back through the crowd to find the front exit. It wasn't worth it. She'd probably just give up on leaving and would find Miranda to yell at her for screwing things up, again. Why did she always have to be so vicious, Andy wondered.

The emergency exit opened and Andy expected Aquarius to step through it. She almost fell down the stairs when she saw Miranda.

"I'm not chasing after you," Miranda immediately announced.

"Of course not," Andy looked down the flight of stairs wondering if it would hurt so much to fall down them.

"You crossed a line today, Andrea." Miranda stepped away from the door. "And you know that."

Did she? "No, Miranda. I crossed the line a long time ago. We both have, and the line is so blurred at this point I don't even know where it is anymore." She shifted so that she was standing in front of Miranda and away from the stairs. It would be harder for Miranda to push her over the railing. "Aquarius doesn't deserve to be used like this."

Miranda humorlessly laughed. "You don't know her very well, do you?"

"I'm beginning to realize that." Andy didn't look at Miranda. She didn't want to see Miranda's satisfaction in being right about something else.

"I've given her nothing she hasn't earned."

"This is stupid." She finally let herself look at Miranda. "I'm stupid. We talk everyday without saying anything, and I'm tired of it. I want to move on, Miranda. I need to move on from you."

"I'm not stopping you, Andrea." There was no inflection in Miranda's voice, and Andy hated that.

"I used to be in love with you, you know?" Andy carelessly confessed to a lie. "You're one of the reasons why I'm not stuck in a miserable marriage right now with a man I no longer love."

Miranda said nothing. She walked past Andy and then leaned against the railing.

"You're also one of the reasons why I'm in love with Aquarius." She should have stopped talking, but still after all this time she wanted to hurt Miranda like Miranda had hurt her. She was tired of being civil, and professional. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't be like Miranda and turn off her emotions like they weren't real. She didn't know how Miranda felt about her, but she knew that Miranda cared because Miranda was still there, and as long as she was there Andy wanted her to be in pain. "I'm not going to lose her to you."

"What is it you want from me, Andrea?"

Since this whole conversation was a big lie, Andy saw no problem in answering with a flippant, "I haven't figured that out yet."

Miranda turned back around and faced her. "Well, let me know when you do. Once you do, we can redefine the line you say has disappeared." It was an odd thing for Miranda to say, but Andy didn't want to point that out, didn't want to be put in the position of asking the questions. She wanted to remain in control of the conversation.

The door opened again, this time the person Andy expected to see stepped through it. "Should I be here?" Aquarius asked Andy. "Or should I leave and pretend like I don't know you two are alone in a stairwell?"

Her mistakes were already piling up, and she gave up on counting them. "You should be here," Andy reached out to take hold of Aquarius's hand. "Congratulations on the new job. Miranda says you've earned it."

Aquarius looked around, but her eyes settled on Andy. "Thank you, that means a lot to me." Her voice wasn't toneless like Miranda's. Her appreciation sounded genuine, and Andy hated that she now questioned Aquarius's authenticity, but she wouldn't question it aloud in front of Miranda.

They stood in an awkward silence, until as if by spontaneous silent telepathic communication they decided to walk down the stairs. They went down three floors before they were granted re-entry, and then could get onto an elevator. As they stood inside of it, just the three of them, Andy remembered her earlier passing thought. It wasn't too bad being in an elevator alone with Aquarius and Miranda, not while Aquarius was holding onto her hand and Miranda was clear across the other side of it cold and toneless. Despite her lies, and her constant mistakes, Andy felt powerful. She felt like she was finally standing up again after being stuck under Miranda's heel for so long.

"Aquarius," Miranda said as they were waiting on the curb for Roy to pull the car around. "Take off the rest of the evening."

Aquarius nodded but didn't verbally reply. She had kept her silence, and Andy couldn't even guess at what was running through Aquarius's mind.

"Have a good night, Miranda," Andy offered, knowing her own voice didn't sound as false as it would have six months ago.

Miranda got in her car, and Andy carefully watched it until Aquarius tugged at her hand forcing her attention to be diverted. "That was awkward, Andy."

"I don't care." Andy moved closer to Aquarius, wrapping her arms around her thin waist. "Miranda isn't standing between us, Aquarius. I'm in love with you." She'd force herself to be if it meant keeping the power she felt building inside of her.

"Andy I..."

"Shh," Andy raised her hand and then covered Aquarius's mouth. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know."

Aquarius reached up and then gently removed Andy's hand. "Tell me that again when I didn't just walk in on you and Miranda standing alone in a stairwell."

Andy smiled. "I will."

If she and Miranda were going to fight a silent war, then Andy wasn't going to let herself lose. Aquarius was a big girl, eventually she'd figure out how to get out of the line of fire. Besides, she had already shown that she wasn't a simple bystander. She wasn't innocent. Aquarius had chosen to walk beside Miranda, had chosen to align herself with her, and Andy knew that meant that Aquarius was already taking sides.


	23. The Set Up

The Set Up

If anyone had been audacious enough to ask Miranda, 'Why Aquarius?', she would have answered them, but no one had asked her, not even Irv. They accepted her decision and made assumptions about why she had made it. Even Andrea had made an incorrect assumption; she had ridiculously thought it was about...them. Miranda's personal life had never gotten in the way of her work, and she wasn't so horribly distraught over Andrea that she would let that happen now.

Why Aquarius? The answer was dreadfully simple: Because Aquarius had earned it; she had bloodied her hands and fought for it. And, all personal issues aside, Miranda knew that she and Aquarius made a formidable team. With the success of Men's Runway Irv was hinting at starting up a teen publication and Miranda knew Aquarius would be an asset if and when the time came to piece it together. They were entering a new era where everyone wanted a different kind of fresh, new, exciting, and young. They wanted someone who wasn't tainted by the stench of the past, and no matter how innovative she was, Miranda knew she had become dated by the swift hand of a cultural revolution. She had foreseen her accrued power waning and she needed a fresher, newer, and more exciting person standing next to her, and Miranda recognized Aquarius's potential to fill that position the moment she had met her.

Things had moved a little more swiftly than she would have liked. Miranda would have preferred Aquarius to gain more experience, would have liked a chance to refine her skills, but she hadn't been given the luxury of infinite time. She needed to make a move and so she had made one.

Promoting Aquarius had been about Miranda's survival, and not even Andrea had seen that. No one had, because no one even thought to think of it, not that Miranda particularly wanted them to. Everyone's attention was so focused on Aquarius's youth and beauty parade that they were beginning to forget the murmurs of rebellion they had been so focused on. And, once again Miranda had managed to save herself.

If Aquarius failed in her new position, then it would be because she was too young and inexperienced, but if she succeeded then it would be because she had Miranda guiding her. Either way, Miranda came out on top and it was Aquarius's neck Miranda had shoved under the guillotine's blade. Aquarius knew that, and had ignorantly accepted the possibility of being sacrificed. One of Aquarius's biggest flaws was her inability to set practical goals, and Miranda had taken advantage of that. If she had waited, then Aquarius would have been too experienced to make that particularly youthful mistake. As it was, Aquarius couldn't refuse the challenge Miranda had laid out in front of her, and it wouldn't take long for them to discover whether Aquarius's unfettered belief in herself made a damn bit of difference.

It had been a risk choosing Aquarius, Miranda had known that. She knew that Andrea wouldn't appreciate Aquarius being part of one of her business maneuvers, but she hadn't foreseen Andrea jumping to the conclusions that she had. Miranda hadn't expected Andrea to take it so personally, to confess to her about love and former loves, when it really had nothing to do with her. What went on with Aquarius had nothing to do with Andrea. It was between them and no one else. That's not to say that Miranda felt...comfortable with Aquarius and Andrea's relationship, but their relationship hadn't been her motivator, and it hadn't been Aquarius's either.

When Miranda had walked out of Andrea's apartment six months ago, she had evaluated her mistakes and then moved on. She didn't have time to dawdle over unresolved emotion, not when she was once again facing the threat of her own inevitable extinction. Besides, Miranda didn't see the point in trying to find a resolution between her and Andrea, because there was no conclusion. They would continue hovering within the sphere of each other's lives and unless Miranda wanted to crush every one of Andrea's aspirations, then it would remain that way.

She had supported Andrea's career, and despite handing over an unequaled opportunity, all Andrea had paid attention to was what was occurring with Aquarius. She had run off in an immature, childish, fit over a woman she hardly even knew, and even more unbelievably, Miranda had followed her into a cold stairwell so that Andrea could vocalize her ungratefulness. Miranda kept the majority of her thoughts to herself as Andrea went on about...everything because she had vowed to not lash out at Andrea again.

That's why she maintained her silence,and only spoke right before she was getting into the car. She gave Aquarius the evening off despite the plans they had made prior to the James Holt event. Aquarius needed the time to calm Andrea down before something irreversible happened, and Andrea successfully sabotaged her own success. So, Miranda returned to her home alone, changed her clothes, and then began working again.

Caroline and Cassidy were, for once, spending a successful night at their father's so Miranda's night remained undisturbed until there was a knocking on her front door. She looked at the clock hanging on her wall, unsure who would bother to be coming to her home at two in the morning.

"This is absurd," Miranda said as she opened her door. "The very definition of absurdity."

Andrea was standing on her stoop, in jeans and a t-shirt her hands shoved into her front pockets. "Aquarius left me."

If she had been drinking wine and Aquarius's name was Nate instead, Miranda would have sworn she had been transplanted into the past. "Andrea, if you coming here has nothing to do with your professional life then you should leave." She wasn't going to let Andrea into her home. Letting her in the first time had been the beginning of an unforgivable regret, and she didn't like repeating her mistakes.

"She left me for you, Miranda."

"No," Miranda shook her head. "She left you for herself."

Andrea pulled her hands out from her pockets, and then crossed her arms in front of her. "How come you know her so much better than I do?"

"Go home, Andrea." Miranda began to close the door, but Andrea reached out to stop its movement.

"I love her." Andrea's eyes seemed to fill with tears, but Miranda didn't trust that they had anything to do with Aquarius, not when Andrea had so recently confessed to formerly loving her. It didn't make sense, and Andrea's impulsiveness was making a nasty reappearance showing Miranda once again, that Andrea threw out words without understanding their possible impact.

Miranda didn't push back against the door, but didn't allow Andrea to open it further. "And why do you keep telling me that?"

Andrea's hand dropped away from the door. "If you see her..."

"If I see her," Miranda interrupted, "then we will conduct business without personal interferences."

"Of course you will." Andrea laughed. "What was I thinking?"

The feeling of deja vu was gone. This Andrea was not the same as the one who six months ago was seeing her first great love affair end. "You obviously haven't been."

A tear tracked down Andrea's face, and Miranda knew it was the only real one Andrea had produced. "Why do you always win?"

Miranda's eyes widened. "What have I won, Andrea?"

Andrea shoved her hands back into her front pockets. "Everything," she whispered.

"Go home," Miranda said again. "I'm not going to have this conversation with you tonight."

"Then when will you?" Andrea's eyes locked onto Miranda's. "I've been waiting to have it for six months."

Miranda straightened. "Then you can wait another night." She shut the door and then locked it, not giving herself the benefit of seeing Andrea's reaction to her words, and denying Andrea the benefit of getting a chance to respond. She rested her head on the cool glass pane, her hands were shaking against the wooden frame. It was absurd.

"Well, what do you think we should do now?"

Miranda slowly lifted her head. "How did she even know you were here?"

"She doesn't," Aquarius stepped away from the wall. "She came to see you, Rand."

Miranda despised nicknames. She didn't see the point in them, but she allowed certain familiarities between her and Aquarius because they had both needed it. Familiarity was their only concession to their otherwise self-serving relationship. Perhaps, the personal concessions made them feel less like the dragons they really were. "Why did you leave her?"

"Aren't we supposed to be conducting business without personal interferences?" Aquarius wasn't mocking her. Miranda could tell Aquarius genuinely did not want to talk about anything that had happened that night. They didn't converse about Andrea. It had been their only rule since Aquarius had started working for her.

Miranda pushed herself away from the door. "Why did you leave her?"

Aquarius turned away. "We're not going to talk about this."

"We shouldn't," Miranda conceded. "But since you're in my home and Andrea was knocking on my door, I should know why."

Aquarius's focus stayed centered on the wall behind Miranda. "We can't both be in love with her, my sweet Ayn Rand. It wouldn't work." She walked around Miranda,straight for the door Miranda had just stepped away from.

"Where are you going?" Miranda asked as Aquarius's hand made contact with the door knob.

"To my cousin's, I guess. We haven't gotten into a good argument lately." Aquarius softly laughed. "I think we're overdue."

Miranda wasn't quite sure whether or not she wanted Aquarius to leave; she didn't know where the conversation would take them. But, there was something she wanted to know before she let Aquarius walk away. "Why did you come here?"

Aquarius sighed. She didn't look at Miranda, but Miranda could still see her obvious distress, in the way Aquarius's prideful poise had crumbled into itself. Miranda had heard her enter the house less than an hour before Andrea had come knocking. She didn't question Aquarius's presence, didn't bother to stop working as she heard Aquarius moving around. She knew Aquarius would either enter the study and start working or move on to the guest room to sleep. "I needed to see her come here first."

Miranda moved forward, still unsure of where the next second would lead her. "You should stay." She wasn't nearly as intimidated by what her uncertainty with Aquarius meant as she was with the uncertainty that invaded her when Andrea was standing in front of her; she never had been. "I know you don't want to deal with Lily."

Aquarius chuckled, her eyes still on her fingers clutching onto the door knob. "Be careful, Rand, your heart is showing."

They knew each other too well, had spent too many days and nights in each other's company allowing conversations to transpire that never should have. Things between them had been too easy, too perfectly crafted that Miranda failed to consider what that would mean for them when they finally surpassed their externalities and entered into something almost akin to companionship. "Take the guest room."

Aquarius didn't release the knob. "Don't do this, Miranda," she whispered.

Miranda had been so careful with Aquarius. She had built the girl up so that she could sacrifice her in the end. That had been Aquarius's only purpose, but Miranda had also been so focused on not repeating the mistakes she had made with Andrea, she hadn't bothered to defend herself against Aquarius's humanity. "I won't offer again."

Aquarius's hand dropped away from the door knob. She wiped at her forehead and then unexpectedly slammed both her hands against the door. The action was startling, but Miranda kept her body still. She had never seen Aquarius quite so emotional, and couldn't help but wonder what had happened with Andrea to make Aquarius act so differently.

"I hurt her." Aquarius turned around, her back falling against the door. "Just because she wants to love me."

Oh. Well that was something Miranda understood. "What did you do?"

"I thought of fucking you." Aquarius raised her eyes. "She wouldn't forgive me for that." Her body slowly slid down the length of the door. "But you wouldn't do that to her again, would you?" She asked as she made contact with the cold tiled floor.

There was no point in answering that. "So, what did you do?"

"I'm a liar," Aquarius confessed. "She thinks I'm still registered at Cornell. She doesn't know anything about Runway. There's so..." she curled her knees up to her body, "many things she doesn't know."

Miranda looked away from Aquarius, then quickly back again. She shook her head and then walked over to the woman sitting on her floor. She shook her head again as she slowly sat down. "She doesn't know about the others?" She asked once she was seated.

Their shoulders were now touching, and Miranda felt Aquarius lean slightly closer. "She told me she was in love with me after we left your office today."

"You had lunch with Jacqueline afterwards." Miranda smoothed out her clothes, no longer needing to know what rash actions Aquarius had so recently taken. "You said it went well." It was no secret amongst their circles that Aquarius was a lesbian. Aquarius had often used that to her advantage, and Miranda had encouraged her to do so. She had never told Aquarius to sleep with anyone; she would never ask that of her or of anyone else, but Aquarius never needed to be asked.

Aquarius smirked. "She offered me a job afterwards."

"I think those are the same negotiations she and Irv had before he hired her."

Aquarius softly laughed, but her laughter quickly died. "She was desperate, Miranda, and I took advantage of that. You saw her face when we entered the party tonight."

"Yes, I did and we both know that we would repeat that moment if we could," Miranda easily admitted. "Don't try and convince me that you regret what you did to Jacqueline. It was business."

"I should regret it, though." Aquarius finally turned to look at Miranda. "Shouldn't I?"

"Yes." Miranda gave a slight nod. "Of course you should." She met Aquarius's gaze. "But you don't, so let's not pretend that you do."

Aquarius looked down at her hands. "I'm not ready for Andrea's love, Miranda. I won't be for a long time." Her gaze slowly lifted. "It's not really mine anyway, it's yours. You know that already. So, let's not pretend otherwise, huh?"

This time Aquarius was mocking her, but Miranda didn't care anymore. She was sitting on the floor next to a woman half her age that she had only met less than a year ago. She deserved to be mocked. "She should just..." Miranda waved her hand aimlessly, "move on."

"She should," Aquarius quickly agreed. "But for some reason she keeps knocking on your front door, and you keep on opening it." She straightened out her legs and then moved to stand up. "You need to talk her." She offered her hand down to Miranda, which was reluctantly taken. "Six months ago you both ran away from each other like fucking cowards." She pulled Miranda into her body. "You're no coward, Rand."

Miranda looked up into Aquarius's eyes, her left hand braced inside of Aquarius's, her right hand resting on the younger woman's hip. "No." She tightened the hold she had on Aquarius's hip, her nails digging into the soft flesh. "I'm no coward."

Aquarius flinched and then pulled away. "So, you're into kink?" She smiled. "I can do kink."

Miranda rolled her eyes, and then took a step away. Aquarius often resorted to crude humor when she no longer felt comfortable. Miranda had grown accustomed to it, had even encouraged it at times. It was the only way they each knew how to back gracefully out of an emotional conversation. "I'm going back to work." She turned and then walked back to her study, knowing that Aquarius wouldn't follow her.

She heard Aquarius walk up the stairs, and then turned her attention back to her work. She tried refocusing her mind, but couldn't. She threw her pen onto the desk and then leaned back in her chair. She glanced over at her phone, daring it to disappear so that she didn't do something horribly out of character. It didn't, so she was left to proving to Aquarius, to herself to...Andrea that she wasn't a coward.

She dialed Andrea's number from memory, never having given herself the chance of forgetting it.

"Hello, Miranda?" Andrea sounded like she had been crying.

"I apologize for what I did to you, Andrea." It had been the one thing she had wanted to say since she walked out of Andrea's apartment. "You deserved more from me."

"You want to talk about this now?" Andrea sounded incredulous. "Right now?"

Miranda rubbed at her eyes. "I had no intention of ever talking about this with you ever again."

"Let me come over."

"You can't." Her hand dropped away from her face and she looked towards the door. She could ask Aquarius to leave, but she was reluctant to release Aquarius to her own destructive devices.

"Then I don't," Andrea's voice faltered, "I don't know why you called me."

"I'll come to you." She tried to keep the strength in her voice, but she had even surprised herself by the offer.

"Okay," Andrea whispered and then Miranda heard a click, knowing that their conversation was over. She lowered the phone, unsure of what she had just done. Andrea always made her do strange things, made her act differently. She always lost her control with Andrea, and she could never quite understand why it happened.

Still, she told Andrea that she would subject herself to a discussion she had been set on avoiding, and it was already too late for her to back out. If she were the type to give into extreme bouts of emotionality, she imagined she would be cursing at her phone and throwing it against the wall for allowing her to make the call, but since she wasn't, she simply stood up and prepared to leave.

Right before she walked out her front door, she heard Aquarius calling out to her, "So, the cowardly lion isn't such a coward after all. Good luck, Ayn Rand."

Miranda didn't respond. She continued on her way out, fully knowing that Aquarius had just successfully set her up. She could only hope that Aquarius hadn't been setting her up for failure.


	24. Love Nonsense

I don't own the Devil Wears Prada

**Love Nonsense**

Andy thought that she had everything under control. She thought she had Aquarius convinced that her love wasn't tainted by Miranda's presence, but Aquarius hadn't been convinced of anything. As soon as they had returned to the apartment, Aquarius changed her clothes and then announced that she was leaving. She didn't explain herself, didn't try to blame Andy for anything. All she had said was, "It's time for me to go. I'll come back for my things later".

Once again, Andy had tried to confess her love, but she couldn't. She knew it wouldn't make a difference. She did love a lot of things about Aquarius. She cared for her, knew that she could fall in love with her, but that she wasn't in love, not yet, and she knew that she had never really been serious about Aquarius. If she had been, then she would have bothered to ask where Aquarius spent her nights when she didn't make it back to the apartment. She would have asked Aquarius about the unbelievable promotion she had just received. She would have bothered to ask about...everything really. But instead of asking questions, Andy had jumped at the opportunity to move on from Miranda.

So, after Aquarius had walked out of the door, Andy had felt bad for using Aquarius, but she also felt like an idiot. She had been living with someone for six months, and she didn't even know Aquarius's middle name. Anything she had learned had been strictly through observation or through Lily, who loved her cousin but didn't always have great things to say about her.

Aquarius had an entire life going on without her, and Andy knew she probably didn't want to know what was really going on. She didn't really want to know how it came about that Aquarius was escorting Miranda into a party. She didn't want to know why Aquarius was chosen to replace Nigel, but she had somehow known, that Miranda had once again screwed her. Somehow she had taken control and taken away Andy's attempt to move on.

That's why she had gone to Miranda's after Aquarius had left. She hadn't even thought about chasing after Aquarius, hadn't thought of calling her to see if she was okay. She had gone straight to Miranda's home ready for a fight, but as soon as she found herself standing in front of Miranda's door, the fight left her. She didn't want to attack Miranda anymore. All she wanted were answers. She wanted to talk about what had happened between them, what still went on, but Miranda wouldn't do it, wouldn't even let her in the door.

Miranda had callously shut the door in her face, and Andy had no real choice but to walk away. She still didn't try to call Aquarius. She didn't call Lily. She just went home, and stared at the walls wondering just who the hell she had turned into. She felt like an alien trapped inside of her old skin, and she couldn't figure out how to shed off the outer layer that had turned her into such a self-serving bitch.

She questioned why she had even slept with Aquarius in the first place. She questioned why she hadn't cut off all of her associations with Miranda after what had happened between them. She wondered why she had confessed not once, but twice to Miranda's face that she was in love with Aquarius like it mattered to Miranda at all.

Andy couldn't find any answers to her questions, none that made her look like a better person. And when she looked around her apartment, seeing only her furniture, her things, her life, she couldn't help but notice that it looked like she lived alone. None of the things surrounding her belonged to Aquarius. If she had been into questioning her sanity then she would have questioned whether or not Aquarius was even real or just an invisible friend she had thought up that was supposed to protect her from the pain Miranda had caused her, but even her imaginary friend hadn't been immune to Miranda's siren call.

Andy would call Lily and ask her if Aquarius was real or not, but she knew the call would be pointless, and there was no reason for her to broadcast her insanity out to others. Lily would insist on coming over, might even want to find out where it was her cousin disappeared to, and Andy didn't want to be swept up into the tumultuous swirls of another relationship's demise. She didn't want any part of that again.

So, she looked around her bedroom, once again, knowing that Aquarius had really been there, because now that she wasn't, Andy felt the absence. She felt the oppressive emptiness that had begun to consume her the night Miranda had confessed to...whatever it was that had happened between them. The feeling would have crushed her six months ago if Aquarius hadn't come over to escape Lily's judgment. Andy would have crumbled into a billion little pieces that she wouldn't know how to put together again the life she thought she wanted.

And now? The apartment was empty and Aquarius wasn't going to come to save her. No one was. She was out of lifelines and all she could do, all she could feel, was that initial moment of shocking betrayal and anger that she had felt right before Miranda had walked out without even saying she was fucking sorry. It was back to business, and business was going well.

Without the barriers, without the distractions keeping her breathing and upright on a faulty foundation, Andy crumbled. She fell down onto the floor and couldn't even cry. Instead of tears, instead of rage, all she felt was cold. It wouldn't have mattered if she turned on the heat as high as it would go, the icicles cutting through her veins wouldn't melt.

And she wanted to blame Miranda, again, for everything. She wanted to point the finger at her and say, Miranda was the ice queen who had infected her with this disease of the heart, but there was only so much she could really blame Miranda for. Miranda hadn't told her to sleep with Aquarius. Miranda hadn't said for her to keep on working, to keep on her professional mask instead of actually feeling the pain.

When Miranda had asked, genuinely asked, "What have I won, Andrea?" she had really wanted to know. She really wanted to know how she had benefited, and all Andy could come up with was, 'everything', but that wasn't an answer.

Miranda had the nice house, the nice car, power, and everything else people saw and thought to worship, but Andy knew better than to call that winning. And for one second, Andy removed herself from the equation, and she understood why Aquarius and Miranda had entered James Holt's birthday party together. She recognized the diabolical streak that had revealed itself inside of Miranda's eyes as she had walked into the woefully astonished crowd. It was the same look Miranda had in Paris, right before she had massacred the room with her decree of her continued survival.

Miranda had just made another decree, and she had used Aquarius to do it. She had once again done something that was necessary, that she thought was necessary. Andy didn't know whether it had been or not, didn't know how much Aquarius knew about everything, but she did know that when threatened Miranda lashed out so aggressively as to make sure that there were no threats left in her line of vision. She didn't win. She never won; she only survived.

And Andy, with all her, 'I'm not like that' talk, realized she had done the exact same thing. Instead of falling apart and hiding out to mend her wounds, she had become a survivalist. She used Miranda to gain better success in her career. She used Aquarius to relax her need for physical and emotional release. Her career was moving along quicker than she had ever imagined. She would have married Aquarius if time would have permitted. Andy was well on her way to the nice house, the nice car, power and everything else people saw and thought to worship, but she hadn't won a damn thing.

Her phone began ringing, and it practically tore her apart to just think of answering it, but she knew there was no escaping whoever it was that was calling her. She reached out and then picked it up, giving her eyes only the briefest of chances to read the display. Her voice sounded rough, like she was suffering through an onslaught of tears, but she couldn't control that.

She said her hello, and then just like that, Miranda was apologizing to her. She was giving her that one thing she hadn't gotten, and now that she had it, she didn't really want it. She didn't know what to do with it, not when she was still laying on her floor, cold and empty from the continued absence of her heart, but she couldn't turn away. She knew that if she wanted to start feeling like herself again, then she'd have to talk to Miranda about...about everything.

She didn't want Miranda back inside of her apartment, but she figured that Miranda didn't want her back at her home if Caroline and Cassidy were there. Andy knew children shouldn't be subjected to their particular brand of insanity so, she'd let Miranda come to her. It was only fitting, in that stupid ironic type of way, that they would end the conversation they started six months ago in the same place. There was sort of a poetic justice about it, that Andy's literary mind couldn't quite cast aside amidst all the turmoil.

She stayed laying on her floor until she heard the knocking on her door. She still didn't feel warm, didn't feel like her body was producing its own heat, but she couldn't take care of the chill now. So, she just got up and opened her door without even looking to see who it was.

Miranda walked in as if she had a preordained right to be there. There was nothing about her posture, nothing about her demeanor, that led Andy to believe that an apology had ever happened. She looked nothing like a woman who had come to repent.

Andy closed the door and then locked it. She could feel Miranda watching her, and when she finally turned around to look at the woman who had basically been the center of her thoughts for so long, for too fucking long, she couldn't think of anything to say. Her anger wasn't even giving her fuel for words laced with fire.

"Well?" Miranda asked.

Only Miranda, Andy chuckled, would make an apology seem like such a pointless conjunction of words. "Yeah, well?" Andy brushed by Miranda and went straight to the couch. She knew her legs wouldn't keep her standing for very long.

Miranda didn't move. "What is it you want to say to me?"

Andy dropped her head, her eyes turning towards the floor. "I don't know."

"Then why am I here?" Miranda still didn't relax her body. "Why did you want to come to my home?"

"Talking seemed like the thing to do, you know?" Andy kept her head down. "We should talk, that's what people do, right?"

Miranda moved closer. "I've found, Andrea, that talking doesn't always help."

Andy could feel the tears finally forming. Her body felt too warm now instead of too cold. Once again, Miranda had flipped her world and this time she knew that Miranda hadn't even been trying to. "You hurt me."

Miranda took another step closer. "I realize that, but there is nothing I can do to change what has already happened."

"No," Andy whispered, "there's nothing you can do to change it." Finally she raised her gaze again. "Just like there's nothing I can do to take back what's happened since I kicked you out of my apartment."

"Are you talking about what's occurred with Aquarius?"

Andy shrugged. "Sort of."

Miranda finally was close enough to Andy to sit down next to her. "Are you going to confess your love again?"

Andy looked directly into Miranda's eyes. "No. I'm sure even if I did, you wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't even believe me now."

"So you don't love her?" Miranda crossed her ankles, her body still stiff. She wasn't comfortable; Andy could see that. "You aren't in love with her?"

"It would be easy to love her," Andy admitted. "You've been around her. I'm sure you've seen just how everyone, kind of falls at her feet. They love her without knowing her. They trust..." Andy sighed. "They trust her without thinking about it."

"And that's the precise reason why I chose her, Andrea." Miranda entwined her hands. "It had nothing to do with you."

"I know," Andy shook her head. "I know. It was about survival."

Miranda looked surprised, but nodded anyway. "Yes, precisely. It was survival."

Andy met Miranda's eyes, and leaned forward slightly. "Do you trust her, Miranda?"

Miranda, once again, kept still. She didn't back off from Andy's closeness. "Of course not."

Andy humorlessly laughed. "I really don't know her, do I?"

"Did you want to?" There was no pretense in Miranda's question. It was genuine, and that threw Andy just a little more off-balance. She was used to Miranda being condescending and arrogant. She was used to Miranda inferring that she should have known better than to make foolish mistakes. She wasn't used to Miranda sitting across from her asking her something, just to know the answer.

Andy swallowed. "No." She shook her head. "I don't think I did."

"Did you want to..." Miranda cleared her throat, her eyes darting away to the wall across from them. "Did you want to know me?"

That wasn't a question Andy was prepared to answer. It was hard for her to travel back in time and remember exactly what she had wanted from Miranda when she had first decided to gain reentry into Miranda's life. She remembered saying, more than once, that she wanted to be Miranda's friend. But then, she remembered fucking Miranda in an emotional stint full of crazy, and friends didn't do things like that. "I think," Andy licked her lips, "I think I was convinced that I wanted to get to know you." She smiled ruefully. "But I guess you already knew that."

"I suspected." Miranda turned her attention back to Andy. "And what about this...love nonsense?"

"That's real," Andy choked on the words, her tears finally managing to escape. "It's messed up and...ugly, but it's real."

Miranda hurriedly stood up as if Andy had just physically pushed her. "I suspected that as well." She didn't sound happy, but Andy didn't honestly think her confession would make Miranda fly into her arms with unadulterated joy. Andy seriously questioned if Miranda was even capable of unadulterated anything.

"Do you know what I suspect?" Andy stood up as well. She placed herself in front of Miranda, not really caring anymore what might happen to her. "I think you care for me, too, because I don't think you'd still be around otherwise."

Miranda clenched her fists. "Fine. I'll admit that for whatever reason I do hold a certain amount of...affection towards to."

Andy was tempted to bridge the space between them, tempted to pull Miranda to her and hold onto her. She wanted to feel Miranda's body against hers; she always had. But she also knew that would be one of the worst decisions she could make. They could have sex with each other, they'd proven they could. They'd established that sex was easy. It was the aftermath of it that was so destructive. "Will you stay here, with me, for the rest of the night?"

Miranda leaned backwards slightly. "Andrea, one simple confession of mutual affection does not warrant..."

"I know," Andy interrupted. "I'm not asking for sex, because frankly we suck at that. I'm just asking for you to stay with me through whatever is left of the night." She dropped her gaze, no longer wanting to see Miranda's expressive eyes tell her just how crazy what she was saying really was. "I don't want to talk anymore," she admitted. "I..." She sighed. "I want to move on from all this, and I'd like to wake up with you."

There was a long moment of silence, before Andy heard Miranda sigh and then say, "The fact that I'm even considering this must make me insane."

"But will it make you feel better?" Andy finally did take a step closer to Miranda. "Do you want to stay?"

Miranda didn't respond, and Andy doubted that she would. For as much as Andy didn't know about Miranda, she did know that there was very little chance that Miranda would admit to wanting something so simplistic as laying down next to someone just because she didn't feel like being alone. So, instead of waiting for the answer that wouldn't come, Andy reached out and took hold of Miranda's hand.

Miranda looked down at their joined hands, but still didn't say anything, and didn't move. "It's okay to want this," Andy said. "I think it's okay."

"You do realize this will change nothing that's already happened?" Miranda was warning her, but Andy didn't know what from.

"I'm not trying to change anything." Andy entwined her fingers with Miranda's. "I don't know what I want, Miranda. This isn't a marriage proposal; I just..." She tightened her hold on Miranda's hand. "I just want to sleep, and I want you there with me."

Miranda sighed and closed her eyes. "Fine." She didn't seem even a little bit content about the decision she had just made, but Andy knew that Miranda wasn't seeing this moment quite the same way she was. Miranda looked a lot like she had just been defeated, which would have meant that Andy had won, but Andy didn't feel particularly victorious.

"Come on," Andy said softly, and then slightly tugged on Miranda's hand as she walked towards the bedroom.

As if by mutual consent, their hands disentangled when they reached the bedroom door. Andy walked over to the bed and watched as Miranda looked around, obviously seeking something out. Andy wondered if she was looking for another exit. Eventually, Miranda gave a slight shake of her head and then stepped through the doorway.

Andy carefully watched her, waiting for something to be said or done that would undo everything, but nothing happened. Miranda removed her shoes, pulled back the covers on the bed and then laid down. Andy was quick to do the same, and once she was settled in the bed, she imagined that she should probably say something. Miranda Priestly was laying in her bed, words should have probably been put into use, but she couldn't think of anything that needed to be said.

So, instead of words, Andy reached out and once again took hold of Miranda's hand.


	25. Icons

I don't own The Devil Wears Prada.

**Icons**

When Miranda first opened her eyes she had for one blissful moment forgotten that she had ever been goaded into going to Andrea's for a confrontation that had been admittedly overdue. Then, she looked around, not immediately recognizing her surroundings, and remembered everything. She remembered Andrea holding onto her hand like she was some sort of plush toy whose purpose was to defend her against the evils brought on by the night, and she remembered that it was quite likely she was lying in the exact spot Aquarius had so recently decided to vacate. The bed wasn't at all comfortable, and Miranda idly wondered if Aquarius's continued preference for staying at her home had more to do with the bed and less to do with the company.

She shook the thought away, knowing that for whatever reasons Aquarius chose to get away, she probably had a more restful night than Miranda had. The only reason Miranda had stayed was because she discovered she had an emotional weakness to Andrea's tears. She simply hadn't had the heart to leave so soon after Aquarius had walked out the door, and somehow Miranda knew Aquarius had already been attuned to that weakness and perhaps had even invested in it.

Miranda straightened out her clothes the best she could and then walked out of the bedroom. She could hear Andrea moving around and was somewhat disappointed that it would be impossible for her to slip out the front door unnoticed. She had no intention of continuing the conversation they had started the previous night, knowing that anything further they confessed to would ultimately be pointless.

They could talk about emotions and feelings all day, but Miranda had long ago decided that entering into any sort of relationship with Andrea was simply impossible. There was too much negativity built up between them, and Miranda quite honestly didn't want to try and overcome it. She, however, felt vulnerable since her actions were proving to contradict her intentions and knew that if given the chance she'd find some way to further compromise her intent.

"I'm not going to stop you from leaving," Andrea called from the kitchen.

Miranda turned away from the front door. "What makes you say that?"

Andrea stepped out of her hiding spot. "You're staring at the door." She shrugged. "So, I guess if you're waiting for something…" She ran her hand through her hair. "Look, I don't want to talk about last night anymore than you do, okay?"

It would be easy for her to walk out the door and return to her home and her life. She had already fulfilled any obligation she felt to ease some of the pain she had caused Andrea, but Miranda knew it was entirely plausible that six months down the road Andrea would be at her doorstep in tears blaming her for once again ruining something. Andrea was entirely too comfortable with using her as a scapegoat, and Miranda was becoming increasingly tired of it, just as she had grown tired of giving into Andrea's emotional whims. Vulnerable or not, their conversation was not over because they had shared a bed.

"It is not okay," Miranda forced herself to say. "I am still very much involved in your career, and as such, that means that we must maintain a professional relationship and it is obvious you are unable to do that."

Andrea dropped her head and then rubbed at her forehead. "I really don't want to do this now."

"Neither do I," Miranda immediately responded, "but I am because it needs doing. When I walk away from you today, I want us to understand one another."

"Fine." Andrea kept her head down. "So what is it you want to do?"

The question wasn't a difficult one, but Miranda didn't have an answer for it. She knew what she wanted, but she had no idea what it was she actually wanted to do. Her life had been completely unsettled for too long and all she wanted was some semblance of balance. She wanted her girls to move back into her home. She wanted Nigel to stop looking at her like she had once again killed his puppy by promoting Aquarius. She wanted the stupid pointless battles she fought on a daily basis to disappear. There was just so many…things she wanted, but she couldn't do much of anything.

She was stuck in a continuous state of maintaining everything around her. The last true thing she had chosen to do was to marry Stephen and that hadn't turned out to be a great decision. "You must stop using me as a scapegoat, Andrea. It might surprise you to discover that I am not the all-powerful being you have mistaken me for."

Andrea raised her gaze. She opened her mouth, but didn't say anything. Her gaze fell back to the ground. "Okay," she whispered.

Miranda swallowed, and she felt the need to turn away from Andrea, but she forced herself to remain still. "And we must become friends, Andrea."

Andrea's head quickly lifted but Miranda spoke again before Andrea could say anything. "It is obvious that neither of us have any immediate intentions of removing ourselves from the other's life. So, I believe it would be best we give up on what we have been attempting and try something different."

"You're serious," Andrea said after a long moment.

Starting up a friendship wasn't what Miranda wanted to do, but she conceded that they needed to move away from the dysfunctional relationship they had somehow managed to cultivate. "We must start somewhere."

"Start? Start what?"

Miranda looked at the front door again. "My greatest failures have been in my personal relationships." She met Andrea's eyes. "And while I think it is an incomprehensible notion, I believe we might benefit from eventually exploring whatever phenomenon seems to continuously draw us together, but I'll not sabotage it by making promises I have no intention of keeping. For now, I am only willing to pursue a friendship."

Andrea looked around helplessly. "I think I need to sit down." She found the wall and then leaned against it. "Why now, Miranda?" She crossed her arms in front of her. "Why not six months ago before we…just why now?"

"I've already answered that."

Andrea squinted her eyes as if she were trying to decipher the meaning of Miranda's word without understanding the language. "You haven't answered anything," she said. "You never answer anything." She pushed herself away from the wall. "You give orders and you use big words that hardly ever mean anything." She took a step closer to Miranda, and Miranda forced herself to stand her ground. "You want me to stop using you as a scapegoat?" Andrea asked her voice slightly elevated. "Then treat me like someone you give a damn about."

It had been a risk starting this conversation, Miranda knew, but she was used to taking risks. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't give a damn." Miranda felt, for the first time in a long time, her composure crumbling. "I am standing here in front of you despite my every desire not to, and for reasons I can't quite comprehend I am subjecting myself to your scrutiny. So please, start treating me like a human being for once. I am a woman, Andrea, just like you and I wish..." She stumbled over her words, and closed her eyes. "I am a woman," she repeated. "Miranda Priestly is just a brand-name that has been bought and paid for by my relentless effort and continued sacrifice." She slowly opened her eyes, but then turned away from Andrea. She didn't want to look at the younger woman, not anymore. "Call me when you finally understand that."

She didn't look back as she walked through the front door, and Andrea didn't bother to try and call her back. Miranda was sure that even if Andrea chased after her, she wouldn't reenter the apartment. She had said more than she had wanted, but refused to regret any of it. She so often found regret in her words and actions because she found she more often than not did what was best for her while completely ignoring the needs of others. She would regret her selfishness, but didn't very often apologize for it.

Now, what she had just done was not in her best interest. It was far from it. She was offering Andrea a way to resolve their constant state of conflict, and in that vein had confessed to something she had never before bothered to say to anyone. Alain had the benefit of knowing her before she had become the infamous Miranda Priestly. When they had met, she was just some youthful girl with more ambition than she knew what to do with. Stephen had the benefit of being in a high enough position within his own profession that he could glimpse under the mask and make out the outline of a human being. Andrea had no such benefits. She had been swept under the hysterical melee that pursued the utterances of Miranda's name, and Miranda had never before seen a reason to completely shatter that.

Yes, she had shown Andrea that she was capable of tears. She had shown that she could be indecisive. She had shown bits of her relentless humanity, but she had never admitted to anything. She hadn't thrown the figurative rock that would shatter the glass that protected her. She had always been too selfish to risk doing something like that. This would be the first time she had so willingly shattered her own defenses. It was the only way she knew how to throw away the regrets she had gathered up through her continued association with Andrea.

If whatever they chose to pursue ended up in failure, then Miranda now knew she could look at herself and say that it had not been because she hadn't tried to make something work. She had handed off the responsibility of carrying the burden of power to Andrea. It was hers now, and what she did with it would remain to be seen.

***

Miranda walked into her home, thankful that she had made it back intact. She was overly tired, and felt like taking a shower. She wanted to rest, but knew her schedule would not give her that single luxury. She walked to the staircase, and then slowly walked up the stairs. She listened for the sounds of someone moving around but heard nothing and suspected that Aquarius had already left.

When she made it to her bedroom, she was surprised to see that a fresh set of clothes had been set out for her. She walked further into the room, until she reached the master bath. There was a note waiting for her on the sink, but she didn't bother to read it; she didn't have to. Aquarius had set out candles and Miranda could smell the lavender that was coming from the newly drawn bath that was waiting for her.

She stripped off her clothes, letting each piece fall to the floor not really caring where it landed, and then slipped into the steaming water. It felt wonderful against her skin and she could feel her muscles beginning to relax against the heated onslaught. This was how she would have preferred to start her day, but she could still not regret what she had done.

"Breakfast is waiting downstairs for you when you're finished" Aquarius's voice carried through the bathroom.

Miranda didn't bother to open her eyes, although she could hear Aquarius step further in.

"Should I give you my resignation?"

Miranda dipped her head under the water, and when she came back up could see Aquarius sitting on the edge of the large tub. She was in the same clothes she had worn the previous night. "And why would you want to do that?"

"I don't." Aquarius shook her head. "But I'll walk away if that's what you want."

"And why would I want that?" She combed her hands through her wet hair.

Aquarius's posture was uncharacteristically rigid. Her eyes were darting around the bathroom, never fixing on a single mark. "You're entirely too composed about this, Miranda."

"Or," Miranda smirked. "I'm too tired to act differently." She ran her eyes across Aquarius's body. "And by your appearance, I'd say you should be too tired as well."

Aquarius looked down at herself.

"Should I even guess at what you did last night?"

"I won't give you all the details," Aquarius finally looked at her, "but when I came I was sure to scream out your name."

She should let Aquarius go, Miranda knew that. She should accept Aquarius's resignation and find another way to take care of her professional life. It would be for the best, but Miranda saw the bruise covering part of Aquarius's face. She saw the bruised knuckles on Aquarius's left hand. "You're not allowed to walk away, Aquarius."

Aquarius looked away. "Do you think Andy will like the fact that I'm sitting here right now? What do you think she'll say about our..." She ran her right hand over her bruised knuckles, her words fading away.

Miranda leaned forward. She reached out and covered Aquarius's unbruised hand with her own. Aquarius looked down at her. "I'll not accept your resignation."

Aquarius pulled away. "Finish your bath," she said as she stood up. "We still have to meet with Patrick and you're supposed to pick up Caroline and Cassidy this afternoon."

Miranda kept silent as Aquarius walked out of the bathroom. When she heard her bedroom door close, she leaned back in the tub and closed her eyes, knowing that Aquarius would never again offer to silently walk away. The unfortunate truth of the matter was that Miranda needed Aquarius, and Aquarius needed her. They had invested too much time and effort into each other for an amicable divergence.

Andrea wouldn't like it, Miranda was sure of that. She wouldn't understand their relationship and would jump to irrational conclusions, but Miranda was unwilling to change her mind. There was a significant possibility that Aquarius and Miranda would tear each other apart in a civil war, but business was business and they understood that. Andrea would just have to learn to accept it.

Miranda dipped her head under the water once more, and kept herself submerged as long as she could stand it. When she lifted herself up, she was gasping for air. She ran her hands across her face as her lungs filled back up. Once her breathing was settled, she lifted herself out of the tub and prepared herself for the day.

She was clasping her watch around her wrist as she walked into the kitchen. Her eyes lifted to the table, not surprised to see Aquarius in clean clothes and looking much better than she had less than an hour before. Makeup was covering the bruise on her face, as well as the marks on her knuckles. Aquarius looked like she always did, nearly perfect and more like an icon than a woman. Miranda suspected that she now looked the same.

She sat down across from Aquarius and then silently prepared herself a plate. Aquarius handed over the newspaper, she had been reading over. Miranda accepted it, and began to quickly read over the front page as she ate.

"Irv called me a few minutes ago," Aquarius's voice broke their silence.

Miranda leaned back in her chair, giving Aquarius her full attention.

" He thinks _Teen_ _Runway_ is a sure thing now." Miranda could see Aquarius's hold on her fork had tightened. "You must have known that hand picking me for the promotion would push Irv into offering me the chance to head up the project."

"You have my congratulations," Miranda said as she reached out to pick up her cup of coffee.

Aquarius dropped her fork. "I knew you were planning something, Rand." She humorlessly laughed. "I just never expected it'd all come crashing down on me within the first forty-eight hours." She pushed her chair away from the table and then stood up. "We both know I'm not ready for it; that's what you're betting on, right?" She turned away from Miranda.

"You could always refuse," Miranda casually mentioned and then took a sip of her coffee.

"I could." Aquarius turned back around. "But then neither of us would get the opportunity, would we? Jacqueline is his second choice since she's breaking up with James, and you don't want her back in your playground." She didn't sound angry, but Miranda hadn't expected her to. "And if I walk away you'll make sure I'm stuck making pizza crust for the rest of my days." She helplessly shrugged. "I'm always going to come in second to you, aren't I?"

"What did you tell Irv?" Miranda didn't need to ask, she already knew. Aquarius was too stubborn and too proud to just walk away.

"Congratulations, Miranda." Aquarius sat back down. "You've just earned yourself _Teen_ _Runway_. Production will most likely commence next year once all the funding is in place."

"It's a good day, Aquarius." Miranda laid down her cup. "I'm making you a very wealthy and powerful woman."

"Indentured servitude doesn't feel so good from this side of the fence, Miranda."

"No," Miranda shook her head, "I suppose it doesn't." She leaned forward, capturing Aquarius's eyes. "Do you want an apology?"

Aquarius snorted. "What?"

"Do you want an apology?" Miranda repeated. "Will it make anything better?"

Aquarius didn't break their gaze. "It's business. Don't apologize for that."

"Your bruises," Miranda pointed to Aquarius's face, "those aren't about business." She wouldn't apologize for using Aquarius for business purposes. Miranda knew Aquarius already understood that.

Aquarius's hand raised to her face. "I'm the one that left her," she whispered.

"You didn't have to," Miranda admitted. "She would have fallen in love with you."

"No," Aquarius shook her head. "She just would have loved me. Don't minimize what she feels for you, Miranda, because if you do I promise you that I won't walk away again."

Miranda nodded. "And your bruises?"

Aquarius chuckled. "You should see the other guy."

Miranda knew not to pursue their conversation, but she had always seen the woman under Aquarius's icon. She hadn't been able to ignore it. "I'm sorry she hurt you, Aquarius."

Aquarius's eyes fluttered shut and she took in several sharp breaths. "We're done talking about this."

"Of course." Miranda stood up, and then walked out of the kitchen letting Aquarius have a moment of privacy before they walked out into the world that no longer allowed them the privilege of showing their humanity.


	26. Underestimated Failure

I Don't Own The Devil Wears Prada

**Underestimated Failure**

She closed her eyes as she rested her forehead against the car's window. At least a thousand images flashed in her mind all of them giving her reason to never close her eyes again. She rolled her head off of the glass and then faced forward focusing on the back of Roy's head. She was alone in the backseat and briefly wondered if she should have just told Roy to drop her off at the nearest airport so that she could buy a ticket and fly away to destinations unknown. She could fly away to some random dot on a map where she could start all over again, rewrite her own story and give herself a better role than the one she was currently drowning in.

There had always been a fatal flaw with her modus operandi, but she had been delusional enough to believe that as long as she moved around from scene to scene, from person to person, job to job, then nothing would be able to catch up to her. She thought that as long as she kept running then she'd be saved from her own consequences, but Miranda had somehow managed to hold her down and keep her still long enough so that her feet were now fettered and encased in cement. She could tell Roy to take her to the airport, could buy that ticket, and could even get on that plane so that her physical body could leave, but her mind would still be stuck in New York and she knew she'd never be able to run away like she had always been able to before.

If she could flashback to six months ago, she promised herself that she'd do things differently. She promised herself that she would have changed everything and wouldn't have ever come to New York City. She would have stayed away, and would have been able to keep her life exactly the way she wanted it. Guilt was the only reason she had come in the first place, and she should have realized that doing something solely out of guilt was never going to end well for her, especially since she normally went out of her way to not give into any emotion.

But Lily had been calling her incessantly, doing what she normally did, acting like the mother and father she didn't need. Lily wanted her to go to a party that she was putting together for Andy, "You remember Andy," Lily had said. "She's getting married." And she had remembered Andy, in the vague sense of actually remembering someone. She remembered that Andy had big brown eyes and reminded her a little bit of Bambi. She couldn't recall any details about Andy's life, couldn't quite recall any specific details about Andy's personality. She could remember hanging out with Lily and Andy but never really wanting to be there. She remembered being stuck in Ohio counting the minutes in the day until she would be able to return to her home in Atlanta.

She owed a lot to her cousin, and since she couldn't avoid the family that didn't know what to do with her and that she didn't know what to do with, she caved and said she would go to a party in New York City for some people she didn't particularly know. It was important to Lily so by default it had to be important to her. She had to make it a priority and she had to put in her one hundred and ten percent worth of effort behind it.

She owed Lily. She owed her enough to stay with Andy after the surprise engagement party crashed and burned. She owed her enough to be an honest friend to Andy when she shied away from being bound to anyone for any reason.

And it was easy; at least in the beginning it was easy. All she had to do was say the right things, make the right moves and give a little bit of her time. As a short term friend, she rocked and Lily had thanked her for it. She'd done the right thing and she hadn't left even when wanted to. She wanted to disappear and go back to Cornell to finish what needed doing so that she could earn a degree she had no particular interest in. She had no particular interest in the university, no interest in continuing her education, but she just hadn't been offered a better opportunity.

Then, she got caught up in trying to do the right thing for Andy and fell into Miranda.

Okay, so yes she lied to Andy when she had been trying to be a good friend and said she had never heard of Miranda Priestly. She lied, but the lie only fell from her lips because she wanted to protect Andy. She didn't want Andy to think she was prejudging the person that was part of the Nate fiasco. It was a harmless lie, the results of a decision made in the haste of trying to be a good, objective friend. And to her credit, it was the only lie she had ever uttered to Andy, but it was the lie that built their relationship so…hindsight it wasn't so harmless.

Maybe if Andy had never heard that lie, then she would have been a little more reticent to open up. Maybe if she had just told Andy that she had heard of Miranda, but it wasn't from the fashion blogs or from her cousin then Andy would have never thought to trust her. Maybe if she had said that she had actually met Miranda at some benefit her mother had forced her attend, it would have drastically changed things. She could have explained that her mother was a Chief Executive Officer of an international nonprofit organization that gave her access to powerful people in powerful positions, but she hadn't tried to explain anything. If she were to be completely honest, she hadn't really tried at anything at all. Her life philosophy had always been simple, uncomplicated, detached and logical: if she never really tried at anything then she would never get attached.

As it was, luck was on her side when it was clear Miranda hadn't remembered their one time meeting that had taken place over five years ago. But the devil must have been on her side when Miranda had offered her a job she couldn't figure out a way to refuse. Her one constant malady was boredom and she sought out any sort of challenge to remedy it, and she knew working for Miranda would be a challenge like none other she'd ever met. She had heard the stories after all, had already been warned to steer clear if she valued her sanity. But Miranda was her spider and she was the fly; there was no turning away. So, suddenly she found herself in New York living with Andy and working for Miranda. And her simple, uncomplicated, detached and logical life philosophy was thrown out the window.

Working for Miranda while she was living with Andy was complicated. She never knew what to say to either of them so often chose not to say anything at all. It was impossible for her to remain detached. She couldn't be logical about everything and nothing anymore was simple. It was surreal and exciting and she found herself overdosing on everything that was being handed over to her. She couldn't resist any temptation. Her youth and inexperience couldn't save her from giving in when Andy had first initiated sex into their otherwise platonic relationship. It couldn't save her from Miranda's minefield filled generosity and it couldn't protect her from making one stupid mistake after another.

It'd be easy for her to blame Andy and then blame Miranda for everything that had spiraled so quickly out of her sphere of control, but her mother had raised her better than that. Besides, Miranda had somehow become important to her, and there was no rational reasonable explanation for it. All she knew was that when she sat across from Miranda Priestly and looked into her eyes, she felt a little less empty and felt a little less like running away to discover the oblivion she had always been looking for.

She didn't need a mental health professional to tell her that she had severe Mommy and Daddy issues. She didn't need someone to explain to her that the avenues she took to abate her erratic energy would eventually lead to her own demise. She was familiar enough with Psych 101 to know she was messed up. It wasn't a big secret. Lily constantly reminded her just how messed up she was and just how much she needed to tighten up and take control over a life that could only end in tragedy. Lily was good at lecturing; it would have been a good profession for her.

Miranda didn't lecture her. They didn't talk about her father's death, her mother's absence, and the ways in which she could improve upon her life. Nor did they talk about any of Miranda's tragedies. For some reason, they didn't have to. Their internal corruption was a bridge between them, and there was safety in numbers. So, when she and Andy were sharing a bed and her hands started to shake because she felt the unrestricted coldness building inside of her, she ran to Miranda because Miranda gave her focus and reason.

Miranda was her shield against nullity and the price for that protection manifested in the business world. It was easy payback, considering the benefits. Besides, it was business and her mother had raised her to understand that world. Her mother was thrilled to learn that she was working for Miranda Priestly, had even called Miranda personally to thank her for giving her daughter the opportunity that was so drastically needed in a time when her daughter was on the precipice of falling into an obscure orifice of oblivion, where her abundant talent and intellect wasted away and she became nothing more than the victim of a privileged life.

Of course Miranda didn't say anything about the personal phone call. Miranda may have not remembered meeting her at that dull benefit, but that didn't mean Miranda didn't know anything about her. Her mother and stepfather had money, and that wasn't something that was easy to hide; it wasn't something she wanted to hide. It worked to her benefit and she was smart enough to take advantage of it.

"You're kinda quiet today, Aquarius." Roy said as he eased the car to a stop. "Are you feeling alright?"

Aquarius briefly closed her eyes again. The images she had first seen still instantly appeared, forcing her to open her eyes so that she didn't scream. "I'm sorry, Roy." Aquarius forced herself to smile. "I just had a late night and an early morning."

"Has Miranda given you a day off yet?" His eyes met hers in the rearview mirror.

"A day off?" She chuckled. "Man, I don't know what that is. But hey, I got a promotion so that means I can tip you properly now for running me around like crazy."

Roy laughed with her. "Aquarius," he turned around to face her, "you've never tipped me."

"Right, right." She nodded. "I knew I kept on forgetting to do something. But I do recall getting you a great Scotch for your birthday."

"True." His eyes shifted to the window. "You better go. They've got someone waiting for you."

Aquarius followed his line of sight. Miranda had sent one of Irv's cronies to wait for her. "Yeah," she sighed. "You don't want to take me to the airport, do you?"

Roy laughed and shook his head. He didn't answer her. To him, it was only a joke.

Aquarius kept the smile on her face, patted Roy on the shoulder and then slipped out of the car. She greeted the man waiting for her, using her natural charisma to disarm any bomb Miranda had already undoubtedly set up. It didn't take her long to win him over. Irv's assistant, Martin, was joking with her and laughing by the time the elevator reached their floor.

"Are sparks flying between Miranda and Irv yet?" She asked as they neared Irv's office.

"When aren't there sparks?" Martin rolled his eyes. "They wouldn't get anything done if it weren't for us."

Aquarius just smirked. Martin was an easy target, and Irv should have chosen a better assistant. She let Martin push the heavy wooden door open for her, winked at him and then walked into the room. Irv and Miranda hadn't been waiting for her, to assume so would have been ridiculous. They needed to negotiate business that Irv didn't want her to overhear. He mistakenly assumed that Miranda would keep their secret business meetings safe from Aquarius's ears.

"Ah, Aquarius." He stood up and grinned. "I'm glad you could finally join us."

Aquarius walked over to him. "It's always a pleasure meeting with you, Mr. Ravitz." She leaned forward and then gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"You should know better than that," he said as they pulled apart. "Call me Irv."

"I know." Aquarius stepped further away from him. "I just can't seem to shake my old fashioned Southern manners." She made sure to insert a hint of the South in her tone. It didn't matter that she wasn't born in Georgia. For whatever reason, Irv seemed to enjoy her being from the South so she used it to her advantage. "It took me forever to get used to calling Miranda by her first name." She walked over to where Miranda was sitting, and then leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Miranda's cheek.

"Take a seat," Miranda ordered. "We were just discussing your promotion."

"Which one?" Aquarius joked as she took the seat Miranda had offered. "If you read any of the news this morning, you'd get the impression I was elected to be the next president or committed murder."

Irv chuckled and Miranda falsely smiled. "It is a bit of a debacle isn't it?" Irv took his own seat. "I'm afraid since Miranda announced you'd be taking over for Nigel it's got everyone in an uproar."

"Well it's understandable." Aquarius leaned back in her chair. "Miranda's managed to turn the fashion world upside down again. I must admit," she looked quickly over at Miranda, "I didn't even see it coming."

"From what Miranda's told me," Irv kept his focus on Aquarius, "you've earned it."

"Knowing Miranda," she turned back to Irv, "she's being too kind when she sings my praises." Irv's smile faltered, but Miranda's finally turned genuine. It was a joke and Aquarius knew Miranda would understand it, but Irv wouldn't know that he was supposed to laugh. "That's why I only feel it fair to tell you, Mr. Ravitz that it would be inconceivable to me to take over the production of _Teen Runway_ next year without Miranda." Irv's smile was now completely gone. "I know we've discussed involving Jacqueline but, I'm sure you'll understand my preferences. The Board of Directors seems to think it'd be for the best."

She and Miranda had been very busy the last couple of days. Ever since Irv had let Aquarius know he wanted her to take over the launch of _Teen Runway_ they had to line up all the right people and put all the right pieces in place so that they could confidently declare Irv impotent. He had thought he could seduce Aquarius away from Miranda and bring Jacqueline Follet back into the fold. He never intended to hand over power to Aquarius; she was supposed to be the pretty young face while Jacqueline provided the intellect. He had even told Aquarius as much, but he just didn't understand that Miranda had already built up her defense.

Aquarius couldn't turn her back on Miranda, because Miranda owned her, knew all of her secrets, even had her mother's ear. The only leverage she had ever had was with Andy, but she couldn't use Andy like that and neither could Miranda. Andy had no problem using her, but Aquarius didn't feel like paying back the favor. She'd always tried to do right by Andy, had tried to keep her distance while maintaining her supportive role. Still, somehow she had become attached and perhaps that's why she had to stop herself from screaming the first time Andy had said that she was in love with her.

Aquarius had known it was a lie. It was an obvious, outrageous lie. Aquarius accepted that Andy used her to make herself feel better. She accepted that their relationship was mostly for emotional convenience. Andy needed her to fulfill a particular role, so Aquarius did. She supported Andy's career, she helped her get over her failed relationship with Nate, she stayed close when Andy needed her. She played the part Andy wanted her to play, but she drew the line when it came to falling in love.

That's why she had left, and she still couldn't figure out how to go back and talk to Andy about any of it. She didn't quite know how to explain to someone that she was only being the person she thought they wanted her to be. She had purposefully hidden who she was, so that she could help Andy carry on. Someone had once told her that if she pretended to be something long enough, then she'd become it, but that wasn't true. She had pretended for over six months to be perfect for Andy, but she didn't change into a better person. Aquarius believed that when all was finally said and done, she'd come out looking like a monster.

"I'm sure you agree," Miranda was saying to her.

She forced her attention back to the task at hand—destroying Irv Ravitz—and said whatever she thought was appropriate. Fifteen minutes later, their meeting was over and she was riding alone in an elevator with Miranda. "Your mother sent me a rather… extravagant bouquet."

"Of course she did." Aquarius leaned against the elevator's wall. "I didn't get the privilege of receiving flowers. But she did call to remind me how important it is that I don't further shame the family. Apparently, I've already shamed her enough and my dead father is still horribly disappointed in me." She sighed. "He's a very vocal dead man."

The doors opened and Miranda immediately stepped through them. "You'll be working with Nigel for the next few months in preparation for the transition," she said as soon as Aquarius caught up with her.

"I'm sure he's looking forward to it." They reached the car where Roy had been waiting the entire time. "I'm also working with Nicole's people, and I told Emily to take care of the arrangements for that stupid fundraiser Carroll is organizing." She opened the door for Miranda.

"Aquarius!"

They both turned to the voice shouting her name. It was a man with a camera, in a group of people with cameras. "Shit," Aquarius whispered. "It's been like this all day. I'll meet up with you after your luncheon." She began to turn away, but was stopped by Miranda's hand grabbing her forearm.

"Your mother has greatly underestimated you." Miranda's hand slid off of her arm.

"But you know she's right about me." Aquarius turned to face the man who was hurrying towards her. "I haven't lived up to my name." She put a smile on her face and then moved away from Miranda's car so that Roy could safely pull away.

She answered a few questions that were shouted at her, and then walked away. She was the new hot item for Page Six, and her reputation was built on being the Yin to Miranda's Yang. Their dichotomy was vitally important for their success and it was too late in the game for Aquarius to start dissociating herself from the foundation her reputation had been built on. It didn't matter that she currently felt like she was being buried alive. It didn't matter that she wanted to run away and forget everything she had ever done. It didn't matter because business was business and it was in her blood.

She couldn't run from the responsibility, from the city, from the country, from Andy, from Miranda, from her family. It was all inside of her now, attached and not letting go.

Her phone began ringing and she dug into her coat pocket to pull it out. She didn't bother to look at who was calling her; it didn't really matter anymore. "This is Aquarius."

"Lily says you're not staying with her."

Of course it was Andy. Her day wouldn't completely suck if it wasn't Andy. "No, I'm staying with Miranda."

"Miranda?" She sounded surprised. "What?" She managed to stumble out. "Why?"

"We're friends… sort of." Aquarius shrugged. "It's complicated."

"I can't believe…" Andy's voice faded.

"Neither of us lied to you about anything, Andy." Aquarius found the nearest building and entered it. She didn't care where she was; she just wanted to get off of the street. "Don't give Miranda shit for helping me out."

"Don't you think she could have told me you were staying at her house?" Andy yelled.

Aquarius laughed. This conversation was so obviously funny. "So you wanted her to tell you about it when she was sleeping in the same bed I had just left, right?"

Andy didn't say anything. There was nothing but silence, but the silence didn't satisfy Aquarius. "Or maybe it would have been better to tell you about our friendship while you were confessing your love for me while you were coveting her?"

"That's not fair," Andy sounded like she was holding back tears, but Aquarius didn't feel the need to apologize. She had always been destined to let Andy down, to make her hurt. It was inevitable the moment she tried to be the tonic that would cure Andy from her love pains. There was no longer a reason for her to pretend like she was perfect. She could shed off the personality Andy had seen and show her the person she had never met.

"Of course it isn't fair, Andy. It was never going to be."

There was an extended silence and then, "I think we need to talk…in person."

They could talk in person forever, but Aquarius didn't think that would help anything. "You shouldn't waste your words on me, Andy." Whatever malice that had been building in her tone vanished. She couldn't hold onto it anymore. "Save them for Miranda. You always wanted to work things out with her so…do that."

Again there was silence, and again Aquarius didn't try to fill it. She patiently waited for Andy to figure out what it is she wanted to say. She didn't think about all the things that she needed to do before she was scheduled to meet up with Miranda. She didn't think about anything outside of the conversation she was having. Like always, she was completely present in the moment, never trying to do anything halfway.

"I don't know if I can," Andy finally admitted. "I don't know if I should."

Aquarius was a little surprised that Andy was still freely admitting her secrets, but she supposed that Andy really didn't have anyone else to talk to about any of this. "You should, Andy." She said it only because she thought that's what Andy wanted to hear. She should have told Andy to run far away, should have said she'd be better off on the other side of the world. But Andy didn't want to hear that. Obviously, Andy had already made her decision; she was just looking for someone to tell her to go ahead with it. "You wouldn't be hanging around her anymore if you didn't want to work things out. You wouldn't have shared your bed. You can have it all, it just might take a while and you have to start again."

"You mean that," Andy whispered, like she couldn't quite believe Aquarius was being genuine, but had no evidence to prove otherwise. And Aquarius did think that it was possible for Andy to form a relationship with Miranda. She was the sort that thought anything was possible, but that didn't necessarily mean it was likely.

"Of course I mean it." Once more, Aquarius forced herself to smile. "I wouldn't say it otherwise."

"Lily's really underestimated you."

She softly chuckled. "I hear she's not the only one." It was an odd thing to say, so before Andy could question it she quickly added, "Don't assume that I'm completely okay with everything that's happened, because I'm not, but I've got to work it out on my own."

"Aquarius, I owe you an apology, and I…"

"Let's not do that just yet," Aquarius interrupted. "I'm gonna need more time for that."

"Oh, okay. If you need anything…"

"I'll let you know." She finished for Andy. "I've gotta go, though. You know how the daily grind goes with Miranda. So, I'll talk to you later, alright." She waited for Andy to say goodbye and then quickly hung up. Her hands were shaking and she could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest. She looked around, not recognizing any of the people around her, but that didn't mean no one was watching. So, she found the nearest bathroom and locked the door behind her as soon as she entered. She released the cell phone she still had gripped in her hand and threw it against the mirror.

The mirror didn't break and neither did her phone. It fell down into the sink and stayed there defying her one act of anger. "God damn it!" She approached the mirror and used her fist to try and break it instead, but it denied her as well. All she could do was add more bruises to her already bruised hand. She kept on lashing out until she couldn't take the pain anymore. She cupped her broken hand to her chest and then slowly fell to the floor. Tears sprung to her eyes, but she couldn't let them fall.

She couldn't cave under the pressure, couldn't give in to her own poor choices. She was stuck in her underestimated failure. She knew she should have backed out the moment Miranda had first broken her down, but she hadn't been strong enough to walk away. Miranda had promised to teach her how to deal with it all, and Aquarius couldn't give that up. So far, Miranda had helped but at the moment she didn't feel any better than she had when she first walked into Miranda's office.

Her phone began ringing from inside the sink. Aquarius looked up, not able to see through the porcelain to her phone, but she imagined Miranda was calling her. It could only be Miranda. She reached up without looking, grabbed hold of her phone and blindly hit the talk button. "Yeah?" Her voice was strained, her throat hurt.

"What's wrong?" Miranda immediately asked.

"I'm really hating myself today," Aquarius quietly admitted, her eyes turning down to her hand. She knew she didn't have to further explain herself. Miranda understood what she meant. How could she not after everything she had done?

There's no time for that," Miranda firmly replied. "Gather yourself up and get back to work." There was a click and then she hung up. Aquarius lowered her phone and then looked down at it. Miranda was right; she didn't have the time to breakdown. Miranda gave her focus and direction. It was what her mother said she needed. It was what her cousin had constantly tried to offer.

Aquarius forced herself up off the floor. She straightened out her clothes, gave herself a onceover in the mirror that refused to break under her assault, and then walked out. She could deal with her hand later. There was still work for her to do.


	27. Exit Strategy

I don't own The Devil Wears Prada

**Exit Strategy**

This was weird, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to convince her otherwise. Andy almost felt like she was stuck in some type of Avant Garde jazz production where none of the notes seemed to fit together yet they insisted on crashing together anyway. She no longer knew exactly how she felt, or what it was she wanted, but she knew that things had to change, and she had to be the one to change them. That was the only reason she had gone to the airport and bought a ticket to Cleveland. That's why she had gotten on the plane and left. She couldn't stay, and she honestly didn't want to hang around to see what else could possibly go wrong or be turned upside down before she got the courage to walk away.

She needed the distance, and not just because she wanted to get her head on straight from what Miranda had told her, not just because of the cluster of confusion that went on with Aquarius, and not just because she hadn't given herself a chance to pay proper consideration to her failed relationship with Nate. She needed the distance because she knew that if she didn't leave, then she'd get caught up in everything again and wouldn't have the strength to turn away. She'd be stuck and there would be no exiting the life she was building up around her.

Andy understood that she was running away. She knew that it wasn't the most mature thing she could do, but Miranda had made it clear that there would be nothing further between them. At least, there could be nothing if they continued doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. They were stuck in insanity and the only way Andy knew how to get out of it was to leave.

She hadn't given thought to any of the details for her departure. She only grabbed her laptop, stuffed some clothes into a duffel bag, and then left. She bought a one-way ticket to her hometown, and didn't even think to call anyone until she was seated on the airplane. She called Lily so that at least someone knew she wasn't unintentionally missing. Part of her expected Lily to yell at her for everything that had already happened with Aquarius, but Lily didn't yell. Lily didn't even know where Aquarius was or what had so recently happened. She had talked to her cousin, but Aquarius hadn't seen fit to share, and while Andy still had it in herself to be surprised by that, Lily didn't seem surprised at all.

"I'm happy for you, Andy," Lily had said after Andy had confessed to being alone on an airplane exercising an impulsive exit strategy. "You need to take care of yourself." She didn't ask for any details, and didn't try to say that she had been right about Miranda and right about Aquarius. Andy immediately felt guilty for expecting the worst from her best friend, when past experience should have told her that there was a good reason Lily had been her best friend for so long.

She quickly finished her conversation with Lily, hung up her phone and then turned it off. She didn't bother to turn it on again until the plane had landed and she was walking through the airport. She didn't have any missed calls and knew it was ridiculous to be upset that no one had yet noticed her abrupt absence, but that knowledge didn't stop her from calling Aquarius. It didn't stop her from falling into a bizarre conversation that did nothing to give closure to their relationship.

It didn't matter that it was full of apologies and civility. To Andy, it didn't feel real, and the emotion was so foreign to her it drove her to tell Aquarius that they should finish their conversation in person, despite having just put a few hundred miles between them, just so that she could look into Aquarius's eyes and see for herself if any of their words were at all genuine. When Aquarius refused the offer, Andy felt like she had suddenly been slapped as cold water was being poured across her face. It was a harsh wakeup call, and instead of hanging up from the shock, Andy kept on talking and did her best to pretend like nothing between them had changed.

It was surreal, she realized after she hung up her phone, to talk to someone she had known for so long and not be able to recognize their voice. If she closed her eyes, she wasn't even sure she would have been able to accurately describe some of Aquarius's best physical features. Aquarius had always been somewhat of a phantom, and despite living with her for the last six months, Aquarius still seemed incorporeal in a lot of ways.

Aquarius and Miranda were similar in that regard. Neither of them seemed to ever be entirely real. They just breezed in and out of Andy's life, not staying for any extended period of time but still managing to leave a shadow behind. And currently, Miranda's shadow was almost blocking out any possibility of light, because Andy couldn't get Miranda's words out of her head. Someone had hit the repeat button in her brain and every other second Miranda's voice was achingly confessing, "I am a woman, Andrea, just like you... Call me when you finally understand that".

Andy had wanted to immediately defend herself and wanted to say that of course she understood that Miranda was a woman. Of course she knew that. It would be impossible for her not to realize it when she had been witness to so many events in Miranda's life.

But Andy didn't defend herself. She couldn't, not when she had been labeling Miranda without having even realized it. Miranda had always been either, Miranda 'the editor' or Miranda 'the demanding boss' or Miranda 'the manipulative executive' or Miranda 'the person I somehow managed to fall in love with'. To Andy, Miranda had never been just simply, 'Miranda' without any of the accessories added on. She understood that it was human nature to categorize and label, but she had always tried to rise above that. Obviously, she hadn't tried hard enough, because Aquarius was gaining room and board from Miranda while Andy bought a one way ticket out of New York. Andy briefly tried to raise some bitterness towards that simple fact, but she couldn't find it inside of herself. For all her flaws, and all the things Andy didn't know about her, Aquarius was just better at being unassuming and partial.

Andy didn't know the full story, and she doubted whether she would ever be told it, but she could see that Aquarius had accomplished something with Miranda that Andy hadn't. What that special something was, Andy could only guess at. She didn't think it had anything to do with sex, since she highly doubted Miranda and Aquarius were sharing a sexually intimate relationship. But there was intimacy between them, Andy had been aware of it every time she had seen them together. It was more subtle than passionate, which made Nigel's errant comment all the more meaningful to Andy: "...it's the age of Aquarius.," he had said, "She beat us all and without letting us know we were even in the ring with her."

"Are you going to stand outside all day?" Andy's mother asked as she pulled open the front door.

"I um..." Andy took a quick look around, surprised that she had somehow managed to make it home despite how caught up she had been in trying to figure out all that had been going on in her life. "I don't want to come inside yet."

Her mother was clearly worried, but she nodded anyway. "Fine. At least let me take your stuff inside. We'll talk whenever you're ready."

Mindlessly, Andy handed over her duffel bag and laptop case. When she was free of them, she turned away from the front door and then walked around the house until she had reached the gate to the backyard. She walked through the gate, into the yard, and to a small picnic table her parents had gotten from her grandparents' backyard after her grandmother had died. The table was a centerpiece to a lot of family memories. She tried to imagine what it would be like to invite Miranda to the family picnic table. She tried to imagine what it would be like for Miranda to interact with her parents, her cousins, her aunts and uncles, but her imagination wasn't working so great anymore.

Andy couldn't picture Miranda as a constant in her life. And worse, she couldn't imagine herself as a constant in Miranda's life either. She had no clue how they could meld their worlds together and come out with a life worth living. But still, she wanted to try. She wanted to get a chance to know Miranda. She wanted to make an effort; she just knew she couldn't make the effort now. Andy needed time, and she needed the distance.

The sliding glass door opened behind Andy, but she didn't turn to see who was stepping out of it. She kept her eyes focused on a large rock that had been a staple in her mother's garden long before they had ever moved in.

"I know I said that we'd talk when you're ready," her mother sat down next to her, "but I'm worried." She softly chuckled. "You'll understand when… I mean, if you have children."

Andy turned to look at her mom, but didn't say anything. She didn't even know what she should say, what she could say. She didn't know how to explain herself, and wasn't sure she'd ever have the words to explain all that had been going on in her life. Silence just seemed…easier, not better but easier.

"This has always been your thinking place." Her mother leaned back against the table. "You sat out here for two hours before you told me and your father you were dating that girl from college. Three when you had decided not to go to law school, and now you've flown all the way from New York to sit in the backyard. Whatever it is, it must be serious." Her hand went to Andy's thigh. "You haven't killed anyone, have you?"

"What?" Andy's eyes widened. "No! Of course not. What makes you think that?"

Her mother smiled. "Honey, I don't think that. But whatever it is that's bothering you," she squeezed Andy's thigh, "at least you're not on the run for murder."

She had no idea where her laughter came from, but she was grateful for its arrival. Andy felt like it had been forever since she had laughed.

"So," her mother's hand left Andy's thigh and reached out for Andy's hand instead, "since I don't have to worry about hiding you from any federal agents, why don't you just save us both the suspense and tell me what brought you home."

Andy's smile fell away. "I don't know," she tried to explain. "It's complicated."

"Is it Aquarius?" Her mother asked. "Is it not working out with her?"

"Who told you…" Andy let her words fade. She hadn't told either of her parents about her relationship with Lily's cousin, and had no intention of doing so. She didn't want to bother explaining a relationship that she had always known wasn't going to last.

"Aquarius has always been a very attractive girl, Andy, and you do just have the one bed."

"You make our relationship sound almost…inevitable." Andy wasn't sure she liked that.

"Oh well, Andy, of course your father and I had our doubts…"

"Dad knows, too?" Andy asked surprised.

"…but we do know you, Andy," her mother continued on as if she had never been interrupted. "When Aquarius first moved in with you, you talked about her all the time. But then," she shrugged, "you started talking about her less and less and experience has taught your father and I to listen when you stop talking because that usually means you're doing something that you think we won't approve of."

Andy turned away from her mother. "So, you're saying I'm bad at keeping secrets."

"Does that really matter?" Her mother turned away and followed Andy's line of sight. "You're sitting here obviously distraught over something. You should start talking again."

Andy sighed. "It's not Aquarius," she confessed. "It's not just Aquarius," she corrected herself. "Aquarius is…" And there was the root of her issue with Aquarius laid bare. Andy had no words to describe her relationship with Aquarius. She didn't have any words to describe Aquarius at all. "If I had paid attention to Aquarius a few years ago," she looked down at the ground, "I would have fallen helplessly in love with her." She risked looking up at her mother, surprised when she didn't see any shock flittering across her mother's features.

"I think it's a good thing you didn't pay any attention to her," her mother kept her gaze focused ahead of them. "Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely girl and always has been, the Lord knows she's gone through her share of pain in life, but she couldn't have ever made you happy, Andy."

Andy softly laughed. "And why is that, Mom?"

"Because she's just like her father. Do you remember him?"

Andy could sort of remember his face. She remembered that he always seemed to be laughing, and was always making everyone around him laugh as well. Lily had always talked highly of him, making him out to be almost like some sort of superman. He travelled the world and always brought back something special for his niece and his niece's best friend. "I remember him smiling a lot."

"He was a very handsome and charming man." Her mother smiled. "He was a wonderful human being, Andy, but he was human nonetheless, even though he did his very best to convince the world otherwise. He got so lost trying to be everything for everyone that he sort of…forgot how to be himself at times. That's why Bryna, Aquarius's mother, was his perfect match. She could always pull him back when he couldn't pull himself back. And you, my wonderful daughter, I don't think you could pull Aquarius back."

Andy helplessly shrugged. "I haven't even tried," she admitted.

"And you shouldn't have to." Her mother wrapped an arm around Andy's shoulders. "But you're not just upset about Aquarius."

"No," Andy shook her head. "I'm not. But I um," she swallowed and blinked her eyes a few times trying to force away tears that had suddenly decided to appear after her mother had wrapped an arm around her. "I don't really want to talk about Miranda right now."

"Miranda?" Her mother finally sounded surprised. "Miranda Priestly from _Runway_?"

Andy wiped at her eyes. "Yeah, Miranda Priestly from _Runway_."

"Goodness, Andy," Her mother tightened her hold. "You really do keep things interesting, don't you?"

The sliding glass door was pushed open again. "I thought you might need this." Andy's father held three wineglasses filled with red wine. He handed one out to Andy, which she immediately took, and then handed another over to his wife. "Is there anything else I can do?"

Andy took a sip of wine, grateful that her father had thought of bringing it out. "No, thank you."

"So," he rocked on the balls of his feet, "Maggie, what have you two wonderful ladies been talking about out here all this time?" It wasn't a very subtle question, but her father had never been good at being subtle.

Maggie laid her wineglass down on the table. "I was telling her about Deangelo."

"Oh yes, Deangelo," he looked down at his wineglass.

Maggie gave her husband an indulgent smile. "Your father never cared much for Aquarius's father. He's always been jealous of him."

Her father sighed. "That's not true."

"Justin, you shouldn't lie to your daughter." Maggie turned her attention back to Andy. "Your father couldn't stand Deangelo. He was always trying to compete with him, and I always tried to explain that you can't compete with someone who's already too busy competing with themselves."

"What do you mean?" Andy asked, Nigel's words coming back to her once more.

"Deanaglo never cared about being better than anyone else, never wanted to outshine anyone. He was just," her mother shrugged, "he was constantly trying to prove to himself he was good enough. It didn't matter that everyone around him was completely enthralled by him."

"He was a very tragic man," her father added. "It's a real shame Aquarius couldn't escape that." He finally took a seat across from his wife and daughter. "Is Aquarius why you're here, Andy?"

Andy shook her head. "No."

There was a few moments of silence, her father looked like he was waiting for her to say something else, but when she remained silent he began sipping his wine again. They sat in silence for, Andy didn't know how long, looking out at her mother's garden. Her mother kept an arm wrapped around Andy's shoulders, while her father looked on appearing as if he could hardly stand the silence. Andy remembered her father would always rather have a problem to solve than to lie in wait. He had gotten more patient with her over the years, which she had always been thankful for, but she could still see he was uncomfortable.

The house phone began ringing, and her father was the first to jump up and get it. When he returned, he was holding the phone in his hand, looking apologetic. "It's Aquarius. I wasn't sure whether or not you wanted to talk to her."

Andy sighed as she laid her wineglass down so that she could take the phone being handed over to her. "Hel…" she started to say, but her voice didn't work. She tried clearing her throat, hoping it would make a bit of difference. "Hello?"

"Andrea."

"Miranda!" Andy screeched. "How did you get this number?" She jumped up and hurried into the house, not wanting her parents to overhear her conversation.

"Aquarius."

Andy scratched at her forehead. "I thought I was supposed to be the one to call you?"

"Technically," Andy could hear Miranda close a door, "I was not the one to make this call; Aquarius did."

"Okay," Andy found a wall to lean against. "What is it you want, Miranda?"

She could hear Miranda swallow. "Aquarius informed me of your abrupt departure after she learned of it from her cousin."

"I had to," Andy defended herself. "Being in the same city as you both was suffocating me." She turned to the television in the living room. "Your faces are even covering the news here." The volume was turned down, but under a picture of Miranda and Aquarius standing together was the caption, 'Miranda Priestly wows the world again'.

"That's understandable," Miranda softly replied. "Are you…well?"

Miranda sounded concerned, and Andy wasn't at all prepared for it. She hadn't expected Miranda to offer out the first hand of friendship since she had been the one to first walk away after leaving an ultimatum at Andy's feet. "I need to figure that out," Andy honestly answered. "I need time."

"I know that I have made mistakes as well, Andrea."

Andy closed her eyes. "Yeah, you could have told me Aquarius was staying with you, for one."

"I'll not defend my…" Miranda's words abruptly stopped. "Perhaps, you are right."

"I am right." Andy's voice was just a little bit stronger. "If we're going to try to…do something about what's going on with us, I need time. And, you need it, too."

"Fine. If you need anything then you know how to contact me." Miranda hung up, and Andy slowly dropped the phone from her ear. She looked down at it, a part of her wondering if the conversation she had just participated in had really happened. She could hear her parents talking in the distance, still seated outside giving her the privacy she hadn't explicitly requested. She pushed herself away from the wall, and then made her way back outside. She laid the phone on the table but didn't sit back down. She just looked down at her parents for a long moment, trying to figure out what had pushed her back towards them.

"I fell in love with Miranda Priestly," she eventually admitted, "and we both managed to fuck it all up."

She kept talking, her eyes never focusing on anything. She talked about her short stint as Miranda's assistant. She talked about her crumbling relationship with Nate, about her unexpected feelings for Miranda, her ill chosen relationship with Aquarius. She told them everything, not holding back any of the details. She talked until her throat was raw, and until it became too cold for them to sit outside any longer.

When she was done talking, she went up to her old bedroom, laid down on the bed, and then fell into an exhausted sleep. She didn't feel better, but didn't feel worse either. For now, Andy considered the lack of emotion, a step in the right direction.


	28. Self Doubt

**Self-Doubt**

Miranda hadn't asked Aquarius to call Andrea, because to have asked her to do such a thing would have meant that they would have actually had to have a conversation about it. They mostly refrained from conversing about their personal lives, and left only enough room for transitory moments of intimate mutterings. So, it was an unwelcome surprise when Aquarius had walked into Miranda's study, phone already in hand, proclaiming that Lily told her Andrea had flown out to Ohio, and then proceeded to hand over the phone declaring that Andrea knew about their current living arrangements. It was abrupt and unforgiving, but Miranda knew Aquarius was in no mood to be anything more than abrupt and unforgiving. Aquarius's shiny veneer was starting to whittle away under the strain of her current successes, and the veil of perfection she was usually able to sustain was suffering.

Aquarius was currently under the limelight for her unprecedented achievements and all the vultures were dissecting her life looking for her weaknesses. The ones they had already found were being rubbed raw. Miranda had done nothing to ease the pressure and had even added to it by telling Nigel to ready Aquarius for her promotion. He held no hidden love for Aquarius and wasn't giving Aquarius any leeway. Much like Miranda would have, he was demanding immediate perfection and Aquarius was straining to deliver. Despite all of the magic tricks Aquarius used to make herself look perfect, when faced with living up to her own hype, Aquarius wasn't as intelligent, wasn't as innately gifted, wasn't as wise, wasn't as mature, and wasn't as forgiving as most everyone assumed.

Miranda looked over at the large bouquet Aquarius's mother had sent her. It had been years since she had attended one of the fundraisers held in honor of the nonprofit Aquarius's mother ran, but that hadn't affected their continued acquaintanceship. Aquarius's mother was full of beauty and grace, had a unique ability to float from one conversation to another with ridiculous ease, was talented at extorting services from individuals who had no intention of originally offering them, and she possessed unmitigated ambition that had greatly helped her further the interests of her nonprofit. More than once, Miranda had Emily call upon Charisma for assistance in staging various fundraisers. They had always got on well enough.

She had known about Charisma's daughters like she assumed Charisma knew about hers—never quite able to recall their names, and only possessing a vague knowledge of their age and activities. Anything more would be superfluous since it would supersede the pretense of actual interest. Miranda had never thought she would one day employ one of Charisma's daughters, and thus far none of Miranda's friends had offered up their children for her purview. Charisma appeared to have little problem with her daughter being under Miranda's control, and was seemingly more than willing to let Aquarius suffer through Miranda's notorious wrath. She had said it was character building, but refrained from admitting that she preferred Miranda handle her daughter since she had exhausted her own desire to rein in Aquarius's erratic focus and drive.

It was clear that Aquarius wasn't very close to her mother, and Miranda couldn't help but wonder if her girls would grow up to be anything like Aquarius. She, at times, worried they would, and that their relationship would be as stilted as Aquarius's relationship with Charisma. She imagined that she would one day be sending an ornate bouquet to someone she believed was taking responsibility for one of her daughter's when she felt she could no longer do so.

"Mom," Cassidy's voice called from outside of Miranda's study. "Caroline and I are here."

"Cassidy," Miranda pulled her glasses away, "come in."

The door slowly opened, but eventually Cassidy stepped through it alone. "Aquarius said you were on the phone."

Miranda looked down at the phone she had been using. "I'm not anymore."

"Oh, well yeah that's obvious." Cassidy stepped further into her mother's space. "Where did the flowers come from?" She pointed at the large arrangement of flowers. "Are you dating again?" The question was said with thinly veiled disgust, which, Miranda noticed, appeared to be the standard for everything that came from her daughter's mouth these days. Cassidy was always angry with her, and Miranda didn't know how to rectify that. She knew part of Cassidy's ire simply came from age, but that didn't account for the whole of it. Cassidy was turning into an angry girl and most of that anger was perhaps rightfully directed at Miranda.

"They came from Aquarius's mother." Miranda focused her attention on her daughter.

"Why would she send you flowers?"

Why indeed. "It's not important." There was no point in discussing the convoluted connection she had to Aquarius's mother. Cassidy wouldn't understand it or, perhaps she would and would also confirm that Miranda had reason to be concerned about their future.

"You're not dating her mother are you?" Cassidy snapped out the question.

Miranda kept herself from reacting. She wouldn't give her daughter the satisfaction of an argument. "Why would you ask that, darling?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Cassidy crossed her arms in front of her.

"Well for one, Charisma is married," Miranda calmly replied. "And you should know I have had no time to carry on a relationship. I've already told you and your sister that you two would be the first to know about any relationship I wished to pursue." It was a hasty deal struck shortly after Stephen had moved out. Miranda thought that it would give her girls a better sense of control over what went on in their lives, but it was also pointless since Alain's decision to marry eradicated any of the false control Miranda's promise had produced.

"Whatever." Cassidy rolled her eyes. "They're still stupid flowers."

"What is your sister doing?" Miranda put her glasses back on, as she turned her attention back to the documents that were laid out in front of her covering the surface of her desk.

"She's hanging out with Aquarius." Cassidy shoved her hands into her front pockets.

"I thought Aquarius was supposed to be working."

"Well unlike you," Cassidy spit out, "Aquarius can still pay attention to us even when she's busy."

"Why are you trying to provoke me? Was the time you spent at your father's really that horrible?" Chances were that it was. Alain was busy conducting research for his latest project and most of the time the girls spent at their father's was spent in their stepmother's company. They didn't get along well, and Miranda was inclined to blame Rayne for the discord. Caroline and Cassidy often tried to keep to themselves, but Rayne was constantly trying to push forward a companionable relationship that would never manifest, and when her kindness wore thin she resorted to pettiness.

"Whatever." Cassidy shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I'm going to hang out with Aquarius." She hurried out of the study, leaving Miranda feeling like she should have tried to call her daughter back, but Miranda didn't want to. She simply didn't want to deal with whatever Cassidy was currently upset about. She wasn't prepared for it, not with having just gotten off the phone with Andrea.

She wasn't quite sure how she should feel about Andrea's decision to escape from New York. She honestly hadn't thought that Andrea would ever consider leaving. Her ego hadn't let her even think that Andrea would walk away from her instead of contritely approaching her. Miranda had laid out an ultimatum and assumed Andrea would call when she was ready to proceed with developing their relationship. Instead, Andrea had once again proven to be unsettlingly unpredictable.

Miranda raised her gaze again and looked towards the door her daughter had so hurriedly walked out of. Their confrontation had been predictable. They had played out the same scene for the last week. Cassidy was angry and Miranda was too tired to deal with it. She instead chose the easier route and pawned the girls off to Aquarius who was less than a decade older than them and who could perhaps understand them better.

Andrea, Miranda realized, was better for leaving, because if Andrea had contritely come knocking on her door, Miranda knew she wouldn't have been able to let Andrea in. It wouldn't have been fair for her to open the door since she had Aquarius holed up in a guestroom upset and overly stressed from the pressures of work, and had her daughters acting out at every turn because she was once again failing them. Her home was no place for Andrea, not as it was. It was true that Miranda wished for Andrea to see her as independent from the icon of Miranda Priestly, but she didn't want Andrea to walk into such strong testaments of her weaknesses.

Over six months ago, Miranda had knowingly played part in an ill thought out plan so that she could push Andrea away from her and gain back the control she could feel slipping through her fingers. It was an old song and dance routine she had done several times before, and as those times before, it had worked. Even her guilt driven admittance of wrongdoing could not have taken away her actions. And once again, she was standing alone ready to battle the world even though it had planned to wage no wars with her.

Again, Miranda pulled her glasses from her face. She looked around her study, not seeing anything particularly different about it, but the room brought on a sudden wave of rancid feelings of disgust. She long ago reconciled her dislike for herself, but she had never before hated her surroundings quite as much as she was beginning to. She hated the world she had been building up around her. She always had, but she had masterfully avoided trying to change it.

Alain had left because she hadn't wanted to change, and so had Stephen. She was well on her way to losing her girls as she had lost her husbands. And now, Andrea had run away and Miranda had welcomed someone else's problem child into her home. Life was exactly like she had made it. And even her extreme gifts at rationalization couldn't clear away the current debris.

"Mom, Cassidy and I are going out to get something to eat," Caroline called through the open door. "Aquarius said she'd come with us. Did you want us to pick you up something?"

Miranda focused her eyes and took in her daughter's appearance. Caroline looked older than Miranda remembered, thinner too. "Why don't I join you instead?"

"What?" Caroline looked truly confused. "What do you mean?"

Miranda began to stand. "I'll join you."

The look of confusion didn't disappear. "Why?"

"Because I wish to spend time with you both," Miranda said as if it should have been plainly obvious.

"Oh." Understanding finally fixed upon Caroline's features.

"Do you not want me to join you?" Miranda asked, knowing that she shouldn't. It was an unfair question to ask when she knew her girls had once again grown accustomed to her absence.

"Hey, it's whatever." Caroline shrugged and then walked away.

It took a moment for Miranda to talk herself into following, but eventually she pushed her body forward. She followed Caroline to the foyer where Cassidy was waiting, and got there at the moment Caroline casually told her sister, "Mom is doing that guilt thing again. She's coming with us."

Cassidy snorted. "That's stupid."

Miranda approached her girls. "What's stupid?"

Caroline guiltily looked away, but Cassidy's blue eyes defiantly met hers. "You are."

Miranda narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

Caroline hit her sister on the arm, but Cassidy didn't back down. "What?" She asked her sister. "It's not like she doesn't know what she's doing."

"And what is it I am doing?" Miranda kept her voice even.

"You're feeling guilty enough about abandoning us that you want to pretend to be our mother." Cassidy turned away. "So, now we'll see you for all of a day before you find something else you'd rather pay attention to." She walked towards the front door. "I'm hungry." She opened the door and then walked out of it, not giving Miranda much of a chance to respond.

Caroline kept her ground. "It's true," she helplessly shrugged. "You'll love us tonight and forget about us tomorrow."

Miranda slowly let her eyes close. "You two decided, on your own, to move out." It wasn't a worthy defense, wasn't even worth mentioning, but the technicality of her daughters being the ones to have walked away from her made the moment a bit more bearable.

Caroline humorlessly laughed. "Cas is right, Mom. You are stupid." She said and then walked out the door, not turning back even when Miranda called out to her.

Granted, Miranda had been called much worse things than 'stupid', but she wouldn't accept any insult coming from her own children. She wanted to follow them out of the door and tell them that she was grounding them and taking away privileges. She wanted to lash out at them for their lashing out at her. But when she walked out the door and found their heads huddled together obviously waiting for their punishment, Miranda pulled up short. "We should order in instead."

Two pairs of eyes looked up at her, confused.

"We should discuss…this," she added. "Go back inside."

Her girls looked at each other, and without saying a word simultaneously walked back into the house.

"Order whatever you'd like," Miranda softly told them, giving them leave from her presence which they did not hesitate to take. Once they were out of sight, Miranda turned to the silent figure that had been watching the entire scene. "Don't you ever again pull a stunt like you did earlier. Andrea will not be used as cannon fodder for your frustrations with me."

Aquarius ran a hand through her hair, but showed no other reaction to Miranda's words.

Miranda took a step closer to the younger woman. "I want you out of my house."

Aquarius softly chuckled. "It's a good thing I never thought to unpack my bags. Well," she laughed again, "my bag. I've only got the one."

"I want you out of my house," Miranda repeated. "I am not your mother and I am not your friend. If you want to self-sabotage, then go ahead. You are not irreplaceable."

"Self-sabotage?" Aquarius smiled. "Why would I do a thing like that?"

"Because you hate yourself."

Aquarius backed away as if she had been physically struck.

"Leave Andrea out of it," Miranda warned. "We've already hurt her enough."

"We?" Aquarius pushed her thumbs through the front belt loops on her jeans. "I'm pretty sure I'm not the one that…"

Miranda held up her hand. "Don't," she interrupted. "I am well aware of what I have done."

Aquarius's hands dropped down to her sides. "I know." She looked away from the woman standing directly in front of her, just on the verge of invading her personal space. "Do me a favor, Rand and keep to the promises you make your girls this time around. A daughter never really falls out of love with her mom no matter how shitty a mother she is."

Aquarius's comment hadn't been helped by a linear transition, but Miranda had grown accustomed to the mix of topics that would occur in their conversations. They could often jump from one subject to another so as not to dwell on anything to the point of discomfort. "Of course." Miranda nodded. "They are one of the reasons you're no longer welcome here."

"You know what?" Aquarius errantly waved. "Fuck my stuff. You can burn it all if you want." Her eyes finally met Miranda's again. "I don't care."

"Go to your cousin's," Miranda ordered. "Don't roam around and get in trouble."

Aquarius smirked. "Nigel warned me to stay out of trouble, too." She looked down at her hands. "He hates me more today than he did yesterday."

Aquarius's observation wasn't an exaggeration. Nigel did hate her, and everyone at _Runway_ knew it. He hadn't tried to hide his feelings, but he had at least grudgingly admitted to Miranda that Aquarius did have talent and untapped potential. "You're not allowed to fail, Aquarius."

"Oh my sweet Miranda, I'm never allowed to publicly fail." Aquarius lifted her head and recaptured Miranda's eyes. "I couldn't allow myself that luxury," she whispered.

"I suppose you couldn't," Miranda replied in the same tone Aquarius had spoken in. "It's time you left."

Aquarius softly laughed, and covered her chest with her left hand. "Oh, I'll miss your heartfelt goodbyes."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "I will see you at work."

Aquarius brushed by Miranda, and headed for the still open front door that Miranda had never bothered to close. When she reached it, Aquarius looked over her shoulder and said, "Calling Andrea when neither of you were ready to talk to the other was a shit thing to do, but if I hadn't done it then this moment might have never happened."

"You're leaving?" Caroline's voice called from behind them both. "Why? Cassidy and I just got through ordering the food."

Miranda opened her mouth to respond but Aquarius beat her to it. "I've got to go see my cousin." She turned fully around. "I'm going to stay with her for a while."

Caroline turned accusing eyes to her mother. "Are you making her leave? She didn't do anything wrong."

Aquarius had spun her magic on the girls like she had spun it on everyone else. They had fallen in love with her, had grown accustomed to her attention and had put their faith in her. Miranda would have put a stop to it, if she hadn't known about the peculiar affinity Aquarius felt towards Caroline and Cassidy.

"Caroline, this isn't my home," Aquarius explained. "I'm too young to settle down with an old broad like your mom." Caroline laughed, which Miranda knew had been Aquarius's intent. "I'll give you and your sister a call later," she promised and then walked out the door, closing it softly behind her. And just like that, for the first time in a while, Miranda was left alone with her daughters.

She wanted to apologize to them. She wanted to tell them that she'd do better this time, and that this time she really meant it, but as she looked over at Caroline she knew that this time her words weren't going to be enough. Her daughters were too old now to believe in the simple power of their mother's promise. So, instead of offering words, she refrained from offering any heartfelt speeches. She didn't apologize. She only sat with them the entire night, and listened to what they had to say. She listened to their complaints about their absent father, and their inept stepmother. She listened to them until they had nothing else to say, and then she apologized, but still made no promises.

Miranda couldn't make a promise she knew would be hard for her to keep, because in order to keep that kind of promise she knew that she'd have to change. It'd have to be a bigger change than divorcing her personal life from Aquarius's. It'd have to be bigger than a one-sided conversation with Andrea. It'd have to be complete and real, unlike her previous efforts which were never really meant to make a difference. And still, after everything that had happened with her girls, after everything that had happened with Andrea, after taking in a wayward stray like Aquarius, and even after realizing just how much she disliked her life, Miranda didn't know if she was strong enough. Self-doubt had always been the crux of her errors and the core of her mounds of regret. And still, she let it win.


	29. Voyeurism

**I Don't Own The Devil Wears Prada nor do I Own TMZ**

**Voyeurism**

When she woke up the house was already empty. She pushed her way out of bed and then slowly made her way down the stairs, not very grateful for the silence that surrounded her. The edges of her consciousness had picked up on the early movement in her parents' home, but she hadn't been awake enough to realize that her parents were leaving to go on about their day. They weren't taking off of work so that they could cater to her pain. Andy wasn't entirely sure if she had even expected them to, but it would have been nice if they had at least offered.

She was anxious to talk to them about what she had confessed to the previous day. They hadn't gotten a chance to give their input, but neither of them had looked happy about what she had told them. They hadn't looked very upset either, but Andy knew that didn't mean much. They had given her the space she needed to unleash her river of emotion, and Andy knew they would continue to give her space until she decided to talk to them again. She couldn't quite remember the last time either of her parents had given a definitive opinion about her personal life. They asked questions more often than offering advice, and when they did offer their advice they always seemed to somehow include some kind of variation of, 'We want you to do what you want to do'.

At times, Andy mourned the passing of her teenage years when her parents wouldn't shut up about what they thought she should do, but after she had entered her third year at the university the frequency of their meddling advice had significantly decreased. It's as if they had decided amongst themselves to take a conscious step back and let Andy pursue her life with its own consequences. She had known they were unhappy when she took her position at _Runway_, because they had expressed their concern for her wellbeing but they had never advised her to quit. They had expressed concern when she had first moved in with Nate, but they hadn't told her they wouldn't help her pay rent when times grew hard.

Andy could tell when they wanted to give her advice, could see when they disagreed with her choices, but they would always keep silent and when they couldn't hold their tongue, they would say that they would have chosen differently but wished that whatever they disagreed with would work out in her favor. Andy knew that when it came to Miranda, they would tell her that they hoped it worked out in her favor, but wouldn't think a relationship between them would be for the best. How could they after knowing everything Miranda had done? Better yet, Andy snorted, how could she think it was possible after everything that had happened?

Andy looked around at the empty house, glad now that she was alone. If her mother was hovering over her trying to feed her, and her father was sitting around silently waiting for her to speak to him, Andy knew she would have avoided asking questions of herself that she needed to ask. She needed to figure out why after everything, she still wanted Miranda Priestly in her life. She had to figure out what she wanted. She knew it was time she toughened up and dealt with the mass of confusion that had spiraled her life away from her recognition. She couldn't use her parents as a shield from her thoughts, couldn't use Aquarius as a distraction, couldn't dive into her work although there was plenty of it for her to dive into.

"Okay Andrea Marie Sachs," she said, "what the hell do you want?" She threw herself on the couch and then laid down on it. She looked up at the ceiling, hoping that her answers would have somehow been etched out in the crevices, but there was no writing on the walls. So, she closed her eyes and let her mind offer her a fuzzy montage of everything that had occurred in the last two years of her life. The images played through her mind, and with them came the ghosts of emotions that had been pushed away.

When her eyes finally fluttered back open, they were red and brimming with unshed tears. She rubbed at them, wiping away any hint of the tears that might have fallen. She didn't want to cry again; she was tired of crying. She felt like the only thing she had been doing was falling into crying fits like some helpless damsel wallowing in her distress. She was stupidly waiting for Miranda to come and somehow rescue her, and when Miranda hadn't fit the bill she had put her faith in Aquarius's ability to somehow make everything better. She had been waiting to be rescued from her own decisions, and god damn it her parents had tried to make her better than that.

They had tried to save her from having to be rescued. They had tried to teach her how to be able to stand alone. They had tried to cleanse her of the entitlement complex that she had formed. They had never encouraged her to latch onto unhealthy relationships when she felt unfit to continue on her own.

She should have given herself space and time after she had ended her relationship with Nate. She should have accepted Miranda's guidance in her professional life but should have never gone back to Miranda's home. She shouldn't have blurred the lines, shouldn't have pushed Miranda to do the same. It was wrong for her to try and push a friendship she had not been prepared for and had not truly wanted. It was wrong for her to have had sex with Miranda, no matter Miranda's own motivations for their brief bit of a fuck.

Everything came down to the 'should haves' and 'should have nots' Andy knew there was nothing she could do to change what had already happened. There was no turning back from the pain Miranda had caused her, and the pain that she might have even caused Miranda. There was no undoing her relationship with Aquarius, although she was sure she owed Lily an apology for not listening to her best friend's warnings that had been neither subtle nor infrequent.

Andy reached out and fumbled around with the items on the table beside her until she grabbed hold of something that felt like a phone. Once the item was firmly in her grasp, she pulled it in front of her and then stared down at the numbers. Her fingers hovered over the buttons until one number after another was dialed. It took an extended exhalation before she let her thumb press the final button that would send the call out into the ether of technology that would connect her call to the phone attached to the number dialed.

"Hello?" His voice sounded unsure, maybe even a little worried. Andy was calling from her parents' house phone after all. He was bound to be freaked out by the appearance of their number showing up on his caller ID.

"Hi." Andy swallowed. "How are you doing?"

"Andy?" He was obviously surprised. "Is um…is something wrong?"

She could understand why he would think that. "Yes, I mean no. I mean…" She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I don't know what I mean."

"Yeah," he drew out the word. "I'm beginning to get that."

"Nothing's wrong," Andy decided to clarify. "Well, no one has died and no one is in the hospital."

"Well, those are both good things." There was a hint of humor in his voice, and Andy was grateful for it. She wasn't quite sure she could have faced him being hostile so early on in their conversation. "So, if no one is maimed and or dead, there has to be another reason you're calling me."

"There does, huh?" She ran her hand across her face.

"It's been almost a year, Andy." His voice dropped and the humor was gone.

"I know." Andy whispered. "And I'm sorry about that."

"After Lily told me you knew about my plans to uh…well," he snorted, "I figured if you didn't call me after that, then I'd just never hear from you again."

"So, is it a good thing I'm calling now?" She couldn't help but ask, knowing that it wasn't an entirely fair question. He couldn't give her a negative response without looking a little bit like a scorned, vindictive, ass.

"Why don't you tell me that?" Not an answer, but maybe better than anything else he might have wanted to say.

"Okay." She closed her eyes. "It's a good thing," she decided. "It's good because I'm giving you a chance to yell at me for everything I put you through."

"I'm not going to yell at you."

"Why not?" She asked, surprised.

"Because we're not kids anymore, Andy." His voice gave way to a hardened edge. "And," he sighed, "there's no point in yelling at you. I'm not angry. I've moved on."

"You've moved on?" Andy wasn't quite sure what that meant, but she suspected that it could mean his life didn't actually revolve around her. It could mean that his life didn't suck quite as much as hers did at the moment.

"I've moved on," he repeated. "I'm happy."

"I'm happy for you, Nate." She forced the words out, knowing that it was wrong of her to be bitter about him achieving something she hadn't been able to yet accomplish on her own. She thought that there should have been some sort of rule written down that since she was the one that hadn't wanted their relationship, then she should have been the one to find happiness first.

It was selfish of her, and maybe it made her look like the ass, but she couldn't help the way she felt. She wanted to be happy first since she had been the one to push Nate away. It didn't make sense, but Andy was beginning to realize that a lot of the things she felt didn't often make very much sense.

"Yeah," She could hear him moving around, it sounded like he was closing a door. "So, Lil tells me you hooked up with her cousin."

Andy wasn't at all prepared for his casual comment. "She did?"

"I don't think she meant to," Nate defended their mutual friend. "It's just that I kept on seeing her cousin popping up on the cover of all these magazines and stuff, and when I mentioned it to Lil she said something about Aquarius living with you."

'Oh." Andy brushed her hand through her hair. "Well, we don't anymore…live together."

"That's probably a good thing," he muttered.

Andy propped herself up. "Why do you say that?" She was ready to defend her decisions, no matter how poor they had been.

"Okay, it's not like I watch it all the time or anything," Nate hurried to say, "but I caught a small segment on TMZ™ about her yesterday, and she's getting reamed, Andy. You don't need to be a part of that."

Andy rolled herself into a sitting position. "What are they saying about her?"

"Do you really want to know?" He sounded unsure. "Most of it probably isn't true anyway."

"According to my mother," she chuckled to herself, "as long as Aquarius didn't commit murder then it can't be all that bad."

Nate laughed. "I guess that's one way of looking at it."

"So, what are they saying?" Andy asked again.

"I actually feel kind of bad for her," Nate confessed. "They said something kind of uncalled for about her dad. It was something like, 'let's hope she doesn't follow in her father's footsteps and fall asleep behind the wheel'. Then, they said something about Miranda not offering second chances and Aquarius's unquenchable sexual appetite."

Andy winced when Nate's voice so casually mentioned Miranda as if he personally knew her.

"Anyway," he continued after a short moment, "It's just good you're not mixed up in all that."

Andy dropped her head into her hands. "I guess you're right." She didn't have the strength to confess to him that she was knee deep and drowning in 'all that'.

There was more background noise pushing through Nate's phone, and Andy could hear Nate calling something out. "Look Andy, I've got to go."

"Oh yeah, of course." She looked over at the nearest clock noticing that it was the middle of the day and more than likely he was at work and had taken the time out to answer his phone, probably after having expected an emergency.

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

His words sounded so final, and Andy realized that she didn't want them to be. It had been easy for her to push aside the reasons why she had chosen to be with him, but their short conversation had quickly reminded her that despite his flaws, Nate was a good man. He always had been. "Nate do you…" Andy knew that if she only gave him a chance, then Nate would be a great friend.

"Do I what, Andy?" He asked, sounding a little more impatient than he had earlier.

She wanted to say, 'Do you think we can do this again' but she stopped herself. "Do you still work at the same place?"

"Yeah, you were planning on stopping in or something?" It was obvious he knew that's not what she wanted to ask, and Andy was thankful he didn't bother to ask anything different. She didn't want him falling victim to one of her bad ideas.

"I just wanted to know," she softly answered.

"I'm sure you did." There was a hint of sarcasm in his tone, but Andy had expected it. "Take care of yourself," he said again and then hung up, proving to Andy that she had at least made one right decision by choosing not to pursue the chance of another conversation between them. It wouldn't have been fair to either of them. There conversation had been enough. Granted, she hadn't apologized like she had originally intended, but she still felt better from having at least finally gathered up the courage to talk to the man she had, at one time, loved so much.

Andy hung up the phone and then laid it down on the end table she had picked it up from. She looked around the house, trying to figure out what she should be doing since she knew making another phone call would be a stupid attempt at best. There was a short list of people she knew she needed to talk to and her energy wasn't high enough to talk to anyone else. Remembering that she brought her laptop with her, she quickly set about looking for wherever it had ended up. She still had deadlines she needed to meet, and she couldn't afford to commit career suicide by making editors mad at her just when her name was becoming recognizable.

She found her laptop in her room, hidden under the one bag she had bothered to bring along with her. She pulled it out and then booted it up, her mind already starting to focus on the words she needed to piece together to make something worth reading. She intentionally stopped herself from thinking about the projects Miranda had handed over to her, not yet ready to make a decision on just how involved she was still willing to let Miranda be in her professional life.

Once her laptop was ready for use, she opened up the article she had recently been working on, and was able to type out a complete sentence before her mind began to wander. Instead of forcing herself to come up with anything else, she opened up her web browser and checked her email, not finding anything there of particular interest. Then, against her better judgment, she found herself typing in the TMZ™ website, but forced eyes closed so that she didn't see the page when it opened. She kept them closed while her Id waged a war with her Superego.

Her Id won, and she opened her eyes to look at the webpage Nate had not so casually mentioned. The first thing she saw was an out of focus picture of Aquarius and Miranda standing outside of Elias-Clarke. The caption above the video read: 'The Ice Queen Loses Her Cool'. Andy knew that she shouldn't but she couldn't quite stop herself from playing the video. She held her breath as she watched Miranda and Aquarius walk towards the car waiting for them. The buffoon holding the camera asked Aquarius what her father would think about the current company she kept. Aquarius said she hoped her father would be proud. Then, clearly not satisfied with Aquarius's diplomatic response, the cameraman asked Miranda if she thought she was going to be upstaged by Aquarius like she had been by Jacqueline Follet. Miranda stopped walking, looked directly into the camera, and casually responded, "Jacqueline who?" and then closed the distance between her and the car. Aquarius opened the door for her, they engaged in a short conversation, and then Miranda was in the car driving away and Aquarius was walking back towards the building.

There was nothing particularly scandalous about the video, it was more hype than content, and wouldn't have been so horrible if it wasn't one of fifty videos available featuring Aquarius. Andy let the video player cycle through each video, none longer than four minutes. In most of them, Aquarius was polite enough to answer the questions being thrown out at her. Andy quickly grew bored of Aquarius being stalked by the camera, and was about to shut the webpage and chastise herself for even opening it in the first place when one of the last videos began to play. The quality was poor, but she could clearly make out Aquarius stumbling in a parking lot, obviously drunk. A woman approached Aquarius from behind and forced Aquarius to turn around, and then hit her.

Instead of being shocked by the action, Aquarius just laughed and muttered something unintelligible to all but the woman standing in front of her. The woman swung at her again, but this time Aquarius stopped her. She held onto the woman's wrists and then shoved her away. She walked away without striking out at the woman, and left the crowd that had begun to gather behind. The caption of the video read, "A Woman Scorned," but didn't offer up much more information than that. Andy guessed that the video had been captured by a bystander instead of any of the TMZ™ staff members, so information about what had actually happened was probably lacking.

Andy suspected that this was one of the videos Nate had seen that had probably made him so sure that not being a part of Aquarius's life was for the best. Even though Aquarius hadn't hit the woman attacking her, she still looked out of control, and Andy knew this was the side of Aquarius Lily had warned her about. It was the side that Miranda obviously knew existed, and the side Andy had willfully blinded herself to.

Andy took another long look at one of the pictures of Aquarius dutifully following behind Miranda, and then finally closed the webpage, not quite able to hold back the disgust she felt from having looked at in the first place.


	30. Weakness

**I am still on hiatus, but I had most of this part written and figured I should just finish it. Thanks goes out to all the readers. I don't own DWP.  
**

Miranda drummed her fingernail against the steering wheel. She was stopped at a red light and if she had been in a different lane then she would have already made a right hand turn to stop her from going towards what she was certain would be inevitable disaster. It had been almost two weeks since she had last spoken to Andrea, a part of her had been certain that she would never speak to the young woman again, but true to unpredictable form Andrea had popped back up right when Miranda was getting used to the absence. Despite Andrea deciding to write the articles for _Runway_ concerning the political climate, Miranda had abstained from contact as she suspected Andrea desired.

Andrea sent her articles into Nigel, who then reviewed them, made the necessary edits, and then forwarded them to Miranda for final approval. If Nigel suspected anything amiss about the arrangement, he never spoke of it aloud. At least, Miranda snorted, he had never spoken of it aloud to her. It would seem that he accepted the situation and went on with his job as he had always done before. In a few more months he would move on to _Men's Runway_ and Miranda could only hope that Aquarius would be ready to step into the position he was vacating. As it was, it seemed like Aquarius was finally beginning to exhibit some competency and had even managed to win Nigel's favor. But just as Miranda had only limited contact with Andrea, she had the same limited association with Aquarius. They had only seen each other at work or work related events.

Miranda had done her best to focus on limiting her hours at work so that she could spend more time with her girls. Caroline and Cassidy seemed to be appreciating her presence, but Miranda knew better than to give herself a pat on the back just yet. It had only been two weeks, and in her heart she knew that if an issue serious enough arose, she would most likely not have the strength to turn away from it so that she could continue fulfilling her newfound commitment to her children. That knowledge is what kept her from asking her girls to move back in with her, she didn't feel she had the right to ask from them anything. She didn't yet feel she had earned it.

The benefit of their absence did, however, mean that she was free to meet up with Andrea without anyone questioning her whereabouts. So, she could head towards disaster without letting anyone else know that's what she was doing. For a silver lining, it wasn't the worst thing Miranda had ever come up with, not the best either but she was content to settle for it.

Andrea's phone call had been unexpected, but Miranda had refused to shy away from it when it did come. She had answered the phone and accepted Andrea's invitation to dinner. It was a public meeting, but Miranda knew that it would be for the best. Andrea had chosen to meet in a place unfamiliar to Miranda, and Miranda had seen the offer as a challenge. She had assumed that it was Andrea's way of daring her to not show up, but Miranda would not give Andrea the satisfaction of backing out so quickly.

The light turned green and Miranda eased her foot onto the accelerator and then found the nearest parking space she could find outside of a small café she had only learned of that afternoon. She checked her appearance in her rearview mirror before she grabbed onto her purse and then hurried out of her Porsche. She stepped into the café, and took a quick look around, having no trouble finding Andrea in the thin crowd of people.

"You're early," Andrea said as Miranda approached her.

"So it would seem," Miranda casually responded and then sat down across from her former employee. "You look well."

"Yeah." Andrea wrapped her hands around her coffee cup. "It was good to get away for a while."

Miranda nodded her head in understanding. "That's one reason why I enjoy going to Paris."

"Paris hardly seems like it would be a vacation, Miranda." Andrea smirked.

Miranda raised her eyebrow. "Some would say the same about Ohio."

Andrea lightly chuckled. "I guess they would." Her eyes travelled to the barista taking orders. "Did you want something?"

Miranda followed Andrea's gaze. "Perhaps later." She turned back to Andrea. "For now, why don't you tell me why I'm here."

Andrea lowered her head and closed her eyes. "I guess that means you're done with the small talk."

Miranda thought back to the last conversation she had with Andrea, before the invitation to dinner. There had been no 'small talk' between them then. Andrea had not hesitated to voice her discontent, and Miranda found that she preferred that same directness now. "Andrea, I believe both of us have already wasted too much time. I prefer not to waste anymore."

Andrea lifted her head. "Fair enough."

Miranda wanted to respond and say that they were well past being 'fair'. They had left fairness a long time ago and were now stuck with the task of digging themselves out of the hole they had both dug together and were now trapped in. Still, Miranda clasped her hands together, she knew it would be idiotic to push too hard too fast. She had not yet made up her own mind about exactly what her plans would be regarding Andrea, and it seemed foolish to stoke the fires of an argument she would have no idea how to win.

Andrea took a deep breath, her eyes tracking across the table. They were a testament to her discomfort with the current situation. "I've figured something out, Miranda," she confessed the breath she took in still being held captive within the confines of her chest.

Miranda clasped her hands tighter together. "And what is that Andrea?" She asked.

Finally, Andrea's breath was released and her eyes sought out and then found Miranda's. "I can love you, but I can never be with you. We can't…I can't," she began stumbling over her words as if she were just coming up with words to say in the moment as if there was no preparation at all.

But, Miranda knew better than to assume that. Andrea had been preparing for this conversation for over two weeks, at least. "I know," Miranda's whisper tore through Andrea's discordant rambling, and brought Andrea into immediate silence. "Unfortunately," Miranda forced herself to continue, "I have been forced into realizing that there are some things that simply cannot be undone or unsaid. If I had the chance to do things differently…"

"You wouldn't have done anything differently," Andrea broke in with a rueful smile etched across her face. "And honestly," she bowed her head, "I don't think I would have either." She took another moment before lifting her head, to meet Miranda's eyes again. "Do you believe in destiny, Miranda?"

Miranda smirked. "Do I seem like someone who would believe in destiny, Andrea?"

"No," Andrea shook her head, "you don't. Which is why I honestly think that you believe in it."

Destiny? Miranda rolled her eyes. Of course she believed in it. She passionately held onto it and used it as her compass through her life. She was destined to become _The Miranda Priestly_. She was destined to become powerful, wealthy, and bound for greatness. It had always been her destiny, had always been her raison d'être.

Andrea's eyes flashed and she knowingly smiled. "So, I believe you and me, Miranda? We were destiny. We needed to change each other's lives and maybe we didn't get enough time to do that the first time around, so this second time around we're getting the opportunity to make these changes stick."

In a completely irrational way, Miranda conceded that perhaps Andrea had a point. They weren't destined for a great love affair, love affairs came and went too easily anyway. They had been destined for something greater, something that was arguably more important than love. They had met, had come together to change each other's souls. It was sappy, pathetic, and wholly idiotic, but Miranda suspected it was the truth. They had never truly been meant to love each other.

"The whole idea is absurd." This time it was Miranda's turn to look away. "But, you might be right." Everything in her life had been in a constant state of transformation ever since she had hired Andrea on at _Runway_. There had been just so…many things that had been spinning away from her control the minute Andrea had showed up and announced herself in all her naïve, unfashionable glory. And still, things were spinning away from her so quickly, but finally, _finally_ she was beginning to spin with tide instead of against it.

"I want you to know, Miranda," Andrea leaned forward her hand reaching out for Miranda's still tightly clasped hands. "I want you to be a part of my life, because I know that if I walked permanently away from you then I'd probably end up marrying Nate or something and we both know that would be a mistake."

Miranda looked down at the hand that was covering hers. She wasn't accustomed to such casual affection. "Okay." She sounded weakened, felt weakened, but wasn't willing to turn the feeling into something negative. She pulled her hands from underneath Andy's and then looked around them, finally recalling that they were not seated on their own personal island. "I think I should leave."

Andrea's face fell, and she leaned back in her chair. "Oh."

Seeing Andrea's reaction, Miranda felt like explaining that she wasn't rejecting Andrea's offer. She just needed to separate herself from the rush of unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotion that was tearing through her body. She wanted to explain that she was lost at sea in unchartered territory and it would take a while for her to be able to sit down for longer than twenty minutes and face that amount of uncertainty. But, she held back from explaining anything because while she was changing, she had not yet changed, could not yet force herself to be so candid. But still, she knew she needed to offer Andrea something, needed to acknowledge the risk Andrea had taken by inviting her out in the first place. "We will do this again, Andrea." She said, and then hurriedly stood up and then walked out the café's front door.

She went back to her Porsche, got inside of it and instead of driving away as quickly as she could, she took out her phone and did something she knew was more idiotic than running away from Andrea like a scared child.

"If you're calling about the Gucci shoot, it's taken care of," Aquarius's voice sounded through the mobile phone's speaker. "I talked to Michael and he's properly afraid he's going to lose his job. How did you even find out about it anyway?"

Miranda thought about lying, but she knew she was still too weakened from her conversation with Andrea to successfully lie to Aquarius. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Silence, and then, "I shouldn't ask why of all the people in all the world you decided to call me. I know better than to ask that so don't expect me to." More silence, eventually broken by Aquarius sighing and then saying, "You should see my new apartment. I was going to go home and cook myself an extravagant dinner for one, but I'll make a horrible dinner for two instead."

"I'll be there." Miranda said and then immediately hung up her phone. She started her car, and then pulled away from the weaknesses Andrea had so easily exposed. She knew that calling Aquarius had not been the best decision she had made of late, but her reasoning for it had been more than sound. Aquarius did not make her feel weak or unbalanced or less than, and in the moment she couldn't resist the certainty Aquarius provided.

Because, Miranda was changing but had not yet changed.


	31. Seekers and Runners

**I don't own The Devil Wears Prada. **

**Seeker and Runners**

Of all things, Miranda Priestly understood temptation. She understood the drunken pleasures of fulfilling it and the chaotic consequences of falling into its trap. And, as she walked into the door of Aquarius's apartment she had been well aware that she had once again fallen towards temptation instead of pushing it away. Because, if nothing else, Aquarius was the ultimate temptress in the carnival of excitement that had been Miranda's life as of late.

For all of Aquarius's personal complications, Miranda's own relationship with the woman was blissfully uncomplicated. There was no need for them to discuss whether they would be better friends, lovers, or acquaintances. There was no hidden compulsion for them to meander around and wade through emotions that were difficult to understand.

It was easy. It was safe. And it was why Miranda was currently wrapped up in Aquarius's arms and they were dancing together in an empty apartment after having shared a well cooked meal and a bottle of wine. Soft female jazz vocals filled the air around them, and a cool breeze was blowing in from the window Aquarius had opened after the consumed wine had begun to heat their bodies.

This was temptation, and Miranda had unhesitatingly stepped into it, and Aquarius had allowed her, for reasons Miranda didn't assume she completely understood. A part of her entertained but abhorred the idea that Aquarius looked at her as a maternal figure since her own was so often lacking and absent. A part of her entertained the thought that perhaps Aquarius sought to fill some interlude of loneliness with platonic affection instead of the quick fucks she more often than not engaged in.

Miranda could freely guess at Aquarius's motives, preferring one scenario over another, but ultimately she didn't really care to figure it out. Trying to find the answers would complicate things and pull them away from the simple, comfortable dance they engaged in. It would turn their superficial surfaces into something real, and Miranda felt no need to change things like she had been forced to change them with Andrea.

Andrea....

Miranda dipped her head and rested it against Aquarius's shoulder. She had run from Andrea like a spineless, gutless, creature that couldn't reconcile Andrea's words with their personal history. She couldn't sit and have a conversation that was long overdue and when attempted more often than not cut short.

Andrea believed that she and Miranda were supposed to be in each other's lives. She talked words of fate and spoke about the hopeful beginnings of the end to their tumultuous interchanges, and Miranda had agreed to it all though she honestly didn't know what to think about any of it. And quite honestly, she didn't want to think about it. She knew, had known, that she didn't want Andrea in her life, at least not now, not when she was trying to bring her girls in closer and push her work away.

She could finally admit that opening the door for Andrea that very first time had been a mistake. It was her giving into temptation and doing the wrong thing instead of the right.

"It's sick, sad, and very wrong for me to ask this," Aquarius whispered, "but are you okay, Miranda?"

Miranda didn't pull her head off of Aquarius's shoulder. She didn't want to completely break the bubble of brief serenity that Aquarius's question was going to be sure to disturb. "I understand why she tried so hard to love you."

Aquarius's body briefly stilled an act that would have gone unnoticed if Miranda wasn't leaning so heavily against her. "I know I shouldn't have asked." She kept her tone light, artfully deflecting the severe turn their interaction was turning into. "But since I asked a question I didn't really want the answer to, let's talk about how wonderful I am."

Miranda snorted and finally pulled away from Aquarius and away from the comfort that had been offered, no longer wanting to be under its spell. "Your wonderful is a lot like cocaine, Aquarius."

Aquarius tilted her head, her hands dropping down to her sides, face devoid of expression, but Miranda could see the temptation to flee in the hazel depths of the young woman's eyes. "You give a quick fulfilling high, but are ultimately dangerous and most likely deadly."

"So," Aquarius smirked, "You've done cocaine before." It was another attempt at deflection that Miranda wasn't going to let pass by.

"You fill up empty spaces, but you're just as hollow as the places you fill."

"If I'm the kettle, then you most certainly must be the pot." Aquarius's soft tones were infused with emotion. The caustic fire that remained dormant underneath her desired exteriors was making an appearance. "If I'm your Cocaine then you're my Ecstasy, Miranda. You dissolve slowly on my tongue bringing out the passion that I hold at bay for everyone else." She hollowly laughed. "We exist in a pleasure dome, my sweet Miranda. And, the only reason Andrea tried so hard to fall in love with me, is because she's too caught up in seeking external validation. She gets stuck in bouts of codependency placing her worth in everyone else's hands but her own. I'm easy to love when all you want from me is a warm bed at night."

"We're all seeking something," Miranda confessed now standing far enough away from Aquarius for the battle lines to be drawn.

"No, that's not true." Aquarius circled around Miranda taking the long route to the open window. "Miranda, you know that there are only two kinds of people in this world. There are the runners and the seekers, and you and I Boss Lady are runners. We run from all the shit trying to catch up to us plowing through whatever and whoever stands in our way. And, Andrea, well, she's a seeker, always looking for that thing or person that will make sense of her world. I made sense to her for a while, and to her that meant attempting love."

Miranda stepped up next to Aquarius, invading the space the younger woman had been clearing away for herself. "I think I'm going to have to fire you."

"Ah." Aquarius said knowingly. "So, that's what this conversation is about." She looked down at the empty bottle of wine sitting on the edge of the windowsill, clearly mourning its emptiness.

"It's been put off long enough." Miranda also looked down at the empty bottle, not yet able to decide if she wanted to drink more or was already regretting the amount of alcohol she had already consumed.

"I wish I had a do over button," Aquarius confessed to the cool night air, her eyes glued to whatever was outside the window. "I'm only twenty three years old and there's already so much I wish I could just wipe away and do again, and still more that I just simply want to erase."

Miranda's eyes went to Aquarius, forcing a connection despite the other woman's intention to deny one. "I'll tell Irv you've decided to return to school."

"The pressure was too much?" Aquarius crossed her arms in front of her. "The shoes I was stepping into were too big for my feet? I gave it my best but my best just wasn't good enough? I really wasn't doing that good of a job, somehow I just managed to fake it?"

Miranda nodded. "Something like that."

Aquarius stepped away from the window. "This is ridiculous," she chuckled. "I feel like you're breaking up with me." She uncrossed her arms and then ran her hands through her hair.

Miranda smiled. "I can assure you that the feeling is mutual." She had not felt as awkward firing anyone else. This was not the first time she had fired someone she had been moderately close to. Though, she certainly hadn't ever fired any of her employees in their home after they had cooked her dinner, shared their expensive wine, and guided her in an impromptu dance.

"I could make this very hard on you, you do know that?" Aquarius hands were now resting on her hips. She looked as if she were finally ready to defend herself against Miranda's unilateral decision. "I can prove that I deserve everything I've been given. I could very well ruin you, even it meant killing me in the process."

"I know." It was Miranda's turn to turn away. She walked towards the kitchen where she knew Aquarius had chilled another bottle of wine. Aquarius followed her, letting Miranda pull out the bottle and then providing her with the opener when Miranda needed it.

The wine was poured and they sat next to each other on top of the kitchen counter island. Their shoes had long since disappeared, so they stared at their naked feet sipping on their fresh glasses of wine in silence until Aquarius laid down her glass, placed her hand against Miranda's thigh and said, "I'll regret this, but I do want you to know that despite my being your cocaine habit, I do genuinely care for you and against all reason I do actually like you." She jumped off of the counter so that she could properly face Miranda. Each of her hands was resting on one of Miranda's knees. She looked up into clear blue eyes that were glassy from the consumed alcohol. "We both know I'll go silently into the night if that's what you're asking me to do, but I think we need to make a deal. We need to make sure that you're just not throwing me away because it's something you think will make a difference. So, I say the deal is I clean up some of my shit, you clean up all of yours and in one year we come back to each other."

"Why," Miranda coldly asked, choosing to ignore the warm hands resting against her skin, "would we want to do that?"

"Because it gives us something to run to instead of run from," Aquarius immediately answered ignoring Miranda's tone. "We run towards next year, and when we see each other again I want to see you loving the hell out of your girls like they should be loved. I want to see you at peace with all those regrets you hold onto for no good at reason at all. I want this thing with Andy to be settled, like it should have been before she left _Runway_, and for fuck's sake, Miranda, I want to see you happy."

Miranda laughed. "Is that all?"

Aquarius smiled. "Nah, but that'll do for now."

"And what pray tell, should I be expecting from you?"

"More of the same, I guess." Aquarius kept her smile. "I am way younger than you so I've got a lot of time to change."

Miranda playfully kicked Aquarius away from her. "I want to see improvement on your idea of humor."

"Can you think of something else?" Aquarius bantered. "I've got good jokes."

Miranda's face turned serious. She was sure this was ridiculous, but she was beginning to feel like she owed Aquarius something more than what she had previously offered. "Alright then, come to terms with your father's death and the amazing talent you inherited from him."

The playful humor was sucked out of the room, almost like it had never made an appearance in the first place. "Okay," Aquarius nodded after a long moment.

Miranda reached out and grabbed onto Aquarius's hand, and then pulled her closer, her thumb running across Aquarius's scarred skin. "And stop trying to get yourself killed."

"This is stupid," Aquarius mumbled; her eyes were focused on their joined hands.

With her free hand Miranda took hold of Aquarius's chin and lifted her face so that their eyes were meeting once again. "This was your idea."

Aquarius shrugged. "Sometimes I have stupid ideas."

"Yes, sometimes you do," Miranda agreed. "But I'm willing to go along with this one." It would be more for Aquarius's benefit than hers. Miranda didn't need a silly juvenile agreement to propel her in a direction she was already heading. If she had needed the deal, then she wouldn't have already fired Aquarius. She wouldn't have met up with Andrea. She wouldn't have continued in this conversation that could very well end with her drinking more wine and dancing in the arms of a young woman she ultimately couldn't adequately defend herself against.

"Fine." Aquarius leaned against the counter Miranda was still sitting on. "But it doesn't start tonight, right? We can start in the morning?"

Miranda looked over at the clock on Aquarius's microwave. "It's already morning."

Aquarius waved Miranda's comment away. "Minor technicality. You know that the morning doesn't really begin until you're waking up in a strange place, with a strange person, with a strange taste in your mouth not able to remember how you got there in the first place."

Miranda raised an eyebrow. "That hasn't happened to me in years."

Aquarius pulled Miranda off of the counter. "Then I guess you're overdue. I can be your Cocaine and you can be my Ecstasy. We can treat tonight like it's our last meal."

The offer was tempting, but Aquarius was usually tempting. It was only one of the reasons Miranda had felt the need to fire her. Though, all of the reasons for firing her had been personal ones, because professionally firing Aquarius was not in Miranda's best interest. It would cause minor chaos in the office and would add unneeded stress to her life that would take time to repair.

Aquarius let go of Miranda and moved away, giving space that hadn't been asked for but had been needed. Somehow she was able to discern Miranda's thoughts and mood even though nothing had been said. It was a synchronicity Miranda knew she would miss.

"We can make another deal as well," Aquarius whispered. "You can un-fire me, and I promise you that I won't let you regret it."

"And how would you accomplish that?" Miranda asked, hoping Aquarius had come up with a way to make it so that their unique relationship ended while the professional one stayed strong.

"I'll say no to you," Aquarius answered.

It was an overly simplistic idea, but Miranda could admit that it would be effective if carried through. Aquarius was always there when she wanted her to be. They used each other, oftentimes bringing out each other's worst qualities while somehow simultaneously bringing out the good ones.

"I'll take your silence as your answer." Aquarius reached out once again and took Miranda's hand. "Come on, you're too drunk to drive home and I don't trust you to be alone tonight." She led Miranda out of the kitchen. "My bedroom is the only fully furnished room in this place I'm calling a home, so you can stay there. I'll see how comfortable the guestroom floor is."

"We're adults, Aquarius." Miranda walked through the open doorway to Aquarius's bedroom. "We can share a bed."

Aquarius opened her mouth to say something but just as quickly closed it. Whatever obscene comment Miranda knew she would make dying away. Despite wanting to put off making an effort towards change until the sun rose, Aquarius already seemed to be holding back, and for the first time Miranda felt as if Aquarius was doing to her what she had done to Andrea. It was an odd sensation to have Aquarius's full attention but to not really have it at all. She would have to force herself to grow accustomed to it.

"I'll sleep on the floor in the other room." Aquarius stepped away from the doorway. "I hear it's good for the back." She walked away then, not bothering to look back. Miranda watched her, knowing that sharing the bed was probably more than either one of them could currently handle. Bosses weren't supposed to share the beds with their employees. It wasn't something she had ever done before, and a part of her was grateful that Aquarius didn't want to let her break that trend.

She looked back at the bed, knowing that it would ultimately be best if she just left, but the sun hadn't yet risen. "Aquarius," she called out and patiently waited until her friend was once again standing at the doorway. "Get in the bed."

Aquarius looked from Miranda to the bed and then back again. She gave a small shake of her head and then walked fully into the room. She grabbed Miranda around the waist and then guided them both to the bed. "You take bad ideas to all kinds of dangerous heights," she whispered into Miranda's ear and then settled their bodies against each other. "I'll do my best to molest you during the night," she joked.

It didn't take long for either one of them to fall asleep, the alcohol helped. When Miranda was forced awake by the sunshine streaming through the window that Aquarius hadn't bothered to buy a curtain for, she didn't quite feel as bad as she thought she would. She remembered everything from the night before and fully expected to wake up to Aquarius and one of her bad jokes, but Aquarius wasn't there.

In her place was a note that read:

_Miranda,_

_Since I'm still fired and can't talk you out of changing that, I want to avoid long drawn out goodbyes. Let's face it, neither of us could handle you crying uncontrollably at my departure as we both know you inevitably would. The sun hasn't risen yet, so I can still technically run and have a clear conscience about it. I hear Australia is lovely at this time of year, but I'll probably just end up paying Mom a visit. I suddenly feel the urge to be around another much older woman. _

_Here's hoping I'll see you in a year. _

_Aquarius _

If Aquarius had stayed, then Miranda would have hired her back and Miranda suspected Aquarius knew that. They had to let each other go. Really, she had to let everything go. She somehow had to figure out how to let go of everything that happened between her and Andrea. She had to let go of…so much and unbury herself from underneath all the regrets she let suffocate and paralyze her. So, she would not regret, could not regret pushing away the one person who always had the potential to save her or drown her.

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the infrequent updating. This is very coming very close to the end. I only see a couple more parts at most. But thanks goes out to all of the readers you've stuck with this story despite it not being what they thought they were getting into.


	32. Love Affair

Miranda stepped out of the car with her eyes shielded behind her sunglasses and her face partially covered by a scarf. The bright flashing lights still tried to get her attention and the paparazzi yelled out questions hoping she would actually reply to them, but she said nothing. She didn't stop to give any interviews and nothing could talk her into doing so. She had no wish to try and explain herself, and honestly felt she owed no one any explanations at all. Her life was her own, and she believed she had made that clear.

She had not stuttered. She had not spoken in vague terms or given indefinites. She had been very succinct and forthcoming in her interview: Miranda Priestly was retiring from _Runway_. What else really was there to be said? Miranda had said it all, and anything that had not been covered in the interview certainly had been addressed in the documentary about her work and her life that was now premiering.

She felt no need to sit through it, but thought it better she arrived fashionably late just when everyone was walking out of it to say how wonderful it was, and it was wonderful. It was perhaps the best work she had ever done. It was her only attempt to bridge the gap between her and the rest of the world. In it, she offered explanations for her choices and let the world see her life.

Miranda had already built her legacy and now felt it was time for the world to see exactly all she had done. Irv had hated her for agreeing to do it, but he didn't have much say in the whole thing since the board of directors thought it was a wonderful idea. It would offer much needed promotion for _Runway_, _Men's Runway_, and _Teen Runway_.

What no one had been expecting was for Miranda to announce her retirement on the same day the documentary premiered. They had the misleading notion that Miranda would open her life up to everyone and continue on like nothing had happened. They saw the documentary as another brilliant idea coming from Miranda's brilliant mind. She was doing something else to get ahead.

But they should have known better, especially since Miranda had brought on Andrea Sachs to help with the documentary. People had gotten used to seeing Miranda's friend floating around the perimeter of _Runway_ but had not expected Miranda to bring Andrea in on a project that had very little to do with hard hitting serious journalism. They had thought a documentary about Miranda would have been too superficial a project for Andrea, but what did they know?

They did not know about Miranda's affair with Andrea. They did not know how exactly Andrea had become Miranda's friend. They did not know anything. They assumed like they always assumed when it came to Miranda and Miranda's professional and personal decisions. They carried on rumors but didn't bother to ask any questions.

But now? Now, everyone couldn't stop asking questions. And, as they stepped out of the first screening of the documentary about Miranda's life, they had even more questions that they knew they would never get answers to. Miranda was going to exit their lives and leave them constantly wondering how exactly she accomplished all she did and how exactly they had known her for years without knowing her at all.

"Would you call today a success?" Miranda turned to look at the woman who had shouted out the question to her.

"My life cannot be measured by success," Miranda answered and then walked into the building where a crowd of people were waiting for her.

When she stepped into the room, the guests did grow silent. They did all turn to look at her and they were all looking at her differently. As always, Miranda Priestly didn't let a bunch of people get in her way. She swept into the room, took a glass of champagne from one of the servers and then held up the glass. "To my retirement. The time off is long overdue." She sipped from her glass and then moved into the nearest group of people.

Some of the crowd clapped politely, others joined in Miranda's toast, and still others were stuck not knowing what to do or what to say. As always, Miranda was going to have the last laugh.

"I'm glad you could join us," Andy slid in to stand next to her friend. She had known Miranda was on her way, but had no idea what kind of reception the group would give. "The natives have been restless and hopefully they will finally stop staring at me." Her eyes shifted around the room, noticing that some people had gone back to minding their own business but there were still those that could not take their eyes off of Miranda.

"I don't know why you insisted on going to the screening," Miranda softly chastised. "I told you that you would be the center of attention."

"I'm glad Stacy decided not to come tonight. I'm not sure she would have been okay with everyone finding out for the first time that I had sex with you." The documentary had been far more in-depth than Andrea had thought it would be when she first agreed to help produce it. As the days of filming went on, she had slowly begun to realize that nothing would be the same after so she had been cautious. She had kept her family out of it, and had done her best to keep her current lover away from the whole thing.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "You're still dating that silly girl?"

"Miranda," Andy lightheartedly warned, "Please let's not talk about how much you dislike her tonight."

"Very well," Miranda easily agreed her eyes sweeping across the crowd. "Tell me how tonight went."

"People are already talking about Oscars," Andy answered.

"People," Miranda's eyes captured Andy's, "are too easily entertained."

Andy softly laughed. "Maybe or maybe you really deserve all the positive attention for a change."

"I honestly thought you would have grown out of your sick idealism by now," Miranda's smirk erased the severity of her words. "I don't think they expected I'd ever retire."

"You're young," Andy offered. "And you're supposed to be an indestructible icon forever reigning over _Runway_."

Miranda once again looked over the crowd. "I would hope that after tonight, everyone would understand that I want to try my hand at a happy life instead of just an accomplished one."

Andy placed her hand on Miranda's shoulder. "Everyone won't understand that, but I do."

Miranda looked over her friend, seeing the compassion in Andy's bright brown eyes. So much had happened between them and Miranda still wasn't completely sure how they had ended up standing together. They had never again tried to be lovers. Neither believed they could ever be successful at something as reckless as being in love, but they did know they could handle loving each other without the complications of physical intimacy.

Miranda covered Andy's hand with hers. "You are not everyone, Andy."

Andy didn't bat an eye at the thinly veiled compliment. "And neither are you, which is why most of these people in this room will always see you as something you are: The Miranda Priestly."

Miranda's hand dropped away from Andy's. "You're impossible."

"I'm also exhausted." Andy pulled her hand away and ran it through her hair.

"Go home," Miranda gently ordered. "Tomorrow we'll meet for lunch and you can tell me what everyone was saying behind my back."

"I'd love to go home," Andy easily admitted, "but I did want to at least give you one single surprise before I called it a night." She held out her hand for Miranda to grab a hold of. "Come with me."

Miranda looked down at Andy's hand knowing better than to take it, but also completely aware that she wouldn't get away with turning Andy down. So, she took her friend's hand. Everyone in the room noticed, but Miranda forced herself to not pay attention to their staring. Andy led her through the huge room up a staircase and then through a hallway to a VIP room being guarded by one of the bodyguards Miranda had hired for the occasion.

"When we open this door it isn't going to be my mother standing on the other side is it?" Miranda asked as Andy reached out to pull open the door.

"Your mother isn't here," Andy promised. "I wouldn't do that to you." She didn't wait for Miranda to offer any other protests. She opened the door and let the room and its occupants speak for themselves.

Miranda stepped into the room, her eyes glued to the easels hosting unframed pictures of her life. She walked up to the nearest one of her and her girls on a rare outing where happiness came before the bitterness for once.

"How did she do this?" Miranda whispered.

"Who knows how she does anything?" Andy wondered. "She just did and let us put them in the documentary."

"Did she take credit for them?" Miranda's eyes stayed on the photograph in front of her.

Andy nodded. "She even let us interview her." She smiled. "I guess now you wished you went to the premiere."

Over a year ago, Aquarius had walked out of Miranda's life and hadn't looked back. She had gone to her family home, but had quickly left it to run away to her next adventure. She checked in with her cousin every other month or so, but hadn't bothered to contact anyone else. Aquarius had simply disappeared and had been focused on remaining that way until Andy had begged Lily for Aquarius's number so that she could beg for Aquarius to do something for the documentary.

She knew it wouldn't have been complete without Aquarius's unique flare added in. Andy had no idea what contributions Aquarius could offer, but had quickly learned what it would be when Aquarius had flown in from a distant country with a camera in her hand.

Miranda had never told anyone about the contributions Aquarius had made to the magazine outside of her duties described in her job description. She had kept Aquarius's talents a secret, knowing Aquarius deserved at least that.

"What did she say in her interview?" Miranda asked knowing that rumors about Aquarius's time at _Runway_ had never completely faded away. Most people thought Miranda couldn't deal with the competition while others just assumed Aquarius buckled under the pressure and ran off to lick wounds no one could see.

Aquarius had become a ghost walking through the halls of _Runway_ and she had been built up to be one of Miranda's greatest betrayals. Perhaps, Miranda realized, perhaps the rumors were closer to the truth than anyone knew.

"She stole the show," Andy admitted. "She always does."

"Of course," Miranda ran her hand across the photograph. "Where is she?"

"The bathroom," Caroline called out from across the room. "She was tired of waiting for you to get up here."

Miranda turned to her daughter. "She's still here?"

"She didn't go to the premiere," Andy said. "She knew better than that."

"All of us knew better," Cassidy smirked. "Except for you."

"Be nice," Andy playfully admonished.

"I'll be right back," Miranda turned away from her family and quickly exited the VIP room. She went to the nearest restroom hoping that Aquarius had bothered to stick around. Aquarius was a runner, and Miranda wasn't convinced a year would be enough for Aquarius to outgrow the compulsion to flee.

She entered the private restroom without knocking, not completely surprised to see Aquarius leaning heavily against the sink.

"You found me," Aquarius said to Miranda's reflection in the mirror.

"Doesn't look like it was soon enough."

Aquarius pushed away from the sink and then ran her hand down the scar covering the right side of her face. "Beauty is a fleeting thing, isn't it?"

Miranda shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous." She stepped closer to Aquarius. "Your beauty doesn't fade. I'd still put you on the cover of _Runway_." It wasn't a kind exaggeration. The scar didn't mar Aquarius's attractiveness. If anything it added to the mystique that Aquarius released like a pheromone. "How did it happen?"

"Car accident."

"Was it your fault?"

Aquarius smirked. "Fault is such a complicated word. Most casual observers would say the fault was not my own, but then there are those like you, my friend, who would say I cannot escape karma."

Miranda raised her brow. "Karma?"

"Yes. I believe my youth is detrimental to my health."

"It is not youth," Miranda corrected. "You are the detriment."

"Does it matter?" Aquarius pushed away from the sink, eliminating the space between Miranda and her. "We have been gathered here today to celebrate your victory over the populace. You've actually got people thinking that you're retiring."

"I am retiring."

"I wasn't aware that's what promotions were called." Aquarius took the first step away. "I've been gone too long."

Miranda narrowed her eyes. "How did you know?"

"A friend of a friend of a friend..." Aquarius waved her hand. "It doesn't matter. You're replacing Irv Ravitz and endearing the world to you all in one little coup."

"Irv doesn't even know yet." For anyone else the comment would have been a warning, but Aquarius needed no warning. Miranda knew that the unexplainable loyalty that had been the foundation of their relationship hadn't diminished in the year that separated them.

"Irv has long since worn out his welcome," Aquarius casually replied. "But this is a dangerous game you play."

Miranda lifted her brow. "Isn't it always?"

The playful air Aquarius had coating her like a fine powder suddenly disappeared. The scar on her face suddenly looked harsher, her beauty marred by more than an aesthetic. "What about Andy, Miranda?"

Miranda forced her body not to stiffen. "What about her?"

"That's your answer?" Aquarius softly asked. "After all this time, that's what you have to say?"

"What else could I say?" Miranda held her ground. She would not be thrown off kilter by Aquarius; she could not give the girl the satisfaction.

"If you don't change for love, Miranda, then what's the moral of the story?"

"Moral?" Miranda scoffed. "You're old enough to know that life isn't a fairy tale."

"I'm old enough to know," Aquarius conceded, "but I'm still young enough to hope."

Miranda gestured towards Aquarius's face. "Is that how you got that scar, then? Believing in fairy tales?"

Aquarius rubbed at her face. "No, I got this from not believing in them. I got lost in a moment of happiness, convinced myself it wasn't real, got drunk, and then ran my car into a tree." Aquarius stepped closer to Miranda. Her hand went from her face to Miranda's.

Miranda refused to step away, though the point Aquarius was making was clear.

"I see your scars, Miranda. I always have."

The bathroom door opened then, not surprising since neither of them had locked it and they had been away from the VIP room long enough for their companions to get suspicious.

"I don't mean to interrupt," Andy said as she held the door only partially open.

Aquarius dropped her hand. "You should interrupt more often." She cryptically replied.

"Okay," Andy drew out the word. "Are you two coming back?"

Miranda finally retreated from Aquarius's poking at her regrets. "Of course."

"I've got a flight I need to catch," Aquarius excused herself. "The mission is accomplished and all that." She turned to Andy. "Thanks for bringing me in on this. It's been an adventure." She didn't give either woman standing with her a chance to reply. She pushed past Andy and within moments was gone. She had said what she wanted, had done what was needed, and saw no point in sticking around to get involved in a love affair that would never begin and yet never end.


	33. Enough

**Enough**

Why? It was such an adequate question that seemed to also harbor the traits of an untreatable virus. It ate away at Andy's body yet left no signs of its destruction.

Why? After everything it was still a question she could not answer. There was no explanation for why Miranda would once again use people and then decimate their remains.

Irv Ravitz was retiring and now Miranda Priestly reigned supreme. The facts were laid out in newspapers, blogs, newsfeeds, and a new Facebook page had even been created about the news of the millennium.

That was how Andy found out about the whole ordeal after all. Someone had sent her a request to become a part of "Miranda Priestly Controls the Universe" fan page. She had devoured the information given there and had sought out more precious knowledge offered up in whatever media outlet she could find.

It was the only way she would get any information since she knew that asking Miranda 'Why' would be about as helpful as asking a piece of glass the same question. Andy even reasoned that perhaps like the glass was incapable of speaking Miranda was just as incapable of it.

The glass could not tell her the answers she wanted, but it could give her hints about the contents held within. It could cry and call it condensation. It could tell so much yet not speak at all.

Miranda had said nothing, but Andy realized that the lack of Miranda's words was not synonymous with a lack of communication. Miranda had put all the pieces on the chess board. She had controlled them and moved them until it was time for her to move the King and declare herself the most important piece on the board--the Queen.

The documentary, the sway of public opinion, the timing of a downing economy and the effects it had on _Runway's_ money conscious Board--Miranda had predicted, had watched, had waited and shown signs of accomplishing the impossible, and when everyone else was getting lost in their panic Miranda had made her final move.

Andy bet that Aquarius knew about it, and she was almost sure that Miranda hadn't been the one to tell her. Aquarius hadn't let herself become blinded by Miranda's humanity, but time and time again Andy found herself somehow closing her eyes every time Miranda cried and called it condensation.

They were friends. They interacted like friends. They were...something. Yet, something was not enough for Andy to see Miranda and was not enough for Miranda to confess her tightly held secrets.

Andy supposed that congratulations were in order. She had no right to be angry with Miranda. Miranda owed her no explanation even if she had used Andy's talent to oust Irv.

They owed each other nothing. They had made a concentrated effort to owe each other nothing. They made mistakes when things were owed and things were left undone between them.

"Andrea."

Andy looked up from her feet to the woman standing in front of her holding the front door open. "Yeah?" She asked her voice hoarse.

Miranda leaned her head to the side. "You're the one that was knocking on my door."

Andy chuckled. "I was, wasn't I?"

"You've heard the news I take it."

Andy cleared her throat and then softly answered, "They're shouting it from the rooftops."

Miranda looked past Andy to the world beyond her front door. "I suppose they are."

"Why?" Andy asked though she had spent the last few hours reasoning out exactly how fruitless the question would be.

Miranda softly sighed. "Because it's what I do, Andrea. Because it's all I know how to do."

Andy had not expected that--honesty. She had expected a dismissal and at best an errant remark about Irv's incompetence.

"You could have told me about it."

"I could have," Miranda conceded. "But then again, I could do so many things. I _could_ become an entirely different person, but I have chosen not to."

"Okay," Andy sighed. "Then at least invite me in for dinner. _The New York Times_ offered me a job today, but I also got a very random phone call from Michael Moore."

Miranda stepped aside, giving Andy the needed room to enter. "Please tell me that you are joking. How did he even get your number?"

Andy shrugged. "I don't know." She entered Miranda's home and acknowledged to herself that entering now sealed an unspoken agreement. Things that had not been said would remain that way. Things between her and Miranda would not be changed.

Yet, Andy realized that Miranda found it within herself to give a reason as to why. Was it a satisfactory reason? No. But was it enough?

That was a question she hadn't bothered to ask herself in a long time. It had been a year since she had re-entered Miranda's life and in that year she had quit her job, ended a longstanding relationship, had one dramatic affair with Miranda Priestly, had another affair with a woman she had known for a long time yet had never really met, and had changed her life completely.

So, was it enough? Was this something between her and Miranda enough?

"What is it you feel like eating?" Miranda asked as she closed the front door. "The girls will be joining us of course since it is our night together. They'll be happy to have your company since they increasingly dislike mine. I cannot wait for them to reach adulthood."

"Shouldn't we ask them what they want, then?" Andy asked.

"Their suggestion was Pizza Hut," Miranda rolled her eyes. "They insist on trying my patience. As a guest they should understand your suggestion will supersede their own."

"I'm your scapegoat then?" Andy playfully asked.

Miranda raised her brow. "Was I not clear?"

Andy chuckled. "Then I guess I want whatever it is you want. Shouldn't we be celebrating anyway?"

"Celebrating?" Miranda sounded as if she were truly thrown by the concept. "What is there to celebrate?"

"_Runway_," Andy uncertainly answered.

"I do not celebrate my victories, Andrea." Miranda's eyes held Andy's. "They come at far too high a cost."

This was a lesson Andy realized she was still in the process of learning. The costs for her own victories were becoming higher and higher, but so were the costs of her failures. Her success had come to mean she didn't have the luxury for failure, and Andy knew that Miranda had never tried to shield her from this reality. Miranda had been grooming her for it since the moment Andy had been hired on at _Runway_ and had continued to do so since she had returned.

"Who is taking your place?" Andy asked, knowing the answer but having to ask anyway.

"Jacqueline Follet is the natural choice of course."

Natural, Andy thought. Of course. "And Aquarius?"

"Has finished her studies and will return as my VP."

Andy rubbed at her eyes. "And does Aquarius know this yet?"

"No," Miranda succinctly replied. "But she will accept nevertheless."

"And me?" Andy kept her eyes closed.

"You?" Miranda softly laughed. "I suspect you'll be working at _The New York Times_."

So she was a chess piece that was used but not possessed. There was liberty in that that was accompanied by pangs of disappointment. Andy's hands fell away from her eyes. "I haven't accepted any position."

"But you will," Miranda's voice held the certainty that Andy wished she herself possessed. "And you'll do it because you don't want my life, and because I don't want you to have it."

"Well what about Aquarius?"

Miranda sighed. "Why are you two so obsessed with asking me about the other?" She gave Andy no time to respond before she added, "Aquarius is not you, Andrea. Though you and I have our similarities your possibilities surpass my own in ways that neither I nor Aquarius can grasp."

Miranda straightened. "That is all I wish to say about this, Andrea. It is all I will say."

Was it enough?

"Let's order the food." Andy rubbed her stomach to emphasize a false point. She wasn't hungry.

"Let's."

Andy knew that Miranda saw through her ruse, but since Miranda was done speaking she wouldn't address one tiny lie.

Like glass, Andy thought again. She could see through Miranda but never touch the contents that were housed within.

Why, she wondered, wasn't it enough?


End file.
